Okay, folks, this was one of those recap episodes where they promise exciting, “never-before-seen” footage that will astonish and amaze you. And while you do get to see some slightly intriguing fresh footage, there’s nothing here that will change your view of anyone in the game, so this review will be a quick one.
Some highlights, if you can call them that:
Erik really, really liked good Russell, before Russell had to be evacuated from the show for medical reasons (and before Erik was blind-sided out of the game). I didn’t catch their bond the first time around. Probably because I never heard half of what Erik was saying because he was always standing in the trunk of that damn tree.
Jaison had some surprisingly harsh words for John right after one of the competitions where John was playing dirty, threatening to come after his butt and finish what John started. I have no idea why they cut this out of the original episode, because it shows that Jaison does have some fire after all, and doesn’t just stand around and whine all the time like we usually see.
Then we get to see a lot more about the “Erik wanting to catch the chicken that Shambo let loose” thing. This guy was really obsessed with the quest, constantly on the alert and getting all philosophical. “You gotta be smarter than the chicken, not stronger than the chicken.”
Lots of scenes with him running pointlessly after the chicken, waving a giant piece of tree that he was apparently going to clobber the chicken with, an act that I’m sure would not sit well with PETA. He even constructs a four-point trap out of netting, with a release mechanism you can set off to snare the renegade fowl if she should step under the net and investigate the bait. And this actually eventually works. But guess who pulled the release to make it happen?
Shambo.
Erik was off hunting crabs at the time. Go figure.
Then there’s an interesting scene where bad Russell, who keeps swearing to the camera that he is NOT going to tell anybody that he’s wealthy, fesses up to Mick that he’s a millionaire. They high-five and bond over that. Russell is just so full of himself that he can’t keep his mouth shut.
Mick in a sidebar: Would I use that information against Russell if I had to? Hell yeah.
We learn that at some point after the merge, Russell unlocked the chicken coops so they can get out again. But there are no follow up scenes to see if they really did. He’s such a sweet guy.
There’s a frustrating scene with Shambo and Laura on the beach, supposedly getting some sun. Shambo suddenly has an emotional breakdown while talking about an older sister who passed from cancer, completely understandable, and Laura is trying to be comforting. Remember, these two can’t stand each other (why they were even on the beach together is mystifying), but Laura puts that aside and does the right thing.
Yet right afterward, in a sidebar, Shambo tears Laura apart for not showing any sympathy. Yet she DID.
Folks, Shambo is just not all there. Something got twisted somewhere along the line. And her people skills, if you can call them that, completely suck, but she just doesn’t get that and doesn’t know how to read people or conduct herself.
And finally, Brett has the most prophetic line, right before a certain eviction: “Voting out Erik will shape the rest of the game.”
Which is exactly what has happened.
That’s about it, not much of anything really revealing. So, to thank you for stopping by to read a review about a traditionally boring recap episode, let me flesh this out a bit with my thoughts on the remaining players, alphabetical order:
Brett: Seems to have some smarts, was the only Galu to really question evicting Erik, physically strong. And he’s completely under the radar at this point. Actually has a decent shot.
Dave: Not as smart as he thinks he is. (“There’s no way Russell can have another immunity idol, forget about that.”) Buddy, that attitude knocked an undeserving Kelly out of the game. And dial down the attitude a little bit. That can cost you.
Jaison: Doesn’t really deserve to be here. He’s whined about wanting to go home since the first few days. In his favor, Russell NEEDS him right now, until the numbers get smaller. And again, not on anyone’s radar. But still. Quit whining and man up.
John: Pompous ass. And already marked for possible elimination a couple of times, even by his own tribe when the tribes were still split. His best shot is to put together an alliance that will take Russell out, because that’s the man to beat right now. But chances are slim.
Mick: Fifty-fifty. Not on the radar just yet, but he’s not playing this game. He’s following the direction of other people (Russell) and not making a plan of his own. No real alliance, because Jaison could quit at any time, and Russell will drop him the second he doesn’t need him.
Monica: Possible slider for a while. But her biggest weakness is that she won’t let go of the hope that the former Galu will stick together. Shambo: “Purple is GONE.” Understand that, sister.
Natalie: Great potential, would not surprise me if she makes it to the end. And if she does, I hope people will put two and two together and realize that, although Russell may have had the grand ideas, it’s Natalie that did the footwork. She’s the one who actually orchestrated the eviction of Erik, which changed the game. She’s got to stay strong, and understand that she might have to cut Russell at a critical point.
Russell: Although it pains me to say this, it’s his to win if he makes it to the end. He’s lied and maneuvered hard to get what he wants. If the jury makes its decision based on play and not the player, like they usually do, he’s guaranteed some votes in the end. But two weak points. The game play lately has been more about Galu falling apart and not strategizing instead of about Russell scheming, and if the jury compares notes and realizes that Russell has lied to everybody AND he doesn’t need the money, he could be in trouble. And I suppose there’s a possible third weak point: Shambo. Russell is going to cut her the second he’s done with her, and she could wreak havoc on the jury.
Shambo: The only way she can win right now is if Russell stays alive, he has a change of heart and decides to take her to the end, and the jury has discovered Russell’s lies. But as Russell constantly says, he thinks women are weak and stupid. He’ll probably cut her, and Shambo doesn’t have any other friends, real or imagined.
Then again, this IS Survivor, and all of the above can become moot points in a single eviction.
And so it goes…
Monday, November 30, 2009
#96 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 25
We start out at the police station, with Clay being released on bail. Then he, Harv Smithfield, Bobby, and Miss Ellie (looking pained and pinched, naturally) head out the doors. And of course, these doors lead to a very long hallway, with rabid reporters waiting at the other end, yelling stupid questions. So the four of them huddle up and march forward, and we get lots of dramatic music as they do so.
Cut to Cliff’s office, where Casey has just showed up and wants to talk business. Cliff initially wants nothing to do with Casey (“I SAW you with JR’s secretary!”), but after Casey convinces Cliff that they both share the same daddy issues, Cliff at least listens to him. What does Casey want Cliff to do? Buy Westar stock.
Back at South Fork, Clay wants to speak with Miss Ellie privately. He thanks her for showing up at the police station and all that. Maybe we can work things out? Ellie: “Nothing’s changed. The Ewings band together when things like this happen. Until this is OVER, you have our support.” In other words, get back in your dog house and shut up. Then Miss Ellie wanders off to see if Teresa has polished the silverware.
Ray’s at his house, moping around because Jenna and Charlie are supposedly off getting Charlie set-up in her prison cell at the School for Misbehaving Child Actors. Connie (the flat-tire tramp) phones Ray. How about we do dinner? Ray politely declines. Connie squelches her hormones for the moment. Maybe we’ll run into each other soon?
Of course they will. This set-up is taking forever. Let’s get to whatever is supposed to happen.
Sue Ellen shows up at April’s condo, and the conversation goes something like this:
Sue Ellen: Have you seen Nick lately? (Translation: I am VERY horny.)
April: Why are you so worried? (Are you sleeping with him?)
Sue Ellen: We’ve been getting… close. (Yes)
April: I can’t find him either. I need to buy some Westar stock. (But I’m not trying all that hard. Last time I went looking for him I got kidnapped and I broke a nail.)
Sue Ellen: I can’t believe you’re going along with JR on this Westar thing. (Bitch.)
April: JR’s actually helped me out in the past. (Out of bed.)
Sue Ellen: “The one joy in my life is stopping JR from getting Westar.”
Bobby gets a call from Kay, the strumpet in Washington. There’s some bad buzz with the Clayton killing somebody thing, better get up here. Bobby: “Be there in the morning.”
At South Fork, JR pulls Miss Ellie aside. JR: “I’m MAD about Clayton being back in this house. He’s a disgrace to the family.” Ellie: “You’re a fine one to talk.” JR: “Clayton was out and out cheatin with that bimbo.” Miss Ellie snaps: “Compared to YOU, Clayton is a saint!”
At the sparsely-populated South Fork breakfast table the next morning, JR tries to get some intel from little Christopher: “Your daddy’s away a lot. Any idea where he goes?” Great, JR. Even ugly little children are fair game for your scheming.
Clayton walks in, all awkward and everything. He apologizes if his actions have upset folks. And of course, JR jumps all over that opening, talking about Clayton sleeping with that tramp and then killing her boyfriend. When Miss Ellie tries to shut him up, he pouts with “I’m just telling the truth!”
Sue Ellen: “That would be a first.”
Cut to Laurel wandering down some sidewalk, looking tragic and haggard. Her weird ex-boyfriend drives up (isn’t he supposed to be back home in England?), explaining that he’s only here to support her, no strings attached. Laurel seems to think that’s a splendid idea and they wander some more down the sidewalk.
Then we’re in Washington, where Bobby is meeting with the senator that is supposedly upset with Clayton’s shenanigans. Turns out, he’s not bothered by that at all. What he really wants to do is help Bobby get the Ewing Oil name back. All Bobby has to do is buy the senator a retirement home in Scotland for a couple million. Bobby just leaves, refusing to even shake the jerk’s hand.
Zip over to South Fork, where Miss Ellie is sitting there looking sad. Of all people, Laurel shows up. “I’m looking for you, to tell the truth.” Ellie gets kind of bitchy with her, and Laurel eventually leaves, but not before telling Ellie that “Clayton needs your love and support.”
Laurel walks out onto the infamous driveway where nobody ever seems to know how to park, and here comes JR, salivating at seeing her here. He wants to know all about her affair with Clayton.
Laurel: “It wouldn’t be lurid enough to turn you on. I’ve met men like you.”
I really enjoyed that line.
Cut to Cliff in his office, taking more pills, and Kimberly Cryder walks in. (What is up this episode with all these people waltzing into places they don’t normally belong?) She’s here on a business deal. She knows that Cliff bought all that Westar stock. Kim wants Cliff to meet her father and stop JR.
Cliff: “What if I don’t want to be in this fight?”
Kimberly: “Call me.”
JR calls Harry, the dirty police detective, and tells him to go pick up Laurel and bring her to his office. When Harry starts to protest that he doesn’t have any legal right to do that, JR yells at him to just do it and then slams the phone down. Poor Laurel. Now she’s got another Ewing stalking her, when all she wants to do is trim her little miniature trees.
