We start out with the HOH Competition still in full swing. House guests are running up and down the slippery "graham crackers" and trying to fill a bowl with chocolate.
Jeff: "Someone falling down is the funniest thing."
And so we see lots of shots of Jordan, busting her ass. (And it WAS funny, even though you knew it had to be painful, and as decent human beings we shouldn't laugh at pain. Yet I did. Sue me.) But really, all of them were hitting the ground hard, especially Natalie. Speaking of:
Natalie in the Diary Room, realizing that Kevin was pulling ahead in the competition: "Why show the other house guests that I'm a strong competitor?" (When have you EVER shown that, Natalie?) So she starts slacking off and not trying at all.
Jeff notices this, and gets pissed.
Kevin notices this, gets pissed, and then decides to completely forgive her afterwards. Girl, wake up.
And Kevin wins HOH.
Quick scene with Natalie and Kevin, with Natalie thinking that next week's competition MIGHT involve questions, and Michelle is really smart. Maybe we should go after her? Isn't this a lovely world where stupid people want to take out smart people because those smart people might get in their way? (You know, like the Bush Administration.)
Scenes with Michelle, alone, crying all over the place. "I'm all by myself!" Well, it's a little sad, because those were real tears, with you choking and getting snotty and all. But you know what? Maybe you should dry those eyes, get off your sorry ass, and GO TALK TO PEOPLE. Quit laying around, clutching a stuffed unicorn of dreams and waiting for the good-luck fairies to swoop down and bless you. Get a grip.
So we tromp upstairs to check out Kevin's HOH Room. All the girls are squealing about the hotness of Kev's partner. (Kevin in the Diary Room: "He MY man." Hands off, bitches.) Then Kevin reads the letter from his partner (Alphonso?) , and breaks down a bit. In the letter, his man tells Kevin to let his inner beauty factor into his decisions. It's sweet.
Sadly, I think we're already past that point. Kevin told a big-ass lie to Jeff, and it's affected everything in the house for the last two weeks. The Queen is dirty, sayin.
Jordan in the Diary Room, talking about her family losing their house: "You don't realize what you have until you lose it." Very true. And it's "good to know you can go home to be with honest people that love you." I really love Jordan. Wouldn't it be fun if she managed to somehow win a critical competition that launches her into the end game? Just something to think about.
Natalie and Jordan in a discussion, with Natalie telling Jordan she hopes Kevin will "stick to the plan for Michelle to be gone." What is THAT? Did I miss something?
Jeff wanders into this scene just as Natalie is called to the Diary Room. Jordan whispers to Jeff that she thinks Kevin is going to put up her and Michelle, and then surprise Jeff with a backdoor. Jeff doesn't think so, he has an agreement with Kevin and Natalie. Dude, don't be so stupid and trusting.
Then we have an extended scene where Jordan is not clear on the difference between a peach and a nectarine. All played for laffs. But seriously, would YOU know the difference? Just sayin.
Followed by another extended scene where a dragonfly apparently causes Natalie to go into convulsions when it simply flies by her. Okay, this girl is some sort of martial arts black belt something or other, and she's freaked by an insect? Natalie, do you have ANY redeeming qualities? Name one. Please.
And yet another extended scene, and initially we have Kevin and Michelle, with Kevin saying "I'm in a pickle" about the nominations. Then worthless Natalie wanders in, followed by Jordan, still confused about fruit. Natalie to Michelle: "It's us two against you three." Then Jeff joins the party, and Natalie says flat out: "Put Michelle up, I don't trust anything out of her mouth."
Uh, is Natalie pulling strategy here? Yes, she confirms it in the Diary Room. She wants Jeff to think he's safe.
Later, Kevin and Natalie double-team Jeff and Jordan, pushing the Michelle angle some more. Natalie is still playing strategy to surprise Jeff, but then we have Kevin in the Diary Room: "Sending Michelle home would make everyone else happy." Possibly. But you know what the bigger win would be, Kevin? Sending Natalie home. THAT would make everyone happy. Risky, but your stock value could go through the roof. You'd be a free agent, with offers coming from everywhere.
