#62 - Nurse Jackie - Season 1, Episode 12

Okay, this is the final episode for the season, so we know going into this mess that there's going to be lots of crazy thrown at us. And the producers do not disappoint.

We start in Kevin's bar, with Jackie being all smarmy about Jennie Flynn, the ex-girlfriend who is responsible for bringing the brat Caitlan into the world, as well as (sort of) causing Jackie and Gracie to have to leave the dance class in shame.

Jackie: "I know about you guys." Kevin: "We were together two weeks when we were 16." Jackie doesn't really have a response to that, so Kevin seizes the upper hand in the constant battle of marital one-upmanship and tells Jackie that he has a surprise for her when she gets off work. In fact, he wants to meet her at midnight at the bar for the unveiling of the surprise.

Jackie, having no clue what this might be, but certain that she should probably stock up on pharmaceuticals before arriving, makes one of her grimace faces and then scampers out of the bar.

As soon as she skedaddles, Eddie, who has possibly been waiting outside the bar all night, who knows, rushes into the bar. The bar is not open yet, but Kevin offers to serve him anyway. Uh oh.

Over at St. Whatever, Hospital Admin Gloria storms up to Jackie and lets her know that she wants a statement from Jackie and Zoey about the "coma critic", in her office, in 5 minutes. Then she promptly stomps off and gets stuck in a faulty elevator. Yay.

Gloria immediately starts calling the nurse's station. Jackie and Zoey discuss, and Jackie instructs Zoey to NOT call the elevator repairman but act like she did. Zoey then has several quick cut scenes where she repeatedly hangs up on the screaming Gloria.

Coop confronts Jackie and lets her know that he knows she broke her finger on purpose. But he thinks she did it because of the illegal donor thing, so that she could wiggle her way in and get Coop on her side. It's clear that he really wants her. It's also clear that she does NOT want him. "You are a moron." But then she kisses him again. He's confused, we're confused, and Jackie waltzes off.

Back over to Kevin's bar, where Eddie is getting a wee bit toasted. But he's sober and probing enough to ask if the girl (Jackie) in a photo with Kevin is Kevin's wife. Of course it is. Kevin asks Eddie if HE's got a girl. Eddie: "Yeah, but she's married, with two kids." A couple of beats for Kevin to figure it out. He doesn't.

Quick scene with Gloria in the elevator, still trapped, doing stupid things out of boredom.

Scene with O'Hara and Jacks working on the Coma Critic. O'Hara: I'm "going to break the law at 10pm tonight. Are you with me?" Jacks: Sure. Seems O'Hara has arranged for her mother's body to be discovered as a Jane Doe in Battery Park, so O'Hara can get one last look at her. (How one arranges for this, I have no idea.) While they chatter, it appears that Coma Critic is responding to O'Hara's prodding and may be waking up.

Another scene with Gloria in the elevator. More stupid things out of boredom.

Jackie wanders up to the Pill-O-Matic dispenser and tries the unplug-and-reset thing that Eddie showed her. It doesn't work. She calls and leaves a "help-me" voice mail with Eddie, adding "Love you". See, she can say that to him when she wants drugs, but not when he says it to HER and is looking for validation. Bad girl.

Scene with some grungy-looking EMT hitting on Zoey for a date. Zoey is not interested. She's feeling blue about possibly killing the Coma Critic, and is a little distracted. Jackie: "Go put on your happy monkey scrubs" and get over it.

Gloria in the elevator. More stupid things. (This is getting boring.)

Back to Eddie and Kevin at the bar, where Eddie learns that Jackie is really nice to Kevin, making him breakfast even though she's tired and all. Poor Kevin. Stoking the fire and doesn't even know it.

Odd scene with Coop working an ER patient that has his intestines hanging out, with Momo attending. They both end up giving Momo pointers on how to keep his man interested. Really?

Back to Eddie and Kevin again, where Eddie is pretty lit, and Kevin is joining him in downing the shots. Eddie keeps cutting off Jackie's repeated phone calls. Kevin shows Eddie the ring he can't afford but bought anyway. Nice. More potent shots, more calls from Jackie that Eddie cuts off.

Gloria finally gets out of the elevator. Thank gawd, because that was getting old.

Scene with Jackie again trying to jack the Pill-O-Matic. She does something not right, an alarm goes off, and she races away. Girl, this is New York City. Just step outside the hospital and score you a little somethin somethin from a recently-unemployed Wall Street broker.