Bobby and Kay, dancing again somewhere. He’s all flustered about Senator O’Dell trying to blackmail him. Kay: “What would your father have done?” Bobby looks all confused and sad, which is the expression he gives when he’s contemplating doing something naughty.
Sue Ellen is in her office, and Nick shows up for his “appointment.” Nick: “Nothing has changed between us.” Sue Ellen: “But what is going ON?” Nick: “Can’t tell. It’s a family matter.” Sue Ellen: “I can understand family issues.” Nick: “We can only do business together, no meeting alone, ever. I’ll be in touch.” And then he’s gone again.
Poor Sue Ellen. She doesn’t have ANYONE stalking her, when all she wants to do is be stalked. A lot.
JR’s office, and Laurel storms in, completely fed up with JR’s trick, while Harry stands in the background, looking sheepish, and then he scampers away. JR goes right into aggressive overdrive, digging for information and telling total lies about what his intentions are. Then his horniness surfaces.
JR: “I’d have bedded you.”
Laurel: “If I live to be a thousand, I’d never let you touch me.” She storms back out.
Cut to Ray’s house. He answers the front door to find Flat-Tire Connie standing there, holding a bag of groceries. She’s going to make dinner for him. Poor Ray. All he wants to do is pretend that he misses Jenna and that brat Charlie, and here’s this irritating stalker woman that insists on cooking for him.
Clayton and Miss Ellie meet with lawyer Harv, and he has some grim news about Clayton‘s legal standing. With the way things appear, the best they can hope for is involuntary manslaughter. Then they just sit there. I guess for dramatic effect. Clay looks depressed, Ellie looks like she could wrinkle her face at any moment, and Harv looks like he’s calculating how much money he’s made over the years on Ewing criminal cases.
Cut back to Ray’s house. He and Connie are apparently bonding over a bottle of wine. Ray ends up telling her he’s glad she came by, it’s been a little lonely. Connie smiles a discreet victory smile, then heads off to “clean up the kitchen” which probably means she’s going to slip into a thong and some high heels.
The phone rings. He has a short conversation with what appears to be Jenna, but we can only hear his side of the conversation since there’s not really anybody at the other end of the prop phone.
Connie comes back in, not quite thonged just yet. “Bad news?”
Ray: “They hate the school, and have decided to just travel Europe for a while.” (How convenient for the script writers!)
Connie: “Is there something I can do?” (Like what, Connie? Go get them and bring them back?)
Ray: “Let’s go drink!” They grab their things and head out the door. Gee. I wonder how THIS night is going to end?
Cut to Kimberly’s father, Dr. Styles, sitting somewhere in his fancy mansion. Kimberly arrives with Cliff, and she’s all excited about getting the two of them together.
Styles to Cliff: I want you to join me fighting JR. Maybe a position in the company. Maybe a merger.
Cliff: “I hope this war explodes and blows both of you to hell and back!” Then he storms out.
As the door slams, Dr. Styles has some sort of attack and reaches for his oxygen. Kimberly runs to tend to him, looking anguished, but still manages to keep her good side facing the camera.
Daddy Styles: “I think we’ve lost.”
Cut to JR’s office (that place was BUSY this episode), and Kimberly shows up, ready to broker a deal, but JR is apparently not in the mood.
Kim: I want to call the whole thing off. No marriage. I’ll convince Daddy.
JR: I wanna break him and take Westar over.
Kim: “One way or another, I will stop you.”
End trans.
Cut to Cliff’s office, where Casey has just showed up and wants to talk business. Cliff initially wants nothing to do with Casey (“I SAW you with JR’s secretary!”), but after Casey convinces Cliff that they both share the same daddy issues, Cliff at least listens to him. What does Casey want Cliff to do? Buy Westar stock.
Back at South Fork, Clay wants to speak with Miss Ellie privately. He thanks her for showing up at the police station and all that. Maybe we can work things out? Ellie: “Nothing’s changed. The Ewings band together when things like this happen. Until this is OVER, you have our support.” In other words, get back in your dog house and shut up. Then Miss Ellie wanders off to see if Teresa has polished the silverware.
Ray’s at his house, moping around because Jenna and Charlie are supposedly off getting Charlie set-up in her prison cell at the School for Misbehaving Child Actors. Connie (the flat-tire tramp) phones Ray. How about we do dinner? Ray politely declines. Connie squelches her hormones for the moment. Maybe we’ll run into each other soon?
Of course they will. This set-up is taking forever. Let’s get to whatever is supposed to happen.
Sue Ellen shows up at April’s condo, and the conversation goes something like this:
Sue Ellen: Have you seen Nick lately? (Translation: I am VERY horny.)
April: Why are you so worried? (Are you sleeping with him?)
Sue Ellen: We’ve been getting… close. (Yes)
April: I can’t find him either. I need to buy some Westar stock. (But I’m not trying all that hard. Last time I went looking for him I got kidnapped and I broke a nail.)
Sue Ellen: I can’t believe you’re going along with JR on this Westar thing. (Bitch.)
April: JR’s actually helped me out in the past. (Out of bed.)
Sue Ellen: “The one joy in my life is stopping JR from getting Westar.”
Bobby gets a call from Kay, the strumpet in Washington. There’s some bad buzz with the Clayton killing somebody thing, better get up here. Bobby: “Be there in the morning.”
At South Fork, JR pulls Miss Ellie aside. JR: “I’m MAD about Clayton being back in this house. He’s a disgrace to the family.” Ellie: “You’re a fine one to talk.” JR: “Clayton was out and out cheatin with that bimbo.” Miss Ellie snaps: “Compared to YOU, Clayton is a saint!”
At the sparsely-populated South Fork breakfast table the next morning, JR tries to get some intel from little Christopher: “Your daddy’s away a lot. Any idea where he goes?” Great, JR. Even ugly little children are fair game for your scheming.
Clayton walks in, all awkward and everything. He apologizes if his actions have upset folks. And of course, JR jumps all over that opening, talking about Clayton sleeping with that tramp and then killing her boyfriend. When Miss Ellie tries to shut him up, he pouts with “I’m just telling the truth!”
Sue Ellen: “That would be a first.”
Cut to Laurel wandering down some sidewalk, looking tragic and haggard. Her weird ex-boyfriend drives up (isn’t he supposed to be back home in England?), explaining that he’s only here to support her, no strings attached. Laurel seems to think that’s a splendid idea and they wander some more down the sidewalk.
Then we’re in Washington, where Bobby is meeting with the senator that is supposedly upset with Clayton’s shenanigans. Turns out, he’s not bothered by that at all. What he really wants to do is help Bobby get the Ewing Oil name back. All Bobby has to do is buy the senator a retirement home in Scotland for a couple million. Bobby just leaves, refusing to even shake the jerk’s hand.
Zip over to South Fork, where Miss Ellie is sitting there looking sad. Of all people, Laurel shows up. “I’m looking for you, to tell the truth.” Ellie gets kind of bitchy with her, and Laurel eventually leaves, but not before telling Ellie that “Clayton needs your love and support.”
Laurel walks out onto the infamous driveway where nobody ever seems to know how to park, and here comes JR, salivating at seeing her here. He wants to know all about her affair with Clayton.
Laurel: “It wouldn’t be lurid enough to turn you on. I’ve met men like you.”
I really enjoyed that line.
Cut to Cliff in his office, taking more pills, and Kimberly Cryder walks in. (What is up this episode with all these people waltzing into places they don’t normally belong?) She’s here on a business deal. She knows that Cliff bought all that Westar stock. Kim wants Cliff to meet her father and stop JR.
Cliff: “What if I don’t want to be in this fight?”
Kimberly: “Call me.”
JR calls Harry, the dirty police detective, and tells him to go pick up Laurel and bring her to his office. When Harry starts to protest that he doesn’t have any legal right to do that, JR yells at him to just do it and then slams the phone down. Poor Laurel. Now she’s got another Ewing stalking her, when all she wants to do is trim her little miniature trees.
Bobby and Kay, dancing again somewhere. He’s all flustered about Senator O’Dell trying to blackmail him. Kay: “What would your father have done?” Bobby looks all confused and sad, which is the expression he gives when he’s contemplating doing something naughty.
Sue Ellen is in her office, and Nick shows up for his “appointment.” Nick: “Nothing has changed between us.” Sue Ellen: “But what is going ON?” Nick: “Can’t tell. It’s a family matter.” Sue Ellen: “I can understand family issues.” Nick: “We can only do business together, no meeting alone, ever. I’ll be in touch.” And then he’s gone again.
Poor Sue Ellen. She doesn’t have ANYONE stalking her, when all she wants to do is be stalked. A lot.
JR’s office, and Laurel storms in, completely fed up with JR’s trick, while Harry stands in the background, looking sheepish, and then he scampers away. JR goes right into aggressive overdrive, digging for information and telling total lies about what his intentions are. Then his horniness surfaces.
JR: “I’d have bedded you.”
Laurel: “If I live to be a thousand, I’d never let you touch me.” She storms back out.
Cut to Ray’s house. He answers the front door to find Flat-Tire Connie standing there, holding a bag of groceries. She’s going to make dinner for him. Poor Ray. All he wants to do is pretend that he misses Jenna and that brat Charlie, and here’s this irritating stalker woman that insists on cooking for him.
Clayton and Miss Ellie meet with lawyer Harv, and he has some grim news about Clayton‘s legal standing. With the way things appear, the best they can hope for is involuntary manslaughter. Then they just sit there. I guess for dramatic effect. Clay looks depressed, Ellie looks like she could wrinkle her face at any moment, and Harv looks like he’s calculating how much money he’s made over the years on Ewing criminal cases.
Cut back to Ray’s house. He and Connie are apparently bonding over a bottle of wine. Ray ends up telling her he’s glad she came by, it’s been a little lonely. Connie smiles a discreet victory smile, then heads off to “clean up the kitchen” which probably means she’s going to slip into a thong and some high heels.
The phone rings. He has a short conversation with what appears to be Jenna, but we can only hear his side of the conversation since there’s not really anybody at the other end of the prop phone.
