We start out with Casey in the Diary Room, after the POV ceremony where his banana self was put up on the block by Jessie after Michelle saved her butt. "Where's the outrage?" he wants to know. Me too. Why are these people just bending over?
Jeff in the Diary Room: "I don't know what's going on." Well, I would think by this point you should realize that you can't trust Jessie. Hello?
Jessie in the Diary Room: "Casey's a bigger threat." Bigger threat than... Ronnie? Dude, he may have given you a solid in the past, but Darth Ronnie has some major psychological issues. Put down the steroids, get away from the skanky ho's that just wanna bang ya, and think about this. You weren't the least bit focused on Casey until Nat the Rat, with her hormones racing, turned your head in his direction. What kind of strategy is that?
Jordan in the Diary Room: She's the only one that showed any attitude during the POV ceremony about Jessie being a lame-ass. She challenged the smirking Ronnie with "what are you looking at?" Jordan explains that she had to stop herself from saying to Ronnie "you are Jessie's BITCH." Word UP.
Jeff in the courtyard with Jordan and Casey, about Jessie: "You don't hide behind sunglasses" when you're shafting somebody. Agreed, thought the same when Jessie sauntered into the POV ceremony with those shades, knew right away he wasn't going after Ronnie. Jessie's a big bunch of nothing when it comes to playing it like a man.
But Jeff, why didn't you share those thoughts with the rest of the house? Everybody's running from Jessie, hiding. Draw a line in the sand, man.
Then we have some night-vision scenes where Lydia apparently sneaks into Jessie's HOH room and watches him sleep. She wonders if he's "thinking about me." She also babbles about how he's in a vulnerable state when he's asleep, that if he ever pisses her off she could take revenge during these nocturnal visits.
Okay, A, Lydia is ate up with the crazy. Girl is screwed in the head.
B, what's up with the BB producers thinking this is okay? Letting someone stalk someone else in their sleep? Oh wait, that's right, this is all for ratings. My bad. Things that would normally result in a restraining order in the real world are okay as long as there are cameras and advertising revenues.
Finally, C, why does Jessie sleep so much? Is he tired from lugging that ego around?
Quick shot of Casey in the Diary Room with his ears outside of the banana headdress. Rolled.
Also Casey: What's up with Lydia? Jessie can have another bitch in his bed but she'll still make him breakfast.
Casey talking to Russell: "Do you have your own vote, or do you gotta do what Daddy says?" The look on Russell's face shows that he is none too happy with that remark, but Casey is dead on. Casey digs a little deeper: "You're number 4" in that group. Russell: "I'm number 2." Oh really? Casey: "Do you really think he's going to send Natalie home before you? Me, you, and Jeff could do some damage" up in here.
Casey's a good guy. A little weird, but he doesn't put up with the crap. Which is why he'll probably go home. And here's the point where I go off on the BB producers once again. Why are they so unfair? Why bring in an extra player for one "clique"? Of COURSE that clique is going to rule, because they have an unfair advantage in numbers. Which is exactly what has happened this season.
Then we have a side story, where we meet Jeff and Jordan's respective families, to see what they think about the (for once) chaste and sweet budding romance on the show. It's pretty clear that both Mom's would sacrifice body organs to make a marriage happen. Jordan's mom: "They'd make pretty babies." And then she wipes away the drool dripping out of her mouth.
Great. Let's make it about the physical appearance of the offspring and not about, say, whether or not they would be happy together. Geez.
Then we get to the Eviction Ceremony and-
Oh my GAWD what did Lydia do to her hair? How did she possibly get it to stand up like that? Was there a nuclear blast?
Julie Chenbot tries to stir it up by asking Jessie, Natalie and Lydia about their apparent love triangle, and the bitterness spilling out of that. All three act like nothing is going on. The remaining houseguests all stare at them like medication is in order. Julie pushes again. But all three just sit there and deny, with Lydia's sand-blasted hair scraping the ceiling and probably causing structural damage.
Then we get to the "Save Me" speeches by the eviction nominees. Jordan is sweet, as expected. Casey is having none of the sweetness. He blasts Ronnie the "dorkapotamous", tears into Jessie, and calls most of the houseguests "mindless sheep" for following those two. It's thrilling, because he's right, but you know at this point it's a lost cause. These people really are sheep. Just once, it would be great to see the house turn based on somebody's impassioned speech during the eviction.
Wait, will the BB producers allow that? Probably not. My bad.
So Casey is voted out, with the sole dissenting vote coming from Russell. Very interesting. (Side note: Lydia thinks it's cute to wear a fake mustache and speak in a weird accent while voting in the Diary Room. This is not real to her. Completely done with that skank.)
As Casey is leaving, he speaks his mind again, on TARGET again, and Nat the Rat can't help but jump in and defend Jessie, hormones throbbing. (Jessie doesn't say squat, because really, rational thought and debate is totally alien to him. He fondles his pecs and wonders where his sunglasses are.)
Casey to Natalie: "Go make him a sandwich." Priceless.
During the exit interview, Julie prods Casey: "Why didn't you figure it out?" And Casey comes back with "I trusted Jessie." Okay, I've shown the love for Casey, but now comes the bad cop part, for Casey and everybody who has been on or is trying to get on this show:
Do you people not actually WATCH the show?
Hello?
If you do, you know what Jessie is all about. Why would you trust him? Why would you trust ANYBODY, but especially Jessie. If you wanna do that, then GO home. Bye.
Anyway, Julie then breaks the announcement to the remaining houseguests that the cliques are done. No more team salvation, everyone is on his own.
Oh, and there's another twist. A "mystery power", wherein one player will have the "coup d'etat" (that sound you hear is Jeff and Jordan trying to find a dictionary), the ability to overthrow the HOH's wishes by replacing one or BOTH (I re-wound to make sure) of the nominees just before the actual eviction vote.
Wow. Pretty serious. And this power is good for two weeks, meaning two evictions. (It can only be used once, though.)
It could really shake things up. Trouble is, the person who is going to have this special power will be determined by America's vote. And there are just as many sheep in America at large as there are in the BB house. So chances are strong that some dumbass like JESSIE will win the vote.
We'll see.
So then everybody shuffles out to the courtyard for the HOH competition. They all have to climb on this round thing with swings, and then it spins around. And whacks them against a giant foam diploma. And then they start with the fake rain.
End show.
All I'm saying is, I'd like to see Jeff, Jordan or Michelle win this thing. I really don't care about anybody else at this point. Sayin.
Tune in Sunday.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
#36 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 9
Right away, we have Jessie fessing up in the Diary Room that he has no intentions of putting up Ronnie. Great.
Then we have another scene with budding love birds Jordan and Jeff. It's cute, as usual, but I notice that once again she is fiddling with her (I'm assuming) bra. Why is this girl always messing with her structural undergarments. I mean, really. Start a tally sheet. Jordan is always digging and pulling. Does she have a rash?
Ronnie goes to Michelle and actually tries to convince her, if she has a chance, to pick him to play for her in the Veto Competition. What? Even mousy Michelle can't help but say, dude, you only want in so you can save your own ass. Then she races off to tell a few other folks in the house, but they don't really get what she's saying. Poor thing just doesn't have any people skills.
Ronnie then goes up to the HOH Room to chat with Jessie and the always-there Natalie. (Does home girl EVER get out of his bed?) Jessie tells Ronnie that he is completely safe. Natalie lays there and scribbles "Nat loves Jess" on her schoolbook covers.
Jessie in the Diary Room: "I'm picking people off left and right in this house." Okay, to clarify, Mr. Steroid Overload, RONNIE is actually the one who laid the groundwork for this dealio. And, point two, you are overestimating your power. Oh wait, that's what cost you the LAST time you planned this game. And you lost that game, right? Just checking.
Then a few of the houseguests play Truth or Dare. Kind of silly and boring, but end result is that one of the Dares means Ronnie has to hug Casey (who is not playing this assinine game and has no clue) for 20 seconds. And Ronnie does. Casey is not pleased with the uninvited groping from an enemy.
So Casey goes and semi-rants at some of the game players (but not Ronnie). "Don't ever send no rat to hug me." Casey, dude, you think you all street, but part of being street is learning to chill at the right time. Wurd. And yelling at Russell, who said 27 times that it was just a game, ain't street. It's just stoopid.
And check this: Casey actually puts two and two together and realizes that if some people are actually being nice to Ronnie and inviting him to play Chutes and Ladders and whatnot, then maybe the whole house isn't against Ronnie. Sadly, Casey forgets this thought two seconds later.
Then we have the mini-ceremony where players are picked for the POV Competition. And the suspicious trend continues, with yet again the athletes being over-represented in the pickings. Maybe it's just me and my love for conspiracies (Lee Harvey Oswald was NOT the only bad boy on that grassy knoll, sayin), but something ain't right here.
Oh, and during this business, Jessie picks Natalie to be the host of the POV competition. This does not sit well with Lusty Lydia, who nearly bites her tongue off in a reaction shot. I'm assuming that the nearly three-inch spike she has in said tongue is what stopped her from completing the mission. (Side note: How are tongue piercings fun in any way? I mean really. Come on.)
A couple of scenes with Casey, where it's clear that he lost the insight he had two seconds ago on how the house feels about Ronnie. Since Ronnie didn't get picked for the POV competition, Casey thinks he's just fine. I'm guessing Casey was dropped on his head as a child.
So we get to the actual POV Competition, and it involves the players dressing up as pigs and rooting around in a pig-sty swamp thing and digging for truffles that have points hidden inside. Another example of high art, Big Brother style.
Jordan: "I love gettin dirty like that." And I love the way Jordan says "mud", stretching the word out for about 10 seconds. Southern accents are just much more interesting than others, fess it, you know it's true.
And Jordan again: "It mighta been poop. I'd be okay if it was poop."
Then Queen of Chima: "I don't get dirty." Of course you don't. Your collagen might get infected.
Sadly, one of the mid-game outcomes is that Casey has to wear a banana suit for a week. His street cred is already questionable, and now this? Depends on how home boy plays it, though. Sometime a big banana can get you far. Sayin.
In the end, Michelle wins POV. Yay! Then the poor thing tries to take a victory swing over the pig swamp, trips over a bale of hay, and slams face first into the muck. Poor thing can't win even when she wins. But she's safe, so screw it.
Shot of Casey in the banana suit, smoking on the patio.
Michelle meets with Jessie in the HOH Room, trying to see what his plans are. She quickly figures out that Jessie and Ronnie are working together (smart girl, though a bit late). She also figures out that Casey is Jessie's target (even smarter girl, still a bit late). And she wants Jessie out of the house (really smart girl, now do something about it).
Lydia and Kevin, somewhat surfacing out of their swamp of denial, wonder if maybe they should keep Casey instead of sending him home. And we have another stampede of people racing about the house:
Lydia spills to Michelle and Jordan about Jessie planning to put up Casey. Jordan races to Jeff. Jeff races to Casey. And Casey, in the banana suit no less, confronts Jessie.
Jessie tells Casey: "The right guy's gonna go out the door." But won't say who. Can it BE any clearer at this point, Casey? To his credit, Casey presents some valid points to keep him, but the writing is on the wall.
Time for the actual Veto Ceremony.
Michelle pulls herself off the block. Completely expected. Jessie, clearly in his own world and posing for the cameras, actually goes off on some weird-ass rant about how he's the king of the house. And then puts Casey on the block.
Afterwards, a few shots from the Diary Room.
Jordan: "I may not be the smartest crayon in the box, but I'm not dumb." Then girl, you need to work those crayons, cause your friends are rolling out the door like there's a buffet at KFC.
Ronnie: "This is MY house. And I'm not going anywhere." In a perfect world, Ronnie would be stoned to death by an angry mob. And then stabbed with rusty pitchforks, just to make sure. But this is Big Brother. Where idiots gain power and then don't know what to do with it.
Why am I still watching this show?
Oh right. Because the producers completely manipulate everything you see, tweaking things here and there, and inviting back former (hated) house guests just so you can continue hating them and tune in every episode to see if they finally get booted out. Marketing 101.
So of course I'll keep watching. And hoping that Ronnie and Jessie get voted out. And they will. It's coming. It's just a matter of how many semi-decent folk are sent home first and how many are still around when the coup happens. But wouldn't it be nice if the producers would just stay the hell out of it and let the game play out naturally?
Just sayin.
Then we have another scene with budding love birds Jordan and Jeff. It's cute, as usual, but I notice that once again she is fiddling with her (I'm assuming) bra. Why is this girl always messing with her structural undergarments. I mean, really. Start a tally sheet. Jordan is always digging and pulling. Does she have a rash?
Ronnie goes to Michelle and actually tries to convince her, if she has a chance, to pick him to play for her in the Veto Competition. What? Even mousy Michelle can't help but say, dude, you only want in so you can save your own ass. Then she races off to tell a few other folks in the house, but they don't really get what she's saying. Poor thing just doesn't have any people skills.
Ronnie then goes up to the HOH Room to chat with Jessie and the always-there Natalie. (Does home girl EVER get out of his bed?) Jessie tells Ronnie that he is completely safe. Natalie lays there and scribbles "Nat loves Jess" on her schoolbook covers.
Jessie in the Diary Room: "I'm picking people off left and right in this house." Okay, to clarify, Mr. Steroid Overload, RONNIE is actually the one who laid the groundwork for this dealio. And, point two, you are overestimating your power. Oh wait, that's what cost you the LAST time you planned this game. And you lost that game, right? Just checking.
Then a few of the houseguests play Truth or Dare. Kind of silly and boring, but end result is that one of the Dares means Ronnie has to hug Casey (who is not playing this assinine game and has no clue) for 20 seconds. And Ronnie does. Casey is not pleased with the uninvited groping from an enemy.
So Casey goes and semi-rants at some of the game players (but not Ronnie). "Don't ever send no rat to hug me." Casey, dude, you think you all street, but part of being street is learning to chill at the right time. Wurd. And yelling at Russell, who said 27 times that it was just a game, ain't street. It's just stoopid.
And check this: Casey actually puts two and two together and realizes that if some people are actually being nice to Ronnie and inviting him to play Chutes and Ladders and whatnot, then maybe the whole house isn't against Ronnie. Sadly, Casey forgets this thought two seconds later.
Then we have the mini-ceremony where players are picked for the POV Competition. And the suspicious trend continues, with yet again the athletes being over-represented in the pickings. Maybe it's just me and my love for conspiracies (Lee Harvey Oswald was NOT the only bad boy on that grassy knoll, sayin), but something ain't right here.
Oh, and during this business, Jessie picks Natalie to be the host of the POV competition. This does not sit well with Lusty Lydia, who nearly bites her tongue off in a reaction shot. I'm assuming that the nearly three-inch spike she has in said tongue is what stopped her from completing the mission. (Side note: How are tongue piercings fun in any way? I mean really. Come on.)
A couple of scenes with Casey, where it's clear that he lost the insight he had two seconds ago on how the house feels about Ronnie. Since Ronnie didn't get picked for the POV competition, Casey thinks he's just fine. I'm guessing Casey was dropped on his head as a child.
So we get to the actual POV Competition, and it involves the players dressing up as pigs and rooting around in a pig-sty swamp thing and digging for truffles that have points hidden inside. Another example of high art, Big Brother style.
Jordan: "I love gettin dirty like that." And I love the way Jordan says "mud", stretching the word out for about 10 seconds. Southern accents are just much more interesting than others, fess it, you know it's true.
And Jordan again: "It mighta been poop. I'd be okay if it was poop."
Then Queen of Chima: "I don't get dirty." Of course you don't. Your collagen might get infected.
Sadly, one of the mid-game outcomes is that Casey has to wear a banana suit for a week. His street cred is already questionable, and now this? Depends on how home boy plays it, though. Sometime a big banana can get you far. Sayin.
In the end, Michelle wins POV. Yay! Then the poor thing tries to take a victory swing over the pig swamp, trips over a bale of hay, and slams face first into the muck. Poor thing can't win even when she wins. But she's safe, so screw it.
Shot of Casey in the banana suit, smoking on the patio.
Michelle meets with Jessie in the HOH Room, trying to see what his plans are. She quickly figures out that Jessie and Ronnie are working together (smart girl, though a bit late). She also figures out that Casey is Jessie's target (even smarter girl, still a bit late). And she wants Jessie out of the house (really smart girl, now do something about it).
Lydia and Kevin, somewhat surfacing out of their swamp of denial, wonder if maybe they should keep Casey instead of sending him home. And we have another stampede of people racing about the house:
Lydia spills to Michelle and Jordan about Jessie planning to put up Casey. Jordan races to Jeff. Jeff races to Casey. And Casey, in the banana suit no less, confronts Jessie.
Jessie tells Casey: "The right guy's gonna go out the door." But won't say who. Can it BE any clearer at this point, Casey? To his credit, Casey presents some valid points to keep him, but the writing is on the wall.
Time for the actual Veto Ceremony.
Michelle pulls herself off the block. Completely expected. Jessie, clearly in his own world and posing for the cameras, actually goes off on some weird-ass rant about how he's the king of the house. And then puts Casey on the block.