Then we have O'Hara and Jackie waiting for O'Hara's mum to be dropped off in the ER. Jackie wants to know if O'Hara has any Xanax on her. O'Hara is not exactly thrilled with that, and lets Jackie know that she doesn't actually walk around with candy in her pockets. Jackie waits approximately 3 seconds to show support about the Mum thing, then dashes back in the hospital.

Where she encounters Coop kissing Momo so they can make a jealousy picture for Momo to get his man's attention. Jackie sails by like this happens all the time.

And then we have Eddie staggering into the ER, fully buzzed courtesy of Kevin's bartending skills. Big showdown, with Gloria demanding that he leave and trying to call Security. Eddie realizes he has got to scoot, but not before whispering to Jackie: "I met Kevin. Very nice bar that you have."

Oh boy. Jackie rushes into a convenient bathroom and has a small breakdown, rudely banging on innocent bathroom stalls.

Cut to O'Hara. Her mum has arrived, and Jackie is not there for support. O'Hara breaks, sobbing. See, I know we're supposed to get that Jackie is a complex character, but a decent person would never let a friend go through such a thing alone, especially when they've been asked by the friend to be there. Not really liking Jackie at this point.

Jackie races to the Pill-O-Matic, signs in as herself (uh oh), and gets three strong vials of morphine. Then she wanders into an empty office, locks the door, and sucks down all three vials, immediately collapsing into a woozy haze.

While she's strung out, Jackie flashes back on many of the troubling scenes she's experienced this season. Mixed in with that are weird scenes with her in a pristine white nurse's outfit from days gone by, and equally surreal shots of Kevin, Fiona and a tap-dancing Gracie as the abandoned but loving family.

Jackie finally comes somewhat back to reality, and she sees a rat racing by in the overhead light while she's flat out on the floor. We end with Jackie asking: "Anyone else see that?"

Yes, I did. And I'm thinking the rat is YOU. Letting O'Hara, your solid supporter, face Mum alone? Wrong. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Just sayin.

Not sure if I want a second helping of this meal. Complexity and moral ambiguity can be tasty. But don't push a character so far into the dark and then expect me to root for them just because it's artsy and boldly daring. Make sense of it. Make me believe.

Are you listening, Showtime?

#54 - Nurse Jackie - Season 1, Episode 11

We start off in Kevin's bar, with Gracie bandaging Mommy's finger that she had to smash to hide her secret family from her boyfriend. Awww.

Then Jackie and Gracie race off to dance class, where they once again run into Kevin's evil ex-girlfriend and her horrible child, Caitlin. The brat is really rude, and keeps purposely bumping into Gracie so she'll mess up. Jackie finally has enough and tells Caitlin to knock it off.

This leads to an escalating cat fight between Jackie and the ex-girlfriend that ends with Jackie screaming the F-word for all the little virgin ears to hear, and them she stomps out of the building, dragging along mortified Gracie. Well, Jacks, I'm sure that will help your relationship a LOT.

Meanwhile, Keven and Fiona have dashed off to the jewelry store, where Kevin is planning to not just FIX Jackie's ring, but to buy her a fancy new one. I'm sure Jackie won't feel any guilt over that at all.

At the hospital, the staff is being shown how to use the new automated drug inventory system. They didn't get the Pxyus after all, instead settling for the much cheaper Pill-O-Matic, or something like that. Bottom line, the tiniest medication item is now being monitored. Jackie practically wipes away silent tears.

She does run into Eddie in one of the hallways, and he gives her a potent stash as a going-away present, and ends with "love ya". Oh boy.

Then we have Coop grilling Zoey, trying to get the scoop on what Jackie likes, and whether or not she is seeing anyone. (Zoey: "She likes gum.") Great, so now Jackie apparently has two men sweet on her, on top of, you know, having the secret husband and all.

Jackie and Dr. O'Hara are outside while O'Hara smokes, and they spy Coop running into his little girlfriend. Coop tells the girl that he has to break up with her because "I kissed someone else." (Which is actually noble, but I still don't like him.) The conversation does not end well, and Prissy stomps away in her couture.

Coop turns, and waves at Jackie like a little boy. O'Hara immediately busts out with a belly laugh. Jackie: "I hate you."

Next thing you know, Coop brings in flowers and a pack of gum for Jackie. She is not interested, and does NOT want this to go any further.