Connie comes back in, not quite thonged just yet. “Bad news?”
Ray: “They hate the school, and have decided to just travel Europe for a while.” (How convenient for the script writers!)
Connie: “Is there something I can do?” (Like what, Connie? Go get them and bring them back?)
Ray: “Let’s go drink!” They grab their things and head out the door. Gee. I wonder how THIS night is going to end?
Cut to Kimberly’s father, Dr. Styles, sitting somewhere in his fancy mansion. Kimberly arrives with Cliff, and she’s all excited about getting the two of them together.
Styles to Cliff: I want you to join me fighting JR. Maybe a position in the company. Maybe a merger.
Cliff: “I hope this war explodes and blows both of you to hell and back!” Then he storms out.
As the door slams, Dr. Styles has some sort of attack and reaches for his oxygen. Kimberly runs to tend to him, looking anguished, but still manages to keep her good side facing the camera.
Daddy Styles: “I think we’ve lost.”
Cut to JR’s office (that place was BUSY this episode), and Kimberly shows up, ready to broker a deal, but JR is apparently not in the mood.
Kim: I want to call the whole thing off. No marriage. I’ll convince Daddy.
JR: I wanna break him and take Westar over.
Kim: “One way or another, I will stop you.”
End trans.
Friday, November 20, 2009
#95 - Survivor: Samoa - Episode 10
We start out with some weird, slightly over-lapping night-vision images of the survivors after tribal. It reminds me of the odd images they used at the beginning of the episode where good Russell was taken out of the game. So is somebody else going down? Or is somebody just being artsy and proving they went to film school? Don’t really know.
Then we have bad Russell, swinging in a hammock, boasting about how wonderful he is.
Sidebar with Laura, where she’s really shocked about Russell’s power play. “We should have known better.”
Cut to Russell and Shambo inside the tent. They are really proud of themselves, and Shambo is just cackling away. Really loud. This is right after tribal, and everybody can hear them whooping it up. Maybe not the exact wording, but definitely the attitude.
If there’s anyone on Galu at this point that doesn’t suspect Shambo has flipped, then they’re idiots.
Roll opening credits.
Early next morning, Russell is out looking for the redeployed idol, while everybody is still sleeping. Can’t stand him, but you have to give him credit. He’s out working and the others are doing nothing.
Sidebar with Shambo, where she’s hatin all over Laura, calling her a viper and a beast and anything else she can come up with considering her limited vocabulary.
Shambo approaches John on the side. “There IS no purple power.” It’s time to change things up. Be my sixth vote, help me get Laura out. John doesn’t immediately commit. But he promises not to tell anyone that she asked.
John in a sidebar: “I’m the only one who knows that Shambo has flipped.” Now he’s just got to decide how and if to use this information.
Then we’re off to the Reward Challenge. The prize this time involves a picnic at a waterfall, and the use of a Palm Pre. (Irritatingly, Jeff goes on and on about the Palm Pre, harping on its god-like powers. Gee, I wonder who was one of the major sponsors for this episode? Hmm.)
Anyway, this challenge involves two teams. One member on each team lays face down in a cradle, then is hoisted up in the air. The rest of the team uses ropes and pulleys to guide the cradle around so the player can snatch up flags and place them in order on another log.
Natalie, the snatcher on the purple team, is amazing. She shimmies off the end of the cradle, barely hanging on by her feet, with her business flopping around and all that. She slams through the flags, finishing way before they yellow team.
Natalie, Russell, Dave, Laura and Brett head off to the waterfall reward.
Where they get to eat, obviously, but they also take an amazing number of pictures with the Palm Pre, demonstrating to the viewing audience just how badly they need to purchase this sponsor’s product.
Meanwhile, back at camp, Jaison and Mick are working Monica, trying to get her to “be their sixth”. Monica: “But that would only make five.” They promise her that someone has already flipped, they just won’t say who. Monica isn’t convinced, but does say that if she joins them, she wants John out.
Over at the waterfall, they discover that the Palm Pre has clues about the hidden immunity idol, including a short video of the rock where the idol is buried. (See, people in the audience! The Palm Pre can help you win Survivor! Buy one now!)
As soon as they get back from the waterfall, Russell races to Mick and Jaison, giving them the idol clues, and off they go into the forest. Dave and Laura see this, and chase after them.
So the five of them are scrambling, checking under rocks for the idol. At one point, Dave gets to a rock before Russell can, but he doesn’t find anything under it. Russell studies the rock. He thinks that’s the one.
Suddenly Russell just takes off running, which obviously gets Dave and Laura’s attention and away they go. Russell purposely loses them in the jungle, and goes back to the last rock Dave moved. He shoves it aside, digs deeper BEHIND where the rock had been sitting, and finds another idol.
Unbelievable.
Later, Monica goes to Laura. “I don’t trust two people on our tribe.” Shambo and John. Laura in a sidebar: “I have to win this challenge.”
Time for the Immunity Challenge.
This one is a two-parter. First, you have to break one of your hanging tiles in order to win a spear. In the second round, you have to throw your spear at a target and get closest to the center. If you don’t break a tile in the first round, you’re out.
When Laura is unable to break her tile, and is therefore eliminated in the first round, Shambo busts out laughing and actually high-fives Russell. What a great sport she is. Bitch.
In the end, Mick wins immunity. Russell and Shambo don’t care. Their target is now vulnerable at tribal. Shambo leaves the challenge still laughing and grinning.
Later, Shambo pulls Brett aside and tells him she’s voting Laura. “There is NO more Galu.” Brett asks if she can be swayed in any way. Nope.
After that, things get a little crazy as last-minute strategizing explodes.
Dave and Laura approach John. We need to get rid of Russell. John: “The vote is Natalie. She’s the least likely to have the idol ‘cause she didn’t look for it.”
Then we have a sidebar with John, where he rants about the pathetic analytical skills of the former Galu. This goes on for a while. He really doesn’t like them. I really don’t like John and his pompous attitude.
Monica, Dave and Brett hatch a plan to make Foa Foa think Monica is voting for John, which might pull the Foa Foa focus off of Laura, and then Galu will really go after Natalie.
Monica goes to Russell and Mick to try to make this work. They aren’t sure what to think about this. After she leaves, Foa Foa discusses and Russell thinks they should go tell John.
John wanders up to Brett, wanting to know what the plan is. Brett tells him that Monica is off convincing Foa Foa that they are voting for him, when they are not. John’s not hip with that and lets the Galu schemers know he’s not going to play this game.
John meets with Russell, with Russell saying he knows Galu is trying to swindle them with the John angle. Foa Foa is ready to go for a tie at tribal. (If there’s a tie vote at tribal, they have a re-vote where you can only vote for those in the tie, and those in the tie can’t vote. If it’s still a tie, then everybody draws rocks and ANYONE could go home.) Russell tells John that the switch has to happen on that second vote.
John wants a deal with Russell. If he votes to send a Galu home, then a Foa Foa has to go next. Of course Russell agrees to this. He’ll agree to anything and then do whatever he wants.
In a sidebar, it doesn’t appear that John is willing to jump ship just yet. But who knows.
Time for Tribal.
Jeff focuses the whole discussion on how, at this point, a flip is very possible. “We’ve got a really interesting night in store for us.” We could go to a tie, and someone could go home by drawing a rock. Jeff really drives home the implications of a double tie
They vote. Five for Laura. Five for Natalie.
Second vote. Five for Laura. Three for Natalie (Laura and Natalie can’t vote.)
Laura’s going home. Shambo busts out laughing again, with Russell chuckling and grinning like he owns it all. At least Natalie, Mick and Jaison had the decency to politely sit there.
So John flipped.
Erik sitting in the jury: “And there goes the lead…”
End credits.
P.S. Did you buy a Palm Pre yet?
Then we have bad Russell, swinging in a hammock, boasting about how wonderful he is.
Sidebar with Laura, where she’s really shocked about Russell’s power play. “We should have known better.”
Cut to Russell and Shambo inside the tent. They are really proud of themselves, and Shambo is just cackling away. Really loud. This is right after tribal, and everybody can hear them whooping it up. Maybe not the exact wording, but definitely the attitude.
If there’s anyone on Galu at this point that doesn’t suspect Shambo has flipped, then they’re idiots.
Roll opening credits.
Early next morning, Russell is out looking for the redeployed idol, while everybody is still sleeping. Can’t stand him, but you have to give him credit. He’s out working and the others are doing nothing.
Sidebar with Shambo, where she’s hatin all over Laura, calling her a viper and a beast and anything else she can come up with considering her limited vocabulary.
Shambo approaches John on the side. “There IS no purple power.” It’s time to change things up. Be my sixth vote, help me get Laura out. John doesn’t immediately commit. But he promises not to tell anyone that she asked.
John in a sidebar: “I’m the only one who knows that Shambo has flipped.” Now he’s just got to decide how and if to use this information.
Then we’re off to the Reward Challenge. The prize this time involves a picnic at a waterfall, and the use of a Palm Pre. (Irritatingly, Jeff goes on and on about the Palm Pre, harping on its god-like powers. Gee, I wonder who was one of the major sponsors for this episode? Hmm.)
Anyway, this challenge involves two teams. One member on each team lays face down in a cradle, then is hoisted up in the air. The rest of the team uses ropes and pulleys to guide the cradle around so the player can snatch up flags and place them in order on another log.
Natalie, the snatcher on the purple team, is amazing. She shimmies off the end of the cradle, barely hanging on by her feet, with her business flopping around and all that. She slams through the flags, finishing way before they yellow team.
Natalie, Russell, Dave, Laura and Brett head off to the waterfall reward.
Where they get to eat, obviously, but they also take an amazing number of pictures with the Palm Pre, demonstrating to the viewing audience just how badly they need to purchase this sponsor’s product.
Meanwhile, back at camp, Jaison and Mick are working Monica, trying to get her to “be their sixth”. Monica: “But that would only make five.” They promise her that someone has already flipped, they just won’t say who. Monica isn’t convinced, but does say that if she joins them, she wants John out.
Over at the waterfall, they discover that the Palm Pre has clues about the hidden immunity idol, including a short video of the rock where the idol is buried. (See, people in the audience! The Palm Pre can help you win Survivor! Buy one now!)
