We start with a quick scene outside the Dallas vamp camp, with Lorena trying to salvage her relationship with Bill, crying those nasty blood tears and everything. Bill: "You are dead to me."
Then Luke, the walking time-bomb from Light of Day, (hey, that pretty much describes everyone in that place, right?) pulls the trigger and rocks the vamp camp house.
Bill races back inside, searching for Sookie, and he finds that Eric has protected Sookie by shielding her from the silver bullets, taking them himself. (A little part of you is all, that is SO sweet, but it's Eric, so who knows what's up.) Eric tells Bill to "get the humans" who did this before they get away.
Bill zips outside and rips open some human necks. He saves the life of the last one, telling this guy to get his ass back to Light of Day and let them know that the vamps are the ones that held back, and it's the God Squad that kicked it up a notch. Game on.
Meanwhile, back in the vamp house, it appears that Eric is dying. He convinces a skeptical Sookie that he can't heal himself because silver bullets were used. Okay then, she'll go get Godric. NO, there's no time for that. You'll have to suck the silver bullets out of me.
Sookie, who clearly has no love for Eric, goes against her better judgement and starts a suckin, spitting the bullets and the blood out as she works away. There's an extended scene where she has to use G-force suction to get a bullet out of his chest, and once again we have a True Blood moment that mixes erotica with oh-my-GOD this should be nasty and wrong. Is it hot in here?
Bill shows back up, and he is none too pleased with Sookie playing candy striper. He lets Sookie know that Eric didn't need any help, he was already healing. He did this just so you would drink his blood and now he's in your head. Now he nows where you are and what you feel. Eric just smiles and says "it was good for me".
Great.
Later, at the vampire hotel, with Sookie and Bill. Sook: "I sucked his chest, what is WRONG with me?" Bill: "The worst thing is that you'll now feel sexual attraction for him" on top of, you know, him knowing exactly what you are doing at any given time.
Lovely.
Jessica and Hoyt at Bill's house, discussing her eternal virginity. Jessica: "Maybe there's an operation." Hoyt: "That thing that grows back? It's just a thing." We'll deal with it. Awww. Then Hoyt says he wants Jessica to meet his Momma. She's all gushy and excited about that, but I'm thinking, girl, you don't want Momma in this equation. Seriously.
But the sun is rising, and Jessica needs to get her beauty sleep. Hoyt offers to sleep with her, but that's still a private thing, it's dirty and creepy down there in the cellar or whatever it is. So they compromise. She wanders down to the crypt, and he stays outside the door, singing to her a song he makes up so she will know he's there while she falls asleep.
Okay, if the tenderness of THAT doesn't grab you, you have no heart. Word.
Then we have Tara and Eggs at Sookie's house, covered in bruises from their little rough-sex encounter spurred on by eating Daphne's heart. (Do you think you'll ever see a sentence like that again?) Mary Ann wanders in and babbles on about how "we need to be out of control" and that nothing is finer than when people "lose themselves and unite with their god".
Okay, we (or at least I) still don't know what the scoop is with Mary Ann, the twitching demon of carnality at campfires, but don't you think it's about time that a somewhat-sane person arrives on the scene to kill Mary Ann. She crazy. Then again, she's got some wild-ass powers, so make sure she's really dead when you take her out.
Brief scene of Sam still in jail, along with half the clueless townsfolk who don't know why they're in the slammer. Someone screams out "All I did was lose my pants, there's no law against that." Well, there probably IS, but that's the least of your worries.
Scene with Sookie and Jason, they can't sleep, and they finally open up to each other. Jason was tired of being known just for "my sexual abilities", that's why he went to Light of Day, where "Steve and Sarah stopped my mind from going round." He just didn't know about the rest of the mess they were up to. "Our whole family's gone." It's just us. Sookie: "Then we gotta be good to each other." Tears everywhere. Very touching.
Then they turn on the TV (which everyone does at a really emotional moment, right?) and we see crazy Steve and Sarah on a talk show, arguing with Nan Flannagan, the spokesperson for the American Vampire League that we've seen from time to time.
Steve and Sarah are over each other, even though they're trying to represent their god. Sarah about Steve: "If he's not the center of attention, he just flips out." When Nan tries to present a valid point about Light of Day taking deadly action when the vampires were trying to make peace, all Sarah can come up with is "I hate your hair."
Nan: "How can you have meaningful dialogue with these people?"
Scene with Arlene and Terry at Merlotte's, where Arlene gets to have two great lines. About Daphne: "She was clumsy, stupid and mean" but she didn't deserve to die. And to Terry: "Please quit being more peculiar than you usually are."