Afterwards, a few shots from the Diary Room.
Jordan: "I may not be the smartest crayon in the box, but I'm not dumb." Then girl, you need to work those crayons, cause your friends are rolling out the door like there's a buffet at KFC.
Ronnie: "This is MY house. And I'm not going anywhere." In a perfect world, Ronnie would be stoned to death by an angry mob. And then stabbed with rusty pitchforks, just to make sure. But this is Big Brother. Where idiots gain power and then don't know what to do with it.
Why am I still watching this show?
Oh right. Because the producers completely manipulate everything you see, tweaking things here and there, and inviting back former (hated) house guests just so you can continue hating them and tune in every episode to see if they finally get booted out. Marketing 101.
So of course I'll keep watching. And hoping that Ronnie and Jessie get voted out. And they will. It's coming. It's just a matter of how many semi-decent folk are sent home first and how many are still around when the coup happens. But wouldn't it be nice if the producers would just stay the hell out of it and let the game play out naturally?
Just sayin.
Monday, July 27, 2009
#35 - "True Blood" - Season 2, Episode 6
Folks, this is a long one, all kinds of what the hell going on, grab a beverage first:
We start out with Eric in the lobby of the Dallas vampire Hotel, where he is being entertained by this skanky thing that lets him drink from her for money. (What would you call such a person who does this? Suck slut? Flow Ho? Things that make you go.... why am I even thinking this way?)
Anyway, Eric is bored with Flo because she's not a very good actress or something. Lucky for him, up stomps some female vamp with an accent. It appears that Eric knows this rude arrival, her name is Marina, and he actually summoned her here. Based on her accent and the pouty lips, I'm thinking she's trouble.
Cut to Bill and Sookie's hotel room, and they have a visitor: the angry female in the Dallas vamps, can't remember her name (Isabelle? Hellwitch?). She's decided that Sookie can't infiltrate the Light of Day camp all on her own blondeness, and she offers up her little minion/playmate/something, named Hugo, to go on the mission as well. (Hey, now we just need a black dude and we've got the Mod Squad. Holla!)
Cut back to the lobby, Marina is whining to Eric that she can't get to Bill to do whatever it is Eric wants her to do. They bicker a bit about Sookie and whatnot, and it becomes clear that Bill and Marina have some sort of past. Wonder what happened?
Luckily, the producers helpfully fill in the details with a flashback: Chicago, 1926.
Bill is in a tuxedo, singing and playing a piano in some club/boudoir thing, so right away you know this can only lead to bloodshed. For this scene, his name is Guillame, which is French for William. (I'm hip that way. Praise me.) Marina is there as well, only her name is now "Faviana", and she pronounces it like the mere act of saying it sends her into orgasm.
We understand that William and Mary are focused on a rich couple who are drunk, giggling, and mesmerized by Mariana's sexual accent. Hmmm.
Now we have Sam and Daphne wallering around, naked, on a pool table at a darkened (and hopefully closed) Merlotte's. He asks her about the obvious scars on her back (finally!), and she explains that something got her in the dark, she didn't see it, and it really wasn't any fun.
Then they have a really sweet conversation, where she says he shouldn't be ashamed of what he is, that he should be proud, especially around the ones he loves. (Quite touching, and of course it struck a nerve with me, the gay parallels, and I almost started sobbing and texting all my relatives. But I just got another beer instead.)
Cut to Sookie's house, where Mary Ann is being a total witch, whining about the water heater not working and terrorizing everybody about the accomodations. Tara bites back: "I wish I had a fancier crib for you to squat in."
Tara has to drive to another town to find some part for the water heater, and she convinces Mary Ann to let Eggs go with her. Throughout the whole scene, the butler/cook/eurotrash guy is massaging the cranky diva's feet. This is NOT the Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. Trust.
And now we're at God Camp, where crazy Steve has Jason and Luke building a platform with a cross, so they can catch a vamp, tie him him to the cross, and let him burn when the sun comes up. Get your tickets now!
Then we have Sookie and Hugo bonding over the fact that they are both mortals in love with undead partners. (So THAT's Hugo's story, wasn't clear at first.) The Light of Day invasion plan is that they will pretend to be an engaged couple looking for a church for their wedding. Sounds a little flimsy to me.
Okay, from this point forward, things go a little crazy. Brace yourself.
Tara and Eggs are in the car, laughing and having a good time, when suddenly Eggs starts realizing that he knows what they'll see next on the road, even though he's never BEEN on this road before. He finally makes her pull over and they go marching off into the woods. Because that's what sane people do, right?
Over at Merlotte's, Deputy Andy arrives, and starts sniffing around Lafayette, wanting to know where he's been all this time, while, you know, lots of people he knew were getting murdered. Laff tries to lie his way out of it ("I was on a gay cruise"), but then has a weird breakdown thing where he's seeing Andy as Eric.
Then Terry (Arlene's current boyfriend) breaks it up and sends his cousin Andy away (forgot about that connection), and holds Laff in his arms, comforting and whispering to him to let it go. Um, I have no idea what's going on.
Back in the main part of the restaurant, Hoyt (Jessica's squeeze) marches in and confronts his mother at one of the tables. Why is his cell phone not working? She cut it off, thinks his ladyfriend is a big ole whore. Hoyt has had enough, and lets fly that not only is Jessie his girlfriend, but she's also a vamp. Mom, being THAT kind of pretend Christian, promptly shows signs of a stroke.
Brief scene with Sam and Daphne, still horny and headed out to the back of the restaurant.
Sookie and Hugo arrive at God Camp, and get to meet the lovely Sarah Newlin, CPW (Certified Pastor's Wife). Everybody's really fake for various reasons, and they go on a tour of the property to determine how Sookie and Hugo would like to be betrothed. "Pleasantville", if you will, without the interesting black and white cinematogrophy.
Then Steve, CPN (Certified Psychotic Nutcase) joins them, and things start getting twisted. Sarah really doesn't want Steve to be saying some of the things he's saying, and she gets all twitchy. Sookie starts getting mind reads that a vampire is going to be burned. Hugo is kind of sulky because Sookie is getting to talk more. Some people are never satisfied.
Another flashback to Chicago, where Bill/Guillame and Marina/Faviana (small orgasm) are gleefully tormenting and then draining the couple they have swooned into the bedroom. Lots of blood everywhere, and then William and Mary get funky nasty on the blood-stained sheets, and seem to be having a hoot of a time. Uh, Bill has some splainin to do, cause he bad.
And hey, am I the only one noticing that the female they THINK they've fully drained is apparently still alive, getting an up close and way too personal gander at the the two of them playing slap and tickle? I don't really know the rules about torturous killing followed by beasty sex, but I'm thinking there's been an oversight here. Just sayin.
Back to Tara and Eggs, tromping through the endless woods. They finally stumble on to a campsite, where there are indications that something not happy has happened. Eggs tells Tara that he has been here before. Then he spies a big bloody rock, and starts crying.
Over to God Camp, with Steve and Sarah leading Sookie and Hugo into the "Sunlight Chapel", which is really pretty and all, but you know it just has to be a place of evil, because Steve is so excited about it. (Sarah is still twitchy, and is trying really hard to get Steve to shut the heck up.) Then Sookie gets some more mind-read radio waves, and realizes that she and Hugo are not in a good place. Not like Scooby Doo at all, is it, Sook?
Deputy Andy is driving along in the dark when he encounters two animals in the road. "I know that pig!" he yells to the people who are not in the car with him, and then promptly jumps out of the car and chases after it. And then falls down in the woods. He's a keeper.
Turns out the pig and the dog in the road were Daphne and Sam, off on one of their shape-shifting frolics. (And yes, Daphne is THAT pig. OMG!) Even Sam is like, what's up with the pig thing, after they transition back. Dapne just smiles and plucks her clothes off a handy tree.
We start out with Eric in the lobby of the Dallas vampire Hotel, where he is being entertained by this skanky thing that lets him drink from her for money. (What would you call such a person who does this? Suck slut? Flow Ho? Things that make you go.... why am I even thinking this way?)
Anyway, Eric is bored with Flo because she's not a very good actress or something. Lucky for him, up stomps some female vamp with an accent. It appears that Eric knows this rude arrival, her name is Marina, and he actually summoned her here. Based on her accent and the pouty lips, I'm thinking she's trouble.
Cut to Bill and Sookie's hotel room, and they have a visitor: the angry female in the Dallas vamps, can't remember her name (Isabelle? Hellwitch?). She's decided that Sookie can't infiltrate the Light of Day camp all on her own blondeness, and she offers up her little minion/playmate/something, named Hugo, to go on the mission as well. (Hey, now we just need a black dude and we've got the Mod Squad. Holla!)
Cut back to the lobby, Marina is whining to Eric that she can't get to Bill to do whatever it is Eric wants her to do. They bicker a bit about Sookie and whatnot, and it becomes clear that Bill and Marina have some sort of past. Wonder what happened?
Luckily, the producers helpfully fill in the details with a flashback: Chicago, 1926.
Bill is in a tuxedo, singing and playing a piano in some club/boudoir thing, so right away you know this can only lead to bloodshed. For this scene, his name is Guillame, which is French for William. (I'm hip that way. Praise me.) Marina is there as well, only her name is now "Faviana", and she pronounces it like the mere act of saying it sends her into orgasm.
We understand that William and Mary are focused on a rich couple who are drunk, giggling, and mesmerized by Mariana's sexual accent. Hmmm.
Now we have Sam and Daphne wallering around, naked, on a pool table at a darkened (and hopefully closed) Merlotte's. He asks her about the obvious scars on her back (finally!), and she explains that something got her in the dark, she didn't see it, and it really wasn't any fun.
Then they have a really sweet conversation, where she says he shouldn't be ashamed of what he is, that he should be proud, especially around the ones he loves. (Quite touching, and of course it struck a nerve with me, the gay parallels, and I almost started sobbing and texting all my relatives. But I just got another beer instead.)
Cut to Sookie's house, where Mary Ann is being a total witch, whining about the water heater not working and terrorizing everybody about the accomodations. Tara bites back: "I wish I had a fancier crib for you to squat in."
Tara has to drive to another town to find some part for the water heater, and she convinces Mary Ann to let Eggs go with her. Throughout the whole scene, the butler/cook/eurotrash guy is massaging the cranky diva's feet. This is NOT the Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. Trust.
And now we're at God Camp, where crazy Steve has Jason and Luke building a platform with a cross, so they can catch a vamp, tie him him to the cross, and let him burn when the sun comes up. Get your tickets now!
Then we have Sookie and Hugo bonding over the fact that they are both mortals in love with undead partners. (So THAT's Hugo's story, wasn't clear at first.) The Light of Day invasion plan is that they will pretend to be an engaged couple looking for a church for their wedding. Sounds a little flimsy to me.
Okay, from this point forward, things go a little crazy. Brace yourself.
Tara and Eggs are in the car, laughing and having a good time, when suddenly Eggs starts realizing that he knows what they'll see next on the road, even though he's never BEEN on this road before. He finally makes her pull over and they go marching off into the woods. Because that's what sane people do, right?
Over at Merlotte's, Deputy Andy arrives, and starts sniffing around Lafayette, wanting to know where he's been all this time, while, you know, lots of people he knew were getting murdered. Laff tries to lie his way out of it ("I was on a gay cruise"), but then has a weird breakdown thing where he's seeing Andy as Eric.
Then Terry (Arlene's current boyfriend) breaks it up and sends his cousin Andy away (forgot about that connection), and holds Laff in his arms, comforting and whispering to him to let it go. Um, I have no idea what's going on.
Back in the main part of the restaurant, Hoyt (Jessica's squeeze) marches in and confronts his mother at one of the tables. Why is his cell phone not working? She cut it off, thinks his ladyfriend is a big ole whore. Hoyt has had enough, and lets fly that not only is Jessie his girlfriend, but she's also a vamp. Mom, being THAT kind of pretend Christian, promptly shows signs of a stroke.
Brief scene with Sam and Daphne, still horny and headed out to the back of the restaurant.
Sookie and Hugo arrive at God Camp, and get to meet the lovely Sarah Newlin, CPW (Certified Pastor's Wife). Everybody's really fake for various reasons, and they go on a tour of the property to determine how Sookie and Hugo would like to be betrothed. "Pleasantville", if you will, without the interesting black and white cinematogrophy.
Then Steve, CPN (Certified Psychotic Nutcase) joins them, and things start getting twisted. Sarah really doesn't want Steve to be saying some of the things he's saying, and she gets all twitchy. Sookie starts getting mind reads that a vampire is going to be burned. Hugo is kind of sulky because Sookie is getting to talk more. Some people are never satisfied.
Another flashback to Chicago, where Bill/Guillame and Marina/Faviana (small orgasm) are gleefully tormenting and then draining the couple they have swooned into the bedroom. Lots of blood everywhere, and then William and Mary get funky nasty on the blood-stained sheets, and seem to be having a hoot of a time. Uh, Bill has some splainin to do, cause he bad.
And hey, am I the only one noticing that the female they THINK they've fully drained is apparently still alive, getting an up close and way too personal gander at the the two of them playing slap and tickle? I don't really know the rules about torturous killing followed by beasty sex, but I'm thinking there's been an oversight here. Just sayin.
Back to Tara and Eggs, tromping through the endless woods. They finally stumble on to a campsite, where there are indications that something not happy has happened. Eggs tells Tara that he has been here before. Then he spies a big bloody rock, and starts crying.
Over to God Camp, with Steve and Sarah leading Sookie and Hugo into the "Sunlight Chapel", which is really pretty and all, but you know it just has to be a place of evil, because Steve is so excited about it. (Sarah is still twitchy, and is trying really hard to get Steve to shut the heck up.) Then Sookie gets some more mind-read radio waves, and realizes that she and Hugo are not in a good place. Not like Scooby Doo at all, is it, Sook?
Deputy Andy is driving along in the dark when he encounters two animals in the road. "I know that pig!" he yells to the people who are not in the car with him, and then promptly jumps out of the car and chases after it. And then falls down in the woods. He's a keeper.
Turns out the pig and the dog in the road were Daphne and Sam, off on one of their shape-shifting frolics. (And yes, Daphne is THAT pig. OMG!) Even Sam is like, what's up with the pig thing, after they transition back. Dapne just smiles and plucks her clothes off a handy tree.
Shift to Merlotte's, where Pam from Fangtasia surprises an already rattled Lafayette, insisting that he start selling "V" again. She wants him to do the very thing that got him in all that trouble in the first place, getting thrown in the Fangtasia cellar with rude people and getting shot by a screaming waitress. At this point, the WTF's are spewing out of my mouth in a constant stream.
Quick cut to God Camp, where Steve is trying to convince Sookie and Hugo to enter "the crypt" where his Daddy is buried, Sarah is so not right with this that her head is about to snap off, and Sookie realizes too late that THIS is the trap. Steve's goons grab Sookie and Hugo and drag their amateur asses even deeper into the church.
Bill hears Sookie's screams and instantly awakens back in the vampire hotel. Unfortunately, Marina is also there, jumping on Bill and pinning him to the bed. "You will never physically overpower me."
Wait, how is that possible? Didn't Bill make HER? Meaning he's stronger. Did I once again go to the bathroom at a critically wrong time? Geez.
Tara and Eggs finally get back to Sookie's house, to find that no one is there, but the house is a wreck, crap all over the place. So what do they do? Tara pulls out a joint and they get high before investigating. Smooth move. These dumbass people deserve what they get, sayin.
So, giggling, they stumble out to the backyard, and can hear drums and chanting off in the distance. They mosey through the woods, and come upon a campsite that is clearly not your grandfather's campsite.
People are having rutting sex everywhere. You don't have to use your imagination here, and even though I realized this was HBO, my eyes still widened a little bit. Hoo boy. And right in the middle of it all? Mary Ann doing her weird shimmer thing, but this time she's on full vibrate. And hey, we KNOW some of these people. Half the supporting cast is bumping uglies and howling.
What in the HELL?
Jessica awakes back at the vampire hotel in Dallas, to find that Hoyt has travelled through the night, bearing wilted flowers, to check on her since Mommy killed the cell phone. Jessie: "I'm so happy I could cry but I don't wanna cause it's really gross when I do." Awwww.
God Camp. Jason stumbles upon Sarah in an upper wing of the mega-church. She's clearly having a meltdown and somewhat fesses up: "Steve wants to use you to start a war. AND, he uses the "C" word!" Jason hesitates three seconds, and then they're all over each other in the name of God.
Final scenes, with Daphne and Sam traipsing along in the woods. We hear drums. Sam is not so keen on drums for some reason. (Maybe he read the script?) They also stumble upon Mary Ann's tribal council of raunch and acrobatics. (Even Tara and Eggs are now in the floor show. Once you go whack, you never go back? Just wondering.)
Quick cut of a bull-head mask thing. Quick cut of a ceremonial knife, with Sam screaming when he sees it. Long cut of Daphne smirking and, in a suddenly deep voice, letting Sam know that innocent playtime on the pool table is over.