As soon as they get back from the waterfall, Russell races to Mick and Jaison, giving them the idol clues, and off they go into the forest. Dave and Laura see this, and chase after them.
So the five of them are scrambling, checking under rocks for the idol. At one point, Dave gets to a rock before Russell can, but he doesn’t find anything under it. Russell studies the rock. He thinks that’s the one.
Suddenly Russell just takes off running, which obviously gets Dave and Laura’s attention and away they go. Russell purposely loses them in the jungle, and goes back to the last rock Dave moved. He shoves it aside, digs deeper BEHIND where the rock had been sitting, and finds another idol.
Unbelievable.
Later, Monica goes to Laura. “I don’t trust two people on our tribe.” Shambo and John. Laura in a sidebar: “I have to win this challenge.”
Time for the Immunity Challenge.
This one is a two-parter. First, you have to break one of your hanging tiles in order to win a spear. In the second round, you have to throw your spear at a target and get closest to the center. If you don’t break a tile in the first round, you’re out.
When Laura is unable to break her tile, and is therefore eliminated in the first round, Shambo busts out laughing and actually high-fives Russell. What a great sport she is. Bitch.
In the end, Mick wins immunity. Russell and Shambo don’t care. Their target is now vulnerable at tribal. Shambo leaves the challenge still laughing and grinning.
Later, Shambo pulls Brett aside and tells him she’s voting Laura. “There is NO more Galu.” Brett asks if she can be swayed in any way. Nope.
After that, things get a little crazy as last-minute strategizing explodes.
Dave and Laura approach John. We need to get rid of Russell. John: “The vote is Natalie. She’s the least likely to have the idol ‘cause she didn’t look for it.”
Then we have a sidebar with John, where he rants about the pathetic analytical skills of the former Galu. This goes on for a while. He really doesn’t like them. I really don’t like John and his pompous attitude.
Monica, Dave and Brett hatch a plan to make Foa Foa think Monica is voting for John, which might pull the Foa Foa focus off of Laura, and then Galu will really go after Natalie.
Monica goes to Russell and Mick to try to make this work. They aren’t sure what to think about this. After she leaves, Foa Foa discusses and Russell thinks they should go tell John.
John wanders up to Brett, wanting to know what the plan is. Brett tells him that Monica is off convincing Foa Foa that they are voting for him, when they are not. John’s not hip with that and lets the Galu schemers know he’s not going to play this game.
John meets with Russell, with Russell saying he knows Galu is trying to swindle them with the John angle. Foa Foa is ready to go for a tie at tribal. (If there’s a tie vote at tribal, they have a re-vote where you can only vote for those in the tie, and those in the tie can’t vote. If it’s still a tie, then everybody draws rocks and ANYONE could go home.) Russell tells John that the switch has to happen on that second vote.
John wants a deal with Russell. If he votes to send a Galu home, then a Foa Foa has to go next. Of course Russell agrees to this. He’ll agree to anything and then do whatever he wants.
In a sidebar, it doesn’t appear that John is willing to jump ship just yet. But who knows.
Time for Tribal.
Jeff focuses the whole discussion on how, at this point, a flip is very possible. “We’ve got a really interesting night in store for us.” We could go to a tie, and someone could go home by drawing a rock. Jeff really drives home the implications of a double tie
They vote. Five for Laura. Five for Natalie.
Second vote. Five for Laura. Three for Natalie (Laura and Natalie can’t vote.)
Laura’s going home. Shambo busts out laughing again, with Russell chuckling and grinning like he owns it all. At least Natalie, Mick and Jaison had the decency to politely sit there.
So John flipped.
Erik sitting in the jury: “And there goes the lead…”
End credits.
P.S. Did you buy a Palm Pre yet?
Monday, November 16, 2009
#94 - Survivor: Samoa - Episode 9
So we march back to camp after tribal.
Russell is REALLY worried that he’s the next one out. Well, dude, you shouldn’t have used the idol. You didn’t get a single vote, you paranoid little man who talks all big but freaks the first time there’s a whiff of trouble.
Laura: “Russell was dumb for using the idol. He’s gone next.” Oh really, Laura? Do you have any idea how close YOU were to being gone? Winning the Immunity Challenge last time saved your behind. You really need to understand that, and strategize wisely.
Opening credits.
Cut to Natalie encountering a mouse in the woods. She’s so starved that this looks like a delicacy in the making, but she’s still a little squeamish about the whole thing. She grabs a rock and stick, debates over which one to use and then has second thoughts (“Oh, this is pitiful.”) But in the end, she uses both to send the thing to mouse heaven.
She arrives back in camp carrying the deceased mouse in a coconut shell. The guys all think she’s bad-ass for doing such a thing and are really impressed, especially Jaison. They skin that sucker, roast it, and snack away.
Tree mail arrives and they all head off to a Reward Challenge. The prize is a chance to enjoy a “rock slide” and a picnic.
This one involves the 11 survivors splitting into two teams of 5. (Whoops, the numbers are off. They draw straws and Natalie is left out. She can’t compete.) On each team, 4 members have to race and gather these painted coconut-things and then assemble them to spell out numbers. Once they have the numbers, they give them to the 5th member, who is blindfolded and then has to “program” the numbers into a lock using only touch.
So off they go, and it’s fairly close. The only stand-out muck up is that Shambo cannot get her act together. She runs like a wounded turtle, keeps dropping things, and is no help in solving the number puzzle. Other than that, everybody’s up to par.
In the end, despite Shambo’s ineptitude, the purple team wins. This team also includes John, Kelly, Monica and Dave. It doesn’t hit me until later that all five of them are former Galu tribe members. This bit of detail will become critical in just a bit.
The yellow team goes back home to pout and think about their loss,
The purple team heads off to this rock slide thing, which is just that: waterfalls running over very smooth rocks that you slide down into crystal-clear pools of water. Everyone has a grand time with that bit, and we learn that John is able to do a no-hands back flip. This really impresses me. Do you know how hard it is to do that? I tried a million times back in my youthful days when I wanted to be a male cheerleader. (Yes, we all have secret passions to reveal.) Never could do it. Everything but that.
But aside from the amazing gymnastics, what has John really done to deserve the prize? On the flip side, no one is paying attention to him as a threat at this moment. Possible sneaky-by winner? Just sayin.
Then the rock-slide gang digs into their picnic of fried chicken and other comfort food. As they munch, they discover a note in the picnic basket, which tells them there is a hidden immunity idol back at camp. (Which makes sense, if you’re keeping score. Erik didn’t use his when he was blind-sided out, so they’re going to slap that one back out there.)
This is when it hits me that all the members of the winning team are former Galu. And four of the five are all about gunning down the former Foa Foa one by one, and not letting them know there is another idol up for grabs. They plot to eliminate Russell first. Interestingly enough, Shambo stands up for Russell, saying she doesn’t want him eliminated yet. Only Kelly seems to think this is an odd thing to say. She’s suspicious, and says so in a sidebar.
Cut back to camp, and we have Russell, convinced that Erik’s idol has been replayed, running around trying to find the thing. And damn it all, he manages to FIND the thing, once again doing it without a single clue.
I really don’t want to do it, because I can’t stand him, but I’ve got to give Russell some props. The rest of the losing team is back at camp, whining about not winning the giant slide and the chicken, and Russell is the only on e actively trying to win the game. And having amazing luck while doing so.
Damn it all. This guy just might get the big prize after all.
Russell in a sidebar. “Am I that damn good?” (The part of Russell that I can’t stand.) And “I’m not telling no one.” (The part of Russell that I don’t believe. He can’t help but brag about his actions. He won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.)
Sure enough, Russell is only able to keep his mouth shut until the picnic people get back, and then he latches on to Shambo and drags her into the jungle. They sit down at the end of the little bridge where he found his latest treasure, and for an alarming moment we are treated to the sight of Shambo scratching at something in her crotch, somehow not aware that there’s a wide-angle, hi-def camera practically shoved between her legs. I’m speechless.
But Russell’s not. He whips out the idol, Shambo lights up, and they immediately begin chattering about how they should get everyone to vote for Russell, he’ll stun everybody with the idol, and then their two little votes will send Laura home.
Yes, these two are still so manically focused on getting Laura out that they’re basically willing to waste an idol to do so. (Come on people, is THAT really the best use for the idol?) At least Shambo does have a little bit of sanity left, pointing out that Laura cannot win the immunity challenge for this plan to work. Russell just grins like that’s not going to be any problem.
Cut to the Immunity Challenge.
It’s a two-parter. First, everyone has to throw these hook things attached to a rope, try to snag a bag with a puzzle piece, and then drag the bag back to them. The first three people to get their two bags back to them advance to the second round, where they work a giant puzzle board.
And off we go with the first round. Mick snags his two bags rather quickly, followed by Shambo a bit later. And then it looks like Russell is going to be the third, because he’s just hooked into his second bag. But then what does the idiot do? He’s actually looking around at everyone else, smirking and triumphant, instead of dragging his bag across the line in order to officially finish.
Meanwhile, Laura, who doesn’t give up, snags her second bag and rips that sucker across the sand and over her line before Russell has even realized what happened. That little smirk of his quickly turns into a completely different expression. Dumbass. You lost because of your own arrogance.
Now part two, where the remaining three untie their puzzle pieces and try to work this intricate puzzle board. Mick and Shambo get their bags open fairly quickly, and actually have a bit of time to work the puzzle before Laura even starts. Looks like Laura is screwed at this point, as the other two get further and further ahead of her, with Russell back to smirking and practically dancing he’s so happy.
Laura finally gets her bags open, walks up to her puzzle board, studies it quickly, then blazes through it, and finishes her puzzle before the other two are even halfway down with their puzzles, even though they had a huge head start.
Russell’s jaw drops open.
Laura is safe at Tribal. Again.
Laura in a sidebar: “Tonight, Russell is going home.” (Um, well, there’s a little bit of a problem with that…)
Sidebar with Shambo, where’s she’s really sad that they can’t get Laura. But then she perks up. Hey, they can get Kelly instead, who is best buds with Laura, and therefore they still get to hurt Laura. (Again, Shambo and Russell have got to let go of this Laura thing for now and focus on the bigger game.) Shambo races off to coordinate with Russell. Thankfully, she’s not scratching anything as she does so.