Eggs and Tara wander in to Merlotte's, and when Lafayette sees the bruises on Tara, he lashes out at Eggs. Big fight. Tara finally pushed Eggs out the door and they run off.
Hoyt meets with his Momma, and she is none too supportive about Jessica. ("Vampires are devils.") Hoyt calls her out on her bigotry against anyone who isn't exactly like her. Good scene.
Odd, long scene with Sookie in bed with Eric, (girl is not afraid to flash her breasts, just sayin), and they are discussing what it takes to make a good vampire. Eric: "You killed a man." Sookie: "That was for self defense. Not for lunch." Then we see that Lorena is the one behind this induced vision, and Sookie wakes up.
Mary Ann saunters into the Bon Temps jail, and users her flutter magic on Sherrif Dearborn to get into the holding cells. She's looking for Sam. Luckily, Sam has been inspired by a fly buzzing around in his cell, and he's transitioned. He's gone. Mary Ann, pissed, releases all of her little acolytes in the other holding cells and she stomps off. Can't be good.
Then we have Hoyt, his Momma, and Jessica doing a meet-and-greet at Merlotte's. Momma can't be decent, and lashes out at Jessica, making sure she points out that Jess can't have any babies. Hoyt is done with Momma, and they leave.
Cut to Tara, Eggs and Mary Ann at Sookie's. (Note the fly on the table? Sam?) Laff shows up with Tara's mama, this is an intervention. Mary Ann promptly grabs some alcohol and tries to tempt Mama. (Laff calls Mary Ann a "soulless bitch". Yay!) Then Tara and Eggs get the weird eyes and come out fighting, slapping Laff and Mama around. Luckily, Laff is one strong queen and he snatches up Tara and throws her in the car while Mama floors it and they head off into the night.
Then we're back at the Dallas vamp lair, where Nan from the Vampire League is now running the show. She berates them all. Then fires Godric. (What? How do you DO that?) When several people protest this, Nan is NOTHING in the scheme of things, trying to get Godric to stand up for himself, she belts out "I'm on TV. Try me."
In case I haven't made it clear, Nan is a total bitch.
Sookie, always trying to do the right thing, confronts Nan about how Godric is good. This is so not right. Amazingly, Godric is fine with it. He'll give up everything. Happily.
Mary Ann stomps into Merlotte's, and turns everyone there into her weird-eyed servants. I want Sam Merlotte. NOW!
A fly buzzes up to Deputy Andy's house, the doorbell rings, he answers, and there's Sam, naked.
Back at the Dallas vamp camp, Godric apologizes to all. "I will make ammends."
Short scene with Bill and Eric. Bill: " We have a score to settle." Then he punches Eric with vampire force. Eric: "It's done. I'm part of her now. Now get out of my way."
People, this thang ain't endin here, tellin ya right now.
Scene with Sookie and Bill. Sookie: "I gotta do something for Godric." Bill: "It's not our concern." Sookie: "NO! What if it was you?"
Godric has gone up to the roof of the building, where he apparently plans to walk into the sun. Eric follows him. Godric: "We don't belong here." Eric breaks down, sobbing those creepy blood tears, begging him not to do it. Godric: "Father. Brother. Son. Let me go." Eric is devastated: "I won't let you die alone." Godric is not hip with this, wants Eric to leave: "As your maker, I command you."
It's actually very touching, very emotional.
Sookie shows up, tells Eric: "I'll stay with him as long as it takes." Eric finally stumbles away.
It's just Godric and Sookie now, with the sun rising.
Godric: "Do you believe in God?"
Sookie: "Of course I do."
Godric: "You will care for him? Eric?"
Sookie avoids a direct answer, instead asking: "Are you very afraid?"
Godric: "I'm full of joy."
Sookie: "I'm afraid FOR you."
Godric: "A human with me at the end. And human tears. In this I see God."
He walks into the sunlight. And is gone.
Peeps, I didn't dare make any snarky remarks during this last bit. It's a fundamental question that we all face. How much of what we have done with our lives is worthy? How much is golden?
Peace out.
Monday, August 17, 2009
#51 - Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 17
We open with reactions from various houseguests after Jeff has flipped the house by using the Coupe de Ville:
Jordan in the Diary Room: "I was in complete shock!" Really? Is that why your jaw dropped to the ground and stayed there? I thought you were just waiting for a bus to pull in there and park. You've got enough room in that head of yours.
Russell: "I was in shock and relief." Well, yeah. Julie was already installing the booster seat out on the stage for your exit interview.
Chima: "I. AM. LIVID!" Who cares. Next.