Then we have Kevin, Natalie, Jeff and Jordan lying around (I guess Michelle was still off blubbering somewhere), with Kevin asking Jeff questions about "the perfect girl". Kevin intentionally asks questions that put Jordan in a bad light. What are you DOING, Kevin? This is the "bad queen" side of you coming out. Interestingly enough, Natalie actually tries to twist things around so that Jordan doesn't look so unworthy of Jeff's attention.
Kevin and Michelle in the HOH Room. Kevin: "I can't figure you out." Michelle: "They never tell me what they're going to do." (Exhibit A: The whole Russell thing.) This is where Michelle could work some strategy to save her ass. But she doesn't. Girl just does not know how to PLAY.
Kevin, Jordan and Jeff in the HOH Room. Kevin: "Anything I do at this point is not personal." (Which should set off alarms, right?) They talk a bit more, and Jordan eventually leaves, but Jeff wants to stay. Jeff: "I did my part of the deal." Kevin: "You're not going to like what I have to say." He wants to put Jeff and Jordan up.
Jeff: "Why not put Jordan and Michelle up, let me win POV, and take Jordan off." (Okay, that's a little bit cocky, like Jeff is guaranteed a win, but let's go with it for now.) Kevin: But that means "Natalie has to go up." Jeff: "Then we vote Michelle out."
Jeff really pushes the "agreement" that he has with Kevin. ("I broke my alliance to save you". Which he did.) But will Kevin honor that? Instinct says no. Kevin stood by Lydia WAY longer than he should have. And now he's paired with Natalie. Kevin is not a risk-taker. And you have to be one in this game.
Totally unrelated comment concerning a commercial break at this point: We are treated with the revelation that there is now a "vibrating" mascara on the market that will give you even lusher eyelashes than ever before. This mascara device has its own battery. Are you KIDDING me? Good gawd.
Back to the show, with Kevin announcing his nominations for eviction: It's Michelle and Jeff. Kevin, dude, you just lost any trust with Michelle, Jeff AND Jordan. So either you or Natalie has to win POV to keep your move alive. I'll give Kevin credit, he's won a few things. But Natalie? Did you really think this thing out?
Game on.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
#65 - Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 22
We start at the end of the Veto Ceremony, where Jeff pulled Kevin off the block and put Russell up. As Natalie and Russell climb out of the nomination chairs, Natalie is grinning so hard that I thought her head would snap in two. Girl just does NOT have a poker face.
Jeff: "Let the weirdness begin."
Jeff in the Diary Room: Says he decided to do the backdoor because he really believes that Natalie and Kevin will save him next week. Poor thing. You're pretty, but just a wee bit simple.
Russell in the Diary Room: He picked the wrong guy. I am going to tear this place UP.
Then we have a few scenes with Kevin and Natalie still talking "final four" with Jordan and Jeff, mixed in with scenes of Kevin and Natalie still vowing to take Jeff down. Earlier in the game, these two losers wouldn't be worth the time of day. With the house down to 6, this is a serious issue. Can Jeff figure it out? Hope so, but he also thought "technotronics" was a word.
Russell and Michelle after the POV Ceremony. She cries, and they hug quite a bit. He tells her that he hopes she wins. It's actually very sweet. But she doesn't deserve to win. Sorry.
Then we have the first of the fully-expected Russell blow-ups. Jeff tries to be decent, and actually approaches Russell in the courtyard to talk it out. Russell is okay for a bit, then he launches, telling Jeff that he better win the game, because if Jeff gets evicted, Russell will, basically, beat the hell out of Jeff when he gets to the Jury House. Nice.
Jeff tries to keep things under control, telling Russell to "drop the anger" and "man up." And he does an okay job, but he gets just a little bit cocky, and eventually doesn't have any comebacks for Russell other than saying "you got got" about 46 times. Still, Russell is the jerk here.
Later, over a game of pool, Russell tries working Kevin. Russell: I can take Jeff out, and there will be no blood on your hands. You could own the game and pull the smartest move by keeping me.
Kevin in the Diary Room: "I could keep Natalie or I could keep Russell." Um, yes, those are your two options. Thanks for sharing.
Then we have another Russell blow-up, where he starts out taunting Jeff but then switches to Jordan, and we learn that Miss Southern Charm can sure as hell dish it back. She's in his face just as much as he's in hers. (When she raced over to Russell and shouldered him in the chest? I high-fived MYSELF. Good stuff.)