Then we see Russell telling Jaison that he has the idol (see, Russ can’t help his mouth), and then telling Jaison to vote for Kelly. Jaison runs to tell Natalie and Mick that Russell has the idol, and then Russ runs up and tells Nat and Mick to vote for Kelly.
Okay, side note, it’s very clear that the former Foa Foa people are up to something, as they are racing all over the place, clearly plotting something. And Shambo is right up there in the mix, somehow. Shouldn’t the former Galu tribe members be a little curious?
Nope. Dave, Laura, Monica and John are off to one side, confirming that everyone is on board to send Russell home. And get this, Monica actually asks “What if Russell has already found the idol?”, and Dave actually responds “There’s NO way, we can’t even worry about that.”
“Don’t you think we should have a backup plan?”
Dave: “Nope.”
Time for Tribal.
They bring Erik in, who was voted out last time and is the first member of the jury. He glares at everybody and clearly has a major attitude. (Dude, you’re done. You can’t win. Why don’t you focus on the game and see who deserves to win, and quit hatin, hmmm?)
Jeff starts asking his little questions, and we spend quite a bit of time with people slamming Erik, so he just pouts some more. And Jaison even has a prophetic line: “Maybe there’s another Erik that hasn’t been exposed.” Bingo.
Then it basically breaks down into a Galu versus Foa Foa debate, with people saying increasingly cocky things. (Galu is more cocky, by far, for those of you keeping score.) It really doesn’t prove anything other than what we already know about Survivor. You’ve get to the numbers more evenly balanced before the “old” tribes will melt into one, and the single-player game really starts.
Then we’re off to vote, with Erik glaring at everybody that walks by because he’s such a good sport and all. Finally, Jeff runs to fetch the jar.
Just as Jeff is about to start pulling names, Russell hauls out the immunity idol and says a line that I really like, even though I don’t like him: “I ain’t finished playin just yet.” Jeff verifies that the idol is the real deal.
The former Galu members are in total shock. They know it’s going to be one of them. But who?
Jeff throws away all 7 votes for Russell.
And it only takes 3 votes to send Kelly home.
Laura is furious with Russell, whispering “He just stirred up a whole lot of hell, is what he did.” And who does she whisper this to? Shambo. Sitting there with a squirmy expression as she tries to feign support, even though her hands have a little splash of Kelly’s blood on them.
Can’t wait to see what Laura tries to do as revenge.
Finally, Jeff announces that the idol will be going back into the field. What? A played idol going back in? Doesn’t always happen. I’m sure Russell will find it again. It will probably just fall into his hands while he’s wandering down a path to take a leak
Oh, and Dave. Maybe next time you should try listening to Monica instead of your own ego. Ya think?
Russell is REALLY worried that he’s the next one out. Well, dude, you shouldn’t have used the idol. You didn’t get a single vote, you paranoid little man who talks all big but freaks the first time there’s a whiff of trouble.
Laura: “Russell was dumb for using the idol. He’s gone next.” Oh really, Laura? Do you have any idea how close YOU were to being gone? Winning the Immunity Challenge last time saved your behind. You really need to understand that, and strategize wisely.
Opening credits.
Cut to Natalie encountering a mouse in the woods. She’s so starved that this looks like a delicacy in the making, but she’s still a little squeamish about the whole thing. She grabs a rock and stick, debates over which one to use and then has second thoughts (“Oh, this is pitiful.”) But in the end, she uses both to send the thing to mouse heaven.
She arrives back in camp carrying the deceased mouse in a coconut shell. The guys all think she’s bad-ass for doing such a thing and are really impressed, especially Jaison. They skin that sucker, roast it, and snack away.
Tree mail arrives and they all head off to a Reward Challenge. The prize is a chance to enjoy a “rock slide” and a picnic.
This one involves the 11 survivors splitting into two teams of 5. (Whoops, the numbers are off. They draw straws and Natalie is left out. She can’t compete.) On each team, 4 members have to race and gather these painted coconut-things and then assemble them to spell out numbers. Once they have the numbers, they give them to the 5th member, who is blindfolded and then has to “program” the numbers into a lock using only touch.
So off they go, and it’s fairly close. The only stand-out muck up is that Shambo cannot get her act together. She runs like a wounded turtle, keeps dropping things, and is no help in solving the number puzzle. Other than that, everybody’s up to par.
In the end, despite Shambo’s ineptitude, the purple team wins. This team also includes John, Kelly, Monica and Dave. It doesn’t hit me until later that all five of them are former Galu tribe members. This bit of detail will become critical in just a bit.
The yellow team goes back home to pout and think about their loss,
The purple team heads off to this rock slide thing, which is just that: waterfalls running over very smooth rocks that you slide down into crystal-clear pools of water. Everyone has a grand time with that bit, and we learn that John is able to do a no-hands back flip. This really impresses me. Do you know how hard it is to do that? I tried a million times back in my youthful days when I wanted to be a male cheerleader. (Yes, we all have secret passions to reveal.) Never could do it. Everything but that.
But aside from the amazing gymnastics, what has John really done to deserve the prize? On the flip side, no one is paying attention to him as a threat at this moment. Possible sneaky-by winner? Just sayin.
Then the rock-slide gang digs into their picnic of fried chicken and other comfort food. As they munch, they discover a note in the picnic basket, which tells them there is a hidden immunity idol back at camp. (Which makes sense, if you’re keeping score. Erik didn’t use his when he was blind-sided out, so they’re going to slap that one back out there.)
This is when it hits me that all the members of the winning team are former Galu. And four of the five are all about gunning down the former Foa Foa one by one, and not letting them know there is another idol up for grabs. They plot to eliminate Russell first. Interestingly enough, Shambo stands up for Russell, saying she doesn’t want him eliminated yet. Only Kelly seems to think this is an odd thing to say. She’s suspicious, and says so in a sidebar.
Cut back to camp, and we have Russell, convinced that Erik’s idol has been replayed, running around trying to find the thing. And damn it all, he manages to FIND the thing, once again doing it without a single clue.
I really don’t want to do it, because I can’t stand him, but I’ve got to give Russell some props. The rest of the losing team is back at camp, whining about not winning the giant slide and the chicken, and Russell is the only on e actively trying to win the game. And having amazing luck while doing so.
Damn it all. This guy just might get the big prize after all.
Russell in a sidebar. “Am I that damn good?” (The part of Russell that I can’t stand.) And “I’m not telling no one.” (The part of Russell that I don’t believe. He can’t help but brag about his actions. He won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.)
Sure enough, Russell is only able to keep his mouth shut until the picnic people get back, and then he latches on to Shambo and drags her into the jungle. They sit down at the end of the little bridge where he found his latest treasure, and for an alarming moment we are treated to the sight of Shambo scratching at something in her crotch, somehow not aware that there’s a wide-angle, hi-def camera practically shoved between her legs. I’m speechless.
But Russell’s not. He whips out the idol, Shambo lights up, and they immediately begin chattering about how they should get everyone to vote for Russell, he’ll stun everybody with the idol, and then their two little votes will send Laura home.
Yes, these two are still so manically focused on getting Laura out that they’re basically willing to waste an idol to do so. (Come on people, is THAT really the best use for the idol?) At least Shambo does have a little bit of sanity left, pointing out that Laura cannot win the immunity challenge for this plan to work. Russell just grins like that’s not going to be any problem.
Cut to the Immunity Challenge.
It’s a two-parter. First, everyone has to throw these hook things attached to a rope, try to snag a bag with a puzzle piece, and then drag the bag back to them. The first three people to get their two bags back to them advance to the second round, where they work a giant puzzle board.
And off we go with the first round. Mick snags his two bags rather quickly, followed by Shambo a bit later. And then it looks like Russell is going to be the third, because he’s just hooked into his second bag. But then what does the idiot do? He’s actually looking around at everyone else, smirking and triumphant, instead of dragging his bag across the line in order to officially finish.
Meanwhile, Laura, who doesn’t give up, snags her second bag and rips that sucker across the sand and over her line before Russell has even realized what happened. That little smirk of his quickly turns into a completely different expression. Dumbass. You lost because of your own arrogance.
Now part two, where the remaining three untie their puzzle pieces and try to work this intricate puzzle board. Mick and Shambo get their bags open fairly quickly, and actually have a bit of time to work the puzzle before Laura even starts. Looks like Laura is screwed at this point, as the other two get further and further ahead of her, with Russell back to smirking and practically dancing he’s so happy.
Laura finally gets her bags open, walks up to her puzzle board, studies it quickly, then blazes through it, and finishes her puzzle before the other two are even halfway down with their puzzles, even though they had a huge head start.
Russell’s jaw drops open.
Laura is safe at Tribal. Again.
Laura in a sidebar: “Tonight, Russell is going home.” (Um, well, there’s a little bit of a problem with that…)
Sidebar with Shambo, where’s she’s really sad that they can’t get Laura. But then she perks up. Hey, they can get Kelly instead, who is best buds with Laura, and therefore they still get to hurt Laura. (Again, Shambo and Russell have got to let go of this Laura thing for now and focus on the bigger game.) Shambo races off to coordinate with Russell. Thankfully, she’s not scratching anything as she does so.
Then we see Russell telling Jaison that he has the idol (see, Russ can’t help his mouth), and then telling Jaison to vote for Kelly. Jaison runs to tell Natalie and Mick that Russell has the idol, and then Russ runs up and tells Nat and Mick to vote for Kelly.
Okay, side note, it’s very clear that the former Foa Foa people are up to something, as they are racing all over the place, clearly plotting something. And Shambo is right up there in the mix, somehow. Shouldn’t the former Galu tribe members be a little curious?
Nope. Dave, Laura, Monica and John are off to one side, confirming that everyone is on board to send Russell home. And get this, Monica actually asks “What if Russell has already found the idol?”, and Dave actually responds “There’s NO way, we can’t even worry about that.”
“Don’t you think we should have a backup plan?”
Dave: “Nope.”
Time for Tribal.
