Thursday, September 24, 2009

#79 - Survivor: Samao - Episode 2

We start with Russell in a sidebar: "Tribal council was fine. Marisa is gone because of me." Very true, you caused that. But we still hate you, so don't come running this way looking for validation.

But I'm not bitter.

Then we have a scene with Russell lying to Betsy about how he's telling everybody to save her despite the fact that she was a devil and tried to get Ashley voted out. He's not doing a damn thing to save Betsy.

Betsy in a sidebar, where she says she's not afraid of Russell. Well, good, then. But you need to realize that until you peeps all get together and figure it out, he's pretty much running the show and can slam dunk you at any second.

Flip over to the Galu tribe, where Jasmine is going off on this country living. She's whining and moaning about the living conditions, and then tells one of her perplexed tribemates: "See this? I have to walk like I have a stick up my butt."

And she keeps ranting. She's a loud girl, babbling about how all her friends were telling her that if she can survive in Dee-Troit City, she can sure as hell survive a little camping trip. Then she lets loose with a line that cracked me up: "The hood's not the woods." Sho nuff.

But that mouth of hers... not gonna work real well in the long run, no matter how funny.

Scene with Hillbilly Ben hunting, trapping a killing this gecko thing. Then shoving a stick through it and roasting it over a fire. Real manly of ya there, Ben. That gecko was what? Four inches? And you wrestled it to the ground all by your lonesome? Wow.

Hate him.

Russell H (the bad one) and Jaison have a discussion. Turns out that Russell thinks Jaison's a pretty cool, trustworthy dude. (It's not clear what Jasion is really thinking about all this, but he goes along with it.) So Russell sets up his 47th alliance of the season so far.

Then Russell announces that he's going to go look for the immunity idol. "These people are so ignorant," standing around not looking for it. Well, those people are actually trying to keep the camp running, something that you haven't contributed to at all.

So Russell moseys around a bit, then finds this odd tree right in the middle of all the action. He fiddles around at the base of it, finds an opening, looks up into the trunk, and slap-me-on-the-ass, he finds the freakin immunity idol. Right there. He shoves it in his drawers and scampers off.

Dear Gawd. Satan himself has a free pass in his underwear. Something tells me this might just be the theme of this whole season if these people don't boot Russell's ass out soon.

Russell dashes off to find Jaison and show him the immunity idol. Jasion can't help but be impressed because, hell, it's the immunity idol. And Russell showed it to him. Russell has captured another fly in his web, because Jaison then admits in a sidebar that "I think I can trust Russell." Poor guy.

We get tree mail, and it turns out that the next competition is going to be really physical.

Sidebar with Mike, the overweight 62-year-old guy. "I'm the oldest but not the weakest." He's going to prove his worth no matter what. Just as soon as he can get off the log he's been sitting on since they first swam ashore. And Mike spews a bunch of rhyming crap about how he's the greatest thing since sliced pepperoni. Not really caring for Mike right now. All talk, no movement.

So we get to the immunity/reward challenge (it's combined this time), and yes, it's going to be very physical. (And there's a twist to be revealed at the end of the competition.) Basically, people will have to fight each other in a pit, trying to get balls to other team members on an upper deck so they can try to throw the ball and score a basket. First tribe with 3 baskets wins.

Jeff says go and immediately the people in the pit are tearing at each other in something of a frenzy. It's kind of out of hand from the get go, some of the guys are really slamming each other.

The first round goes to Foa Foa.

The second round goes to Galu.

Right after this round, Jeff stops the action and says things are right on the line of getting ugly. If you don't settle down, I will pull you out of this competition. (It will come as no surprise that the worst offenders are Ben and Russell H, body-slamming women half their body weight and throwing them into the walls of the pen.)

Round 3 starts, and within seconds, Ben viciously kicks the legs out from under one of the players, and Jeff stops it all. Ben is out. The first time ever that Jeff has had to pull a player from a competition in the history of Survivor.

Foa Foa is now one man short, and Galu easily wins the third round.

Galu also wins the fourth round, meaning immunity and a reward of deluxe fishing gear.

Jeff asks Ben how he feels about being pulled out of the challenge, any regrets about how he played. And of course, Ben is a complete ass about it, refusing to believe he did anything wrong.

See, I'm thinking Ben should be pulled from the entire game and sent home for his actions. He was out of control. But I also thought Russell H should have been pulled for his actions in the last episode. How can the Survivor producers justify keeping these guys in the game? Had to say it.

Anyway, Jeff announces the twist: Russell S (the good one, and leader of the Galu tribe) has to pick one of his tribe members to go live with Foa Foa until the next Tribal Council. Russell S picks "home girl" Jasmine, the mouthy one. She struts over to the other tribe, after being given a "special clue" from Jeff that she can open later during private time.

Jeff also wants Medical to check Mike, who's clearly in some kind of haze after all the shenanigans in the pit. Medical rushes in (Why do all the Medical people always sound Australian on this show? Just wondering.) and they determine that Mike's blood pressure is extremely low and he's in danger of a heart attack. Medical pulls Mike out of the game.

Jeff announces that Tribal Council is still on, and Foa Foa will be sending another person home.

Cut to the Galu camp, where everyone is all excited, because Shambo snatched up the deluxe fishing gear and trotted off to catch come protein riches. While everyone dreams of a seafood feast, we see scenes of Shambo trying to fish in the ocean for about 20 seconds, then she spends the rest of the time floating in a pond and relaxing.