Russell is completely over the top with his remarks, although he does get in some smart jabs to the other house guests: "Would Jeff save YOU?" Good point. But running around like a lunatic and making everyone very uncomfortable is not going to help your case.
I just don't understand why, after 11 seasons of this show, that some of the houseguests still don't understand that acting crazy-ass doesn't really get you anywhere. (Yes, a few people have been successful with shouting and intimidation. But in the big picture? Not so much. Most of the psycho screamers end up in a limousine headed to the Jury House.)
Speaking of the Jury House, we then switch over to that little palace, where Jessie is running around in some truly dumb-ass pink tights and nothing else. On what planet do you think people would actually find that outfit sexy? It's certainly not this one, but good luck with it.
Then Lydia, who has sworn to make Jessie's life a living hell for his lies, arrives at the Jury House with her frightening pink hair. She sort of disses him for the way he treated her, not really meaning it and fake-punching him. But within seconds she's alone on camera, drool dripping from her chin as she salivates about being alone in the house with him for a week.
And how many people went home before THIS beyotch? Please.
Interesting side note: Jessie fesses up to the camera that Jeff has pulled some really smart moves, and he'll probably vote for Jeff in the end. And there's the dichotomy with Jessie. He's not stupid, and he does respect good gameplay, but he's just so annoyingly arrogant that you would rather have an organ removed than spend any time in the same room with him.
So it's time for Julie to have her little "pre-vote" interview with all the houseguests, where she asks basically pointless questions just to fill up time. And she does just that, with the only mildly interesting query being when she asks Jordan how it's been in the house this week. Jordan is NONE too happy about Russell, "calling me fat and telling me to go eat cookie dough."
Julie does announce that the "have/have not" competitions are over. (The houseguests cheer.) But there are still surprises coming up. (The houseguests all immediately reach for mood stabilizers.)
Jeff in the HOH Room, with Julie throwing out questions. Normally, this is also fluff. But for some reason Julie seems intent on getting a message to Jeff, something she typically doesn't bother with but will still do so from time to time. (It's a wee bit unfair, but since she only seems to do it with decent houseguests that people like, I'm all for it.)
Jules: Why Russell?
Jeffy: I had to make the move now before it's too late.
Jules: Did this make or break you?
Jeffy: Make.
(He's not getting her hint, so she gets a little more direct.)
Jules: How confident are you with Natalie and Kevin?
Jeffy: If they put me up, I can still fight for the Veto.
Okay, then. Julie tried. Jeff should understand that Julie doesn't often do this, and he should mull over what she just said. Did he get it? Not sure.
Back downstairs for the actual Eviction Vote and the "save me" speeches:
Natalie: To CBS and all the producers, thanks for this wonderful opportunity. And to my fellow houseguests, thank you in advance for keeping me in the house.
Well, then. I guess the producers once again held back some key scenes, because Natalie's demeanor is not just hopeful, she's fully confident.
Russell: He does throw out that "personal attacks are part of the game." (I don't really agree with that, but so be it.) Otherwise, he's very cordial and decent. Actually kind of surprised.
We have the vote, and it's 3-0 to send Russell out. And Russell surprises me again by being a perfect gentleman on the way out the door. He's actually very classy about it.
In the exit interview with Julie, Russell fesses up that his eviction was "the smartest thing Jeff could do." He doesn't hate on anybody, explaining that his outbursts were all nothing but strategy and it just didn't work for him. Sort of makes you wonder what the game would have been like if he'd played it a different way, right?
Then again, I guess you could say that about anybody in this game. Except for Chima.
During the tape of houseguest "goodbyes", Jordan tells Russell that "I strongly, strongly dislike you as a person." See, she's sweet even when she's dissing somebody.
Time for the HOH Competition, and this one involves people carrying little cups of liquid over a slippery runway and trying to fill a giant bowl at the other end. So we know right away that we aren't going to have an immediate winner.
Personal note to the BB producers: I know you think it's "suspenseful" when you do this, making us wait until the next episode to find out who actually won. But with modern technology and your own airing of "Big Brother After Dark" every night, I can't even get on the Internet for fear of accidentally seeing something I don't want to see until the next episode.