Then a scene where all the houseguests are sitting in the eviction area, and Jeff is explaining why he did what he did with the flip. (And Chima is screaming like a banshee at every word out of his mouth, because she's so polite and all.) But hold up. Jessie is still there. In the nomination chair.
So this scene is taking place AFTER Jeff has put Jessie up, but before the eviction has been announced. So I guess people are actually still voting, or they have voted and are waiting on Julie (who is busily taking DOWN the booster seat) to break the news. This is weird. They normally don't let us see ANY unsupervised houseguest chatter during the live eviction. Who is in charge of this thing?
Anyway, I thought Jeff did a very good job with what he said. It should have made sense even to those on the other side of the house split. But Chima is having none of it, yelling and spitting and threatening Jeff. Chima is really and truly a horrible person. You know her grandma has GOT to be ashamed.
Then we have Natalie in the Diary Room, sobbing hysterically: Why do the bad and evil people always win? "The good just seem to go down in flames."
Gee, if that's true, then I guess YOU won't be going down in flames, because you're not any good at all. Please.
This seems to be a recurring theme every season. The folks in the group who are terrorizing everyone else seem to think they are doing blessed and noble things. And they are stunned and outraged when someone decent tries to get them out of the house.
There must be a question on the BB application form that asks "Are you the type of person who thinks everything you do is right just because YOU are the one doing it?" If you have the ego to answer "yes", you probably automatically advance to the next interview. And I would imagine that Chima stapled her headshot pic to this question.
And it continues.
Chima in the Diary Room on Jessie's eviction, also sobbing: "It's like a family member dying!" Oh good gawd, woman. Are you serious? Try to get some focus in your life. Nobody died. And you saying something like that, over a six-week pretend friendship, is a slap in the face to people who really are grieving over relatives. That's just heartless. (Can you tell that I don't really care for Cheeze-ma?)
Lydia in the Diary Room, crying as well: "Jessie got into my heart, he didn't get into my head. If that makes me the weak player, that's fine. I'll be the weak player." You'll BE the weak player? Sweetie, not only have you already been there, you've made yourself at home there. And say hello to your roommate Natalie.
Kevin in the Diary Room: He's fine with Jessie going home and the Coup d'Etat thing. "Jessie dissed me. America is right."
Russell tells Jeff that if at some point they both get put up, and Russell wins POV, he will give the POV to Jeff. Just keepin his word. Interesting. Nice gesture to make up for Jeff saving your hide, but I'm not sure you should have said that. Might have to honor it, sayin.
Russell and Michelle in the HOH Room, trying to smooth over their troubled past. (Russ is wearing glasses, I haven't seen those before. Does he feel he needs to wear them when he talks to Michelle?) Michelle tells him she's not happy because he told everyone things she said in confidence to him, and that he's aggressive and pushy. Good girl.
Lydia, Natalie, Chima and Kevin are gathered around the kitchen table, and they bring out "Jessie's wine." What is that? Did he bring it in the house with him? Does he have his own vineyard? How is this HIS wine? They start making toasts to Jessie, although interestingly enough, Keven is not drinking the wine, even though he does participate in the toasting bit at first.
Jordan heads out into the courtyard and tells Jeff, Russell and Michelle that "they pulled out Jessie's wine bottle" in a tone of voice that really says "don't go in the kitchen unless you wanna barf at the sight."
At the drunken Jessie worship fest, where the tears and estrogen are flowing:
Lydia: "He prayed for all of us all the time." He did? I never saw that. Did you see that?
And it goes from there, with Lydia, Chima and Natalie trying to top each other with their stories of how every minute with Jessie was like basking in glorious sunlight. (Kevin is finally over it and slips away. "The guy was an idiot.")
They are so delusional with their words that I can't help but pull a Jordan Jaw Drop. The pen slips out of my hand and rolls off the couch onto the floor, and I don't even bother to capture the rest of the blather pouring out of their lips. This is truly amazing.
People, Jessie was NOT the Second Coming. Can you hear me in there? Hello?
Then it's time for the Have/Have Not Competition, something involving matching up casseroles by tasting their weird ingredients and winning food for a day and such. During this, Chima is a complete witch to everyone, especially Russell, screaming at him "don't look at me!" every time he comes anywhere near her. She is a spoiled baby that cannot stand not getting her way, and it's way overdue for her to leave the house.
Then a few scenes where we get to meet "Dae Yum Yum", Lydia's magical stuffed unicorn. We see her talking to it and playing with it, her eyes all lit up when she's doing so. I think this was supposed to play as "cute". Instead, it came off as a clinical training film on how to identify Infantile Regression. Kevin looks properly horrified off to the side.