In comes a new patient, a film critic, and the celebrity factor gets a few of the staff all giddy. Except for Jackie, who is not particularly fond of some of his reviews, and she tells him so. Looks like they are not going to be best friends. Zoey ends the scene by asking "Why are cats so underused in the film industry?"

The unwanted flowers and gum are on Jackie's desk, so she promptly takes them directly back to Coop. He is not going to give up easily, because he's reading a lot more into their relationship than she is. Coop: "You reached for something safe."

Zoey is working with the film critic patient, and they are having a conversation where it's becoming increasingly clear that he's just an ass. He is not a nice man, and Zoey's parting glare at him was worth a rewind.

Momo is working with another patient, and we learn two things. One is that Momo is terrified of spiders. And two, that some spiders can live in your ear and you can't get them out without help. Nice, eh?

While shopping in some posh boutique, Jackie and O'Hara are chatting about how Jacks is going to deal with the sudden influx of men in her life. I don't really hear everything they say, because O'Hara apparently doesn't bother with dressing rooms and is trying on tops right there in the middle of the store. Jackie and the mannequins are stunned.

Jackie gets back to the hospital, finds Coop's flowers once again on her desk, and she throws them in the trash.

Then there's some serious drama, when the film critic suddenly goes into arrest. O'Hara quickly discovers that Zoey has given the patient far too much of some medication. Jackie orders Zoey off the floor while she and O'Hara get to work.

Jackie is talking to a sobbing Zoey in the bathroom, trying to explain to her how serious this is, when Gloria, the hospital admin, storms in and yells for both of them to get to her office NOW. Before following the other two, Jackie pops some pills, probably the industrial-strength gift from Eddie.

Later, Zoey is sitting with Momo and Thor at some pizzeria, lamenting her possible fate. Zoey: "The only thing I wanna do besides help people, is NOT kill them." Momo and Thor try to cheer her up with horror stories from the own past, when suddenly Zoey looks at Thor and blurts out: "Oh My God! You're gay!...... I just got that." Then she shoves an enormous piece of pizza in her mouth.

Eddie finds Jackie in the hospital, wants to share something. They go to the Pill-O-Matic, and he shows her that if you simply unplug the machine, it will reset as if no medication has been taken from the inventory. Jackie's eye sparkle with wanton lust.

Now that he has her attention, Eddie tells Jackie that he still wants a relationship. That he wants more than what they have now. Jackie's eyes lose a little bit of the sparkle, but she keeps smiling.

As she prepares to leave, Jackie drags the flowers out of the trash and plucks off some of the roses. Arriving at Kevin's bar, she gives both Fiona and Gracie one of the roses. Fiona is thrilled, Gracie just glares at it like a dead bird just fell from the sky. Then Jackie walks over and kisses her husband.

Outside the bar window, we see Eddie, watching Jackie greet her family.

Oops.

#48 - Nurse Jackie - Season 1, Episode 10

We start with Jackie and Gloomy Gracie in dance class, klutzing around with lots of other mommies and daughters. As they finish up, Jackie determinedly avoids an ice cream date with one of the other moms. During this, the other mom's bratty little girl whispers something in Gracie's ear.

As they are walking home, Jackie politely asks Gracie what evil little Caitlan said. Gracie reports that Caitlan said her mom was daddy's girlfriend before daddy met Jackie. Then they laugh it off.

Okay, WHAT is going on with Jackie and her secret family? Clearly something is up, and we need to find out soon. It's getting old.

At the hospital, Dr. O'Hara drops in on Jackie, just to let her know that when Jackie is "finished with this punishment" thing, that she's here for her. (See Jackie? O'Hara's a keeper, quit playing your emotionally-distancing mind games.) And by the way, Jacks, you've still got your wedding ring on.

Jackie immediately panics, and of course right then Eddie comes wandering up, so she has to shoo him away. Then horrors! She can't get the ring off. She races to the bathroom, slathers on enough soap to clean a small country, and it still won't come off. Great.

And wouldn't you know it, some rude person has decided to go into cardiac arrest and is being rushed into the ER, so Jackie has to go pay attention and everything. At least her hands are already clean.

The cardiac arrest guy doesn't make it, Coop calls him, and then everybody files out of the room except for Jackie. She makes sure he's presentable, then goes through a paper sack that came in with him. Inside we have some personal things: a rented DVD, some bills that need to be mailed, a shaving razor. And a cell phone.