I'm a faithful viewer who tunes in and gets you ratings. Give me some respect. Don't penalize me with these "tune in and find out" teaser competitions when half the planet already knows who won before the next episode. I know you won't change, because it's all about the money, but it was worth a shot.
Anyway, we end the show with the houseguests still running back and forth filling their bowls, and Julie announcing to the audience that there's an upcoming HOH twist. Final shot is of a weird door with a question mark on it.
Hmm.
Jeff: "Let the weirdness begin."
Jeff in the Diary Room: Says he decided to do the backdoor because he really believes that Natalie and Kevin will save him next week. Poor thing. You're pretty, but just a wee bit simple.
Russell in the Diary Room: He picked the wrong guy. I am going to tear this place UP.
Then we have a few scenes with Kevin and Natalie still talking "final four" with Jordan and Jeff, mixed in with scenes of Kevin and Natalie still vowing to take Jeff down. Earlier in the game, these two losers wouldn't be worth the time of day. With the house down to 6, this is a serious issue. Can Jeff figure it out? Hope so, but he also thought "technotronics" was a word.
Russell and Michelle after the POV Ceremony. She cries, and they hug quite a bit. He tells her that he hopes she wins. It's actually very sweet. But she doesn't deserve to win. Sorry.
Then we have the first of the fully-expected Russell blow-ups. Jeff tries to be decent, and actually approaches Russell in the courtyard to talk it out. Russell is okay for a bit, then he launches, telling Jeff that he better win the game, because if Jeff gets evicted, Russell will, basically, beat the hell out of Jeff when he gets to the Jury House. Nice.
Jeff tries to keep things under control, telling Russell to "drop the anger" and "man up." And he does an okay job, but he gets just a little bit cocky, and eventually doesn't have any comebacks for Russell other than saying "you got got" about 46 times. Still, Russell is the jerk here.
Later, over a game of pool, Russell tries working Kevin. Russell: I can take Jeff out, and there will be no blood on your hands. You could own the game and pull the smartest move by keeping me.
Kevin in the Diary Room: "I could keep Natalie or I could keep Russell." Um, yes, those are your two options. Thanks for sharing.
Then we have another Russell blow-up, where he starts out taunting Jeff but then switches to Jordan, and we learn that Miss Southern Charm can sure as hell dish it back. She's in his face just as much as he's in hers. (When she raced over to Russell and shouldered him in the chest? I high-fived MYSELF. Good stuff.)
Russell is completely over the top with his remarks, although he does get in some smart jabs to the other house guests: "Would Jeff save YOU?" Good point. But running around like a lunatic and making everyone very uncomfortable is not going to help your case.
I just don't understand why, after 11 seasons of this show, that some of the houseguests still don't understand that acting crazy-ass doesn't really get you anywhere. (Yes, a few people have been successful with shouting and intimidation. But in the big picture? Not so much. Most of the psycho screamers end up in a limousine headed to the Jury House.)
Speaking of the Jury House, we then switch over to that little palace, where Jessie is running around in some truly dumb-ass pink tights and nothing else. On what planet do you think people would actually find that outfit sexy? It's certainly not this one, but good luck with it.
Then Lydia, who has sworn to make Jessie's life a living hell for his lies, arrives at the Jury House with her frightening pink hair. She sort of disses him for the way he treated her, not really meaning it and fake-punching him. But within seconds she's alone on camera, drool dripping from her chin as she salivates about being alone in the house with him for a week.
And how many people went home before THIS beyotch? Please.
Interesting side note: Jessie fesses up to the camera that Jeff has pulled some really smart moves, and he'll probably vote for Jeff in the end. And there's the dichotomy with Jessie. He's not stupid, and he does respect good gameplay, but he's just so annoyingly arrogant that you would rather have an organ removed than spend any time in the same room with him.
So it's time for Julie to have her little "pre-vote" interview with all the houseguests, where she asks basically pointless questions just to fill up time. And she does just that, with the only mildly interesting query being when she asks Jordan how it's been in the house this week. Jordan is NONE too happy about Russell, "calling me fat and telling me to go eat cookie dough."
Julie does announce that the "have/have not" competitions are over. (The houseguests cheer.) But there are still surprises coming up. (The houseguests all immediately reach for mood stabilizers.)