WTF?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
#34 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 8
We start off with Casey in the Diary Room, sporting a blinding yellow bandana on his head, trying to act all street, saying Jessie needs to "stick with the script" and get Ronnie out of the house. Dude, completely agree, but where the hell did you find that bandana? My eyes are bleeding.
Kevin in the Diary Room, all atwitter because he saw Ronnie say "thank god!" when Jessie won HOH. Girl, of course he's gonna say that. He thinks they are one and the same. Have you not been reading my blog? Keep UP.
Jessie in the Diary Room. "I feel no obligation to put Ronnie up." Of course you don't. You have Ronnie salivating at your throne. Perhaps he could wash your feet using his hair?
Then we have a snippet where Russell apparently brokered some kind of satanic deal with Ronnie, telling him the harrassment was just gameplay and they are really tight and all. What the hell?
And here comes loose-cannon Natalie, babbling to Jessie, suddenly fixated on getting Casey out of the house. Because he "almost won twice" in the competitions. Hmmm. Well, Nat, did it ever occur to you that by pointing out how everyone else is winning things and you haven't done squat, that maybe you're not such a prize yourself?
Then Natalie drops by Ronnie's room, where he's reading The Bible, making sure the cameras can see that he's doing so, and tells him "you're good this week". Oh, and you might also want to get out of your cave and actually talk to people, you know, pretend that you're human and all.
So it seems that Ronnie is apparently not completely misguided in thinking that he has supporters in the house. Personally, I want them all dead. I don't advocate violence in any way. But really, enough with the stupidity.
Then Jessie shows off his HOH Room, where there are lots of pictures of him loving himself in every way imaginable. Blech.
Cut to the courtyard, where Casey has a semi-rant about Jessie. ("That bitch puts his pants on like everybody else.") Possibly not his best move, considering that Natalie is in the audience.
Nat the Rat then races upstairs to spill all to Jessie, and possibly get to touch him in some adoring way. Jessie probably wouldn't notice her fondling, as he has plenty of self-portraits to gaze upon instead.
Lydia fesses up to a crush on Jessie. Gee, I would never have guessed that, Lydia. I thought you were showing him the tattoo on your cooter for purely artistic reasons.
Then we have a scene with Lydia and Jessie in a hammock. (Where do these hammocks come from? And how do multiple people manage to stay in the hammocks without someone getting bucked off? Those things are tricky. Just wondering.) Jessie compares himself and Lydia to caterpillars and butterflies. It's totally stupid, but they play sweet violin music to make us think otherwise.
Ron tries to spin Michelle, but she ain't shoppin in the same store. Sadly, Michelle doesn't know WHAT store she's shopping in. (Keep reading.)
We're back in the courtyard, and with some interesting finagling, Jessie ends up giving a massage to Natalie, with Natalie moaning like she can't stop orgasming, and a horrified Lydia taking this all in from her skanky end of the couch.
Kevin: "Lydia's into Jessie, Natalie's into Jessie, Jessie's into Jessie. What's a girl to do?" Okay, Kevin might have slightly redeemed himself in my eyes. But it's a long road back to full redemption. (Oh, and when Jessie is wrangling Natalie into a position where he can massage her, and Kevin thinks he's in the way and tries to move? And Jessie tries to tell Kevin he's not really in the way by saying to him "You're straight"?)
Bitch, please. Kevvie hasn't been straight since conception. Seriously.
Jessie in the Diary Room: "It's not always a good thing to be ridiculously handsome in the Big Brother House". Really? Thanks for the info. I guess we'll have to wait for someone handsome to show up in the house to prove that out. Cause it sure as hell ain't you.
Michelle goes to Jessie in the HOH Room, with Natalie right there in the same bed with Jessie, wallering around in some kind of post-coital afterglow, and tries to strike a bargain. Girl just cannot lie to save her life, and she fails miserably. (Jessie: "Michelle is like a horrible used car salesman.) That be true.
Then we get to the have/have-not competition, and it turns out that Jordan, Chima and Kevin are the competitors. Great. Idiocy and big lips are apparently the themes. They have to drive around in golf-cart thingies, and chunk fake giant ice cubes at barrels, hoping to fill up the opponent's barrels before yours. Jordan doesn't get it and she tries to fill her own barrel.
Casey in the Diary Room: "Sweetie, that's not the object. You wanna get it in the OTHER person's can." Poor thing, she's really sweet, but damn, she's stupid.
End result, amazingly, considering Jordan's loose grasp of reality, is that the Brainiacs are on slop for the week, and have to sleep in cold storage and all that. The somewhat boring twist? America has voted that the slop squad can also nibble on cabbage and cocktail weenies. Chima and Michelle are not enthusiastic, but Ronnie thinks this is the greatest thing, he loves cocktail weenies. No surprise there, right?
Then we have an interesting scene with Kevin and Russell in the mystical hammock. They actually bond a bit, and Russell is completely respectful of the fact that Kevin and his partner have been together for 9 years. And Russell confirms his support in the Diary Room.
Okay, short break from my sarcastic mode, and taking a few seconds to say that it is completely enriching and satisfying every time that I see further evidence that the majority of America is not bothered in the slightest by gay people. That the majority, in fact, wish the best for their fellow man, regardless of orientation.
Peace in our time.
And back to the Big Brother house.
Lydia is not happy that Natalie has never had to share a bed in the house. (Not really understanding the sharing of beds, because I apparently haven't read the fine print for this season.) Kevin tries warning Lydia that she needs to chill and shouldn't be going against Nat right now. Lydia is in love and clueless.
On the flip side, Jessie tries warning bitchy Natalie that she needs to calm down as well. But Natalie continues to hound Jessie about putting Lydia up. Can the over-heated females in the house put their libidos aside for two seconds? Just asking. And Jessie even tries to talk to Lydia, but crazy tattoo girl is just not on the same planet. I couldn't decipher a single word of her babbling.
So we get to the nomination ceremony.
And Jessie puts up Jordan and Michelle.
Doesn't even explain why. Just says "that's it".
Good move, guy. Ronnie has put all his faith in you, and now you put all your faith in protecting Ronnie. Despite the house being completely sick of him. Time will tell.
Jessie does at least explain in the Diary Room that Jordan and Michelle are both weak, and that "hopefully I can win and backdoor whoever I want ". Oh, but no mention of your actual target? Interesting.
And we end with a jubilant Ronnie in the Diary Room, with the dumbass all celebratory that "Governor Jessie pardoned me!" at the last second. How does this man sleep at night? And he managed to find and marry an actual mate?
Oh dear gawd.
Kevin in the Diary Room, all atwitter because he saw Ronnie say "thank god!" when Jessie won HOH. Girl, of course he's gonna say that. He thinks they are one and the same. Have you not been reading my blog? Keep UP.
Jessie in the Diary Room. "I feel no obligation to put Ronnie up." Of course you don't. You have Ronnie salivating at your throne. Perhaps he could wash your feet using his hair?
Then we have a snippet where Russell apparently brokered some kind of satanic deal with Ronnie, telling him the harrassment was just gameplay and they are really tight and all. What the hell?
And here comes loose-cannon Natalie, babbling to Jessie, suddenly fixated on getting Casey out of the house. Because he "almost won twice" in the competitions. Hmmm. Well, Nat, did it ever occur to you that by pointing out how everyone else is winning things and you haven't done squat, that maybe you're not such a prize yourself?
Then Natalie drops by Ronnie's room, where he's reading The Bible, making sure the cameras can see that he's doing so, and tells him "you're good this week". Oh, and you might also want to get out of your cave and actually talk to people, you know, pretend that you're human and all.
So it seems that Ronnie is apparently not completely misguided in thinking that he has supporters in the house. Personally, I want them all dead. I don't advocate violence in any way. But really, enough with the stupidity.
Then Jessie shows off his HOH Room, where there are lots of pictures of him loving himself in every way imaginable. Blech.
Cut to the courtyard, where Casey has a semi-rant about Jessie. ("That bitch puts his pants on like everybody else.") Possibly not his best move, considering that Natalie is in the audience.
Nat the Rat then races upstairs to spill all to Jessie, and possibly get to touch him in some adoring way. Jessie probably wouldn't notice her fondling, as he has plenty of self-portraits to gaze upon instead.
Lydia fesses up to a crush on Jessie. Gee, I would never have guessed that, Lydia. I thought you were showing him the tattoo on your cooter for purely artistic reasons.
Then we have a scene with Lydia and Jessie in a hammock. (Where do these hammocks come from? And how do multiple people manage to stay in the hammocks without someone getting bucked off? Those things are tricky. Just wondering.) Jessie compares himself and Lydia to caterpillars and butterflies. It's totally stupid, but they play sweet violin music to make us think otherwise.
Ron tries to spin Michelle, but she ain't shoppin in the same store. Sadly, Michelle doesn't know WHAT store she's shopping in. (Keep reading.)
We're back in the courtyard, and with some interesting finagling, Jessie ends up giving a massage to Natalie, with Natalie moaning like she can't stop orgasming, and a horrified Lydia taking this all in from her skanky end of the couch.
Kevin: "Lydia's into Jessie, Natalie's into Jessie, Jessie's into Jessie. What's a girl to do?" Okay, Kevin might have slightly redeemed himself in my eyes. But it's a long road back to full redemption. (Oh, and when Jessie is wrangling Natalie into a position where he can massage her, and Kevin thinks he's in the way and tries to move? And Jessie tries to tell Kevin he's not really in the way by saying to him "You're straight"?)
Bitch, please. Kevvie hasn't been straight since conception. Seriously.
Jessie in the Diary Room: "It's not always a good thing to be ridiculously handsome in the Big Brother House". Really? Thanks for the info. I guess we'll have to wait for someone handsome to show up in the house to prove that out. Cause it sure as hell ain't you.
Michelle goes to Jessie in the HOH Room, with Natalie right there in the same bed with Jessie, wallering around in some kind of post-coital afterglow, and tries to strike a bargain. Girl just cannot lie to save her life, and she fails miserably. (Jessie: "Michelle is like a horrible used car salesman.) That be true.
Then we get to the have/have-not competition, and it turns out that Jordan, Chima and Kevin are the competitors. Great. Idiocy and big lips are apparently the themes. They have to drive around in golf-cart thingies, and chunk fake giant ice cubes at barrels, hoping to fill up the opponent's barrels before yours. Jordan doesn't get it and she tries to fill her own barrel.
Casey in the Diary Room: "Sweetie, that's not the object. You wanna get it in the OTHER person's can." Poor thing, she's really sweet, but damn, she's stupid.
End result, amazingly, considering Jordan's loose grasp of reality, is that the Brainiacs are on slop for the week, and have to sleep in cold storage and all that. The somewhat boring twist? America has voted that the slop squad can also nibble on cabbage and cocktail weenies. Chima and Michelle are not enthusiastic, but Ronnie thinks this is the greatest thing, he loves cocktail weenies. No surprise there, right?
Then we have an interesting scene with Kevin and Russell in the mystical hammock. They actually bond a bit, and Russell is completely respectful of the fact that Kevin and his partner have been together for 9 years. And Russell confirms his support in the Diary Room.
Okay, short break from my sarcastic mode, and taking a few seconds to say that it is completely enriching and satisfying every time that I see further evidence that the majority of America is not bothered in the slightest by gay people. That the majority, in fact, wish the best for their fellow man, regardless of orientation.
Peace in our time.
And back to the Big Brother house.
Lydia is not happy that Natalie has never had to share a bed in the house. (Not really understanding the sharing of beds, because I apparently haven't read the fine print for this season.) Kevin tries warning Lydia that she needs to chill and shouldn't be going against Nat right now. Lydia is in love and clueless.
On the flip side, Jessie tries warning bitchy Natalie that she needs to calm down as well. But Natalie continues to hound Jessie about putting Lydia up. Can the over-heated females in the house put their libidos aside for two seconds? Just asking. And Jessie even tries to talk to Lydia, but crazy tattoo girl is just not on the same planet. I couldn't decipher a single word of her babbling.
So we get to the nomination ceremony.
And Jessie puts up Jordan and Michelle.
Doesn't even explain why. Just says "that's it".
Good move, guy. Ronnie has put all his faith in you, and now you put all your faith in protecting Ronnie. Despite the house being completely sick of him. Time will tell.
Jessie does at least explain in the Diary Room that Jordan and Michelle are both weak, and that "hopefully I can win and backdoor whoever I want ". Oh, but no mention of your actual target? Interesting.
And we end with a jubilant Ronnie in the Diary Room, with the dumbass all celebratory that "Governor Jessie pardoned me!" at the last second. How does this man sleep at night? And he managed to find and marry an actual mate?
Oh dear gawd.
#33 - "Hung" - Season 1, Episode 2
We start with something up at the school were Ray coaches, seems there are budget cuts and people are getting fired, lots of good times.
Ray gets summoned to the principal's office (gulp), and attempts to hide a giant hickie while the principal reminds him that he's "supposed to be a role model". The principal isn't really clear about which of Ray's transgressions she's focused on, but she obviously has something up her sleeve. Just a warning, no firing. Not yet, anway.
Time for Ray to get going with that second revenue stream. Pronto.
So he meets up with Tanya. ("I don't like corporate-chain restaurants". What the hell?) Turns out Tanya has a budget of her own, whips that out, and we learn that it apparently costs a lot of money to make money as a professional fornicator. Who knew?
Then Tanya tells Ray it would be really great "if you work on your technique". Ray, being a male, cannot take constructive criticism when it comes to nookie, and gets pouty. "You're not my only screamer."
Tanya, being a female, patiently sighs as one must do with the obstinate male, and approaches from another angle, explaining that perhaps we could tweak a few things to ensure a quality experience. Ray grudgingly agrees.
Ray visits with his kids, and they really, really, really want to live with him. It would just be nice if there were an actual house to live in. But that's going to take some money, natch, so we have yet another reason for Ray to hurry up this side project.
Tanya gets on the horn with a former co-worker who now flits around with the wealthy and recession-proof, helping them spend their piles of cash as a "professional shopper". Tanya is wondering if Lenore's clients might be interested in what her business has to offer. Hearing the product specs, Lenore decides a test drive is in order. Make it happen.
Back to the kids, who are dining with Mom in one of those evil corporate-chain restaurants. Mom is babbling about not understanding why she and the kids don't relate better, but she is going to make a super-special effort to spend more time with them.
She smiles in denial, the kids squirm and pretend to care, but all you can actually focus on is wanting to ask Anne Heche "did you REALLY think a spaceship was coming for you? Seriously?"
Side query: Is there a particular reason why these two kids are so annoyingly butt-ugly? What's the message?
Then we're back with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya has convinced him to do a "date" run-through. Ray does not immediately win gold stars, with Tanya being forced to explain "women are not poultry" and "you really have to deal with this leaving after sex thing".
Another scene with the babbling ex-wife and her probably-gay husband talking about Ray, with wifey fessing up that "I didn't keep my marriage vows. And I'm moody." Very good, Celestia, great self-insight. Your current therapist is a keeper. Yay.
Then Ray arrives at Lenore's swanky pad for the test drive. Lenore is no wallflower and apparently enjoys manipulation, ridicule, and sex. She does her best to make Ray feel awkward about the whole thing, and even makes him dance for her, toying with him in a manner that is apparently entertaining in the world of professional shoppers.
Then she gets bored with that and cuts to the action with what she really wants: "I just need to know your name so I know what to scream when you're banging me." Well then. Another screamer. Great.
So they make the business transaction, and Ray even sleeps over (wow!), only to wake in the morning and realize he's late for a meeting with the school principal and he's lost his wallet. Can't find it anywhere. He tries to get help from the slumbering Lenore, but that's a wash ("I'm still stoned. Can you talk to the maid?"). He has to dash.
Arriving at the principal's office, we learn the real reason the principal is no longer pleased with him is the "dung" motivational speech from the last episode. Seems there are some parents who are not keen on having their children compared to, and even remotely associated with, excrement.
THAT's the whole deal? Geez.
Meanwhile, Tanya is having a crapfest at HER sucky day job. When will she ever get away from this mindless wasteland? She and Ray connect on the phone and, as usual, Tanya provides the comfort. Don't worry about the wallet, I'll get it back. And Ray? Let's make a million dollars. Now. Mmmkay?
Not as intrigued by the show after this episode. There were some great lines, and these people can obviously act, but the script didn't seem focused, with the Ray and Tanya characters altered in some ways, making him more surly and her more... compliant and boring? Not sure. We'll see...
Ray gets summoned to the principal's office (gulp), and attempts to hide a giant hickie while the principal reminds him that he's "supposed to be a role model". The principal isn't really clear about which of Ray's transgressions she's focused on, but she obviously has something up her sleeve. Just a warning, no firing. Not yet, anway.
Time for Ray to get going with that second revenue stream. Pronto.
So he meets up with Tanya. ("I don't like corporate-chain restaurants". What the hell?) Turns out Tanya has a budget of her own, whips that out, and we learn that it apparently costs a lot of money to make money as a professional fornicator. Who knew?
Then Tanya tells Ray it would be really great "if you work on your technique". Ray, being a male, cannot take constructive criticism when it comes to nookie, and gets pouty. "You're not my only screamer."
