We start off a repeat shot of Jordan responding to Lydia's drunken slurs: "I think everybody here knows I'm not a ho." Thanks for clearing that up, BB producers.
The HOH competition is still going on, with peeps trying to get aluminum cans in the plastic tubes. They stretch this out WAY too long. All you need to know is that both Kevin and Russell use the option to throw a disadvantage to other players, the rest of the competitors remain sportsmanlike, and Jeff wins.
Russell in the Diary Room: "I'm the strongest competitor." Dude, you just lost again. How can you qualify that statement?
Kevin in the Diary Room: "I need to convince Jeff that I'm not a threat." Dude-ette, you lied to Jeff and almost got Russell back-doored. Whether Russell deserves it or not, you lied. How are you not a threat?
Kevin and Natalie, chatting about how to save their asses from the block this week. Hey, let's make a final-four deal with Jeff and Jordan! Natalie: "We're loyal and don't talk behind people's backs." What? How can you justify that?
Okay, I'm officially starting a campaign to change the Big Brother catchphrase. "Expect the Unexpected" is old and tired. How about "Expect Delusional People Who Are In Denial." Sound good? Please sign the petition and forward it to your closest friends.
Jordan in the Diary Room: "Mom always said men think with their penises. I one hundred percent agree!" She is so cute. Even when she can't tell time or sits around wondering how spiders do it.
Russell goes to talk to Jeff in the HOH Room, while Jordan and Michelle are also in the room, sprawled around in various states of boredom. Russell to Jeff: "Any problems with me?" Jeff: Oh, just that big rumor that you are out to get me, that's all. Russell tries to explain that he is not after Jeff and has never said anything like that.
Russell tries to get Michelle to cover his back, but she's kind of useless, doing a little bit more damage than good. (Girl does NOT have a poker face.) Luckily, Jeff does not have just a tremendous amount of brain cells, so he seems okay with Russell for now.
A bit later, it's just Jeff and Jordan in the HOH Room, and she's not buying what Russell has to sell. Jeff: Do you wanna call him out? Jordan thinks that's a splendid idea, and they race out to the courtyard.
The scene in the courtyard with those two and Russell is actually fairly calm, especially since hot-head Russell is involved. He, of course, has to waffle a bit and choose his words carefully. This whole plot line is twisted because, even though Russell and Michelle DID discuss taking Jeff out, Jeff and Jordan only know this because of Kevin's lie about actually hearing them say that.
Then we discover that Jeff has been tending a "vegetable patch" in the courtyard, and he does this while shirtless and dripping wet and waving a garden hose around. We see reaction shots of Jordan watching him, salivating with lust and having to adjust her bikini. We also have Kevin in the Diary Room, where he fans himself while talking about Jeff "watering it with his hose" and fantasies of Jeff "mowing his lawn".
We have a poker game with Jeff, Natalie and Russell. During such, Natalie makes an offhand comment about Russell's skills (like you would hear in any game where you have to bluff, that's the art of it) but Russell goes ballistic. That boy has GOT to get it under control or he will never win.
Michelle goes up to Jeff in the HOH Room, just wants to know if "the plan" is still in effect and that she and Russell are safe. Jeff tells her everything is fine. Then a quick shot of him in the Diary Room, telling us he said that just to make them happy.
Side bit with Michelle in the Diary Room, explaining that the other houseguests "have no idea what I do" as a neuro-scientist. Scene with her and Jeff in the courtyard. Jeff: "You gotta come up with something new? Like invent something? Wow. I was impressed when I made a Lego castle. With directions."
Kevin and Natalie approach Jeff, offering up a "final four" plan and claiming they are loyal. (To themselves, maybe. To any other house guest? Don't count on it. And besides, they're still lying about what they've done in the house.) Jeff offers a plan: Put them up as pawns and then backdoor Russell. The two of them squirm while the camera lingers on their panicked faces. Whoops.
Jeff repeats this plan to Jordan, but also says maybe he should just put up Russell and Michelle to get Kevin and Natalie on his side. So who knows what's going to happen at this point.
Russell in the Diary Room, just before the nominations: "I would put up Michelle and myself. Smart move." See, he's not stupid. He just short-circuits any time an emotion of any kind is involved.
Time for the actual Nomination Ceremony. Interestingly enough, Russell's key is the first out of the box, a place normally reserved for you best ally. Jordan's key is last out, and she politely grins during the whole process, but you know she's ready to kick Jeff's butt for thinking that was funny.
Turns out that Jeff has nominated Natalie and Kevin. Jeff tries to keep the mood light, telling Natalie that "you're used to it" by now and should be fine. To Kevin, he explains that "you need the full BB experience" and that includes a nomination.
Right after in the Diary Room, Jeff tells us that he did the Russell key thing to make him feel safe. Then adds that Russell just might have to pay the reaper this week.
We'll find out on Tuesday.
Editor's Note: We're down to six people. As always happens with the episodes when we get to this point, the shows start to get a little boring. There's just not enough stupid people doing stupid things anymore, and they have to fill the hour with inane fluff pieces and boring shots of people getting a tan.
But I will try to keep the funny up in the grill. Word.
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