So we start off back in the cellar/dungeon/whatever the hell where Laff is being held. He's dripping in blood from the unfortunate yokel ripped apart at the end of the last episode, and we realize that the ripper is actually Eric, the blonde head honcho vampire guy that I thought was missing from the previous episode.
Disclaimer: Perhaps it was just ME figuring out that the rude person slashing up the yokel was Eric. Maybe everybody else already realized this in the last episode and I'm on the failblog. Don't really know. Whatever the case, I'm blaming the beer.
Anyway, Eric drags Laff upstairs from the smelly basement thing and we learn that Laff is being held under Fangtasia, the vampire bar where people are generally hateful, nothing pleasant happens, and that horrid Pam is the owner/diva/something. They grill him about this and that, don't really care for his answers, and they toss his ass back in the hole. (And I don't mean a "fun" hole like the delicious one from "Oz", know whut I'm sayin?)
Cut to a post-coital discussion between Bill and Sookie, wherein Bill is concerned about the budding hell that could be Jessica, and Sookie tries to convince Bill that Jessica is just like any other confused teenage girl. Really? I'm thinking there's some pivotal differences here, like Jessica now considers humans to be selections at the deli. Maybe it's just me.
Cut to Jason on a schoolbus headed to the Sunshine Bible Camp. Lots of praising and singing in that uber-Christian way that always makes me wonder if I've slid into an alternate world. And we meet Luke, who instantly buddies up with Jason, and both of them utter lines that I distinctly recall from certain adult videos stashed under my bed. Fascinating. Where is THIS going?
Full confession: The following line is not my own, but I am repeating it here just because I rolled when I read it. Full credit to Jessica Gelt in her review for the LA Times.
"Back at Mary Ann's house of endless fruit and weed..."
Love it.
Anyway, Tara finally gets the really hot guy at Mary Ann's house to fess up about some of his past, and we learn he's done some really bad things. Like "locked up in the Big House" things. Most sane women would run screaming. But gawd he's hawt. And Tara doesn't exactly text him that she's moving on. So who knows.
Back to Jason, now at Godcamp, playing flag football, mainly so he can take off his shirt and sweat. But also so we can move forward two plot points: new bestie Luke has some serious jealousy issues with Jason, and Sarah, the wife of the Godcamp leader, appears quite ready to don a cheerleader outfit and run some plays with Jason.
Cut to Mary Ann barging into Merlotte's (Sam's diner) and immediately starts ordering everything on the menu. What the hell? Sam is not pleased, but gives in and let's her stay. No idea where this is leading.
Cut back to Laff in the non-Oz hole, who channels MacGuyver and rips some metal thing out of the leg of his former yokel bunkmate and uses this contraption to break free of his chains and race upstairs. Sadly, he is shot in the leg by some waitress with bleached-out hair that screams a lot.
Back at Godcamp: Bizarre scene with a pig-tailed Lolita singing "Jesus Asked Me Out Today". Seriously. (Of course we had to pause and discuss THAT mess.) Then a role-playing bit where Jason is the Christian and hormonal wifey Sarah is a vampire. The intention of the Godcamp leader was to stir up the "God hates fangs" frenzy, but the scene ends with Jason brandishing a broken flagpole over a clearly orgasming Sarah.
Short bathroom scene with Jason wearing only a towel, and a fuming Luke being all bitter and spiteful. Gawd. You two just need some quality time in a pup tent.
Bill is out shopping for some non-slutty outfits for Jessica when Eric shows up. Eric wants Sookie to help him find some missing vampire guy in Dallas. Bill's not hip with that. Eric's not hip with THAT. General tension ensues.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Sookie are girl-talking, and Jessica really, really, REALLY misses her family, crying blood tears. Won't Sookie just drive Jessica by her old house so she can have a peek? Every member of the viewing audience knows this can't be a good idea. But Sookie agrees. Fine, then Sookie deserves anything that might happen, sayin.
Back to Merlotte's. Apparently eating everything on the menu has fueled Mary Ann's powers, and she's done some voodoo on nearly everyone in the place. Folks are dancing all over (obvious sign of moral decay), hooking up on tables, and basically releasing all inhibitions. You know, a frat party with somewhat older participants.
Sam is not happy with this (are there insurance concerns?) and confronts Mary Ann in his office. She does her weird shimmy thing (what is UP with that?) and Sam transitions (I think, beer again) and there are threats. Game on.
Fangtasia again. Pam and Eric and some guy whose name I don't know are again grilling Laff. It's not going well for Laff, and then he suddenly asks to be turned into a vampire. The three meanies descend on him and feed like there's 13 seconds left on the Blue-Light special at K-mart.
Sookie and Jessica outside Jessica's house. Of course Jessica bolts from the car and rings the bell. We meet Jessie's mom and little sister, there's some manipulation of the little sister (natch), and everybody has snacks waiting on Daddy to come home.
Daddy arrives, eventually there are harsh words, as Jessica is not pleased with her weak mother and apparent tyrant of a father, and fangs are displayed. ("Sulu, increase potential violence factor to 10.") Bill arrives, more manipulation of the little sister, more harsh words all around, some broken china, expletives, and CUT.
Oh my.
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