Tanya, being a female, patiently sighs as one must do with the obstinate male, and approaches from another angle, explaining that perhaps we could tweak a few things to ensure a quality experience. Ray grudgingly agrees.
Ray visits with his kids, and they really, really, really want to live with him. It would just be nice if there were an actual house to live in. But that's going to take some money, natch, so we have yet another reason for Ray to hurry up this side project.
Tanya gets on the horn with a former co-worker who now flits around with the wealthy and recession-proof, helping them spend their piles of cash as a "professional shopper". Tanya is wondering if Lenore's clients might be interested in what her business has to offer. Hearing the product specs, Lenore decides a test drive is in order. Make it happen.
Back to the kids, who are dining with Mom in one of those evil corporate-chain restaurants. Mom is babbling about not understanding why she and the kids don't relate better, but she is going to make a super-special effort to spend more time with them.
She smiles in denial, the kids squirm and pretend to care, but all you can actually focus on is wanting to ask Anne Heche "did you REALLY think a spaceship was coming for you? Seriously?"
Side query: Is there a particular reason why these two kids are so annoyingly butt-ugly? What's the message?
Then we're back with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya has convinced him to do a "date" run-through. Ray does not immediately win gold stars, with Tanya being forced to explain "women are not poultry" and "you really have to deal with this leaving after sex thing".
Another scene with the babbling ex-wife and her probably-gay husband talking about Ray, with wifey fessing up that "I didn't keep my marriage vows. And I'm moody." Very good, Celestia, great self-insight. Your current therapist is a keeper. Yay.
Then Ray arrives at Lenore's swanky pad for the test drive. Lenore is no wallflower and apparently enjoys manipulation, ridicule, and sex. She does her best to make Ray feel awkward about the whole thing, and even makes him dance for her, toying with him in a manner that is apparently entertaining in the world of professional shoppers.
Then she gets bored with that and cuts to the action with what she really wants: "I just need to know your name so I know what to scream when you're banging me." Well then. Another screamer. Great.
So they make the business transaction, and Ray even sleeps over (wow!), only to wake in the morning and realize he's late for a meeting with the school principal and he's lost his wallet. Can't find it anywhere. He tries to get help from the slumbering Lenore, but that's a wash ("I'm still stoned. Can you talk to the maid?"). He has to dash.
Arriving at the principal's office, we learn the real reason the principal is no longer pleased with him is the "dung" motivational speech from the last episode. Seems there are some parents who are not keen on having their children compared to, and even remotely associated with, excrement.
THAT's the whole deal? Geez.
Meanwhile, Tanya is having a crapfest at HER sucky day job. When will she ever get away from this mindless wasteland? She and Ray connect on the phone and, as usual, Tanya provides the comfort. Don't worry about the wallet, I'll get it back. And Ray? Let's make a million dollars. Now. Mmmkay?
Not as intrigued by the show after this episode. There were some great lines, and these people can obviously act, but the script didn't seem focused, with the Ray and Tanya characters altered in some ways, making him more surly and her more... compliant and boring? Not sure. We'll see...
#32 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Number 7
Opening shot of Kevin being a queen. Big surprise. Over him.
Then Ronnie babbling in what he thinks is his macho voice, saying Russell is on his hitlist. Oh really? Shouldn't that have been the situation, say, a week ago?
Jordan is sweet on Jeff. ("He's a boy version of me!") They ARE cute together, and they have TWO different accents, which, in this day and age, makes them more than qualified to have their own TV show.
Then we have the big showdown.
Laura goes to Ronnie, trying to work a deal to save her butt. She doesn't really say anything that anyone else in that position wouldn't say. She's fair, and just offers herself as a better ally than Jordan. Then she dashes off.
Ronnie calls some of his gangstas up to the HOH Room (mostly the girls, cause, you know, he's still working his way up to being a man himself) to discuss the Laura and Jordan thing. Ronnie, because he's so deluded and actually thinks that he is so incredibly smart that everyone will believe anything that comes out of his mouth, tells a flat-out lie about Laura and Russell.
His girl-peeps aren't buying it. In fact, Natalie has had enough and races out of the room to investigate this information. (Side note: Is Natalie somehow becoming the loosest cannon in this season's cast? Just throwing that out there.)
Natalie goes to Jessie, Jessie goes to Russell, Russell goes to Laura, and suddenly everybody's running everywhere until they all manage to get in the same room. (Which takes a bit, because these people are not the sharpest tools, but anyway.) And then they all let loose.
On Ronnie. He is totally busted. Most of his lies come out, and a lot of anger. These people are not happy. And Ronnie is unable to defend himself. Because he can't. He has lied all over the place and back again. (Not that others haven't lied, but Ronnie seemed hell-bent on breaking some kind of record for deception. Did I mention that he's delusional?)
Ronnie, the supposedly award-winning negotiator extraordinaire, only manages to hem and haw, tries to lie some more, and then tries leaving the room. To no avail. (Laura in the Diary Room: "I may be going home but I'm gonna take him down with me." You go, girl. Casey in the DR about Ronnie: "the square root of all evil".)
Russell is clearly the most invested in this little shakedown, following Ronnie everywhere he goes and tormenting him. A few houseguests (big-cannon Jessie and loose-cannon Natalie) think Russell goes a little far, but most of the house is all for it.
And how does Ronnie respond to being caught in his lies. As expected, he's completely mature about it. He goes up to the HOH Room, locks the door, and stays there.
For two days.
Two DAYS, people. Living on candy and dust bunnies. Crying, hugging his pillow, wondering what he did wrong. Classic case of a spoiled man-child not knowing what to do when he's held accountable for his reckless actions. His tears did not move me at all. Reaping what you sow and all that.
In the HOH Room just before the eviction vote, Ronnie tells Julie that his allegiance is with the athletes (ya think?) and that there's an "underlying tone of sympathy" in the house for him. "Five are with me."
There MIGHT have been five at one time, Ron-Boy. But now your pants are down. Yes, you could possibly be strategically used for a bit by a creative player, but Darth Ronnie will soon be written out of the script.
And what up with Julie during that interview? You would think the producers would be a little ticked off that one of the players willfully pulled themselves out of the game for two days. But no, Jules just stands there, offering idle chit chat while making sure the cameras capture her lastest cute pregnancy outfit.
So we get to the eviction, it's 8 to 1, and Laura goes home, just as it's finally become clear that she is smarter than the twins would indicate. She was on to Ronnie from way back in the day.
The we have the HOH competition. And Jessie wins.
Jessie, the one person in the house that might keep Ronnie around for a while, because Jessie has benefitted from Ronnie's scheming and plotting and lying. Then again, Jessie has to weigh the fact that if he DOESN'T put Ronnie up, there's a whole mess of house that will be targeting HIM next week. Hmmm.
What Would Jessie Do?
Then Ronnie babbling in what he thinks is his macho voice, saying Russell is on his hitlist. Oh really? Shouldn't that have been the situation, say, a week ago?
Jordan is sweet on Jeff. ("He's a boy version of me!") They ARE cute together, and they have TWO different accents, which, in this day and age, makes them more than qualified to have their own TV show.
Then we have the big showdown.
Laura goes to Ronnie, trying to work a deal to save her butt. She doesn't really say anything that anyone else in that position wouldn't say. She's fair, and just offers herself as a better ally than Jordan. Then she dashes off.
Ronnie calls some of his gangstas up to the HOH Room (mostly the girls, cause, you know, he's still working his way up to being a man himself) to discuss the Laura and Jordan thing. Ronnie, because he's so deluded and actually thinks that he is so incredibly smart that everyone will believe anything that comes out of his mouth, tells a flat-out lie about Laura and Russell.
His girl-peeps aren't buying it. In fact, Natalie has had enough and races out of the room to investigate this information. (Side note: Is Natalie somehow becoming the loosest cannon in this season's cast? Just throwing that out there.)
Natalie goes to Jessie, Jessie goes to Russell, Russell goes to Laura, and suddenly everybody's running everywhere until they all manage to get in the same room. (Which takes a bit, because these people are not the sharpest tools, but anyway.) And then they all let loose.
On Ronnie. He is totally busted. Most of his lies come out, and a lot of anger. These people are not happy. And Ronnie is unable to defend himself. Because he can't. He has lied all over the place and back again. (Not that others haven't lied, but Ronnie seemed hell-bent on breaking some kind of record for deception. Did I mention that he's delusional?)
Ronnie, the supposedly award-winning negotiator extraordinaire, only manages to hem and haw, tries to lie some more, and then tries leaving the room. To no avail. (Laura in the Diary Room: "I may be going home but I'm gonna take him down with me." You go, girl. Casey in the DR about Ronnie: "the square root of all evil".)
Russell is clearly the most invested in this little shakedown, following Ronnie everywhere he goes and tormenting him. A few houseguests (big-cannon Jessie and loose-cannon Natalie) think Russell goes a little far, but most of the house is all for it.
And how does Ronnie respond to being caught in his lies. As expected, he's completely mature about it. He goes up to the HOH Room, locks the door, and stays there.
For two days.
Two DAYS, people. Living on candy and dust bunnies. Crying, hugging his pillow, wondering what he did wrong. Classic case of a spoiled man-child not knowing what to do when he's held accountable for his reckless actions. His tears did not move me at all. Reaping what you sow and all that.
In the HOH Room just before the eviction vote, Ronnie tells Julie that his allegiance is with the athletes (ya think?) and that there's an "underlying tone of sympathy" in the house for him. "Five are with me."
There MIGHT have been five at one time, Ron-Boy. But now your pants are down. Yes, you could possibly be strategically used for a bit by a creative player, but Darth Ronnie will soon be written out of the script.
And what up with Julie during that interview? You would think the producers would be a little ticked off that one of the players willfully pulled themselves out of the game for two days. But no, Jules just stands there, offering idle chit chat while making sure the cameras capture her lastest cute pregnancy outfit.
So we get to the eviction, it's 8 to 1, and Laura goes home, just as it's finally become clear that she is smarter than the twins would indicate. She was on to Ronnie from way back in the day.
The we have the HOH competition. And Jessie wins.
Jessie, the one person in the house that might keep Ronnie around for a while, because Jessie has benefitted from Ronnie's scheming and plotting and lying. Then again, Jessie has to weigh the fact that if he DOESN'T put Ronnie up, there's a whole mess of house that will be targeting HIM next week. Hmmm.
What Would Jessie Do?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
#31 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 6
First we have a Diary Room scene with Laura, who repeats that Ronnie is a rat, but also fully fesses up that she was an idiot to trust him at all and is therefore just as responsible. Laura keeps growing on me, despite my continual amazement at the silicone hardware that she’s packing.
Then we have Ronnie the Rat in the Diary Room, clarifying for all that he fully intends to backdoor Russell. Uh huh.
Jordan: “This house is a NUT house.”
Then Ronnie sets off on a mission to do some spin control. He first approaches Jeff, trying to convince him that things aren’t what they seem. (Jeff responds with, basically, everything out of you has been a lie so don’t tell me anything.) Then Ronnie approaches Laura in the courtyard, explaining that she has to “believe I have a master plan.” Laura is polite, but doesn’t buy a word of it.
Russell decides that he needs to pretend he’s friends with the other side of the house. So he moseys out in the courtyard and tries to play it off with the other side that he’s sick of all his team strategizing and whatnot. They sort of buy it, but nobody signs anything.
So I’m guessing that Russell decided he needed to ramp up this plot device, and viciously attacks Lydia where all can hear. (You may recall that Lydia is no longer on my buddy list, so it was fun from that angle.) But I’m not sure if this was a brilliant PR move or a faux pas.
Lydia immediately races to Ronnie and wants to backdoor Russell. Kevin wanders in to the conversation, but is not fully supportive of the idea, although he works extra hard to ensure that we see his ass in tight jeans. Tramp.
Sidebar with Jeff and Jordan, where it’s made very clear that telling time, and math in general, are not Jordan’s strong suit.
Casey and Chima watch the movie they won in the Luxury competition. They hate each other, so it’s a big ole mess of pretension and fake laughter. And some popcorn.
Then we have the drawing of the players for the Power of Veto competition. Is it just me, or is anyone else out there wondering why almost every name drawn so far this season has been someone from the Athletes clique. What are the odds? Surely the producers aren’t messing around with that, are they? Hmmm.
So we get to the POV competition. This thing drags out WAY too long, nearly half of the show. We get it, producers. Coinstar clearly paid some big bucks for this gig, as evidenced by the hundreds of shots of houseguests salivating at the possibility of using a Coinstar machine. Nobody said anything funny, it was really boring, and I went to the bathroom twice just for something to pass the time.
But Jeff eventually won the competition. So now it’s all up to Ronnie to pay it forward.
So what does Ronnie do? He starts pulling in everybody, telling each of them not to say a word, even though everybody knows because he can’t keep his mouth shut, talking all big about how Russell’s ass is on the line. He even talks to Jessie, who is obviously not going to be behind back-dooring Russell. Well, at least not in this particular interpretation of the phrase.
What IS clear from all these sidebars is that everybody in the house wants Russell out. Except Jessie. And maybe Kevin, because he’s focused on the OTHER interpretation of backdoor. Not being mean, cause I’m on the same team with Kevin, but why is it that Kevin is super supportive of everything Lydia does until it comes to getting rid of Russell? Just sayin.
So we get to the POV ceremony. Jeff obviously takes himself off the block. And Ronnie puts up Jordan.
What the hell?
I said it in the last review, and I’ll repeat it. Ronnie is the classic case of the high school nerd that is so invested in appearing cool to the jocky BMOC’s that he will do anything to win their approval. There can be no other explanation. It was very clear that the house wanted Russell gone. He went against that.
It’s disappointing that either Laura or Jordan will go home (probably Laura), when others are much more deserving. But at least the foundation has been laid for the eviction of Ronnie. I may be wrong, and he may squeak by for a bit, but he ain’t gonna win.
Unless the producers want him to.
Sayin.
#30 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 7
We start with Jackie and Dr. O’Hara chattering outside the hospital. Seems Jacks wants to send troubled little Gracie to private school, but it’s so expensive, yadda, yadda. O’Hara offers to pay for BOTH girls to go to school, but Jackie declines. Then we get to the real point of the scene, which is that O’Hara is wearing two different shoes.
This is an obvious sign that something is terribly amiss with O’Hara. But we don’t go into the details just yet, apparently that juicy tidbit is being saved for later in the show.
Back in the hospital, we have a stabbing victim and his emotional date. Turns out her ex-husband showed up for their date and went all Benihana, even though there was a restraining order against him according to the tear-stained date. Zoey contributes this: “Oh, I had friend who had one of those. Those things don’t always work.” (Okay, we need to learn more about Zoey’s past, just a suggestion.)
For now, though, Zoey is really invested in working on this stabbing victim. She is crestfallen that all she gets to do is put pressure on one of the major wounds. Jackie, with no time for her whining, tells her to let go if she thinks it‘s not necessary. Zoey does, blood shoots across the room (J: “See that? It‘s important!”), and Zoey’s eyes light up as she realizes her participation is a bit more critical than she realized.
Then she focuses on the weapon sticking out of the victim. “Can I at least take the knife out?” Jackie, teeth gritted, reminds her that only surgeons can do that. Zoey sighs, then casts her lustful eyes back on the knife, licking her lips. “So… tempting.”
Okay, maybe we DON’T need any more backstory on Zoey.
Throughout all of this frivolity, Eddie keeps texting and trying to call Jackie. She’s finally had enough of that, and goes to settle whatever this is about.
To find that Eddie has a gift for her, a bracelet. For their 1-year anniversary. Jackie has no clue that it’s been a year, and even seems a little surprised that “relationship” is even part of the conversation. Jackie won’t even try it on, and even says she doesn’t want to be seen wearing it. Understandably, Eddie is not happy with this reaction. There is no parting kiss.
Conveniently, Jackie then stumbles across a child molester in the ward who has a catheter stuck in his business. She uses this opportunity to relieve frustration by ripping it out of him.
Momo is not supportive about this development. He drags Jackie’s ass outside. You do NOT do this, what’s the deal? Jackie fesses up about the boyfriend and not realizing it was the 1-year anniversary. Momo is stunned that she even HAD a boyfriend. (Well, hell, does he also not know that she’s married with children? How much is Jacks hiding, and why?)
In an odd twist, Eddie gives the bracelet to Coop. You had to have been there.
Then we have Momo consoling Zoey, because she apparently had a vision where God told her she had a bald spot. The mind boggles. Momo tells her he’s going to fix it, and races off, with Zoey calling after him “Momo don’t. God’s MEAN!”
Still don’t know what that was all about.
Jackie has another scene, in the Hall of Guilt, natch, where Jackie consoles the stabbing victim’s date. Turns out it was their FIRST date, and it seems sobbing needy girl is convinced that this is the best man she’s ever met. The wheels turn in Jackie’s head.