Scene in the courtyard where Jeff and Jordan are being teased about being boyfriend/girlfriend and getting married. They play along, with Jordan eventually telling Jeff "I want a square-cut diamond. And you better put a lot of thought into it." They cute.
Natalie in the HOH Room, with Natalie slamming Russell and listing all of his horrible atrocities. Michelle politely listens, and then tells her "no one's clean" in this house.
Then Diana Ross, I mean Chima, takes her diva stab at talking to Michelle. Of course she starts to slam Russell, but Michelle stops her with: "I'm not gonna B.S. you. You're not going to like the nominations." (Michelle's value is slowly rising in my book, just throwing that out there.)
Chima, unable to deal with not getting her way, actually threatens Michelle with "He may be YOUR endgame if you don't put him up." Good move, Chima. Threaten the HOH, when she already doesn't care for you much at all. Oh that's right. You're in such denial that you don't think anything can happen to you. My bad.
Just before the nominations, Natalie: A little bit worried. "I haven't had to fight at all in this game." Well bless your bitter little 12-year-old heart. Figured that out all on your own, did ya?You can see LOTS of things when your face isn't covered by Jessie's ass.
Finally, the Nominations.
It's Chima and Natalie.
Michelle to Chima: "You're a strong player, but YOU would not take me to the end."
Michelle to Natalie: "Someone had to be in the other seat."
Immediately after, Chima in the Diary Room. Her head is about to spin right off, and those lips are spitting out a whole buncha hate on somebody. But we have no idea what she said, because they bleeped practically every thing. Interestingly enough, I think the only word that made it through was "bitch".
I just grabbed another beer and smiled.
But wait. The announcer dude throws a curveball at the very end. On Tuesday's show, one of the houseguest's will be removed from the house because they self-destruct.
What the HELL?
My first guess is Chima. She's been teetering for on the edge for a couple weeks now.
But then there's Russell. That boy has a quick and hot temper.
Or maybe somebody unicorn-naps Dae Yum Yum and Lydia snaps.
So many possibilities, really.
And hey, what about the the double eviction we're supposed to have on Thursday? Still on?
Hmm.
Jordan in the Diary Room: "I was in complete shock!" Really? Is that why your jaw dropped to the ground and stayed there? I thought you were just waiting for a bus to pull in there and park. You've got enough room in that head of yours.
Russell: "I was in shock and relief." Well, yeah. Julie was already installing the booster seat out on the stage for your exit interview.
Chima: "I. AM. LIVID!" Who cares. Next.
Then a scene where all the houseguests are sitting in the eviction area, and Jeff is explaining why he did what he did with the flip. (And Chima is screaming like a banshee at every word out of his mouth, because she's so polite and all.) But hold up. Jessie is still there. In the nomination chair.
So this scene is taking place AFTER Jeff has put Jessie up, but before the eviction has been announced. So I guess people are actually still voting, or they have voted and are waiting on Julie (who is busily taking DOWN the booster seat) to break the news. This is weird. They normally don't let us see ANY unsupervised houseguest chatter during the live eviction. Who is in charge of this thing?
Anyway, I thought Jeff did a very good job with what he said. It should have made sense even to those on the other side of the house split. But Chima is having none of it, yelling and spitting and threatening Jeff. Chima is really and truly a horrible person. You know her grandma has GOT to be ashamed.
Then we have Natalie in the Diary Room, sobbing hysterically: Why do the bad and evil people always win? "The good just seem to go down in flames."
Gee, if that's true, then I guess YOU won't be going down in flames, because you're not any good at all. Please.
This seems to be a recurring theme every season. The folks in the group who are terrorizing everyone else seem to think they are doing blessed and noble things. And they are stunned and outraged when someone decent tries to get them out of the house.
There must be a question on the BB application form that asks "Are you the type of person who thinks everything you do is right just because YOU are the one doing it?" If you have the ego to answer "yes", you probably automatically advance to the next interview. And I would imagine that Chima stapled her headshot pic to this question.
And it continues.
Chima in the Diary Room on Jessie's eviction, also sobbing: "It's like a family member dying!" Oh good gawd, woman. Are you serious? Try to get some focus in your life. Nobody died. And you saying something like that, over a six-week pretend friendship, is a slap in the face to people who really are grieving over relatives. That's just heartless. (Can you tell that I don't really care for Cheeze-ma?)
Lydia in the Diary Room, crying as well: "Jessie got into my heart, he didn't get into my head. If that makes me the weak player, that's fine. I'll be the weak player." You'll BE the weak player? Sweetie, not only have you already been there, you've made yourself at home there. And say hello to your roommate Natalie.