Jeff in the HOH Room, with Julie throwing out questions. Normally, this is also fluff. But for some reason Julie seems intent on getting a message to Jeff, something she typically doesn't bother with but will still do so from time to time. (It's a wee bit unfair, but since she only seems to do it with decent houseguests that people like, I'm all for it.)
Jules: Why Russell?
Jeffy: I had to make the move now before it's too late.
Jules: Did this make or break you?
Jeffy: Make.
(He's not getting her hint, so she gets a little more direct.)
Jules: How confident are you with Natalie and Kevin?
Jeffy: If they put me up, I can still fight for the Veto.
Okay, then. Julie tried. Jeff should understand that Julie doesn't often do this, and he should mull over what she just said. Did he get it? Not sure.
Back downstairs for the actual Eviction Vote and the "save me" speeches:
Natalie: To CBS and all the producers, thanks for this wonderful opportunity. And to my fellow houseguests, thank you in advance for keeping me in the house.
Well, then. I guess the producers once again held back some key scenes, because Natalie's demeanor is not just hopeful, she's fully confident.
Russell: He does throw out that "personal attacks are part of the game." (I don't really agree with that, but so be it.) Otherwise, he's very cordial and decent. Actually kind of surprised.
We have the vote, and it's 3-0 to send Russell out. And Russell surprises me again by being a perfect gentleman on the way out the door. He's actually very classy about it.
In the exit interview with Julie, Russell fesses up that his eviction was "the smartest thing Jeff could do." He doesn't hate on anybody, explaining that his outbursts were all nothing but strategy and it just didn't work for him. Sort of makes you wonder what the game would have been like if he'd played it a different way, right?
Then again, I guess you could say that about anybody in this game. Except for Chima.
During the tape of houseguest "goodbyes", Jordan tells Russell that "I strongly, strongly dislike you as a person." See, she's sweet even when she's dissing somebody.
Time for the HOH Competition, and this one involves people carrying little cups of liquid over a slippery runway and trying to fill a giant bowl at the other end. So we know right away that we aren't going to have an immediate winner.
Personal note to the BB producers: I know you think it's "suspenseful" when you do this, making us wait until the next episode to find out who actually won. But with modern technology and your own airing of "Big Brother After Dark" every night, I can't even get on the Internet for fear of accidentally seeing something I don't want to see until the next episode.
I'm a faithful viewer who tunes in and gets you ratings. Give me some respect. Don't penalize me with these "tune in and find out" teaser competitions when half the planet already knows who won before the next episode. I know you won't change, because it's all about the money, but it was worth a shot.
Anyway, we end the show with the houseguests still running back and forth filling their bowls, and Julie announcing to the audience that there's an upcoming HOH twist. Final shot is of a weird door with a question mark on it.
Hmm.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
#64 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 8
So, Ray's still waiting at the boat dock for Jemma to show. He leaves several voice mails, and then decides to head out. As he's leaving, Jemma finally calls. (We see she's at home, taking a bubble bath.) She tells Ray "we need a break" and then hangs up.
Ray, you need to get over her. I can arrange for an intervention, just say the word.
Ray decides to show up at Jessica and Ron's house for family dinner. First we get to see Jessie's crazy momma yelling about how Ronnie is a loser and lazy, while he's sitting right there. Then we see that Damon has pierced his tongue and died his hair black. (Kudos to the makeup people for ensuring that these kids look uglier every time we see them.)
Ray tries having a decent conversation with Ronnie in the kitchen, but Ron is a total jerk for no apparent reason. This irks Ray a bit, so he starts asking Ronnie "how did you get the girl?" (meaning Jessica). Was it the money? So the hate-fest escalates until Jessica wanders in to see what's going on, and Ray just leaves. Nothing like quality time with the family, right?
Ray shows up Tanya's, needing "some women advice." At first Tanya thinks this is going to be interesting, until she realizes he's moping about Jemma. She yells a bit, then tries to steer the conversation toward her new promo campaign for Happiness Consultants. (This time there's actually going to be a phone number with the ad. Yay!)
Ray gets mad that she got mad and tries to change the subject. So, naturally, he derides her new ideas. More yelling, more arm flailing, and the scene ends with neither Consultant being very Happy.
Tanya runs the new ads anyway.