Jackie then meets with Dr. O’Hara, who is still exuding blazing signs that something is terribly amiss on her unique home planet. Jacks fesses up about Eddie and the bracelet. (O’H: So “Coop’s flitting about in your jewelry?”) O’Hara tells Jackie to go clean up her mess, and Jackie embarks on said mission, but not before stealing some pills from O’Hara. Such good friends.
Jackie somewhat makes up with Eddie, Eddie gets the bracelet back from Coop, gives it to Jackie, and the co-dependent drug relationship is re-established. Yay.
Then Jackie embarks on the obligatory mission she has in every episode, where she does something that is definitely legally wrong and usually morally questionable as well. This is her trademark. She goes to the stabbing victim, jacks up his morphine drip, then messes with his head to get him to think his date (the one with the crazy husband who tried to kill him) is really an angel on earth. Then Jackie gives him Eddie’s bracelet to bestow on sobbing girl.
O’Hara and Jackie meet again, O’Hara is obviously needing some attention due to the mysterious trouble on her planet, Jacks invites her to stay the night at her house. (So at least SOMEBODY knows that Jackie has a full-scale family back at the ranch, I was beginning to wonder.)
At the homestead, O’Hara gets really drunk, and somewhat fesses up her troubles. Something to do with a stepfather and a devastated sister? It’s not really clear. And O’Hara is rude, because she can’t help it. (“Getting plastered in Queens? I’m already destroyed.”) Hubby don’t like and goes to bed.
In the morning, hung-over O’Hara French braids Grace’s hair for her first day at private school. (After first saying to younger daughter Fiona that “You are a tiny cruel little creature” based on her coffee-making efforts. Fiona replies “I know.”) End scene.
Okay, this was the first episode where I wasn’t fully satisfied. Something was off. Fingers crossed that the writers were just setting things in place for later delivery. Not sure, but let’s get this thing back on track, shall we?
Monday, July 20, 2009
#29 - "True Blood" Season 2, Episode 5
Well then. Turns out Daphne is a shape-shifter as well, and now she and Sam are all hot for teacher about each other. It’s really kind of cute. But why is no one asking about the horrific claw marks on Daphne’s back. It’s not like you can overlook them, especially now that Daphne and Sam are sucking face and neither has much concern for clothing in this episode.
Sookie chases down the mind reader bellboy guy she discovered at the very end of the last episode (and which I neglected to mention in the review, my bad). He is so not into her knowing about his special talent, and tries to blow her off. Being Sookie, she doesn’t give up easily, pushing him until Barry finally snaps.
He gets all dramatic, yelling at her that this is not the “fried corn-on-the-cob town” she comes from. “This is Dallas!” Okay, I’m fairly certainly that Sookie knows she’s in Dallas, having jumped on a plane and flown there and all. This guy’s just rude and clearly has issues. He dashes off, and Sookie sulks her way back to the hotel room.
Where we have Jessica, who gets to utter two great lines in succession: “Hey Sookie, there’s dirty movies on TV!” and (to Bill) “You’re gonna be so sorry when I get an eating disorder!”
Sadly, these choice utterings are not enough to keep her in the scene, and Bill banishes Jessica to her room for the rest of the night/day/whatever it is. Hard to tell when it’s a fancy vampire hotel where sunlight is verboten.
In her room, Jessie calls a surprised then very excited Hoyt. They are very sweet to each other, and he decides to read a comic book to her. Awww. Sadly, we also learn that Hoyt lives with his mother, a cranky, loud harridan fresh from the Bates Motel.
Then Bill and Sookie have their own quality time, rolling around in the perpetual twilight of their hotel room. Sookie is very keen on the fact that, due to this fake twilight, Bill doesn’t have to leave her alone in the bed at dawn. Okay, what’s going on, why is love shootin out of everybody’s ass in this episode?
Cut to God Camp, where we have a really angry drill sergeant yelling at Jason and the other squad members of his new, mysterious military unit. (Sarah is, of course, right there in the midst of it, trembly and moist while Jason works up a sweat.) The sergeant is not impressed with the recruits, muttering that “I pray Jesus isn’t watchin this crap today.”
Tara and Eggs wake up in their post-coital bed, all dewy and satisfied. Tara fondles that picture we keeping seeing of Tara and Sookie and Sookie’s late grandma. It’s obvious that this is an important prop in some way.
Sookie slips out of HER post-coital bed and tracks down Barry the Bellboy. Girl ain’t givin up. Neither is Barry. Despite Sookie pleading her case that they can help each other, Barry is not interested in any shop talk or telepathic tips. Again, Sookie sulks back to her hotel room. Maybe she just needs to get some air?
Scene at Merlotte’s, with Daphne, Arlene and Terry all twisting off at each other for no clear reason, other than some minor quibbles about food prep and waitress qualifications. Lafayette shows up, asks Sam for his job back and gets it. Sam pries a little about where Laff has been and what happened. Not a word from Laff.
Then we have Tara and Mary Ann at Sookie’s house. Seems Mary Ann has decided that she and Eggs and that butler guy are moving in. The house of endless fruit and weed? Not hers, it belongs to a client. And yes, Eggs is in on the plan, knew all about it. Tara is not impressed with either one of them, and makes it clear that this is SOOKIE’s house and they are not staying.
Back to God Camp, with Jason being the better man and helping his enemy Luke scale a fence while the drill sergeant screams and Sarah ovulates.
Back to Dallas, where we finally meet some of the murky vamps who rule this here part of town. They are rude as hell and there is instant dislike. So why is Eric so invested in helping look for the missing Godric?
God Camp once again, where drill sergeant Gabe (who is apparently more deeply involved with running things than we realized) lets slip to Jason that the relationship between Steve and Sarah is a bit strained. Then Steve drags Jason off to what appears to be a spare wine cellar that has been converted into an ammunitions supply point. Tons o’ guns. All reports and in and officially confirmed, Steve is one messed-up preacher man.
Later that night, Mary Anne drives up to Merlotte’s but stays in the car, where she does one of her weird movements where you don’t know if she’s summoning demons from hell or merely has a gas bubble. Inside, the staff suddenly gets very angry with one another, and then all of them turn on Tara. It is tense and not pleasant. Mary Ann smiles and drives off.
And God Camp again: Jason’s in the bathtub, so it’s easier to see his muscles without irritating shower spray getting in the way. Sarah saunters in, locks the door and begins to bathe him. (S: “Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus with her hair.” J: “Wasn’t she a hooker?”) Then Sarah, clenching things much more firmly, proceeds to make sure that he is very clean. “God wants you to have a reward.” (Can I have that loofah when you’re done?)
Bill and Sookie and Eric in another meeting with the Dallas vamps. The vamps continue with the rudeness, and throw in some arrogance and infighting. This is getting nowhere. Sookie “I’m either gonna fall asleep or start screaming.” Sookie cuts to the chase, we know the God Camp is involved with this, I’m a telepath, I’m gonna infiltrate and get some answers. Are we done here?
Bill finally asks Eric, what’s up with the Godric connection? We are treated to flashbacks. It’s not clear where, but it’s pretty muddy and is a long time ago, despite the actors having amazingly cool haircuts. Wait, isn’t that Eric in the sporty animal hide frock? Oh, how sad, he’s dying.
But wait, here comes a suspicious character with fangs who can move really fast. Speedy asks Eric: “Could you be a companion of death?” Eric thinks that sounds like a hoot, compared to dying in a ditch and all. So Godric makes Eric. Oooooh. Got it.
Sookie returns to the hotel to discover that Barry the Bellboy no longer works there. How sad. But I’m sure this is just a minor setback in her quest to be Wonder Twins at the Hall of Justice.
Tara, reeling from her crappy workday where the entire planet jumped her ass at Merlotte’s, returns to Sookie’s house. To find Mary Ann still there, wearing Sookie’s grandmother’s clothes, and is even sporting the grandmother’s hairstyle. Oh dear gawd, what fresh hell? Mary Ann says some soothing things that are just perfect for Tara’s current state of loss and confusion. So Tara asks her to stay after all.
So, THIS is why we kept seeing Tara fondle the picture of her and Sookie and Grandma. Makes perfect sense. Cause that always happens to ME. I fondle a picture of people I love, and then suddenly I’m inviting a she-demon with a shady background to move in with me. And bring along her butler. And don’t forget the hawt ex-con!
There’s a whole lotta crazy up in this town.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
#28 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 5
We start with Casey in the Diary Room: "Somebody switched out!" Well yeah, now whatcha gonna do?
Ronnie in the Diary Room: "I'm gonna throw Michelle under the bus." And then he proclaims himself Darth Ronnie. Can't ANYBODY in this house see him for what he is?
Why yes, somebody can. Laura fully realizes that he's a jerk and playing both sides, but she can't say anything because he's HOH. Hello? What's a girl to do?
Ronnie in the Diary Room: "I'm gonna throw Michelle under the bus." And then he proclaims himself Darth Ronnie. Can't ANYBODY in this house see him for what he is?
Why yes, somebody can. Laura fully realizes that he's a jerk and playing both sides, but she can't say anything because he's HOH. Hello? What's a girl to do?
Chima, in full diva mode, with Judas Lydia at her side, is trying to figure out who voted for her to leave. Michelle fully fesses up, (you GO, girl), and Chima goes left, hands waving and reality-denying words spewing out of her mouth. Chima is seriously delusional about her worth to society.
In the Diary Room, Russell actually gives kudos to Ronnie for playing them all. Again, Russell is apparently not stupid, but I still can't stand him, and at the end of the day smarts do not compensate for the fact that you're an arrogant buttwipe.
Cut to scene with Ronnie and the Athletes, wherein Ronnie plays it off that he is totally in control and completely in league with them. I couldn't really focus on the details of this scene, as Jessie was massaging the feet of reclining queen Lydia. Room full of worthless people, just sayin.
Cut to scene in the courtyard, where the supposed "everybody who should have voted for Chima" posse is all camped. Casey and Laura push the issue, trying to find out who turned. Ronnie totally lies, of course. He even threatens Casey with his power as HOH. Can. Not. Stand. Ronnie.
Then we have the luxury competition, which goes on WAY too long. As usual, the BB producers were hell-bent on promoting a probably crappy movie that they were paid a bucket of money to introduce. It's BS like this that makes viewers change the channel, are you listening to me, producers? Do you have any kind of soul?
Speaking of which, and I challenge anyone in America to dispute this, was it not clear from the way Chima treated Casey during this competition, that Chima is a cold-hearted witch who is so beyond reality that she should have been voted off the show before she was even born?
So we get to the Nomination Ceremony. And Ronnie nominates Laura and Jeff. No Russell, no Natalie, no Jessie. He claims in the Diary Room that he's gunning to backdoor Russell.
Yeah, right.
Dude, you should have put at least one of those three up on the block to begin with. You cannot depend on the backdoor angle. So it's clear to me, at this point anyway, that you are one of those lame dweebs that still seeks validation in those who don't give a damn about you.
It's time to prove yourself, Darth Ronnie. Seriously.
#27 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 4
Ronnie is a jerk. Let me get that on the record. Never mind the delusional fantasies running through his mind, this guy is a manipulative loose cannon.
Russell is a jerk. I'm sure that was clear in the last posting, but it's worth repeating, yes?
Braden suspects that Lydia is behind his nomination. Bingo. But what he does about that insight is critical.
Chima: "I feel assurance that I'm safe." Assurance? Who talks like that? You're on the dang block. Starting to move beyond my irritation with her lips and hair, and moving this hussy into the "really don't like her" category.
Then we have Lydia. My, how things have changed. Really liked her at first. But then, last episode, she worked her way into saving her own ass and getting Braden put on the block. Gave me some heartburn, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
But now, it's clear that Lydia has had one piercing too many. She actually goes after completely innocent Jordan, totally lying about her own involvement in the shift change on the block. What the hell? Lydia, sweetie, you STARTED this mess.
Then Russell, who has no morals whatsover, stirs up Braden against Lydia. Big ole catfight between Braden and Lydia/Kevin in the courtyard. Lydia lying out her ass, with Kevin (I'm just assuming here) not aware that Lydia is a liar, and sticking up for her. Then Braden goes too far and throws his drink on Kevin, and peeps, it is all ON at this point.
Side Note: Although I can't stand him and it pains me to admit it, but Russell sure has a way of picking a flashpoint and stoking it, yet escaping any attention for his stoking. Arrogant little steroid boy is probably going to go far, because he IS playing the game. With hormonal Natalie lustily cheering him on the entire way.
Side Note, Part II: They producers have finally, at least for now, abandoned the "Jessie Brother" angle. We didn't see any more of Jessie than we did other folks during this episode. Perhaps some bored producer read all the blogs out there and realized people don't like Jessie? Just sayin.
Off-my-love-pedestal Lydia continues berating Jordan. And Jordan has had enough and bites back, Southern girl DOES have a backbone, and more power to her. Still, Lydia insists on spewing crap that makes no sense whatsoever. Really, rewind and listen to her inane babbling. Nonsense.
Jordan and Laura hatch a plan to save Braden. They run to Ronnie (poor girls, you just don't know what we know, and there's the show in a nutshell) who promises to help with the plan. ("I completely control Michelle." Can't STAND him.) Then they rush around to the other sympathetic houseguests and cross their fingers.
Casey: "I'm the swing vote!" If only that were true, buddy. As we soon see.
The pre-vote interview between Julie and Jessie in the HOH room, which is completely boring and useless, confirms that the producers are, at least for now, done with Jessie. He was just a ratings stunt to draw viewers in. (It would be a happier world if they had realized that nobody likes Jessie, and an alternative plan would have been even better.)
Just before the eviction vote, during the "say something to save your ass" bit, Chima calls Braden a racist and a misogynist. She is totally hateful, and clearly not watching the same show that we are. Girl stupid.
So we get to the vote, and, big surprise, Ronnie switches gears and votes to evict Braden, which results in a tie and Jessie has to decide who goes. Of course Braden has to leave. And that worthless skank Chima is a smug little bitch about it (yes, I said it, cause she is), with Lydia continuing the denial of her own culpability and sucker Kevin (or just hateful Kevin, we shall see) falling in line with Lydia.
Then we're off to the HOH competition. A "how did America vote about you" kind of thing, with Julie having a tough time seeing who lights up first to answer, and so do we. Who hired the lame people who designed THIS hot mess? Don't you people have this down by now?
And of all people, Ronnie wins. Sinking feeling in the gut, cause he nasty.
Russell is a jerk. I'm sure that was clear in the last posting, but it's worth repeating, yes?
Braden suspects that Lydia is behind his nomination. Bingo. But what he does about that insight is critical.
Chima: "I feel assurance that I'm safe." Assurance? Who talks like that? You're on the dang block. Starting to move beyond my irritation with her lips and hair, and moving this hussy into the "really don't like her" category.
Then we have Lydia. My, how things have changed. Really liked her at first. But then, last episode, she worked her way into saving her own ass and getting Braden put on the block. Gave me some heartburn, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
But now, it's clear that Lydia has had one piercing too many. She actually goes after completely innocent Jordan, totally lying about her own involvement in the shift change on the block. What the hell? Lydia, sweetie, you STARTED this mess.
Then Russell, who has no morals whatsover, stirs up Braden against Lydia. Big ole catfight between Braden and Lydia/Kevin in the courtyard. Lydia lying out her ass, with Kevin (I'm just assuming here) not aware that Lydia is a liar, and sticking up for her. Then Braden goes too far and throws his drink on Kevin, and peeps, it is all ON at this point.
Side Note: Although I can't stand him and it pains me to admit it, but Russell sure has a way of picking a flashpoint and stoking it, yet escaping any attention for his stoking. Arrogant little steroid boy is probably going to go far, because he IS playing the game. With hormonal Natalie lustily cheering him on the entire way.
Side Note, Part II: They producers have finally, at least for now, abandoned the "Jessie Brother" angle. We didn't see any more of Jessie than we did other folks during this episode. Perhaps some bored producer read all the blogs out there and realized people don't like Jessie? Just sayin.
Off-my-love-pedestal Lydia continues berating Jordan. And Jordan has had enough and bites back, Southern girl DOES have a backbone, and more power to her. Still, Lydia insists on spewing crap that makes no sense whatsoever. Really, rewind and listen to her inane babbling. Nonsense.
Jordan and Laura hatch a plan to save Braden. They run to Ronnie (poor girls, you just don't know what we know, and there's the show in a nutshell) who promises to help with the plan. ("I completely control Michelle." Can't STAND him.) Then they rush around to the other sympathetic houseguests and cross their fingers.
Casey: "I'm the swing vote!" If only that were true, buddy. As we soon see.
The pre-vote interview between Julie and Jessie in the HOH room, which is completely boring and useless, confirms that the producers are, at least for now, done with Jessie. He was just a ratings stunt to draw viewers in. (It would be a happier world if they had realized that nobody likes Jessie, and an alternative plan would have been even better.)
Just before the eviction vote, during the "say something to save your ass" bit, Chima calls Braden a racist and a misogynist. She is totally hateful, and clearly not watching the same show that we are. Girl stupid.