Kevin in the Diary Room: He's fine with Jessie going home and the Coup d'Etat thing. "Jessie dissed me. America is right."
Russell tells Jeff that if at some point they both get put up, and Russell wins POV, he will give the POV to Jeff. Just keepin his word. Interesting. Nice gesture to make up for Jeff saving your hide, but I'm not sure you should have said that. Might have to honor it, sayin.
Russell and Michelle in the HOH Room, trying to smooth over their troubled past. (Russ is wearing glasses, I haven't seen those before. Does he feel he needs to wear them when he talks to Michelle?) Michelle tells him she's not happy because he told everyone things she said in confidence to him, and that he's aggressive and pushy. Good girl.
Lydia, Natalie, Chima and Kevin are gathered around the kitchen table, and they bring out "Jessie's wine." What is that? Did he bring it in the house with him? Does he have his own vineyard? How is this HIS wine? They start making toasts to Jessie, although interestingly enough, Keven is not drinking the wine, even though he does participate in the toasting bit at first.
Jordan heads out into the courtyard and tells Jeff, Russell and Michelle that "they pulled out Jessie's wine bottle" in a tone of voice that really says "don't go in the kitchen unless you wanna barf at the sight."
At the drunken Jessie worship fest, where the tears and estrogen are flowing:
Lydia: "He prayed for all of us all the time." He did? I never saw that. Did you see that?
And it goes from there, with Lydia, Chima and Natalie trying to top each other with their stories of how every minute with Jessie was like basking in glorious sunlight. (Kevin is finally over it and slips away. "The guy was an idiot.")
They are so delusional with their words that I can't help but pull a Jordan Jaw Drop. The pen slips out of my hand and rolls off the couch onto the floor, and I don't even bother to capture the rest of the blather pouring out of their lips. This is truly amazing.
People, Jessie was NOT the Second Coming. Can you hear me in there? Hello?
Then it's time for the Have/Have Not Competition, something involving matching up casseroles by tasting their weird ingredients and winning food for a day and such. During this, Chima is a complete witch to everyone, especially Russell, screaming at him "don't look at me!" every time he comes anywhere near her. She is a spoiled baby that cannot stand not getting her way, and it's way overdue for her to leave the house.
Then a few scenes where we get to meet "Dae Yum Yum", Lydia's magical stuffed unicorn. We see her talking to it and playing with it, her eyes all lit up when she's doing so. I think this was supposed to play as "cute". Instead, it came off as a clinical training film on how to identify Infantile Regression. Kevin looks properly horrified off to the side.
Scene in the courtyard where Jeff and Jordan are being teased about being boyfriend/girlfriend and getting married. They play along, with Jordan eventually telling Jeff "I want a square-cut diamond. And you better put a lot of thought into it." They cute.
Natalie in the HOH Room, with Natalie slamming Russell and listing all of his horrible atrocities. Michelle politely listens, and then tells her "no one's clean" in this house.
Then Diana Ross, I mean Chima, takes her diva stab at talking to Michelle. Of course she starts to slam Russell, but Michelle stops her with: "I'm not gonna B.S. you. You're not going to like the nominations." (Michelle's value is slowly rising in my book, just throwing that out there.)
Chima, unable to deal with not getting her way, actually threatens Michelle with "He may be YOUR endgame if you don't put him up." Good move, Chima. Threaten the HOH, when she already doesn't care for you much at all. Oh that's right. You're in such denial that you don't think anything can happen to you. My bad.
Just before the nominations, Natalie: A little bit worried. "I haven't had to fight at all in this game." Well bless your bitter little 12-year-old heart. Figured that out all on your own, did ya?You can see LOTS of things when your face isn't covered by Jessie's ass.
Finally, the Nominations.
It's Chima and Natalie.
Michelle to Chima: "You're a strong player, but YOU would not take me to the end."
Michelle to Natalie: "Someone had to be in the other seat."
Immediately after, Chima in the Diary Room. Her head is about to spin right off, and those lips are spitting out a whole buncha hate on somebody. But we have no idea what she said, because they bleeped practically every thing. Interestingly enough, I think the only word that made it through was "bitch".
I just grabbed another beer and smiled.
But wait. The announcer dude throws a curveball at the very end. On Tuesday's show, one of the houseguest's will be removed from the house because they self-destruct.
What the HELL?
My first guess is Chima. She's been teetering for on the edge for a couple weeks now.
But then there's Russell. That boy has a quick and hot temper.
Or maybe somebody unicorn-naps Dae Yum Yum and Lydia snaps.
So many possibilities, really.
And hey, what about the the double eviction we're supposed to have on Thursday? Still on?