Almost immediately, Lenore calls the number, and tries giving Tanya advice on a better angle to procure clients. Try hooking up with people like Horny Patty, an odd, sweaty woman they both know. Lenore: "Even losers need to get laid once in a while." Tanya, still not pleased with Lenore in general, tells her "you focus on what you do, and I'll focus on what I do." (Which means that wimpy Tanya will probably be hunting down Horny Patty within a few more scenes.)
Jessica confronts Ray, all enraged about the money comments to Ronnie. So now Ray is in his fifth argument in about 15 minutes of airtime. They bicker and poke at each other, until Jessica ends the conversation with "I divorced a boy to marry a man."
Obviously, not a good thing for Ray's self-esteem, but I'm thinking: So Jessica married someone in between Ray and Ronnie? Who knew!
Tanya approaches Horny Patty, awkwardly and slowly steering their chit-chat to the intriguing possibilities with this "service" that she knows about. (Interestingly enough, Tanya acts like Lenore owns this service.) Anyway, in the end, it looks like Ho Pat is hooked.
So we cut to Ray and Horny Patty in a hotel room. Patty is babbling a lot of embarrassing nonsense ("I went to Sea World by myself" and "I love watching Animal Kingdom on YouTube"), and we're thinking, poor little geeky thing. But then she tells Ray that she loves this because she can say whatever she wants and Ray is going to say it's just fine. She's completely comfortable and relaxed.
Very comfortable. Within seconds she demands that he take her now, and at it they go, with obscenities streaming out of her mouth and body parts bouncing around the bed. I think we got us a new client, Ray.
Ray meets with Jemma, and tries to give her a letter "from the heart". Jemma: "Eff your heart. I paid in full." Stunned, but still desperate, he pleads with her: "We had something... in the tent... I saw it in your eyes." She continues to chew him up and spit him out, until he finally breaks, rips up the letter, and walks away.
Is ANYbody on this show ever happy? For even five minutes?
Pierce at Tanya's, looking in her fridge: "All you have are vegetables in here." (You have MET, Tanya, right? Why are you surprised.) Then he tells her he's got to go, can't stay tonight, gotta get up early. Tanya: "I know nothing about you." Pierce: "Tomorrow."
Sigh. Has Tanya found ANOTHER loser that will cause her suffering and pain in the end?
Cut to Ray drinking at a bar, pretty trashed. (Who wouldn't be after a day like he's had?) Some other drunk at the bar starts babbling at Ray, and it turns out they used to play against each other back in the day. As anyone would do at that point, they then go out and play baseball in the rain, yelling lots of expletives and catching up. The guy fesses up to following every one of Ray's games ever since.
Finally, a wee bit of validation for Ray, although I'm not sure Ray takes it as such or is even fully aware of where he is or what he's doing.
Ray finally staggers home, and finds Tanya in his tent. She has some interesting news. Seems Jemma PAID to have the cruel breakup scene with letters not being read and hearts being sodomized. Jemma wanted to break it off with someone, no explanation given, just like she's had done to her.
Wow. That Jemma is messed UP. And Tanya WANTED to tell him the gig ("I swear on my mother's lack of love") but she couldn't. And hey! Twisted Jemma paid $2K for the whole bit of fun. Got the cash right here.
So they have a beer.
Ray: "You're the only friend I have."
Tanya smiles one of her patented, winsome "I'm really a nice girl but I'm so lonely" smiles, and then gets Ray into some dry clothes. He tries to pull some moves on her, but she stops him.
A few minutes later, Tanya: "How come you never called me after that first night?"
Ray's answer is completely unprintable, but actually very sweet.
Tanya: "Good night, Ray."
Ray, you need to get over her. I can arrange for an intervention, just say the word.
Ray decides to show up at Jessica and Ron's house for family dinner. First we get to see Jessie's crazy momma yelling about how Ronnie is a loser and lazy, while he's sitting right there. Then we see that Damon has pierced his tongue and died his hair black. (Kudos to the makeup people for ensuring that these kids look uglier every time we see them.)
Ray tries having a decent conversation with Ronnie in the kitchen, but Ron is a total jerk for no apparent reason. This irks Ray a bit, so he starts asking Ronnie "how did you get the girl?" (meaning Jessica). Was it the money? So the hate-fest escalates until Jessica wanders in to see what's going on, and Ray just leaves. Nothing like quality time with the family, right?