So we get to the vote, and, big surprise, Ronnie switches gears and votes to evict Braden, which results in a tie and Jessie has to decide who goes. Of course Braden has to leave. And that worthless skank Chima is a smug little bitch about it (yes, I said it, cause she is), with Lydia continuing the denial of her own culpability and sucker Kevin (or just hateful Kevin, we shall see) falling in line with Lydia.
Then we're off to the HOH competition. A "how did America vote about you" kind of thing, with Julie having a tough time seeing who lights up first to answer, and so do we. Who hired the lame people who designed THIS hot mess? Don't you people have this down by now?
And of all people, Ronnie wins. Sinking feeling in the gut, cause he nasty.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
#26 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 3
So we start with your standard reaction montage of folks dealing with the fresh nominations:
Lydia keeps trying NOT to get all emotional, but still does anyway, or maybe it’s just that some of the three tons of mascara got in her eye. She races to her room, and half the house follows to offer comfort.
Those not offering a shoulder? The two teams responsible for this week’s supposed “pawn-zi” scheme, the ruling Athletes and their trembling partners, the Brainiacs. Over in Brain camp, Chima is all frustrated over the love being shown Lydia cause “no one’s pulling for me”. Honey, they’re scared of your lips.
In Jock Camp, the athletes are all proud of themselves, although slightly confused about why they don’t seem to be very popular at the moment. (Oh please.) Then they realize,“Hey, JEFF is in there consoling Lydia. Isn’t he on our team? I think so. Oh look, Cheetos!”
Laura expresses relief that she dodged a bullet. With those structurally-engineered dual air bags? Girl, you aren’t dodging anything without the help of a hydraulic crane to lower you down. Laura also wants everyone to know that they shouldn’t hate her because she’s beautiful, she can’t help the way she looks.
Casey, in the Diary Room, is over Laura’s “hard being beautiful” business. “You can’t help how you look? You couldn’t help yourself deciding to put in implants?”
Russell removes any doubt about the possibility that he’s a complete jerk simply by…. speaking at all. Every word out of his mouth is narcissistic crap.
Ronnie, comforting Chima and her lips, can’t help but brag that he can help save her because he’s a “national champion of persuasive speaking”. What the hell? He’s got to be making that up. And if he’s the champion, can you imagine the runner-up?
Leading up to the Power of Veto competition, in the part where they pick players and everyone pretends like it’s an innocent pep rally instead of life or death, Chima pulls a “player’s choice” token from the bag, and she chooses Natalie. From the Athlete team that NOMINATED her. Cut to close-ups of her ignored Brainiac team members with their mouths open.
Then we have the actual competition, a lovely romp named “Pop Goes the Veto”, where we have a giant face out in the courtyard, covered with monster zits. Such artistry and class. The object is for players to race around, pop the zits, grab the letter tiles inside, and spell the longest word they can. You have 10 minutes. Go!
Interestingly, most of the players first come up with a long-ass word, and then race around looking for specific tiles, abandoning those that don’t work. Russell seems to be the only one who realizes the best strategy is to grab as many tiles as you can and THEN make a word. And poor Natalie. She fell a lot, and judging by the confusion on her face as she stared at some of the tiles, she’s never actually seen the full alphabet.
End result: Jessie misspells “continuously”. Jeff correctly spells a word that only exists in his mind. Natalie manages to spell “last”, probably a personal best. Chima and Lydia don’t find all the letters for their otherwise good word choices. Russell spells “shotgun”, a disappointment considering he had roughly 350 letters in his bucket, but his word is long enough to win.
Russell is very impressed with his accomplishment, and christens himself “Shotgun Russell, the Love Muscle” in the Diary Room. Blech.
Russell lies to Lydia, telling her it was Jessie and Natalie that put her up.
And Russell decides to go after Jeff and make him look like an idiot. He goes around the house, screaming negative things, and there is the inevitable confrontation in the courtyard. Russell is out of control and out of line. But I did find it interesting that no one tried to stop this, even though it was unfair and one-sided. And actually, Natalie and JEFF then get into it over the whole thing. And Jeff ends up being the bad guy in THAT fight. Russell has succeeded in his mission.
Russell completely sucks.
Lydia, desperate, networks with Jessie and Natalie and Russell to save herself. She seems to make some inroads, and even suggests they put up Braden. Everybody likes him, he’s dangerous. Lydia then wanders off, presumably because she notices a square inch of her flesh that doesn’t have a tattoo, and she needs to address that immediately.
The jocks discuss, and decide that the Braden route just might be worth traveling.
Russell, still a jerk, shares the change of plans with Ronnie, so the Brainiacs will be behind the effort. Ronnie, still delusional, thinking he’s SO smooth, immediately runs to tell Jeff and Jordan, and eventually Braden himself.
Russell is sniffing around the house, watches the houseguest interaction, and actually figures out that Braden somehow knows. (The only thing more dangerous than an obnoxious jerk in the Big Brother house is a jerk who might actually have a few brain cells.) Russell confronts Ronnie, Ronnie lies, Russell reports his findings to Jessie, blah, blah, blah, lots of close-ups of anguished faces as the Veto Ceremony approaches.
At the ceremony, Lydia gushes her love for Russell, Chima semi-gushes, (interesting side shot of Natalie practically licking Russell as he speaks. Oh really?) Russell pulls Lydia off, and Jessie fingers Braden. Now on the chopping block: Zen and the Art of Lipstick Maintenance.
Hmmm.
(Did I mention that Russell is a jerk?)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
#25 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 6
I’m not quite sure of exactly what elements clicked, but this episode completely worked for me, it’s the best one so far. And I do believe the show just went from good to great. And because of the power of this episode, I can’t be my usual snarky self. Okay, maybe some low-grade snark.
We start off simply enough, with Jackie and bland husband (what IS his name?) and the kids at husband’s bar. Jackie has her sewing machine out on said bar, working on a costume for younger daughter Fiona, who is apparently involved in some pageantry requiring her to be dressed as a sunflower. The scene ends with Daddy explaining to the kids that you “don’t wanna whack a nun”.
That phrase echoes in so many ways during the rest of the episode.
We then cut to Jackie meeting up with a former co-worker in what I call the “Hall of Guilt“, the one with the saintly statues where Jackie usually, for some reason, has her most compassionate scenes with the wounded souls crowding the ER. Seems she and the co-worker, Paula, are really tight. Paula is dying of lung cancer, quickly and painfully, and she wants Jackie to help expedite the process.
Oh boy.
We then have a patient whisked into the ER, who turns out to be Dr. Cooper’s mother. Well, ONE of them, anyway. The other Mom soon arrives, and it turns out that Coop was raised by lesbian partners. Happily, this is no big deal to anyone. (Progress is being made, people, celebrate it.) Coop, obviously, cannot legally administer to his own mother, so he pulls in Dr. O’Hara.
Her reaction to Coop having two Mommies? “Bravo, Dr. Cooper.” Love her.
Coop, though, does insist on helping Dr. O’Hara with the emergency surgery on Mom #1, a necessary operation due to an overactive gall bladder. During the course of such, Coop has one of his episodes and latches on to O’Hara’s breast. The look she gives him is sterling, and, during this sequence of scenes, she gets to utter the line “Nothing’s better when I leave”. (Did I mention that I love her?)
Post-op, we have a scene with Coop confessing to Mom #2 that he liked her better. Mom smiles sweetly, and explains that she had the easy job, she got to let him do the fun things, because that’s what Mom #1 wanted. Good cop/bad cop. Awww.
There are some additional scenes, some of them involving Dr. O’Hara tormenting the easy target of Zoey (Z on Jackie: “I think she’s afraid to cry.” O’Hara: “Then why don’t you hug her. A lot.”) O’Hara calling Coop’s birth mom the “Vagina Mom”. And so on.
Then we get to the really deep part.
Jackie realizes that she’s going to need a lot more morphine than she has on hand to… do the deed with Paula. It seems that Paula was loved by all in her many years at the hospital, and somehow whispers spread about what is going down. We have a moving montage of all these friends, quietly slipping Jackie the extra vials of morphine that she needs.
That’s what did it for me, right there. Damn the waivers you signed, do the right thing. I hope like hell that I have those same people around me when I finally say “I’m ready.”
So Jackie puts the morphine in a cocktail glass of champagne, and the faithful gather around with their own glasses of safer champagne while Paula takes her final sip. A toast.
I should mention that Paula is played by Judith Ivey (do NOT be surprised when Emmy nominations are announced, seriously). And Coop’s two Moms are Blythe Danner and Swoosie Kurtz. Not kidding. Three powerhouse guest actresses in one episode.
Nurse Jackie has arrived.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
#24 - "True Blood" - Season 2, Episode 4
So we start off at the Light of Day bible camp evil-doer recruitment thingy, where Jason finds that his bunkmates have staged a slaughter by vampires, all for laffs, but Jason does not take kindly to this, screaming that "vampires are not a joke" and "I'm a warrior now". Great. Brainwashing is working. Go Team God!
Zip over to Bill's house, where he discovered Jessica and Hoyt sucking face at the end of the last episode. He throws Hoyt out, threatening violence, but not before Hoyt says to Jessica "I don't believe him for one minute". Awww. Make the Jessica and Hoyt thing work, just sayin. It's cute.
Scene continues, Jessica gets to utter "Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on" before giggling and running upstairs. Then Sookie gets three good lines in a row: "I think I'm gonna like her," "Hating yourself is a bad thing" and "I was almost killed last night. Again".
Cut to Sam and Daphne, still splashing around in the river/lake/pond/whatever. He sees the claw marks on her back. Uh oh.
Then we have Tara saying goodbye to Mary Ann, she's really moving in with Sookie. Mary Ann, instead of summoning up the demons of hell like I'm thinking she probably can, ends the scene with "Go, flourish, don't ever so no to yourself." Very touching, this whole episode is full of supportive quotes, but we know Mary Ann is up to something, so the glitter dulls a bit.
Back over at the Light of Day recruitment center, Jason tells wannabe boyfriend Luke that "maybe Jesus was the first vampire", raising people from the dead. I would imagine that toilets across the country were quickly utilized as right-wingers lost control of their bowels.
Detective Andy gets his badge taken away by his supervisor for being "obsessed and drinking on the job". Like that's going to get Andy to back off.
Jason and Reverend Steve go off on some wacko paintball vampire course in the woods. Clearly, Reverend Steve is a total nutcase, dreaming of offing his first vampire, despite Jason's explanation that it's really not all that dramatic and exciting.
Then we jump over to Sookie's house, where new roomie Tara is all alone on her birthday. They initially tease us with the possibility that something is stalking Tara, then we find out that it's just Mary Ann showing up to celebrate her birthday, and she's arranged a hell of a party. We know this can't be good. There's something about Mary Ann.
Back over to God Camp, Jason and Rev Steve and wifey Sarah are having a barbecue. Jason has visions of Sarah turning into a total overheated slut, and licking a beer bottle. Then Steve asks Jason to become a Soldier of the Sun, whatever that may be. (Sarah moans "Praise His Light" while having a small orgasm flipping burgers.)
Cut to Merlotte's, where apparently everybody knows all about Tara's birthday party at Sookie's (even though Sookie is on a plane to Dallas, along with Bill and loose cannon Jessica) and they are racing off to get there. Sam is slow on the draw, so he's still there when Tara's mom brings in a birthday present, she doesn't know where else to find Tara. Sam is sweet to her, but you have to wonder about the motivation with Momma Drinks a Lot.
Sookie arrives in Dallas (on "Anubis Air", isn't THAT cute), with Bill and Jessie in coffins. It's quickly clear that this is an ambush, and Bill leaps out of his coffin to save Sookie from the evil... limo driver. (Poor Jessica is unable to get out of her little coffin thing, new to this business and all, so she's not immediately helpful.)
But once Bill has things settled, he does let Jessica practice glamming the limo driver, and they learn things, such as Reverend Bill and Slutty Sarah's Church of the Inner Hormone is behind all this. Really? I am totally shocked, did NOT see that coming. Please.
Back to Sookie's house, and the Tara B-day blowout, where Mary Ann first does her weird mojo where everyone becomes horny and ready to ride the nearest anything. Then she wanders off into a cornfield or something and does some elaborate ritual, which prompts Tara and Eggs to race upstairs and bump uglies. (Hawt, people. HAWT.) But, what the hell?
Eric shows up at Lafayette's, offering his blood. Laff acts all street at first, but eventually gives in and drinks, then gets really happy about the state of things and starts humping every piece of furniture around him (is it the humidity in Louisiana? damn, these people have a lot of tension they apparently need to release) while Eric runs away into the night.
Jason is now living in Rev Steve's and Slutty Sarah's house. Sarah drops by Jason's room, in a clingy nightgown, and clearly points out how many steps it would take for Jason to find her sprawled out in a bed. The bed she shares with her husband. Just WHO is it that really wants Jason to share the gospel? Hmmm.
Final scenes with Bill and Eric:
Bill: "Open aggression again humans, that's insane."
Eric: "Well, it IS Texas."
Exactly.
Zip over to Bill's house, where he discovered Jessica and Hoyt sucking face at the end of the last episode. He throws Hoyt out, threatening violence, but not before Hoyt says to Jessica "I don't believe him for one minute". Awww. Make the Jessica and Hoyt thing work, just sayin. It's cute.
Scene continues, Jessica gets to utter "Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on" before giggling and running upstairs. Then Sookie gets three good lines in a row: "I think I'm gonna like her," "Hating yourself is a bad thing" and "I was almost killed last night. Again".
Cut to Sam and Daphne, still splashing around in the river/lake/pond/whatever. He sees the claw marks on her back. Uh oh.
Then we have Tara saying goodbye to Mary Ann, she's really moving in with Sookie. Mary Ann, instead of summoning up the demons of hell like I'm thinking she probably can, ends the scene with "Go, flourish, don't ever so no to yourself." Very touching, this whole episode is full of supportive quotes, but we know Mary Ann is up to something, so the glitter dulls a bit.
Back over at the Light of Day recruitment center, Jason tells wannabe boyfriend Luke that "maybe Jesus was the first vampire", raising people from the dead. I would imagine that toilets across the country were quickly utilized as right-wingers lost control of their bowels.
Detective Andy gets his badge taken away by his supervisor for being "obsessed and drinking on the job". Like that's going to get Andy to back off.
Jason and Reverend Steve go off on some wacko paintball vampire course in the woods. Clearly, Reverend Steve is a total nutcase, dreaming of offing his first vampire, despite Jason's explanation that it's really not all that dramatic and exciting.
Then we jump over to Sookie's house, where new roomie Tara is all alone on her birthday. They initially tease us with the possibility that something is stalking Tara, then we find out that it's just Mary Ann showing up to celebrate her birthday, and she's arranged a hell of a party. We know this can't be good. There's something about Mary Ann.
Back over to God Camp, Jason and Rev Steve and wifey Sarah are having a barbecue. Jason has visions of Sarah turning into a total overheated slut, and licking a beer bottle. Then Steve asks Jason to become a Soldier of the Sun, whatever that may be. (Sarah moans "Praise His Light" while having a small orgasm flipping burgers.)
Cut to Merlotte's, where apparently everybody knows all about Tara's birthday party at Sookie's (even though Sookie is on a plane to Dallas, along with Bill and loose cannon Jessica) and they are racing off to get there. Sam is slow on the draw, so he's still there when Tara's mom brings in a birthday present, she doesn't know where else to find Tara. Sam is sweet to her, but you have to wonder about the motivation with Momma Drinks a Lot.
Sookie arrives in Dallas (on "Anubis Air", isn't THAT cute), with Bill and Jessie in coffins. It's quickly clear that this is an ambush, and Bill leaps out of his coffin to save Sookie from the evil... limo driver. (Poor Jessica is unable to get out of her little coffin thing, new to this business and all, so she's not immediately helpful.)
But once Bill has things settled, he does let Jessica practice glamming the limo driver, and they learn things, such as Reverend Bill and Slutty Sarah's Church of the Inner Hormone is behind all this. Really? I am totally shocked, did NOT see that coming. Please.
Back to Sookie's house, and the Tara B-day blowout, where Mary Ann first does her weird mojo where everyone becomes horny and ready to ride the nearest anything. Then she wanders off into a cornfield or something and does some elaborate ritual, which prompts Tara and Eggs to race upstairs and bump uglies. (Hawt, people. HAWT.) But, what the hell?
Eric shows up at Lafayette's, offering his blood. Laff acts all street at first, but eventually gives in and drinks, then gets really happy about the state of things and starts humping every piece of furniture around him (is it the humidity in Louisiana? damn, these people have a lot of tension they apparently need to release) while Eric runs away into the night.
Jason is now living in Rev Steve's and Slutty Sarah's house. Sarah drops by Jason's room, in a clingy nightgown, and clearly points out how many steps it would take for Jason to find her sprawled out in a bed. The bed she shares with her husband. Just WHO is it that really wants Jason to share the gospel? Hmmm.
Final scenes with Bill and Eric:
Bill: "Open aggression again humans, that's insane."
Eric: "Well, it IS Texas."
Exactly.
#23 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 2
Kevin: "I HATE Jessie."
Preaching to the choir, sister girl.