They bring Erik in, who was voted out last time and is the first member of the jury. He glares at everybody and clearly has a major attitude. (Dude, you’re done. You can’t win. Why don’t you focus on the game and see who deserves to win, and quit hatin, hmmm?)
Jeff starts asking his little questions, and we spend quite a bit of time with people slamming Erik, so he just pouts some more. And Jaison even has a prophetic line: “Maybe there’s another Erik that hasn’t been exposed.” Bingo.
Then it basically breaks down into a Galu versus Foa Foa debate, with people saying increasingly cocky things. (Galu is more cocky, by far, for those of you keeping score.) It really doesn’t prove anything other than what we already know about Survivor. You’ve get to the numbers more evenly balanced before the “old” tribes will melt into one, and the single-player game really starts.
Then we’re off to vote, with Erik glaring at everybody that walks by because he’s such a good sport and all. Finally, Jeff runs to fetch the jar.
Just as Jeff is about to start pulling names, Russell hauls out the immunity idol and says a line that I really like, even though I don’t like him: “I ain’t finished playin just yet.” Jeff verifies that the idol is the real deal.
The former Galu members are in total shock. They know it’s going to be one of them. But who?
Jeff throws away all 7 votes for Russell.
And it only takes 3 votes to send Kelly home.
Laura is furious with Russell, whispering “He just stirred up a whole lot of hell, is what he did.” And who does she whisper this to? Shambo. Sitting there with a squirmy expression as she tries to feign support, even though her hands have a little splash of Kelly’s blood on them.
Can’t wait to see what Laura tries to do as revenge.
Finally, Jeff announces that the idol will be going back into the field. What? A played idol going back in? Doesn’t always happen. I’m sure Russell will find it again. It will probably just fall into his hands while he’s wandering down a path to take a leak
Oh, and Dave. Maybe next time you should try listening to Monica instead of your own ego. Ya think?
Friday, November 6, 2009
#93 - Survivor: Samoa - Episode 8
So the four remaining members of Foa Foa head back to camp after sending yet another member of their tribe home (Liz.) Instead of moping around like you would expect, they actually spend their time plotting strategy for the merge that they are certain is coming up.
Yes, they are finally working together as a team, now that they have lost most of their tribe. Oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
Then we have a sidebar with Russell, just before we go into the opening credits. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but the Survivor producers have been giving this prime spot to Russell in almost every episode. They know he’s going to run his mouth and set the tone for the show.
And he doesn’t disappoint. “I’m too good for this game. I’m too sly.” And he can’t wait to take down all those “dumbasses” on the Galu tribe once the merge happens. The man is certainly very proud of himself. Can’t stand him.
Credits roll.
We’re over at the Galu camp, where Laura and Shambo are bickering at each other. It seems that Laura’s canteen disappeared during her forced stay (courtesy of Shambo) over at the Foa Foa camp. The heated discussion escalates for a while, and then ends with Shambo giving some weird-ass speech about… I really have no idea. It certainly didn’t have anything to do with canteens.
Shambo is just not all there. Not by a long shot.
Cut to Erik, in that damn tree. “We know Shambo’s crazy, so if you mess with her, that makes you a bitch.”
What the hell is THAT supposed to mean, Crazy Man Who Lives in Tree?
Anyway, back to Foa Foa. They get tree mail, but the wording is odd, so it’s not clear if there’s going to be a merge or not. The only thing that’s certain is that they are to meet the other tribe on a beach. Could just be a competition, could be a merge. Russell secretly snatches up his immunity idol just in case.
So both tribes get to this beach. Jeff is nowhere around. There’s just a chest. Inside of it, Mick finds a letter, and yep, they’re merging, everybody’s moving to Galu. (Everybody seems happy about the Galu choice. The Foa Foa camp doesn’t have squat. The Galu camp, since they’ve won, well, just about everything, has linen bed sheets and a caviar buffet.)
And just a bit away from the chest, they find the traditional merge feast. The survivors all dive into THAT bizness real fast, smacking and wallering around on the picnic blanket in an orgy of food. The merge feast is always fascinating, in that everyone is really happy and nice to each other. For about ten minutes.
Then, before they are even halfway done with the food and alcohol, people are already breaking up into little groups to strategize about this new configuration, with Mick, Jaison and Natalie from the old Foa Foa honing in on targets and starting baby alliances. Russell gazes upon their actions like a proud papa.
There’s a brief, revolting scene where Monica, probably liquored up on the wine, holds a bunch of grapes so that the evil mouth of Russell can pluck one off the bunch. When he does so, she squeals like it’s the most exciting thing EVER. Blech.
Russell in a sidebar: “Who gets grapes fed to them? KINGS DO!”
Sidebar with Natalie: “There ARE some cracks in Galu, but are they big enough for us to wiggle in?” Smart girl, like her. As long as the remaining Galu tribe doesn’t focus on a strategy of “kill off the remaining Foa Foa’s”, she might go a ways.
Another sidebar with Erik, no tree. He’s pretty proud of himself, thinks he’s running things. I’m starting to think that Russell and Shambo aren’t the only variety of nuts to be found on this island.
Then Russell gets to work with his lies, which we knew was coming.
First, he approaches Laura, showing her his idol and promising that if she gets him to final seven, he’ll give the idol to her. Then, stupidly, he tells her that there are rules that go with it. She has to vote people out in the order that he wants, and mess like that.
Laura’s not really impressed with this, partly because she thinks it stupid of him to show the idol and make a promise that can’t be trusted, but mostly because he’s so arrogant about it, what with the rules and all. So she tells him that HE’S the one that needs to be worried, not her. (Which is true.)
And of course Russell can’t stomach a woman actually talking back to him. Instantly, in his warped little mind, he thinks she’s threatening him, and she becomes his next target.
Russell then runs to Monica, who is posing in her skimpy bathing suit on a wet rock, and he shows HER the idol, promising that he will give it to her if she is ever in danger. She just kind of giggles and doesn’t really sound convincing that she even wants to speak to him, let alone be in an alliance.
Then we have Russell going to John, flashing the idol, and promising that he will give it to him if he is ever in danger. Same exact crap he fed to Monica. (Dude, can you at least try to be ORIGINAL in your lies, or is that just too much work?)
In this case, however, John seems to bite. Then Russell, over-aggressive as always, says that Laura needs to go. Amazingly, John seems down with that. They shake. (Of course, a man-to-man handshake doesn’t really mean anything in this game, but still, they appear serious about it.)
Next scene, Shambo is down at the water, trying to wash that mass of hair that she has. (How she’s able to stand up when that bush of hair is wet, I really don’t know.) Russell is the only one nearby, and he smartly brings up Laura and how much he would like her to go. Shambo glows with delight.
Russell in a sidebar about Sham: “I kinda like her, I could use her.”
Sham in a sidebar about Russell: “I trust Russell implicitly.” It’s official, all that hair has completely smothered and killed Shambo’s brain cells.
The two high-five about getting Laura out and they race off to do their damage.
Lots of brief, subversive meetings around camp as the two build support to get Laura out. And it seems to be working. (But it’s all about how they edit the show, right?)
Time for the Immunity Challenge, a t-ball thing where people whack at a ball and try to hit targeted areas to get the highest point. Interesting twist: There are TWO immunity necklaces this time. The guys will compete against the guys, the girls against the girls, and the winner of each match is safe.
End result? John wins the guy necklace, and LAURA wins the girl necklace. It kind of irritated me that everyone cheered when John won, but there was only half-hearted applause when Laura won. This is one of the things that bugs me about the later seasons of Survivor. Earlier on, you always cheered when someone won, even if you personally hated their guts. Now, people are just bitches. Sayin.
We head back to camp to start the mad scramble for a Laura replacement.
Russell and Shambo. Russell: “Let’s get Monica, break up the girl thing.” Shambo: “It’s out of our hands, with these numbers. Erik and Laura will decide.”
Laura, now safe, puts her own plot in motion. She tells Erik that Russell has the idol. Erick is stoked about this, and wants to flush the idol out.
Erik runs to tell John. John’s not so much interested in the flushing, he’s more interested in getting Monica out. (Okay, folks, WHY do some of these people want Monica out so bad? She’s not a threat, and she’s not going to win, unless she suddenly shoots some talent out of her ass. Get over it.) But Erik seems to think that’s a good idea. They can still flush the idol, but Monica is the one to go home.
Erik gathers all of the Galu Guys, and tells them to vote for Monica.
Sidebar with Dave. He’s a little nervous about the plan. Shouldn’t the focus be on gunning down all of Foa Foa, one by one? Understandable. But, to be fair, the history of Survivor is split on that. Sometimes slow elimination of the smaller tribe works after the merge. Other times, someone on the larger tribe after the merge has GOT to go, just because of the strategy of it all. But Monica? Again, not feeling the need for her to go just yet.
Erik then gathers the remnants of the Foa Foa tribe (EXCEPT Russell), and tells them that if they vote for Monica, they can stay. And they are not to tell Russell a thing, because they also want him worried enough that he will use the idol, even though he doesn’t have to, since Monica’s leaving.
Erik is actually very threatening about the whole thing, not trying to play nice at all. The three Foa Foa’s sit there and take it (why upset the apple cart at this point, right?) until Erik, acting like he is some kind of something, stomps off.
Then Jaison to the other two: “Let’s put four votes on Erik. I don’t care if it matters or not.”
And Plan C is hatched.
Natalie goes to Laura. What if we take out Erik? Laura smiles.
Laura pulls over Kelly. Erik? OMG, yes!
Then all hell breaks loose. People are running all over camp, whispering and pointing and conniving. There are so many flash-cut scenes that you really don’t know what’s going on. But everyone is clearly very excited, except for Erik, who is walking around grinning, thinking he’s in complete control, even though no one is running up to HIM with any news.
Russell in a sidebar: “This is the first time I don’t know nuthin’.” He’s a little freaked.
Tribal Council.
Right away, (with prodding from Jeff), Erik shows his ass. “I struggle to see anything Foa Foa has to offer.” And then he keeps going, being really cocky. I’m really not sure what he’s doing here. Is he just trying to scare Russell to flush out the idol? Or is he actually wanting everyone to vote for HIM, so that he can then whip out his idol, negate all their votes, and his lone vote for Monica will send her home. I have no idea.