Hmm.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
#50 - Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 16
Okay, two things. First, I apologize for this delayed posting on last Thursdays's show. Terry was out of town, and we agreed that I would not watch this thing until he got back today. Being supportive of each other and all that crap. Second, once Terry was back in da house and we were sitting down to watch Thursdays' episode, he was jacking around with the remote and we suddenly got a clip of what happened at the end of Thursday's episode.
Great. Now we weren't going to experience the drama of wondering whether or not Jeff was going to use the Coup d'Etat, and HOW he was going to use it if he did. (I would suspect that mis-usage of a remote control is one of the primary reasons why couples go into counseling. Just sayin.)
Sucks.
Now, on with the show, with me pretending that I don't know the outcome.
Julie tells us that the vote to give Jeff the Coup d'Etat was overwhelmingly in his favor. Well good, then. Maybe there's hope for America yet.
Kevin in the Diary Room: "I didn't want to use the POV because I don't want more enemies in the house, and I want to ensure that Russell has the votes to go home." Girl, it's okay, I get it. You did what you thought was best for you.
Why do SO many of the house guests not understand that this is a game, and that maybe your bestie in the house might have to do something that doesn't fully satisfy you. People like:
Lydia in the Diary Room: Kevin's reasons are "totally bogus." First, people don't use that phrase any more, it's SO two decades ago. And second, wipe off the roadkill mascara and try to fully open your eyes for once. You can't depend on other people to save your delusional ass. Maybe YOU should do something to save your butt. That thought ever cross your mind?
Side note: Why is it that the Big Brother house is so filthy? This episode in particular had tons of shots of trashed bedrooms. There's crap everywhere: popcorn (??) all over the floor, piles of shoes and underwear, clothes just thrown wherever. People. You have nothing to do for 23 hours every day. Why can't you pick up after yourselves? Filthy pigs, all of ya.
Jessie in a convo with Lydia, worried about the Coup d'Etat: "I've lost in this game before." Yes, you have. You were sent home because people don't like you. You were brought back by the BB producers because people don't like you. Do you see a pattern here? Of course not, your ego is in the way.
Jeff: "I LOVE having this power." Good for him.
Natalie: Jessie and I decided to spend the day with Jeff and Jordan in case one of them has the Coup d'Etat. And yet you haven't had ANYthing to do with them up until now. That won't look suspicious at all. And the plan fails, with Natalie not being able to play badminton with Jeff, and Jessie wimping out in the pool with Jordan because "he's cold." Puh-leeze.
Russell tries playing Jessie -
Russ: You can't win without me.
Jess: You didn't pick me to play in the last POV.
Russ: I didn't know if I could trust you.
Jess: I don't know if I can trust YOU.
Dudes, just go off and bang each other, everyone's expecting you to do that, the sexual tension is so thick. No one will ask you about it in the morning. Seriously. It's 2009 and we have a democrat in the White House. (Can I get a hallelujah?)
Russell goes to Michelle, they are the only two people in the crazy swimming pool bedroom, and they are WHISPERING about strategy. (Did you catch the part about whispering?) Cut to Natalie in the next room. Jessie wanders up to her, and she practically breaks her neck getting his attention, saying Russell is in there lying to Michelle. "They were so loud it woke me up!" Bitch, please. Unless you had your nappy head shoved against the wall, you couldn't have heard a thing.
Jessie storms into the swimming pool bedroom, starts a big-ass fight with Russell, and keeps throwing comments at Michelle that she shouldn't trust Russell, because he called her crazy just a few days ago. Okay, yes, Russell did do that, but Jessie, this is a private conversation and it is NOT YOUR PLACE. You have no business in here.
Chima in the HOH Room: About Russell, "I will be dancing on his grave" and "If Jeff uses the Wizard Power, there WILL be drama." Of course there will, Chima. Because you are so far up your own ass that you can reach out your mouth and do a finger snap. Sayin.
In case it's not clear, I can't stand Chima. Word.
Then we get to meet Chima's family, mostly her grandma. It's a fluff piece, but Grams lets us know two things: She's not really happy about Chima and her loud, abrasive mouth, and that Chima's name should be pronounced "Chee-ma", but Chima changed it to "Shee-ma". Which means the skank has been altering reality to fit her own needs since she first learned her own name. Does THAT spell it out for ya?
So it's time for the Eviction Vote, and right at the wire, my man Jeff stands up to use his Coup d'Etat powers. (The shot of Jordan's jaw hitting the ground was priceless, girl could not even pretend to help herself, even Julie broke emotionless robot mode and had to comment on that.)