Yes, this episode was all about Jessie, with blinding reminders about why nobody could stand him in his original season, and further underlining the fact that the producers brought him back just for that very factor. Forget about strategy or gameplay or even fun, this is now the "Jessie Brother" show.
We spend WAY too much face time with him, mugging and preening and still not understanding that he is NOT God's gift to... anyone. Hello? There are 12 other people on the show, but you wouldn't know this except every so often you see a stray arm or an extra place setting in the background while Jessie struts in the foreground.
But I'm not bitter.
Anyway, I'll try to provide tidbits of the remaining cast based on the entire three minutes devoted to them during this episode.
Russell is a complete jerk. We can put aside the fact that he full-on manhandled his business at least twice. (Some guys are just like that. They don't realize that just because THEY love their nuggets very deeply, the rest of the world doesn't need affirmation of this devotion.) But he did say that Jessie was a "really cool cat", so he instantly has to be voted out, both for his dumbass retro slang AND his apparent Jessie worship. Did I NOT already say that these two would be pumping iron together?
Geek-wad Ronnie is in dual suck-up/delusion mode as well, proclaiming that he is SO excited that Jessie is in the house because he really "wants to work out" (what in nerd hell?) and constantly spewing in the Diary Room that he is the smartest person in the world. He says this at least 5 times. Seriously, rewind and count 'em, boy is full of himself.
Quick bit with the HOH Room, and more sucking up, but the room does have a "water wall" behind the bed. This was interesting, I'd never seen such, and it did seem pretty nifty. But I'm sure I can't afford it. (And not sure that I would ever get any sleep, what with running to the bathroom every five minutes all night.)
More shots with Ronnie, sporting his new "wet-do" hairstyle. He apparently thinks this will endear him with the others. It will not. He looks like a lecherous Howdy Doody before they decided to go with the redhead look.
Brief snippet of Jordan proclaiming that she always tries to be nice to people, even if she doesn't understand the overly geeky, muscled, or tattooed. Might be warming up to her. Or it may just be the southern accent.
Ronnie approaches Jessie, and they sort of broker a deal that the Brainiacs will secretly support the Athletic Supporters. (I think they even shake on it, but maybe not, such an action would probably snap Ronnie's arm right off.) But the catch is that one of the Brainiacs has to be a pawn in the eviction nominations. Gulp.
We learn that Russell is focused on getting Lydia out first, and that Natalie is hip with that. Jessie has several additional promotional scenes about this, wherein he claims that he is going to do what's right for HIM, not just the athletes. Does he stick to his word? Keep reading.
Laura, with cleavage the size of a small country, makes an obvious play for Jessie's affection by proclaiming him the cutest guy in the house, even saying he looks like Zeus. Puh-leeze. (Wait, is she being paid by the producers to worship Jessie, which is apparently the theme of this season? Things that make you go.... Girl, how can you even see over those beach balls?)
Meanwhile, Natalie, cuz she be in the ruling Athletic Supporters crew and feeling safe and all, or maybe just cuz she all street, is running around talking smack to Jessie and everybody. Enjoy it while ya can, Sistrine. What a difference a day can make in this asylum.
Chima still has lips that don't seem right. In case you were wondering.
Then Jessie tells everybody that instead of just the normal "food competition", there's going to be a "not-have" competition. (Kevin's Diary Room reaction: "All I know is that 'not have' means 'not good'. I don't want that up in my Big Brother experience." Classic.)
So the "not-have" competition involves a pseudo rave, with BB'ers painting themselves up and racing around on a blacklight set with day-glo liquids that have to be directed to a spinning wheel. (The details are not important.) The Brainiacs come in last, and learn that they not only have to eat slop, they also have to take cold showers and sleep in a new room that looks like a padded cell with no cute furniture whatsoever.
Chima, upper lip almost reaching her eyes, has a breakdown at this news, running off to a dark corner and crying and ranting. (We then see a few shots with Chima proclaiming that "everyone who knows her" knows this is not what she's all about. What the hell? Did Satan force you to sign a document of some kind? I think not. So shut up. Have you not watched the show?)
Then we have some filler scenes, like an impromptu bikini competition and more shots of Jessie explaining how he's going to do what's right for him and not listen to the other Athletic Supporters. Oh, and Laura stating "Jessie seems to be ignoring me." You think?
And Russell with his "I'm running the show" and "I'm telling Jessie what to do". I roll my eyes and sigh, but then....
At the nomination ceremony, Jessie puts up Chima (no surprise, all lips and tears, and there was supposed to be a brainiac pawn) and Lydia. Which is exactly what Russell wanted. Who's zooming who?
As you know, I liked Lydia from the first shots of her, throwing 8-inch glitter wedgies into her duffel bag. So I knew she would be nominated, cause that's how it rolls in the BB world, the people I like get the boot. So maybe I should flip it around, change the karma, and say how much I really, really like Russell?
That just tastes bad. Anyway, we still have a POV competition coming up, so things could flip on their own. But Lydia needs to work on the spin control, stat.
Preaching to the choir, sister girl.
Yes, this episode was all about Jessie, with blinding reminders about why nobody could stand him in his original season, and further underlining the fact that the producers brought him back just for that very factor. Forget about strategy or gameplay or even fun, this is now the "Jessie Brother" show.
We spend WAY too much face time with him, mugging and preening and still not understanding that he is NOT God's gift to... anyone. Hello? There are 12 other people on the show, but you wouldn't know this except every so often you see a stray arm or an extra place setting in the background while Jessie struts in the foreground.
But I'm not bitter.
Anyway, I'll try to provide tidbits of the remaining cast based on the entire three minutes devoted to them during this episode.
Russell is a complete jerk. We can put aside the fact that he full-on manhandled his business at least twice. (Some guys are just like that. They don't realize that just because THEY love their nuggets very deeply, the rest of the world doesn't need affirmation of this devotion.) But he did say that Jessie was a "really cool cat", so he instantly has to be voted out, both for his dumbass retro slang AND his apparent Jessie worship. Did I NOT already say that these two would be pumping iron together?
Geek-wad Ronnie is in dual suck-up/delusion mode as well, proclaiming that he is SO excited that Jessie is in the house because he really "wants to work out" (what in nerd hell?) and constantly spewing in the Diary Room that he is the smartest person in the world. He says this at least 5 times. Seriously, rewind and count 'em, boy is full of himself.
Quick bit with the HOH Room, and more sucking up, but the room does have a "water wall" behind the bed. This was interesting, I'd never seen such, and it did seem pretty nifty. But I'm sure I can't afford it. (And not sure that I would ever get any sleep, what with running to the bathroom every five minutes all night.)
More shots with Ronnie, sporting his new "wet-do" hairstyle. He apparently thinks this will endear him with the others. It will not. He looks like a lecherous Howdy Doody before they decided to go with the redhead look.
Brief snippet of Jordan proclaiming that she always tries to be nice to people, even if she doesn't understand the overly geeky, muscled, or tattooed. Might be warming up to her. Or it may just be the southern accent.
Ronnie approaches Jessie, and they sort of broker a deal that the Brainiacs will secretly support the Athletic Supporters. (I think they even shake on it, but maybe not, such an action would probably snap Ronnie's arm right off.) But the catch is that one of the Brainiacs has to be a pawn in the eviction nominations. Gulp.
We learn that Russell is focused on getting Lydia out first, and that Natalie is hip with that. Jessie has several additional promotional scenes about this, wherein he claims that he is going to do what's right for HIM, not just the athletes. Does he stick to his word? Keep reading.
Laura, with cleavage the size of a small country, makes an obvious play for Jessie's affection by proclaiming him the cutest guy in the house, even saying he looks like Zeus. Puh-leeze. (Wait, is she being paid by the producers to worship Jessie, which is apparently the theme of this season? Things that make you go.... Girl, how can you even see over those beach balls?)
Meanwhile, Natalie, cuz she be in the ruling Athletic Supporters crew and feeling safe and all, or maybe just cuz she all street, is running around talking smack to Jessie and everybody. Enjoy it while ya can, Sistrine. What a difference a day can make in this asylum.
Chima still has lips that don't seem right. In case you were wondering.
Then Jessie tells everybody that instead of just the normal "food competition", there's going to be a "not-have" competition. (Kevin's Diary Room reaction: "All I know is that 'not have' means 'not good'. I don't want that up in my Big Brother experience." Classic.)
So the "not-have" competition involves a pseudo rave, with BB'ers painting themselves up and racing around on a blacklight set with day-glo liquids that have to be directed to a spinning wheel. (The details are not important.) The Brainiacs come in last, and learn that they not only have to eat slop, they also have to take cold showers and sleep in a new room that looks like a padded cell with no cute furniture whatsoever.
Chima, upper lip almost reaching her eyes, has a breakdown at this news, running off to a dark corner and crying and ranting. (We then see a few shots with Chima proclaiming that "everyone who knows her" knows this is not what she's all about. What the hell? Did Satan force you to sign a document of some kind? I think not. So shut up. Have you not watched the show?)
Then we have some filler scenes, like an impromptu bikini competition and more shots of Jessie explaining how he's going to do what's right for him and not listen to the other Athletic Supporters. Oh, and Laura stating "Jessie seems to be ignoring me." You think?
And Russell with his "I'm running the show" and "I'm telling Jessie what to do". I roll my eyes and sigh, but then....
At the nomination ceremony, Jessie puts up Chima (no surprise, all lips and tears, and there was supposed to be a brainiac pawn) and Lydia. Which is exactly what Russell wanted. Who's zooming who?
As you know, I liked Lydia from the first shots of her, throwing 8-inch glitter wedgies into her duffel bag. So I knew she would be nominated, cause that's how it rolls in the BB world, the people I like get the boot. So maybe I should flip it around, change the karma, and say how much I really, really like Russell?
That just tastes bad. Anyway, we still have a POV competition coming up, so things could flip on their own. But Lydia needs to work on the spin control, stat.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
#22 - "Big Brother" - Season 11, Episode 1
And here we go, folks, with another season of the trashy, somewhat-addictive train wreck of a reality show. I grew tired of this thing some time ago, and I didn't even watch any of the last season. But for the sake of the blog, I'm taking the plunge. You owe me.
As with any first episode on any competition reality show, you really don't know who the hell anybody is or whether or not they will prove interesting. Since tonight was basically a meet-and-greet with little plot and no time for back-stabbing, I'll quickly hit the few highlights and then we'll visit each character for my initial impression.
The twist this season (they always have to have a twist, even if it's boring or pointless) is that the house is being divided into 4 high-school cliques: Athletes, Popular, Brians and Off-Beat. (The name of the last category is lame, did you EVER call anybody "off-beat" in high school? No, you did not. Just call them "freaks" or "dorks", producer people. Please.)
The only truly interesting part of this is that if anyone in your clique wins Head of Household, your whole clique cannot be nominated for eviction. Really? That definitely puts a spin on things, and can really affect strategy. Obviously, that rule will have to change at some point, because what if everybody in one clique makes it to the end? Then nobody can be nominated for eviction. Hello? Clearly, Julie-bot will have to wander out at some point and get us over THAT little speed bump.
Oh, and waiting in the wings, we had four previous house guests, representing the four cliques. If their designated clique wins the first HOH competition, then they get to go back in the house and play for that team. They parade out these four, and I was completely underwhelmed.
We have Brian (no relation) who was voted out in the very first eviction for his season. (They've brought him back a couple of times for bits here and there. Why is anybody even interested in him? Who is he sleeping with?) Then there's Jessica, who fell in love with "America's Player", the obnoxious geek, during her season and made some stupid mistakes based on some ill-advised emotional instincts. (But she looked good, sayin.)
Then there's Cowboy from Season 5, who really, really, really loved his family and cried a LOT about them, even though it was never clear to the viewing audience exactly how you were supposed to say his son's name. It seemed to change weekly. And finally, we have Jessie, the pumped-up manboy with delusional tendencies.
I can't stand Jessie.
So they have the HOH competition, the Brains fail, the Off-Beats fail, the Populars fail. So the Athletes win, and Jessie (who represents the athletes, imagine that) is back in the game and the house. This is why I stopped watching the show. People who truly repulse me manage to stay in the game longer than they should because the producers manipulate crap. (Yes, I went there. I'm not scared of you, Julie Chen.)
Anyway, quick bits about the cast for this show:
Braden: Surfer dude. High School was the best time of his life. Introduced himself as Braden "like you do with your hair". Take a long time to come up with that one, sport?
Casey: 40-year-old white man, who teaches during the day and is involved with rap groups and DJ'ing at night. Thinks he's really hip and cool. I suspect drugs.
Chima: Annoying laugh that also causes her face to crinkle, so two strikes there, something is up with her lips (as in, are they really hers?) and she seems to be really proud of herself. But girl sure held on to that toilet seat for a while, so we've got some gumption there. (Although, as Casey pointed out, she only weighs a hundred pounds, and 25 of that is hair.)
Jeff: From Chi-caw-go. Stud boy. I believe they had lusty reaction shots from every female in the house except for Chima, probably because her hair or her lips were in the way and she couldn't really get a good look at him.
Jordan: Southern girl. Lots of shots with her family warning her "no booger", which is their quaint way of saying "no sex on TV". So either the family has really strong morals, or Jordan is a big ole slut and the family is already doing spin control.
Kevin: Requisite gay guy. I've whined about this before, and here we go again: Why is it that the BB producers insist on finding the biggest queen in the universe to play the gay role? Seriously. There are non-flamboyant, non-bitchy, hot and sexy gay guys out there. A lot of them. Find one. Don't be condescending.
Laura: Easy target for my derision, based on her tremendously large knockers. I did try to give her a chance. But then she stupidly opened her mouth. Girl, you are NOT that pretty, at some point the hound dogs have to look up from your chest and you're going to have to carry on a conversation. Study hard.
Lydia: Semi-wild child that speaks her mind and made it clear from the beginning that she would sleep with a guy OR a girl to get ahead on the show, whatever it takes. She immediately bonded with Kevin, the poster gay guy. And she made me laugh. So of course I love her, and of course she will probably get booted pretty soon. It's the curse/blessing thing with me. If I really like them, they don't last. Fingers crossed, she's my fave based on one episode.
Michele: She has a P.H.D. And she's on this show. I'm thinking there was a lack of attention and validation in her childhood. Just a guess.
Natalie: Butch little martial arts girl that immediately lied to everyone that she was 18 instead of 24. Signs of hot-temper and confusion. Think Yvette from a few seasons back, who was all ready to have "Crappy's" baby, even though she's a lesbian. Not saying Natalie is sweet on the girls, I just foresee some inexplicable and un-controlled activity on her part.
Ronnie: Dude, the opening scenes with you finding out you're going to be on the show, and then crying a lot while you called your mother, and showing us how your computer works, and being overly exhuberant and waving pom-pom's and speaking too loudly cause you're so excited, and claiming to be so smart? This plane is not going to land well, clear the runway.
Russell: Basically, he appears to be a slightly junior Jessie with an odd right eyebrow. I'm sure he will have issues with the flaming queen and the part-time lesbian. One of those types. Interestingly enough, he will probably also want to lift weights with Jessie, if you get my drift. I know these things.
And there you have it, the Peanut Gallery. And there's even a puppet hosting the show.
Stay tuned. And reinforce your inboxes. This thing is on 3 times a week until the heat goes away.....
As with any first episode on any competition reality show, you really don't know who the hell anybody is or whether or not they will prove interesting. Since tonight was basically a meet-and-greet with little plot and no time for back-stabbing, I'll quickly hit the few highlights and then we'll visit each character for my initial impression.
The twist this season (they always have to have a twist, even if it's boring or pointless) is that the house is being divided into 4 high-school cliques: Athletes, Popular, Brians and Off-Beat. (The name of the last category is lame, did you EVER call anybody "off-beat" in high school? No, you did not. Just call them "freaks" or "dorks", producer people. Please.)
The only truly interesting part of this is that if anyone in your clique wins Head of Household, your whole clique cannot be nominated for eviction. Really? That definitely puts a spin on things, and can really affect strategy. Obviously, that rule will have to change at some point, because what if everybody in one clique makes it to the end? Then nobody can be nominated for eviction. Hello? Clearly, Julie-bot will have to wander out at some point and get us over THAT little speed bump.
Oh, and waiting in the wings, we had four previous house guests, representing the four cliques. If their designated clique wins the first HOH competition, then they get to go back in the house and play for that team. They parade out these four, and I was completely underwhelmed.
We have Brian (no relation) who was voted out in the very first eviction for his season. (They've brought him back a couple of times for bits here and there. Why is anybody even interested in him? Who is he sleeping with?) Then there's Jessica, who fell in love with "America's Player", the obnoxious geek, during her season and made some stupid mistakes based on some ill-advised emotional instincts. (But she looked good, sayin.)
Then there's Cowboy from Season 5, who really, really, really loved his family and cried a LOT about them, even though it was never clear to the viewing audience exactly how you were supposed to say his son's name. It seemed to change weekly. And finally, we have Jessie, the pumped-up manboy with delusional tendencies.
I can't stand Jessie.