We do have to endure one scene with Jaison, where he basically has a little self-pity party. I’ve always had to struggle to get ahead, and I don’t appreciate it when someone implies (like cocky Erik did) that he’s worthless.
Dude, everybody’s life sucks. Get over it. (Not a fan of Jaison, he whines too much.)
Time to vote.
And they do.
Just as Jeff is about to read the votes, Russell stands up and proffers his immunity idol. Jeff validates it as real, and Russell sits back down, grinning from ear to ear. He really thinks he just saved his own ass.
Which tells ME that Russell is all talk and no confidence. The first sign of possible trouble, he whips out some protection. He’s a baby-man, no doubt about it.
Jeff reads the votes.
2 for Jaison. (Erik and Shambo.)
10 for Erik. (Everybody else.)
The look on Shambo’s face is priceless. When her jaw dropped all the way down, her face was finally bigger than her hair, for a very brief moment. I’m not saying it improved her look, I’m saying it was a different look. She still crazy.
Erik goes home, flame snuffed
And Russell used his idol but didn’t even get a single vote.
My prediction? This will send Russell into a paranoid spiral and he will completely lose it, getting voted out within two councils.
Then again, I’m often wrong on this show. Because I expect people to plot and scheme with intelligence.
And that just doesn’t happen a whole lot around here….
Thursday, November 5, 2009
#92 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 24
So we start out with Bobby and Kay, riding in a limo after kicking up their heels at the honky-tonk. They flirt for a while (boring, unbelievable), then Kay asks him when he’s coming to Washington? Bobby: “As soon as I can.” Very sappy, just not seeing any chemistry here. And hello? April? Bobby was deeply in love with HER a mere 3 seconds ago…
Speaking of, we cut to April in her little hostage hotel room, with one of the Goons. She keeps walking around and bickering and he keeps telling her to stop walking around and bickering. Then the phone rings. The Goon answers, grunts a few times, then hangs up. “Let’s go. I’m taking you home.” April just looks at him like “but I had several more things to bitch about. Do I have time for that?”
Now we’re having breakfast at South Fork. Miss Ellie announces to Sue Ellen, JR, Bobby, and the ugly grandkids that Clayton doesn’t live there anymore. Bobby: “Boys, you’re done with your breakfast, go to school.” (Nothing like snatching food from children and then sending them away. Nice parenting.) Miss Ellie refuses to reveal any further details, but JR is so happy he could do a round-off and a back flip as he heads out the door.
Over to Ray’s house, where he and Jenna are gathering up suitcases while Charlie pouts in a rocking chair on the porch. Apparently it’s time to head for Switzerland and the evil boarding school. But Jenna is really not playing very nice, snapping at Ray that this whole operation is his fault and she’s not sure that it’s the right thing to do.
But does she slow down with the packing? Of course not. Jenna is slamming prop clothing into the prop suitcases as fast as she can, flinging them out on to the porch next to pouting Charlie. She also yells at Ray some more, getting increasingly psychotic. It seems that she has completely forgotten that his entire boarding school operation was her idea.
Jenna to Ray: “You’re making me choose between you and my daughter!”
Ray: “What?”
The Audience: “What?”
Me: “And that damn hairdo of yours, Priscilla. Seriously. Too ugly, for too long.”
Anyway, they finally get the car loaded and leave, but not before Ray tries to give Charlie a present, and she refuses to take it. “I don’t want ANYTHING from you.” Just send her away, people. Over her. Besides, maybe they have acting classes at this boarding school, and she can pick up a few pointers.
Cut to Nick, who is back at his house, apparently free and alone. He checks his messages on the answering machine. April: “They let me go!” Sue Ellen: “I’m very horny. I mean, I’m very concerned about you.” April again: “What’s going ON? Where ARE you? Are you okay?”
Nick doesn’t call any of them back. Instead, he takes off his shirt for no apparent reason and walks out of the room.
Casey arrives for a meeting that JR has arranged. JR wants Casey to sign this proxy thing so that JR can control the voting on any Westar stock shares that Casey buys as head of the dummy company he’s fronting for JR. Casey’s not really thrilled about that, and he changes the subject. What Casey really wants is a loan from JR.
JR can barely stop himself from laughing. Why would I do that?
Casey: “You can buy the valuable 20 acres in Tulsa you gave my Daddy years ago. For a couple million.”
JR: “That land ain’t worth crap. You think I’d have given that land to him if it was worth anything?” Then JR stomps away.
Really, Casey, he has a point. When are you going to learn? JR sucks. You’ve been on the show for a while now, get with the program.
Back to South Fork, with Ellie sitting morosely on the patio. Clayton drives up. She’s outraged that he did so, but he wants to talk. He pulls out the Wes Parmalee thing (you know, the guy that pretended to be Jock?) Clay stood by while Miss Ellie went through that whole mess, with her panting with lust at the thought that it might really be Jock.
Ellie: “But I didn’t SLEEP with him!”
Clay: “I didn’t sleep with Laurel!”
Ellie: “Yes you DID. David Shulton just called here and said you made love!”
Oh boy. See, we knew that guy was trouble. (For those a little fuzzy about the score card, Clay did NOT sleep with Laurel.)
Clay tells Ellie she’s out of her mind. “You call me when you come to your senses.” Then he stomps off.
Now we have Ray driving along after dropping Big Bitch and Little Bitch off at the airport. “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places” is once again playing in the background (the producers must have REALLY gotten a good deal with the song rights on that one), so we know he’s about to run into potential love fest trouble.
Sure enough, he spies a woman on the side of the road dealing with a flat tire. Ray stops. Even her spare is flat, so he’s gonna run to his house and call a wrecker. The woman, Connie, breathlessly asks, “It’s really hot out here. Can I come with?” Sure thing, hop on in.
Back to Nick’s house. There’s a knock on the door. Ray’s dripping wet in a bathrobe. (What is up with them trying to reveal his body in this episode. Is this in his contract?) He opens the door to find April, and he quickly grabs her and pulls her inside. Nick: “I told you to stay out of my life!”
April, having been held hostage and all, thinks maybe he shouldn’t be so bossy. Then she stupidly says: “Maybe I should go to the police.” He goes slightly berserk, threatens her several times, then throws her out of the house.
Clayton’s in his room at the Hotel Banishment, when Bobby arrives. Bobby just wants to hear his side of the story. So Clay finally spills all, starting with Laurel in the painting, and ending with confirmation that they never did anything.
Bobby: “And who is this David somebody that called?
Clay: “Ohhh, I’m hot about this David.” (I know, sounds dirty, but it was a simpler time.)
Bobby: “Just cool down before you do something stupid.”
Which is our clue that Clayton is indeed going to do something stupid.
Back to Ray’s house, where Flat-Tire Connie is checking out the place, noting the obvious money involved, and prying Ray for details. And of course he tells her that his wife and kid are out of town, indefinitely. Connie smiles, and pretends to be talking about his help with the tire. “I’d like to repay the kindness somehow.”
I’m sure she would.
Nick/Joey drives up to some warehouse, where he meets his brother. (Did not catch the name.) Seems brother was involved in the complex cover-up to convince the goons that their parents are dead. It’s a really long scene, with boring bits about the brother’s wife, but in the end, Joey tells the brother they have to keep the parents hidden for a while because the goons will probably be back. Then they go out for pizza.
Short scene with Cliff meeting with… I guess his business manager. Cliff is all worked up and acting even more strange than usual. Business manager guy: “Have you seen a doctor lately?” Then Cliff launches into his usual tirade about how his life is always being ruined by JR. Then we see Cliff taking more pills.
Another quick scene with Sue Ellen arriving at her office to find flowers from Nick. The card apologizes for his actions lately, and hopes she understands it was a family matter. Sue Ellen glows, and thinks of sexual positions they haven’t tried.
Sly is having dinner with Casey. He’s all sad about JR being JR. If he only had some money. Sly says she doesn’t have any money either. (Then why are both of you always in fancy restaurants? Just asking.) Cliff manages to wander up, says hateful things to Sly, warns Casey he shouldn’t have anything to do with JR, then staggers off. Sly: “He’s a bitter, bitter little man.”
David Shulton, the evil painter, arrives at his apartment. Clay’s waiting for him, and there’s some yelling and a brawl, with Clay getting in the most blows before stomping out of the apartment. (Guess Clay didn’t listen to Bobby.)
Cliff at his doctor’s office, wanting more pills. Dr: “No!” Cliff: “I just need them to relax.” Dr: “No!”
April’s at her condo, and JR shows up. He wants her to buy Westar stock. April: “But I just SOLD my Westar stock like you told me. Besides, why should I help YOU?” Then JR reminds her of all the wealth and riches she has because of him. Which is crap. But she buys it, which is completely inconsistent with her character. (Sometimes these writers are not on their toes.)
She agrees to buy stock, but when JR whips out that proxy thing, she refuses to sign. Even more interesting, he doesn’t push it, pockets the proxy, and walks out.
Plot point alert, don’t you think?
Casey is meeting with…. I don’t remember her name, one of the rich people he screwed over when he first arrived on the scene. He has a deal for her. He knows Westar stock is going to bottom, and will then hit the roof. He can tell her exactly when this is going to happen, he just wants a piece of the profits.
She ponders this briefly, acting as if she’s interested, then dumps her drink on him. “I told you once you were dead in Dallas, I guess you just haven’t realized it yet.”
Well, then.
Bobby’s out at South Fork, glistening by the pool, when he gets a call from Kay. Lots more flirty talk. She wants him in Washington BAD, call anytime.
I just don’t like her. Sorry.
Scene with Jackie, Cliff’s secretary, repeatedly buzzing the phone in his office and getting no response. Over and over. Just when we’re to the point of screaming at the screen “just get UP and go in there”, she does. Cliff is passed out on a couch. She wakes him. Jackie: “I’m worried about you. Go see my doctor.” He just looks at her. Okay, we get it, Cliff is about to have some addiction issues, and he will probably blame JR. Kind of boring. Next.
Final scene, the police arrive at Clayton’s hotel room, and arrest him for the murder of David Shulton.
Big surprise, right?
I bet Kristen actually did it. Oh wait. Maybe Cathryn did it. Oh wait. Maybe Pam did it. Oh wait….