Shambo and her hair finally wander back to camp, with no fish, and the added announcement that "somehow" she lost the mouthpiece on the snorkel mask. She blows it off like it's nothing, but based on the reaction shots and commentary from the other tribe members, I'm guessing that if Galu had lost the Immunity Challenge, Shambo had better be packing her bags.

Back over at Foa Foa, visting Galu tribe member Jasmine decides to give a speech to the Foa Foa tribe. I really don't know what her point is, but she rambles on for while, babbling about not wanting this to be a cakewalk and taking candy from babies. I seriously don't know what she intended to do with that speech, but it clearly riled up Foa Foa. She also wants to talk to Ben privately.

Russell, in a sidebar, is his usual asswipe self and says Jasmine has got to go home. Dude, she's not even on your tribe, you can't vote her out yet. How deep are your delusions? I'm thinking some mental health association would love to have you as a case study.

Cut to Jasmine and Ben's private speech, where Jasmine wants to know why Ben thought it was okay for him to tackle her tiny ass in the Immunity competition when he's twice her size. It's a valid question. But Ben doesn't understand decency and sportsmanship, these are concepts beyond his comprehension.

Their discussion gets really heated and really loud, so it's no longer private and the entire Foa Foa tribe can hear the debate. Despite Jasmine's weird way of saying things, I agree with her. Ben was out of line. But Ben is NOT going to get it, it's a lost cause.

In a sidebar with Ben, he states "Jasmine is pretty close to being a hooker." Really? Based on what, Ben? How do you justify that? You can't. You're just pissed that a woman called you out for playing dirty. And since you can't defend yourself, you call her a whore. And people like you get to vote in a presidential election.

Sidebar with Ashley: Ben is a problem. He's rude in challenges, he gets kicked OUT of challenges. Sigh.

Sidebar with Russell H: He loves that Ben is causing problems, because the focus is on BEN, not him. It's only a matter of time, Russell. You dirty. It's gonna catch up to you eventually.

Cut to the Foa Foa camp at night.

Everyone is trying to sleep, but Ben is up, wandering around banging on things, cutting wood, doing dumbass crap that can wait until morning. No one can sleep.

Next morning, we see lots of scenes of unhappy Foa Foa people, clearly upset with Ben's actions. But what we don't see is any of them calling him on it. Why are you people not standing up to these two guys? I'm not impressed with sheep, just sayin.

Sidebar with Mick, the supposed leader of the Foa Foa tribe. He is insistent that Betsy needs to go home, they need to focus on the challenges. Dude, you are losing challenges and Ben is getting kicked out of those challenges. How is Ben helping you? At the end, Mick admits that Ben is an issue. Really?

Betsy, love her, tries to get votes to send Ben home, but the odds are against her. She talks to Ashley about it, who seems to be on her side, but then Ashley talks to Liv, who's sympathetic on the surface, but then trashes the Ben idea in a sidebar. (Note to self, not really caring for Liv at this point.)

Liv, stupidly, spills all to Russell. Russell then goes on a rant in a sidebar: "Betsy's going home. Betsy threatened me. Marisa threatened me. She went home. " Man, where are you coming up with this "threatening" business, dumb ass? These people did not threaten you. They disagreed with you. And you can't handle that, can you? You have some serious issues.

Time for Tribal Council.

Jeff asks Ben about the Jasmine dialogue that got heated. Ben's classy response? She's a "ghetto whore." And then Russell jumps in and trashes Jasmine as well. (Need I mention that Jasmine is sitting RIGHT THERE, not part of the eviction but able to take all this intel back to the Galu tribe.)

I'll say it right now. Both Ben and Russell H clearly hate women. There's no other explanation. And I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that women hate Ben and Russell. And I am so hoping that it's a woman who ends the Survivor chances for both of these jerks. Fair justice.

Betsy does try going after Ben during tribal, but he's teflon at this point with Russell running the show and most of the tribe too lame to go against Russell's wishes. Betsy does point out that she's the only one who brought her bag to tribal, meaning the rest of the tribe knows Betsy is going home and didn't even bother packing.

And that, dear reader, is a black mark against the rest of the Foa Foa tribe. I don't care how crystal clear it might be about who is going home. You take your bag to tribal. It's a show of respect. Have some decency. Sadly, except for a small number of possibilities, this season so far is full of sheep or bastards.

Jeff tries again to get Ben to show some remorse for how he acted during the challenge, where he had to be removed for cheating. Ben: "You didn't tell me we had to play by your sissy rules."

I don't think I even have to mention that the clenched grimace on Jeff's face made it very clear that he will do what he can to make sure this hillbilly does not win the money. People, you don't piss Jeff off. He will let something slip during tribal that can cost you everything. Seriously.

So we finally get to the vote, and Betsy is the only one who doesn't vote for her to go home. Russell is in full control of this tribe. Turns my stomach.

Jeff ends tribal with: "It's clear that you are voting together, but are you WORKING together. Because something ain't right." Meaning Ben and Russell. Jeff don't play.

In Betsy's exit speech, she cautions that "If they don't figure out Ben, the whole tribe will go down." And honestly, the tribe deserves to do down, based on what we've seen so far. Anybody who's paying the slightest bit of attention should know that Russell is a dog. And Ben is somewhere below that.

Quit playing like sheep, Foa Foa. Do you want the money or not?

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