So they have the HOH competition, the Brains fail, the Off-Beats fail, the Populars fail. So the Athletes win, and Jessie (who represents the athletes, imagine that) is back in the game and the house. This is why I stopped watching the show. People who truly repulse me manage to stay in the game longer than they should because the producers manipulate crap. (Yes, I went there. I'm not scared of you, Julie Chen.)
Anyway, quick bits about the cast for this show:
Braden: Surfer dude. High School was the best time of his life. Introduced himself as Braden "like you do with your hair". Take a long time to come up with that one, sport?
Casey: 40-year-old white man, who teaches during the day and is involved with rap groups and DJ'ing at night. Thinks he's really hip and cool. I suspect drugs.
Chima: Annoying laugh that also causes her face to crinkle, so two strikes there, something is up with her lips (as in, are they really hers?) and she seems to be really proud of herself. But girl sure held on to that toilet seat for a while, so we've got some gumption there. (Although, as Casey pointed out, she only weighs a hundred pounds, and 25 of that is hair.)
Jeff: From Chi-caw-go. Stud boy. I believe they had lusty reaction shots from every female in the house except for Chima, probably because her hair or her lips were in the way and she couldn't really get a good look at him.
Jordan: Southern girl. Lots of shots with her family warning her "no booger", which is their quaint way of saying "no sex on TV". So either the family has really strong morals, or Jordan is a big ole slut and the family is already doing spin control.
Kevin: Requisite gay guy. I've whined about this before, and here we go again: Why is it that the BB producers insist on finding the biggest queen in the universe to play the gay role? Seriously. There are non-flamboyant, non-bitchy, hot and sexy gay guys out there. A lot of them. Find one. Don't be condescending.
Laura: Easy target for my derision, based on her tremendously large knockers. I did try to give her a chance. But then she stupidly opened her mouth. Girl, you are NOT that pretty, at some point the hound dogs have to look up from your chest and you're going to have to carry on a conversation. Study hard.
Lydia: Semi-wild child that speaks her mind and made it clear from the beginning that she would sleep with a guy OR a girl to get ahead on the show, whatever it takes. She immediately bonded with Kevin, the poster gay guy. And she made me laugh. So of course I love her, and of course she will probably get booted pretty soon. It's the curse/blessing thing with me. If I really like them, they don't last. Fingers crossed, she's my fave based on one episode.
Michele: She has a P.H.D. And she's on this show. I'm thinking there was a lack of attention and validation in her childhood. Just a guess.
Natalie: Butch little martial arts girl that immediately lied to everyone that she was 18 instead of 24. Signs of hot-temper and confusion. Think Yvette from a few seasons back, who was all ready to have "Crappy's" baby, even though she's a lesbian. Not saying Natalie is sweet on the girls, I just foresee some inexplicable and un-controlled activity on her part.
Ronnie: Dude, the opening scenes with you finding out you're going to be on the show, and then crying a lot while you called your mother, and showing us how your computer works, and being overly exhuberant and waving pom-pom's and speaking too loudly cause you're so excited, and claiming to be so smart? This plane is not going to land well, clear the runway.
Russell: Basically, he appears to be a slightly junior Jessie with an odd right eyebrow. I'm sure he will have issues with the flaming queen and the part-time lesbian. One of those types. Interestingly enough, he will probably also want to lift weights with Jessie, if you get my drift. I know these things.
And there you have it, the Peanut Gallery. And there's even a puppet hosting the show.
Stay tuned. And reinforce your inboxes. This thing is on 3 times a week until the heat goes away.....
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
#21 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 5
So, oldest daughter Grace is still full of not-quite-identified issues, screaming at Jackie "Why are you always working!". Jackie calmly explains to her that she is not always working. And then she races out the door on her way to work.
I would imagine that the writers have it in their minds for Grace to finally blow a gasket and do something really drastic for attention, like say something incredibly rude to a nun, or report her momma to Drug-Snatchers Anonymous. We'll see.
Anyway, Jackie is at work, and it's the night shift. Yay. And it's a first for awkward little Zoey, who has only experienced the benign "daytime stuff" like finding a severed ear. Twice. Well then, this should be fun.
The hospital administrator (and I can never remember her name after the show, it's something odd, sounds like a skin condition instead of a name) is being all gruff and hateful, yelling at a security guard to "go secure something!" instead of flirt with some intern we've never seen before. We know something bad will happen to her because she's just so unpleasant.
A young girl arrives with her very ill mother. Turns out this 10-year-old has been completely caring for her mother (she's 10!, did you catch that?) and obviously has a miserable life in doing so. This, of course, goes straight to Jackie's heart, so she takes the girl under her wing, battling the evil hospital administrator and forcing Dr. Cooper to quit being a condescending idiot and treat the girl like an adult.
And we also have a stroke patient who is unable to communicate, and his totally horrible family is standing around bitching and whining as if he can't hear any of their nastiness. After several scenes of this, Jackie has had enough and writes out notecards with various responses that he can select to show his family. He chooses two: "Shut the f*** up" and "Seriously". I rolled, had to rewind.
Meanwhile, Jackie balks at a proffered dinner invite from Dr. O'Hara, so O'Hara instead takes Zoey, telling Jackie "that's how easily you're replaced". Of course, at dinner, Zoey launches into some Pollyanna babble, and O'Hara has to cut her off. Change the subject or no more food. Zoey: "Dad's in prison for manslaughter". O'Hara: "Fabulous. Go!"
Thor is still stalking Momo, Momo doesn't care but we do get hints that Momo and current honey are not exactly smoking, the hospital administrator (really need to look up her name) yells at Momo for his ACTUAL smoking 'cause she's still angry about whatever, and Jackie steals a crateload of pills for the 10-year-old's momma 'cause their insurance sucks. Get all that?
Finally the comeuppance, as the Hotel Admin finds a stun gun lying around and manages to zap herself in an elevator. (Had to rewind that one, too, just sayin.) Jackie later finds the Admin hiding under a sheet on one of the emergency room beds, identifying her by the "Easy Spirit Career Collection" shoes poking out. There's tenative bonding, but the Admin's just not a nice person and things don't go well.
Jackie finally heads home. Daughter Grace has another meltdown involving a pencil. The 10-year-old with the sick momma calls, calmly upset that the meds Jackie told her to give her mother are causing an issue, momma can't feel her arms. Jackie talks her through giving momma half a percocet with some juice (and Jackie is consuming the same cocktail while dispensing this advice, nice). "She'll be fine," our heroine soothingly says.
Oh boy.
I would imagine that the writers have it in their minds for Grace to finally blow a gasket and do something really drastic for attention, like say something incredibly rude to a nun, or report her momma to Drug-Snatchers Anonymous. We'll see.
Anyway, Jackie is at work, and it's the night shift. Yay. And it's a first for awkward little Zoey, who has only experienced the benign "daytime stuff" like finding a severed ear. Twice. Well then, this should be fun.
The hospital administrator (and I can never remember her name after the show, it's something odd, sounds like a skin condition instead of a name) is being all gruff and hateful, yelling at a security guard to "go secure something!" instead of flirt with some intern we've never seen before. We know something bad will happen to her because she's just so unpleasant.
A young girl arrives with her very ill mother. Turns out this 10-year-old has been completely caring for her mother (she's 10!, did you catch that?) and obviously has a miserable life in doing so. This, of course, goes straight to Jackie's heart, so she takes the girl under her wing, battling the evil hospital administrator and forcing Dr. Cooper to quit being a condescending idiot and treat the girl like an adult.
And we also have a stroke patient who is unable to communicate, and his totally horrible family is standing around bitching and whining as if he can't hear any of their nastiness. After several scenes of this, Jackie has had enough and writes out notecards with various responses that he can select to show his family. He chooses two: "Shut the f*** up" and "Seriously". I rolled, had to rewind.
Meanwhile, Jackie balks at a proffered dinner invite from Dr. O'Hara, so O'Hara instead takes Zoey, telling Jackie "that's how easily you're replaced". Of course, at dinner, Zoey launches into some Pollyanna babble, and O'Hara has to cut her off. Change the subject or no more food. Zoey: "Dad's in prison for manslaughter". O'Hara: "Fabulous. Go!"
Thor is still stalking Momo, Momo doesn't care but we do get hints that Momo and current honey are not exactly smoking, the hospital administrator (really need to look up her name) yells at Momo for his ACTUAL smoking 'cause she's still angry about whatever, and Jackie steals a crateload of pills for the 10-year-old's momma 'cause their insurance sucks. Get all that?
Finally the comeuppance, as the Hotel Admin finds a stun gun lying around and manages to zap herself in an elevator. (Had to rewind that one, too, just sayin.) Jackie later finds the Admin hiding under a sheet on one of the emergency room beds, identifying her by the "Easy Spirit Career Collection" shoes poking out. There's tenative bonding, but the Admin's just not a nice person and things don't go well.
Jackie finally heads home. Daughter Grace has another meltdown involving a pencil. The 10-year-old with the sick momma calls, calmly upset that the meds Jackie told her to give her mother are causing an issue, momma can't feel her arms. Jackie talks her through giving momma half a percocet with some juice (and Jackie is consuming the same cocktail while dispensing this advice, nice). "She'll be fine," our heroine soothingly says.
Oh boy.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
#20 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 16
So Kimberly gets JR on the horn and lets him know that hubby Wilson is now living at "The Club" (just what IS that, really?) and the divorce is coming. Your turn. JR gulps.
JR meets with his lawyer, sniffing out his divorce options concerning Sue Ellen. All JR wants is their son, John Ross. The lawyer's a real classy guy. "You gotta get Sue Ellen drinking again and you'll win!" Uh, let's not go there. We've had ten seasons of swilling already. Old and tired.
Sue Ellen saunters by Nicholas' pad, and it's clear that their respective loins are still burning for each other. During the foreplay chatter, we learn that Nicholas is hip to what JR is trying to do with the Westar takeover. Which means he read the script, right?
Bobby tracks down Lisa and semi-roughs her up. "Lady, I don't care anything about you!" Good move, Bobby. Smack her around and embarrass her in front of a chic restaurant with fashionably-dressed extras gasping and pointing. Smooth.
JR storms Cliff's headquarters and is his typically suave self. ("You sure have a tacky office.") JR wants Cliff to join him against Westar. Cliff balks. (Duh.) JR warns Cliff that he'll come running to JR for his help in the near future. Of course he will, JR, you finagled that Daisy sucking on a beer bottle takeover move in the last episode.
Ray talks to Charly about the implications of having sex with Brad Pitt in a barn. It's actually a decent chat, with Ray warning of AIDS (fairly progressive advice at the time) and how some boys get the milk and then head for the hills. Ray ALMOST has Charly's attention, but he pushes too far and she rushes off, presumably to pick the hay out of her hair and endlessly scribble "Charly luvs Randy" in her school notebook.
Cut to a "getting ready for bed" scene where JR, thinking he is being sly, tries to suggest to Sue Ellen that maybe things aren't working out between them. She sees right through his fumbly maneuvers, and gets to utter to-the-point lines like "What is this all about?" and "Do you want a divorce?" and "I don't want to leave you, at least not yet, but maybe I'll consider it in the future. I'm going to bed".
Love her.
Sue Ellen meets April in a restaurant. They slyly circle each other, and fess up. April says she's seeing Bobby. Sue Ellen hints about Nicholas, and wants to know why April is buying Westar stock. April disses about JR saying she should, that he wants friends on his side in the battle. Sue Ellen smiles, showing all 32 teeth, and gently cautions April that JR will cut her heart out with a rusty bottle cap if he can get ahead in some way.
Cliff finds out about JR's Daisy Duke routine with the old guy and the gas bubble blockage, and confronts him. JR shows HIS teeth and says he will sell Cliff the right-of-way that he so desperately needs, for nothing, as long as Cliff buys up mucho Westar stock and joins him in the showdown. Ciff stands there, frizzy hair and rumpled suit fighting to dominate the scene, and is forced to think about it.
He better not. That's all I'm sayin.
Kimberly forces her way into some Ladies-Who-Lunch benefit thing that is supposedly happening in Oak Cliff, TX but is more likely some place in California with dried-out rich people. She lets Sue Ellen know that hubby is gone and she is completely available for.. whatever might happen. Sue Ellen gets to utter the line "you're not unattractive in an obvious sort of way", but Sue Ellen is not in good spirits about this revelation.
JR meets with Nick and basically tells him Sue Ellen is up for the taking, please do so and I will continue my quest for oil domination and strategic marriages. Nick tells HIM that he and Sue Ellen might just get together, but on THEIR terms, not just because JR has given his blessing. Lots of strutting and posturing. Then some medical technicians arrive to measure testosterone levels and penis length.
Clayton is still flirting/stalking/whatever with Laurel, the girl from the painting that tends to fancy plants. They've had lunch and everything. He gives her the painting. She seems very appreciative, but then again she's British, so who knows. No idea what's going on here.
Final scene, Sue Ellen invades Nicholas' home just before his poker game, lust and hormones are in the air, he calls his buddy to cancel said game, and then they rip each others' clothes off, buttons flying, fabric tearing. I'm sure there were several gay costume designers weeping openly during the filming of this scene. I wept as well while watching the scene, but only because I'm still scared of Nick having hair bigger than my house...
JR meets with his lawyer, sniffing out his divorce options concerning Sue Ellen. All JR wants is their son, John Ross. The lawyer's a real classy guy. "You gotta get Sue Ellen drinking again and you'll win!" Uh, let's not go there. We've had ten seasons of swilling already. Old and tired.
Sue Ellen saunters by Nicholas' pad, and it's clear that their respective loins are still burning for each other. During the foreplay chatter, we learn that Nicholas is hip to what JR is trying to do with the Westar takeover. Which means he read the script, right?
Bobby tracks down Lisa and semi-roughs her up. "Lady, I don't care anything about you!" Good move, Bobby. Smack her around and embarrass her in front of a chic restaurant with fashionably-dressed extras gasping and pointing. Smooth.
JR storms Cliff's headquarters and is his typically suave self. ("You sure have a tacky office.") JR wants Cliff to join him against Westar. Cliff balks. (Duh.) JR warns Cliff that he'll come running to JR for his help in the near future. Of course he will, JR, you finagled that Daisy sucking on a beer bottle takeover move in the last episode.
Ray talks to Charly about the implications of having sex with Brad Pitt in a barn. It's actually a decent chat, with Ray warning of AIDS (fairly progressive advice at the time) and how some boys get the milk and then head for the hills. Ray ALMOST has Charly's attention, but he pushes too far and she rushes off, presumably to pick the hay out of her hair and endlessly scribble "Charly luvs Randy" in her school notebook.
Cut to a "getting ready for bed" scene where JR, thinking he is being sly, tries to suggest to Sue Ellen that maybe things aren't working out between them. She sees right through his fumbly maneuvers, and gets to utter to-the-point lines like "What is this all about?" and "Do you want a divorce?" and "I don't want to leave you, at least not yet, but maybe I'll consider it in the future. I'm going to bed".
Love her.
Sue Ellen meets April in a restaurant. They slyly circle each other, and fess up. April says she's seeing Bobby. Sue Ellen hints about Nicholas, and wants to know why April is buying Westar stock. April disses about JR saying she should, that he wants friends on his side in the battle. Sue Ellen smiles, showing all 32 teeth, and gently cautions April that JR will cut her heart out with a rusty bottle cap if he can get ahead in some way.
Cliff finds out about JR's Daisy Duke routine with the old guy and the gas bubble blockage, and confronts him. JR shows HIS teeth and says he will sell Cliff the right-of-way that he so desperately needs, for nothing, as long as Cliff buys up mucho Westar stock and joins him in the showdown. Ciff stands there, frizzy hair and rumpled suit fighting to dominate the scene, and is forced to think about it.
He better not. That's all I'm sayin.
Kimberly forces her way into some Ladies-Who-Lunch benefit thing that is supposedly happening in Oak Cliff, TX but is more likely some place in California with dried-out rich people. She lets Sue Ellen know that hubby is gone and she is completely available for.. whatever might happen. Sue Ellen gets to utter the line "you're not unattractive in an obvious sort of way", but Sue Ellen is not in good spirits about this revelation.
JR meets with Nick and basically tells him Sue Ellen is up for the taking, please do so and I will continue my quest for oil domination and strategic marriages. Nick tells HIM that he and Sue Ellen might just get together, but on THEIR terms, not just because JR has given his blessing. Lots of strutting and posturing. Then some medical technicians arrive to measure testosterone levels and penis length.
Clayton is still flirting/stalking/whatever with Laurel, the girl from the painting that tends to fancy plants. They've had lunch and everything. He gives her the painting. She seems very appreciative, but then again she's British, so who knows. No idea what's going on here.
Final scene, Sue Ellen invades Nicholas' home just before his poker game, lust and hormones are in the air, he calls his buddy to cancel said game, and then they rip each others' clothes off, buttons flying, fabric tearing. I'm sure there were several gay costume designers weeping openly during the filming of this scene. I wept as well while watching the scene, but only because I'm still scared of Nick having hair bigger than my house...
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