Ray shows up Tanya's, needing "some women advice." At first Tanya thinks this is going to be interesting, until she realizes he's moping about Jemma. She yells a bit, then tries to steer the conversation toward her new promo campaign for Happiness Consultants. (This time there's actually going to be a phone number with the ad. Yay!)
Ray gets mad that she got mad and tries to change the subject. So, naturally, he derides her new ideas. More yelling, more arm flailing, and the scene ends with neither Consultant being very Happy.
Tanya runs the new ads anyway.
Almost immediately, Lenore calls the number, and tries giving Tanya advice on a better angle to procure clients. Try hooking up with people like Horny Patty, an odd, sweaty woman they both know. Lenore: "Even losers need to get laid once in a while." Tanya, still not pleased with Lenore in general, tells her "you focus on what you do, and I'll focus on what I do." (Which means that wimpy Tanya will probably be hunting down Horny Patty within a few more scenes.)
Jessica confronts Ray, all enraged about the money comments to Ronnie. So now Ray is in his fifth argument in about 15 minutes of airtime. They bicker and poke at each other, until Jessica ends the conversation with "I divorced a boy to marry a man."
Obviously, not a good thing for Ray's self-esteem, but I'm thinking: So Jessica married someone in between Ray and Ronnie? Who knew!
Tanya approaches Horny Patty, awkwardly and slowly steering their chit-chat to the intriguing possibilities with this "service" that she knows about. (Interestingly enough, Tanya acts like Lenore owns this service.) Anyway, in the end, it looks like Ho Pat is hooked.
So we cut to Ray and Horny Patty in a hotel room. Patty is babbling a lot of embarrassing nonsense ("I went to Sea World by myself" and "I love watching Animal Kingdom on YouTube"), and we're thinking, poor little geeky thing. But then she tells Ray that she loves this because she can say whatever she wants and Ray is going to say it's just fine. She's completely comfortable and relaxed.
Very comfortable. Within seconds she demands that he take her now, and at it they go, with obscenities streaming out of her mouth and body parts bouncing around the bed. I think we got us a new client, Ray.
Ray meets with Jemma, and tries to give her a letter "from the heart". Jemma: "Eff your heart. I paid in full." Stunned, but still desperate, he pleads with her: "We had something... in the tent... I saw it in your eyes." She continues to chew him up and spit him out, until he finally breaks, rips up the letter, and walks away.
Is ANYbody on this show ever happy? For even five minutes?
Pierce at Tanya's, looking in her fridge: "All you have are vegetables in here." (You have MET, Tanya, right? Why are you surprised.) Then he tells her he's got to go, can't stay tonight, gotta get up early. Tanya: "I know nothing about you." Pierce: "Tomorrow."
Sigh. Has Tanya found ANOTHER loser that will cause her suffering and pain in the end?
Cut to Ray drinking at a bar, pretty trashed. (Who wouldn't be after a day like he's had?) Some other drunk at the bar starts babbling at Ray, and it turns out they used to play against each other back in the day. As anyone would do at that point, they then go out and play baseball in the rain, yelling lots of expletives and catching up. The guy fesses up to following every one of Ray's games ever since.
Finally, a wee bit of validation for Ray, although I'm not sure Ray takes it as such or is even fully aware of where he is or what he's doing.
Ray finally staggers home, and finds Tanya in his tent. She has some interesting news. Seems Jemma PAID to have the cruel breakup scene with letters not being read and hearts being sodomized. Jemma wanted to break it off with someone, no explanation given, just like she's had done to her.
Wow. That Jemma is messed UP. And Tanya WANTED to tell him the gig ("I swear on my mother's lack of love") but she couldn't. And hey! Twisted Jemma paid $2K for the whole bit of fun. Got the cash right here.
So they have a beer.
Ray: "You're the only friend I have."
Tanya smiles one of her patented, winsome "I'm really a nice girl but I'm so lonely" smiles, and then gets Ray into some dry clothes. He tries to pull some moves on her, but she stops him.
A few minutes later, Tanya: "How come you never called me after that first night?"
Ray's answer is completely unprintable, but actually very sweet.
Tanya: "Good night, Ray."
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