Jackie checks the missed text messages on the phone, and sees a series of increasingly angry texts from someone (girlfriend?) waiting on this guy to show up somewhere. The last text is really hateful. Jackie calls the number, gets voice mail, and leaves an urgent message to call the hospital.

Then she goes in the bathroom and does a line of something. And she still can't get the ring off.

Coop corners her, pretty agitated and basically threatens her over the organ donor thing. She'd better come up with some legal paperwork, pronto.

So Jackie goes in the bathroom and does another line.

Then she goes to see Dr. O'Hara. Wants O'Hara to use one of her fancy medical saw things to cut the ring off. O'Hara doesn't think that's such a great idea, what will she tell Kevin? Just do it. And while you're sawing, what should I do about Coop harrassing me over that tiny illegal thing I did with the organ donation?

O'Hara sighs. You know what you need to do. And the ring pops off.

Jackie finds Coop in Eddie's pharmacy, forces Eddie to leave his own office, and then she slams Coop all over the place for being AWOL when the organ donor thing went down. "There was a huge gap where a doctor should be." Lets him have it.

Of course, he gets all flustered and grabs a hooter. Jackie lets his hand stay there, for several astonishing minutes, while she continues to berate him. "You need to trust me." Then, amazingly, she kisses him. And not in the way you kiss your son before he gets on the schoolbus.

Immediately after, Jackie races to the bathroom and brushes her teeth.

Zoey in the hallway: "I just cleaned a really big man. 600 pounds." Then she waltzes off.

Later, Jackie goes to see Eddie, and discovers workmen hauling things out of the pharmacy. It's the big shut down. Jackie finds Eddie back in his private office. He's over it, high on valium. She apparently thinks this is sexy, she jumps him, and they rut away.

Zoey walks in on them.

And Zoey reacts as expected, lots of hyterical blathering and trying to avert her eyes. Jackie orders her out of the room. Zoey, polite to the end: "Bye Eddie." Like they just finished double dips at the ice cream social.

Then Jackie and Zoey are working a patient who apparently doesn't speak English, so they are carrying on a sidebar conversation. Giddy Zoey: "You and Eddie are cute together." Jackie: "I am not afraid to kill you in front of a priest."

Zoey just can't let it go, and later informs Jackie: "I went to second with my manager at Burger King." Jackie just walks away.

And stops by O'Hara's office, where she pops the door open and tells her "Zoey walked in on me and Eddie. And I kissed Coop." O'Hara guffaws like a drunken sailor wearing Prada. Jackie: "I thought you'd like that." Then she saunters off.

Jackie picks up a hammer, goes into the bathroom yet again, sits on the floor, and then smashes her wedding ring finger. Hard. Okay, then. We now have an excuse to tell Kevin with the ring thing. All done.

Coop is the one who splints Jackie's handiwork. He whispers to her "I'm keeping your kiss." Uh oh.

Jackie is preparing to leave the hospital, tidying up her desk. She pulls out the bag of belongings from the cardiac patient, puts stamps on all the bills, and drops them in a mailbox on her way out the door. On the sidewalk, she briefly practices the dance moves that she and Gracie learned that morning, then she gets out the patient's cell phone and starts letting his contacts know what happened as she wanders into the night.

And I thought MY life was complicated. Sheesh.

#43 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 9

Jackie’s in the park with her secret family. There’s some business involving red balloons, wherein it appears that Glum Gracie might actually be pulling out of her funk. (Littler Fiona is actually the brat for most of this scene.) Jackie and Kevin beam proudly as Gracie is nice to whiny Fiona.

Then Jackie has to go and ruin things by giving the kids money for a treat. (It NEVER pays to give children money in order to purchase worthless sugar products. Write that down, and live it.) Gracie tries using her dollar to convince Jackie that she should skip work today and play with them. Oh boy.

When Jackie refuses (she’s GOT to go to work, natch, there might be some unguarded drugs she can snatch), Gracie does not take kindly to this news. “I want the hospital to BURN DOWN!”

Okay then. Maybe Gracie has a little further to travel on that recovery road, hmm?

Jackie is about to enter the hospital when one of the apparent thousands of homeless people she knows drops to the ground in front of her. While administering to him, Jackie’s nose starts bleeding, apparently the result of all the hovering she’s been doing. Oh boy!