Tune in next time….
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
#91 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 23
Okay, fair warning, we have some really terrible acting in this episode. Not that this show was ever known for the fine quality of the actors, but still, something was really in the air this time and half the cast went off the rails…
So we start with April at her condo, getting knocked around by the goons looking for Joey/Nicholas. She offers them a million dollars if they will just leave her alone. (Are you serious? I’ll ignore you and your frizzy hair for a lot less than that.) The goons just smirk and wave a knife in her face. April immediately breaks down and spills the beans.
Quick scene with JR in his office, almost sexually aroused by the news that Westar stock is still falling. He tells sly to get April on the phone. (Um, April’s kind of busy right now, Sly, you might get the answering machine.) Oh, and get Ray Krebs as well. (Ray? What the hell?)
Cut to Nick on the phone, talking to April’s answering machine. (Which means Sly will get a busy signal when she calls, poor thing. Her work never ends.) Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. Nick is on the verge of shooting the door down when we hear Sue Ellen’s voice.
He grabs her and drags her into the room, being all rude and everything. He’s not happy that she’s there, after telling her to stay away. Sue Ellen: “I deserve better.” Nick doesn’t have time for this, she just needs to listen to him and stay away, then he throws her back out the door.
This scene was the first scene with really bad acting. When Jack Scalia tries to convey “urgent and threatening” he instead comes across as “I have REALLY got to go to the bathroom.” At the end of the scene he snatches up the phone, identifies himself as Joey, and tells the person at the other end that it’s time for “the plan.”
Quick scene with Cliff watching TV reports about the plummeting Westar stock, popping pills out of a prescription bottle, and sitting next to that horrid modern-art lamp that everyone has hated for several seasons now. I’m assuming the prop department paid too much for the ugly thing to just park it in storage somewhere.
Then we’re over at Dr. Style’s mansion (Kimberly’s daddy), with hundreds of office workers running around and typing at computers that look like microwaves. (Interesting. None of this stuff was here just a few days ago. But oh well.)
Kimberly arrives, all bossy: “You’re killing yourself. Send these people home! Stop the war with JR!” Daddy just blows her off: “I’m having the best time of my life. Thank the Lord for JR Ewing.”
I never would have imagined that a character on this show would ever say such a thing.
Quick scene with Joey being grabbed by the goons in an elevator.
(There sure are a lot of quick scenes in this episode. I checked to see who the director was. Larry Hagman. Ah, got it. He directs like his character would direct. Get it done and move on, who cares if it’s messy.)
Ray meets JR at the Cattlemen’s Club, and Ray gets right to the point: “What do you want?” Well, JR wants Ray to buy up Westar stock so they can get back at the people who hurt our daddy and took our company. Of course Ray is repulsed by helping JR with anything whatsoever: “YOU lost Jock’s company, not me.” JR then calls Ray a half-breed and stomps off. JR is such a pleasant fellow, especially when he doesn’t get his way, don’t you think?
Scene with the goons torturing Joey. Where’s daddy? Joey’s not talking, the goons continue knocking him around. “Your father turned against the family!” More beatings, more not talking from Joey.
(In the control room, the show producers heave a heavy sigh. Even trying to BEAT an actual performance out of Jack Scalia is not working. Oh well, the contract’s been signed, there’s nothing they can do.)
Scene with April sitting on the bed of what appears to be a hotel room, being guarded by another goon who is not really paying attention to her while he tears into a sandwich. She’s not really tied up or anything, and could easily slip out the door while the goon is bonding with his meal. But she doesn’t. She just sits there and whines while he ravages the sandwich, mayo dripping from his chin.
Stupid scene, really. Unless the writers plan to eventually hook these two up romantically, and this is the cross-over scene where April first begins to ponder a possible like as a mafia princess. Not too far-fetched of an idea for this show, so I’m not excluding it yet.
Over to Ray and Jenna’s house, where they are having a “come to Jesus” meeting with Charlie and thus initiating another round of really bad acting. Jenny and Charlie are bad enough when they are not in the same scene, but put them together and it’s like zombies fighting their way out of a paper bag that the prop people have already conveniently torn for them.
Jenna: “This house has become a battleground!” (Really, a battleground? I guess I have a different idea of a battleground.) They both tell Charlie that they are sending her away to a boarding school in Switzerland. Charlie reacts in her typical demure fashion. She screams at Ray “You’re not even my FATHER!” and then screams at Jenna “I’ll always hate you for this!” Then she runs out.
The goons drive Joey to the house where we know his parents live because of a previous episode. (“Clinton, Indiana” appears on the screen, like that’s important in any way, other than to wonder how they drove from Dallas to Indiana in about twenty minutes.)
They go to the door. Hey, there’s a different family living there now. What? They’ve been there about 6 months. What? Mr. and Mrs. Pearce were killed in a tragic car accident. What? Joey breaks free of the goons, but instead of running like hell, he stops next door and bangs on the window. The lady neighbor comes out and immediately starts consoling Joey. “You poor thing, such a terrible tragedy. Oh, you didn’t KNOW? Poor, poor thing. Let me pat you on the head with fake tenderness.” The Joey starts crying.
Olive branch to Mr. Scalia: Dude, you actually did well in this scene. Keep practicing!
Cut to Sly showing up somewhere that Casey is playing basketball with some homies. This scene was meant to show that their romance is growing, but basically it was just an opportunity for Andrew Stevens to prove that he does indeed have a personal trainer and a pretty good tan.
Back to Ray and Jenna’s house, where she’s having second thoughts about shipping her bad actress daughter off to the place where they make really good chocolate. She mopes around a bit in her ugly hair, and then tells Ray she is going with Charlie and will stay “as long as she needs me.”
Sort of missing the point a bit, aren’t you, Jenna?
Miss Ellie arrives home in a limo, fresh from her vacation. The ugly grandkids are there, running around wanting to know what kind of presents Grandma brought them. (No, they’re not spoiled at all.) Inside the house we have Bobby, Sue Ellen, and eventually JR. They chat a bit, but interestingly enough, not a single person asks how Lucy is doing, even though that’s where Miss Ellie has just been for the last week or so.
Poor Lucy. Even when Charlene Tilton was ON the show, she never got a decent break.
Anyway, Miss Ellie does have all kinds of questions about Clay. Where is he? What’s he doing? When’s he coming home? Why isn’t he here to meet me? Everyone else in the room looks at each other knowingly. Miss E’s still hung up on something terrible she thinks Clay is doing. Just to ensure we understand that Miss Ellie is indeed obsessed, we have a close-up of her crinkly, tear-stained face.
Another scene with Sly and Casey. This time he is showing her the vacant offices he rented when he thought he was going to make something of himself before JR squashed him. He whines a little bit about JR. “Didn’t even know my daddy was DEAD!” And some other “never get a decent break” dialogue. Sly is all supportive, he’ll make it, don’t let the offices go. Then she smiles sweetly.
Okay, folks, time to get this plotline going. Clearly, the script eventually calls for them to be together. Let’s get to that point, and let’s not have any more budding-love scenes with Sly wearing slightly frumpy Laura Ashley couture and Casey “aw shucking” his way around the set.
Quick scene with Joey and the goons. They aren’t really buying the car accident thing. “We’ll find out just how dead they really are.”
Clayton finally arrives at South Fork from… somewhere. (Pork Rind City?) He has a weird conversation with Miss Ellie, where Miss E is fishing for something to justify her neurotic state. Clay doesn’t give her any validation. They get nowhere. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen is sitting there watching them, sporting one of those weird-ass hairdos they slap on her from time to time.
Note to the producers and hair people. Linda Gray does not do well with funky, new-wave hair. Leave it alone. I don’t care if your numbers are falling in the coveted 18-49 demographic.
Cut to Bobby’s office, where he’s pretending to look busy, when suddenly Kaye, of the Washington, D.C. Kayes, struts into the room. What’s this? Kaye: “I’m impulsive. I decided to visit Dallas and I need a Dallas guide. Know one?” Bobby grabs his jacket and off they go.
Cut to a cemetery, where Joey and the Goons are walking around, looking for Joey’s parents’ graves. And they find them. Holy cow. Guess they really are gone.
During this whole scene, planes are taking off and landing right behind them. Well then. This cemetery is located right at the end of a landing strip. Convenient, no?
Then we have Bobby and Kaye strolling into some honky-tonk, while “Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places” is playing in the background. But despite the overbearing message of the music, Bobby and Kaye flirt, giggle, and then eventually head out to the dance floor, where Bobby kisses her.
I guess Bobby’s over Pam. And April. Hey, wait a minute, where IS April? We haven’t seen her since the first of the episode. Her damn answering machine got more screen time than she did.
Final scene.
Clay’s working late at his office. Miss Ellie walks in. “We’ve got to talk.”
Clay: “Well then, sit down.”
Miss Ellie plops down in a chair that conveniently is located right next to the (second) painting of Laurel. She sees it and snaps. “I saw her kiss you! I saw you leave this building together!”
Clay: “A man’s allowed to have friends. Nothing happened.”
Miss Ellie is crying hysterically. “Then WHY are you seeing her?” At least I think that’s what she said. That girl can blubber and snort on cue. She may have just been asking if the mussels are fresh in the restaurant downstairs, but I kind of doubt it.
Clay: “She made me feel like a man.”
Oh boy. Clayton, you done stepped in it GOOD.
Ellie: “Don’t blame me! I trusted YOU!” (There’s now enough water pouring out of Ellie’s eyes that the National Weather service is forced to run a banner at the bottom of the screen. “It’s okay. This is not real. You are safe. No need to evacuate.”)
Clay: “Nothing’s changed.” (Clayton has a look on his face like “this is a REALLY long scene. Surely they’re going to cut some of it. When can I stop acting?”)
Ellie: “I can’t live with a man I don’t trust anymore. It’s too LATE!”
Clay: “Let’s go home.”
Miss Ellie leaps to her feet. (You can hear the water gush out of her sensible shoes. One of the chairs floats away.) “YOU go home. And get your things. I want you OUT!”
Oh. She sounds pretty serious there, Clayton. Looks like you’re in kind of a pickle. Have you checked your contract lately?
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