So Jeff pulls Lydia off the block and replaces her with Natalie. (Lydia, if you have any sense at all left in that head of yours, you will remember and honor this.)
Then Jeff pulls Russell of the block, and replaces him with Jessie. And Jessie promptly rips off his sweater to reveal a t-shirt proclaiming Jessie as "The Man, The Myth, The Legend". What in gay HELL is wrong with this man? HOW does someone get that proud of themself?
Jeff explains to the two that so far "you have run the house" and "it's time for you to feel what it's like on the block". Bless him.
Natalie in her "Save Me" speech: "I have been loyal" in this house. WHAT? Since your suction-cup lips have never left Jessie's butt, I don't see how you've even had TIME to think about being loyal, never mind actually doing it.
Jessie in his "Save Me" speech: He falls apart. He takes a weak swipe at Jeff, but it's pretty pointless. It was thrilling to see that when push comes to shove, Jessie ain't all that.
So everybody heads to the Diary Room, and Jessie is voted out.
During the goodbyes, the arrogant baby won't even hug Kevin. That's nice, real sportsmanship. I just hope the BB producers are proud of themselves for bringing back someone that most people hated, giving him a second chance that he didn't deserve, and letting decent people go home because they just want to jack the ratings. How fair is that, CBS?
Anyway, it's time for the HOH competition. Chima gets to compete because Jeff used the Coup d'Etat and she was thrown out of office. I have a problem with that, because the producers didn't say squat concerning this angle until the last minute. Just more proof that that this show is rigged from Day One to the Final Vote. Not being bitter, just laying it out there.
So we have the competition, one of those things where two houseguests have to answer a question. If they get it wrong, they gone. If they get it right, they get to pick the next two to answer a question.
Kevin wins the first round (eliminating Lydia, imagine that). When he's trying to select the next two players, Chima snaps her fingers and points at Russell and Jeff. (Can this tramp be any more demanding and delusional about her importance on this planet?) Amazingly, Kevin picks those two suggestions. So my estimation of Keving just went down a notch. Is he now Chima's bitch?)
In the end, that bit of business doesn't really matter. Michelle wins HOH.
And this is actually really good, and really fair. (And I'm sure the BB producers were really ticked off about it, because it's not what they expected and they lost a little bit of control.) Michelle is really in the middle, and who knows where this is going to go.
Then we realize the BB producers are trying to take back the direction of the game, when the voice-over announcer at the end of the episode lets us know that next Thursday will be a double eviction.
Sigh. Anyway, thrilled that Chima didn't win HOH. I want her gone. Now.
Great. Now we weren't going to experience the drama of wondering whether or not Jeff was going to use the Coup d'Etat, and HOW he was going to use it if he did. (I would suspect that mis-usage of a remote control is one of the primary reasons why couples go into counseling. Just sayin.)
Sucks.
Now, on with the show, with me pretending that I don't know the outcome.
Julie tells us that the vote to give Jeff the Coup d'Etat was overwhelmingly in his favor. Well good, then. Maybe there's hope for America yet.
Kevin in the Diary Room: "I didn't want to use the POV because I don't want more enemies in the house, and I want to ensure that Russell has the votes to go home." Girl, it's okay, I get it. You did what you thought was best for you.
Why do SO many of the house guests not understand that this is a game, and that maybe your bestie in the house might have to do something that doesn't fully satisfy you. People like:
Lydia in the Diary Room: Kevin's reasons are "totally bogus." First, people don't use that phrase any more, it's SO two decades ago. And second, wipe off the roadkill mascara and try to fully open your eyes for once. You can't depend on other people to save your delusional ass. Maybe YOU should do something to save your butt. That thought ever cross your mind?
Side note: Why is it that the Big Brother house is so filthy? This episode in particular had tons of shots of trashed bedrooms. There's crap everywhere: popcorn (??) all over the floor, piles of shoes and underwear, clothes just thrown wherever. People. You have nothing to do for 23 hours every day. Why can't you pick up after yourselves? Filthy pigs, all of ya.
Jessie in a convo with Lydia, worried about the Coup d'Etat: "I've lost in this game before." Yes, you have. You were sent home because people don't like you. You were brought back by the BB producers because people don't like you. Do you see a pattern here? Of course not, your ego is in the way.
Jeff: "I LOVE having this power." Good for him.
Natalie: Jessie and I decided to spend the day with Jeff and Jordan in case one of them has the Coup d'Etat. And yet you haven't had ANYthing to do with them up until now. That won't look suspicious at all. And the plan fails, with Natalie not being able to play badminton with Jeff, and Jessie wimping out in the pool with Jordan because "he's cold." Puh-leeze.