Jackie yells at people (she’s certified for this activity) and they drag the homeless guy in the hospital, where it turns out he’s diabetic and his body is in really bad shape. (Dr. O’Hara: “I love the smell of gangrene in the morning.”) He may have to lose a leg. And the laughs and chuckles continue at Saint…. Hey, what IS the name of this hospital?

Jackie and Dr. Cooper are babbling about something, when the younger daughter of the scheming mother from the last episode who almost died because she was too busy trying to get said daughter hitched to a doctor (just go with it if you don’t remember, not important right at the moment) walks up. She’s brought Coop lunch. (Okay, I guess there’s something going on with those two.)

During this, while Jackie is still there but trying to get away now that the princess is here with food, Coop’s pager clearly goes off and he ignores it. Once Jackie ambles off, the daughter claims not to remember Jackie from her mother’s ordeal. Coop: “She’s just a nurse.”

This is one of the many reasons why we can’t stand Dr. Cooper. Update your notes.

The reason Coop’s pager went off is that a brain-dead car crash victim has just been brought into the ER. It’s clear that he is not going to recover, and while people run around doing all the things you have to do when such a thing is clear, (and wondering where Dr. Cooper is), Jackie pretends to find an organ donor card among the victim’s belongings, and initiates the donor process before anyone can catch on.

Then Jackie has to deal with a snooty Park Avenue type who has actually brought her children to the ER because they have lice and she wants something done now. Lice. When there are people sitting in the ER, waiting their turn while clutching various limbs and whatnot that were still attached to their bodies a short time ago before somebody stupidly said, “hey, let’s try THIS.”

Of course Jackie starts to tell her where she can stick it, but the wealthy witch starts dropping names and next thing you know, Jackie is shampooing the kids’ heads with foaming insecticide. When Jackie tries to explain that the witch will need to perform a follow-up treatment on her own, this cold creature actually wants it all “done now. I really don’t want to touch them.”

Jackie twitches. Once that hot mess of a family heads off to their limo or whatever, Jackie calls a local pharmacy. Would they be so kind us to deliver some lice removal products to the doorman at this particular posh building? What’s that? Which brand? “Whichever has “lice” in bigger letters.” And don’t put it in a bag. Thanks so much!

Jackie meets with Eddie, where he’s a little bummed that tomorrow they will be installing the machine that will eventually replace him. Then he tells her a long story about atoms, that is supposed to be deep, but really IS just a long story about atoms.

Then he lets out that he doesn’t want their relationship to be a secret. That he wants to meet Jackie’s daughter. Wouldn’t that be swell?

Jackie, knowing full well that Eddie won’t be so excited about meeting all the other relatives and husbands that he doesn’t know about, hems, haws, and calculates the distance to the door. And whether or not she can snatch some samples on the way out.

Zoey confronts Jackie, trembling but determined, and says that if Jackie had told her the correct thing to do with the homeless guy the LAST time he was here, that he wouldn’t have lost his leg THIS time. Jackie denies it and falls short of calling her an idiot. Amazingly, Zoey whips out a pink and purple notebook where she apparently records everything that happens in the ER, especially when it involves Jackie. No evil intentions, she is just very thorough and trying to learn. Slightly creepy, but understandable.

Back to the brain-dead guy, everyone’s STILL waiting for Dr. Cooper to show up and do his part of the process, especially since the donor people are now here. Jackie storms into an exam room where Coop and the husband-hunting daughter are examining each OTHER, yells at the lying Coop, grabs his pager and shows him that he DID TOO get paged, then storms out. On top of all that, there are no drug samples lying around in this room either, so she’s really not happy.

Jackie races back to brain-dead guy, and lies to them that Coop has pronounced the guy, and they can proceed with the harvesting. She wanders out, to learn that the family has been located , they are on their way, and they DO NOT want any donating to take place. Too late.

Then we cut to Jackie in the chapel, all alone with the candles and the pretty statues. She then proceeds to snort something she’s carrying around (in CHURCH, people), and tries to look angelic and thoughtful. Then her nose starts to bleed again.

So she goes to Dr. O’Hara for help with THAT little issue. (O’Hara while examining: “WHAT are you sticking up here?”) They continue babbling while O’Hara checks things out, what should Jackie do about Eddie and her real husband and all that. O’Hara mentions that her sister was headed toward a similar dilemma, married but wanting to cat around, and O’Hara gave sis some advice based on Jackie.

