Friday, December 11, 2009

#101 - "Survivor: Samoa" - Episode 13

Right after Tribal, as they’re all traipsing back to camp, Russell immediately does damage control and corners Shambo, telling her lies about why he voted John out. He was gunning for you, and I didn’t tell you we were voting him out so you didn’t have to break the promise you made with him.

Shambo: “Okay. That’s cool. But next time it‘s DAVE.” Russell agrees. Just like he did the last time.

Gawd. These people will buy anything that Russell says.

Russell in a sidebar: “This is TOO easy.”

Roll opening credits.

Brett, Monica and Jaison are lounging on the beach, and Jaison tells them “Russell and I have been making all the decisions, I just let him be the bulldog.”

What? Jaison hasn’t done a damn thing since he set foot on the island.

Jaison in a sidebar: I just said all that so they would think I was strategizing all along. They’re going to be on the jury, and I want them on my side.

Well, that MIGHT work, but it also might bite you.

Back to the beach. Jaison also tells Brett and Monica that Russell told Mick that he has millions, doesn’t need the money. Whoops.

Time for what we think should be a Reward Challenge. But nope. Jeff tells them this will be an Immunity Challenge, no more rewards. They all look at each other like “this is SO not in the script.”

This time it’s a bowling tournament, where they use coconuts to knock down pins. It’s a round robin thing, rolling in pairs until you get to a final two. In her first roll, Shambo knocks down 9 of the 10 pins, and we’re all thinking, wow, Shambo does have a skill after all, other than the ability to grow copious amounts of hair that threaten to take over the planet.

Dave manages to actually get a strike his first time out. (The camera pans to Russell and Shambo, on the verge of tears.) Then Dave totally craps out in his next round and is eliminated. (The camera pans to Russell and Shambo doing a happy dance.)

It comes down to Shambo and Jaison. Shambo gets nothing on both of her rolls, going from superstar Pro Bowler to worthless nothing in a span of twenty minutes. Jaison manages to knock a few pins over, and wins Immunity.

Back at camp, Dave briefly meets with Monica. Dave: “Russell is going to start scrambling again. Listen to EVERYTHING he says.” Monica accepts her mission and scampers away to gather as many tidbits as she can.

Meanwhile, Russell gathers his little clan and tells them “It’s Dave.”

Mick in a sidebar: “Shambo wants Dave gone. Let’s keep her calm.” Mick, did you ever stop to think about what YOU might need in this game, and not what Yo Daddy and the Bush Woman might want?

Monica meets with Russell, asking him what’s going on. Russell: “Dave’s going home.” Monica: What about Shambo? Are you taking the right people to the end? The majority of the jury is Galu.

Very good point.

Russell in a sidebar: “I’ve got lots of options. One of them is keeping Dave. I’d win against him.”

So Russell goes to Dave. “I’ve been thinking about whether it should be you or Shambo.” They strategize a bit, and it really looks like Russell is agreeing to send Shambo home.

Russell in another sidebar: “I don’t need Shambo anymore.”

But this is Russell. You can’t trust anything coming out of any of his orifices.

Shambo: “I’m the Sham with the Plan. It’s tough to compete against me.” (She clearly lives in her own world. She’s only here because people are using her, mainly Russell.) “But if Dave doesn’t go home, Russell and I are going to have a little chat.”

Really? Is this going to be yet another exchange of words where you completely buy everything he has to say, even though he’s already burned you a couple times? That sort of chat?

Time for Tribal.

Jeff to Shambo: “What did you think about the last tribal?”

Sham: “I wouldn’t have voted John out, not in a million years. We were in this together.”

Jeff: “Working the jury are you?”

Sham: “No, I’m serious.”

See, this is an example of Jeff twisting things to make someone HE doesn’t like look bad. She had no intention of voting John out. Don’t care for Shambo, but Jeff doesn’t play fair. So Jeff, why aren’t you making comments that put Russell in a bad light? Oh, that’s right. You and the producers want him to stay in the game longer and keep the ratings high.

Jeff to Dave: “What’s the strategy now?”

Dave: “You need to align yourself with somebody that thinks they can win against you, so they will take you to the end.”

Russell: “It makes sense to get rid of the threats.”

Vote results? Everybody but Dave votes for Dave. (He voted for Shambo.) So, Russell, how did you get rid of a threat with that vote? You would have beaten Dave in the end. You might not beat Shambo.

Jeff: “For the first time since the merge, the original Foa Foa now has the numbers.” Uh, Jeff, they’ve had the numbers since Shambo flipped. Do they not keep you posted back at the swanky hotel where you stay while everybody else is eating rice and picking bugs off their bodies?

As the remaining survivors grab their torches and head out, Laura in the jury says to Brett “Stay stong!”. Okay, the jury is not supposed to talk at all. Are they now going to chain Laura in a hut somewhere for the other tribals?