Russell tries playing Jessie -
Russ: You can't win without me.
Jess: You didn't pick me to play in the last POV.
Russ: I didn't know if I could trust you.
Jess: I don't know if I can trust YOU.
Dudes, just go off and bang each other, everyone's expecting you to do that, the sexual tension is so thick. No one will ask you about it in the morning. Seriously. It's 2009 and we have a democrat in the White House. (Can I get a hallelujah?)
Russell goes to Michelle, they are the only two people in the crazy swimming pool bedroom, and they are WHISPERING about strategy. (Did you catch the part about whispering?) Cut to Natalie in the next room. Jessie wanders up to her, and she practically breaks her neck getting his attention, saying Russell is in there lying to Michelle. "They were so loud it woke me up!" Bitch, please. Unless you had your nappy head shoved against the wall, you couldn't have heard a thing.
Jessie storms into the swimming pool bedroom, starts a big-ass fight with Russell, and keeps throwing comments at Michelle that she shouldn't trust Russell, because he called her crazy just a few days ago. Okay, yes, Russell did do that, but Jessie, this is a private conversation and it is NOT YOUR PLACE. You have no business in here.
Chima in the HOH Room: About Russell, "I will be dancing on his grave" and "If Jeff uses the Wizard Power, there WILL be drama." Of course there will, Chima. Because you are so far up your own ass that you can reach out your mouth and do a finger snap. Sayin.
In case it's not clear, I can't stand Chima. Word.
Then we get to meet Chima's family, mostly her grandma. It's a fluff piece, but Grams lets us know two things: She's not really happy about Chima and her loud, abrasive mouth, and that Chima's name should be pronounced "Chee-ma", but Chima changed it to "Shee-ma". Which means the skank has been altering reality to fit her own needs since she first learned her own name. Does THAT spell it out for ya?
So it's time for the Eviction Vote, and right at the wire, my man Jeff stands up to use his Coup d'Etat powers. (The shot of Jordan's jaw hitting the ground was priceless, girl could not even pretend to help herself, even Julie broke emotionless robot mode and had to comment on that.)
So Jeff pulls Lydia off the block and replaces her with Natalie. (Lydia, if you have any sense at all left in that head of yours, you will remember and honor this.)
Then Jeff pulls Russell of the block, and replaces him with Jessie. And Jessie promptly rips off his sweater to reveal a t-shirt proclaiming Jessie as "The Man, The Myth, The Legend". What in gay HELL is wrong with this man? HOW does someone get that proud of themself?
Jeff explains to the two that so far "you have run the house" and "it's time for you to feel what it's like on the block". Bless him.
Natalie in her "Save Me" speech: "I have been loyal" in this house. WHAT? Since your suction-cup lips have never left Jessie's butt, I don't see how you've even had TIME to think about being loyal, never mind actually doing it.
Jessie in his "Save Me" speech: He falls apart. He takes a weak swipe at Jeff, but it's pretty pointless. It was thrilling to see that when push comes to shove, Jessie ain't all that.
So everybody heads to the Diary Room, and Jessie is voted out.
During the goodbyes, the arrogant baby won't even hug Kevin. That's nice, real sportsmanship. I just hope the BB producers are proud of themselves for bringing back someone that most people hated, giving him a second chance that he didn't deserve, and letting decent people go home because they just want to jack the ratings. How fair is that, CBS?
Anyway, it's time for the HOH competition. Chima gets to compete because Jeff used the Coup d'Etat and she was thrown out of office. I have a problem with that, because the producers didn't say squat concerning this angle until the last minute. Just more proof that that this show is rigged from Day One to the Final Vote. Not being bitter, just laying it out there.
So we have the competition, one of those things where two houseguests have to answer a question. If they get it wrong, they gone. If they get it right, they get to pick the next two to answer a question.
Kevin wins the first round (eliminating Lydia, imagine that). When he's trying to select the next two players, Chima snaps her fingers and points at Russell and Jeff. (Can this tramp be any more demanding and delusional about her importance on this planet?) Amazingly, Kevin picks those two suggestions. So my estimation of Keving just went down a notch. Is he now Chima's bitch?)
In the end, that bit of business doesn't really matter. Michelle wins HOH.
And this is actually really good, and really fair. (And I'm sure the BB producers were really ticked off about it, because it's not what they expected and they lost a little bit of control.) Michelle is really in the middle, and who knows where this is going to go.
Then we realize the BB producers are trying to take back the direction of the game, when the voice-over announcer at the end of the episode lets us know that next Thursday will be a double eviction.
Sigh. Anyway, thrilled that Chima didn't win HOH. I want her gone. Now.
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