We open with reactions from various houseguests after Jeff has flipped the house by using the Coupe de Ville:
Jordan in the Diary Room: "I was in complete shock!" Really? Is that why your jaw dropped to the ground and stayed there? I thought you were just waiting for a bus to pull in there and park. You've got enough room in that head of yours.
Russell: "I was in shock and relief." Well, yeah. Julie was already installing the booster seat out on the stage for your exit interview.
Chima: "I. AM. LIVID!" Who cares. Next.
Then a scene where all the houseguests are sitting in the eviction area, and Jeff is explaining why he did what he did with the flip. (And Chima is screaming like a banshee at every word out of his mouth, because she's so polite and all.) But hold up. Jessie is still there. In the nomination chair.
So this scene is taking place AFTER Jeff has put Jessie up, but before the eviction has been announced. So I guess people are actually still voting, or they have voted and are waiting on Julie (who is busily taking DOWN the booster seat) to break the news. This is weird. They normally don't let us see ANY unsupervised houseguest chatter during the live eviction. Who is in charge of this thing?
Anyway, I thought Jeff did a very good job with what he said. It should have made sense even to those on the other side of the house split. But Chima is having none of it, yelling and spitting and threatening Jeff. Chima is really and truly a horrible person. You know her grandma has GOT to be ashamed.
Then we have Natalie in the Diary Room, sobbing hysterically: Why do the bad and evil people always win? "The good just seem to go down in flames."
Gee, if that's true, then I guess YOU won't be going down in flames, because you're not any good at all. Please.
This seems to be a recurring theme every season. The folks in the group who are terrorizing everyone else seem to think they are doing blessed and noble things. And they are stunned and outraged when someone decent tries to get them out of the house.
There must be a question on the BB application form that asks "Are you the type of person who thinks everything you do is right just because YOU are the one doing it?" If you have the ego to answer "yes", you probably automatically advance to the next interview. And I would imagine that Chima stapled her headshot pic to this question.
And it continues.
Chima in the Diary Room on Jessie's eviction, also sobbing: "It's like a family member dying!" Oh good gawd, woman. Are you serious? Try to get some focus in your life. Nobody died. And you saying something like that, over a six-week pretend friendship, is a slap in the face to people who really are grieving over relatives. That's just heartless. (Can you tell that I don't really care for Cheeze-ma?)
Lydia in the Diary Room, crying as well: "Jessie got into my heart, he didn't get into my head. If that makes me the weak player, that's fine. I'll be the weak player." You'll BE the weak player? Sweetie, not only have you already been there, you've made yourself at home there. And say hello to your roommate Natalie.
Kevin in the Diary Room: He's fine with Jessie going home and the Coup d'Etat thing. "Jessie dissed me. America is right."
Russell tells Jeff that if at some point they both get put up, and Russell wins POV, he will give the POV to Jeff. Just keepin his word. Interesting. Nice gesture to make up for Jeff saving your hide, but I'm not sure you should have said that. Might have to honor it, sayin.
Russell and Michelle in the HOH Room, trying to smooth over their troubled past. (Russ is wearing glasses, I haven't seen those before. Does he feel he needs to wear them when he talks to Michelle?) Michelle tells him she's not happy because he told everyone things she said in confidence to him, and that he's aggressive and pushy. Good girl.
Lydia, Natalie, Chima and Kevin are gathered around the kitchen table, and they bring out "Jessie's wine." What is that? Did he bring it in the house with him? Does he have his own vineyard? How is this HIS wine? They start making toasts to Jessie, although interestingly enough, Keven is not drinking the wine, even though he does participate in the toasting bit at first.
Jordan heads out into the courtyard and tells Jeff, Russell and Michelle that "they pulled out Jessie's wine bottle" in a tone of voice that really says "don't go in the kitchen unless you wanna barf at the sight."
At the drunken Jessie worship fest, where the tears and estrogen are flowing:
Lydia: "He prayed for all of us all the time." He did? I never saw that. Did you see that?
And it goes from there, with Lydia, Chima and Natalie trying to top each other with their stories of how every minute with Jessie was like basking in glorious sunlight. (Kevin is finally over it and slips away. "The guy was an idiot.")
They are so delusional with their words that I can't help but pull a Jordan Jaw Drop. The pen slips out of my hand and rolls off the couch onto the floor, and I don't even bother to capture the rest of the blather pouring out of their lips. This is truly amazing.
People, Jessie was NOT the Second Coming. Can you hear me in there? Hello?
Then it's time for the Have/Have Not Competition, something involving matching up casseroles by tasting their weird ingredients and winning food for a day and such. During this, Chima is a complete witch to everyone, especially Russell, screaming at him "don't look at me!" every time he comes anywhere near her. She is a spoiled baby that cannot stand not getting her way, and it's way overdue for her to leave the house.
Then a few scenes where we get to meet "Dae Yum Yum", Lydia's magical stuffed unicorn. We see her talking to it and playing with it, her eyes all lit up when she's doing so. I think this was supposed to play as "cute". Instead, it came off as a clinical training film on how to identify Infantile Regression. Kevin looks properly horrified off to the side.
Scene in the courtyard where Jeff and Jordan are being teased about being boyfriend/girlfriend and getting married. They play along, with Jordan eventually telling Jeff "I want a square-cut diamond. And you better put a lot of thought into it." They cute.
Natalie in the HOH Room, with Natalie slamming Russell and listing all of his horrible atrocities. Michelle politely listens, and then tells her "no one's clean" in this house.
Then Diana Ross, I mean Chima, takes her diva stab at talking to Michelle. Of course she starts to slam Russell, but Michelle stops her with: "I'm not gonna B.S. you. You're not going to like the nominations." (Michelle's value is slowly rising in my book, just throwing that out there.)
Chima, unable to deal with not getting her way, actually threatens Michelle with "He may be YOUR endgame if you don't put him up." Good move, Chima. Threaten the HOH, when she already doesn't care for you much at all. Oh that's right. You're in such denial that you don't think anything can happen to you. My bad.
Just before the nominations, Natalie: A little bit worried. "I haven't had to fight at all in this game." Well bless your bitter little 12-year-old heart. Figured that out all on your own, did ya?You can see LOTS of things when your face isn't covered by Jessie's ass.
Finally, the Nominations.
It's Chima and Natalie.
Michelle to Chima: "You're a strong player, but YOU would not take me to the end."
Michelle to Natalie: "Someone had to be in the other seat."
Immediately after, Chima in the Diary Room. Her head is about to spin right off, and those lips are spitting out a whole buncha hate on somebody. But we have no idea what she said, because they bleeped practically every thing. Interestingly enough, I think the only word that made it through was "bitch".
I just grabbed another beer and smiled.
But wait. The announcer dude throws a curveball at the very end. On Tuesday's show, one of the houseguest's will be removed from the house because they self-destruct.
What the HELL?
My first guess is Chima. She's been teetering for on the edge for a couple weeks now.
But then there's Russell. That boy has a quick and hot temper.
Or maybe somebody unicorn-naps Dae Yum Yum and Lydia snaps.
So many possibilities, really.
And hey, what about the the double eviction we're supposed to have on Thursday? Still on?
Hmm.
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