Next morning, Russell wakes up with one thought: “The next target is Brett. He’s too nice.” Dude, Brett wasn’t even on your radar until Laura gave him some moral support. Are you THAT jealous of other people getting attention?

Mick meets with Russell, trying to see what’s going on. Russell: “Brett’s next.” Mick: “But who are you really planning to take to the end?” Russell: “I’m just talking about Brett right now.”

Mick, man, wise up. Russell is not even promising you anything at this point. He’s clearly not intending to keep you. If you don’t understand that after this exchange, you’re an idiot.

Russell in a sidebar: “Mick is freaking out. I’ve got to get him out NOW.”

See?

Another Immunity Challenge.

This one involves racing out into the water, untying bags, dragging them back to the beach, and then using this see-saw thing to flip them into a high tower. First to get all three bags in the tower wins. From the start, it’s a race between Brett, Mick and Russell. The rest of them are just diddling around and not accomplishing anything. Then Russell falls behind. In the end, Brett wins immunity.

Back at camp, Russell immediately races to his team and tells them to vote for Monica.

Later, Brett, Monica and Mick are on the beach. Brett and Mon try to tell Mick that Russell is taking Natalie and Shambo to the end. Mick fesses up: “I realize that’s a possibility. I’m very skeptical.”

Mick in a sidebar: “I’ve thought about getting rid of Russell.”

Then DO it. Don’t just think about it.

Mick to Jaison: “Are you sure that Russell is taking us to the end? I don’t wanna be caught off guard.”

Monica sidles up to Russell, and the girl lets go with all her ammo: “I think you’re keeping a lot of threats around… Jaison said you have the idol and can only play it until Day 36... And Natalie told me about the money you have.”

Russell leaps to his feet and immediately confronts Natalie.

Nat: “I didn’t DO it. I didn’t say anything.”

They both race to Brett. Russell: “Who told you about what I do for a living?” Brett: “Jaison.”

Russell races to Jaison: “Why did you tell?”

Jaison: “I didn’t.”

Jaison in a sidebar: “Maybe I did. I don’t remember.” You don’t remember? It was just a few hours ago and there were cameras all over the beach. You done stepped in it.

Next up is Mick, Jaison and Natalie all in a tither, wondering what to do about Russell going on a rampage, and attacking them in the process. Maybe it’s time to take him out?

You know MY answer to that. None of you three (slight possible exception of Natalie) are going to win against Russell in the final vote.

Then we have Russell in another sidebar: “Monica is a little bitch, she has to go. I am worried about Jaison, though.” Okay, let’s review. Jaison spilled the beans, Monica only repeated what she had been told, and yet she’s the villain?

It just kills me. I realize things are edited for maximum impact on this show. But come on, why is it that none of these people on this season have sat down and realized what Russell is all about? Hopefully the JURY has figured this out, so there’s some chance they will not vote for him, but if they couldn’t figure it out while they were on the island, they just might not be the brightest bulbs in the package.

Time for Tribal.

Russell puts on his hidden Immunity Idol right away. It’s an alpha dog move to show dominance and invincibility. Can’t stand him, but it’s a startling and good move.

Jeff to Shambo: “Are you surprised he has the idol?”

Sham: “I’m surprised by everything he does.” Yet you still trust him.

Then Monica comes lashing out, slamming Russell as many times as she can and joyously recounting how much fun it was watching him be so paranoid and race around the island trying to do damage control. It’s a very bold move, since Russell now clearly has the idol, but really, what other choice does she have? She knows she’s the target.

Then Mick, interestingly enough, makes a short speech that basically indicates he’s done with the games so far and there needs to be a new strategy. Really? Well, let’s see how you vote.

And so they vote.

When Jeff comes back with the little urn thing, and asks if anybody wants to play the hidden idol (meaning Russell, duh), Russell does NOT use it.

Which tells me that he already knows how the vote is going to go, because he is a paranoid little man who will use the idol in a heartbeat if he gets a whiff of concern, like he’s already done. Meaning he is still in control.

Everyone votes for Monica except Monica and Brett, who vote for Russell. Monica goes home.

So at this point, Mick, Jaison, Natalie and Shambo do not deserve to win. You know that Russell has been a powerhouse, and the history of Survivor shows that the jury tends to forget their grudges and vote for the player who has screwed everybody. This was your chance. He was so confident that he didn’t even play the idol. You could have blind-sided him.

Yes, he could have used the idol and negated your votes, meaning his single vote for Monica would have sent her home. Yet she went home anyway with your blessing. But he didn’t use the idol. Prime opportunity, lost.

The only one who took a stand was Brett, voting for Russell. (Monica, obviously, can’t vote for herself, so it’s no surprise she voted for Russell.)

Brett, dude, hope you keep winning immunity. Because you’re the only one left with any integrity at this point.

These other pansies and the arrogant,lying Cajun Daddy don’t deserve to win.

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