Jackie is appalled at this for some reason. How dare O’Hara talk about Jackie’s private life with ANYONE? O’Hara is stunned at the reaction. It’s not like she gave specific details, her sister has no idea who Jackie is and will probably never meet her. Besides:

O’Hara: “I think of YOU as a sister.”

Jackie: “Think again.

Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. The ONE person who knows almost everything about you and still has your back. And you’re gonna slam her for something like this? You NEED this woman. She has loads of money, likes to terrorize people even more than you do, and she has great shoes.

To further underscore that Jackie has a confusing bad side, she then snatches up Zoey’s cute little notebook, finds the page where the homeless guy visited the last time (and Jackie gave the bad directions), and she rips the page out. Then wanders off.

But of course, just when you’re about fed up with Jackie being heartless at the wrong times and lying to everybody, she happens to catch a snippet of an old Shirley Temple movie (you know, because they play those all the time in the hospital), the scene where she’s dancing with the older guy whose name escapes me at the moment. This inspires Jackie to call Gracie, all fake bubbly and excited. “Let’s do something! Dance class maybe?’

What a character this is. Sometimes it’s hard to justify Jackie's actions, and there's always at least one scene in every episode where you're thinking, how could a decent person do that?

There’s a thin line between love and hate, right?

And in Jackie’s case, it can usually be snorted.

#38 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 8

So we start with Jackie and her secret family walking down the street, enjoying pastry. Cute little Fiona is really enjoying her cupcake, but she sure is making a mess all over her face.

Jackie gets out a napkin to clean things up a bit, does so, and notices at the last minute that some cheery little granules of whatever drug she's currently taking have spilled out of the napkin onto the cupcake. Horrified, Jackie smacks the cupcake away, telling Fiona there was a dead bug on it and it's no good anymore.

Great. The poor child will be in therapy for decades due to this incident. Food was rudely and violently taken away from her, insects are bad because they change the course of your day, and Mommy thinks your're dirty. Good luck with those issues.

Jackie arrives for her shift at the hospital, and one of the first patients is a car-wreck victim who initially appears okay but may be masking her real symptoms in an attempt to not "bother the nice doctor" and instead hook him up with her younger daughter. Great, more examples of messed-up parents influencing their offspring.

Quick scene with Jackie explaining to Zoey that most of the people in the waiting room are addicts just wanting a quick fix in the form of whatever drug they can get. "Drug seekers are a waste of time." Kettle black, Jackie?

And we're also dealing with a temp nurse who is clearly zoned out on something, playing with his iPod, apparently speaking to imaginary friends, and ignoring patient alarms that have been going off for 30 minutes. He's a mess, but Jackie initially keeps looking the other way. Interesting.

Scene with Jackie telling Thor he CAN'T leave at the end of his shift, they're swamped and they really need him. Thor: "You're cute when you're ruining my life."

Dr. Cooper has decided to try wearing a rubber band around his wrist, and snapping it every time he gets the urge to, you know, grab a hooter or two at inappropriate times, like during surgery or when a nun is lighting a votive. Have fun with that, looks VERY mature and professional.

Jackie and Coop get into a somewhat heated discussion, and right at a very inconvenient time (because this is when ALL relatives choose to pick up the phone, it's a rule somewhere) Jackie gets a call from Grace at school. She's crying hysterically, wants Jackie to come get her. As with with most sobbing children given access to communication devices, it's not clear if there has been an injury, the meatloaf in the cafeteria tasted funny, or she's missed an episode of Dora the Exlorer.

Meanwhile, Coop is still yelling at Jackie about something meaningless as Jackie tries to console Grace. It's getting to be a bit much and Jackie snaps at Coop that she is ON THE PHONE WITH HER EFFING KID! Oops.

Empty bag, cat running away into the night.

Coop is stunned and speechless for a moment. (Hey, that worked better than the rubber band did at stopping you from performing rude actions. Maybe Coop should just hire someone to follow him around, and if it looks like he's about to reach for a body part in a non-medical manner, this person can yell out an announcement about an unknown relative.)

Coop finally wanders away, and Jackie finishes up with Grace and then calls Kevin, the boring husband. (THAT's his name. Got it.) He'll go get Grace and determine whether it was meatloaf or Dora.

Scene with Zoey rolling a gurney over Stoner Temp's foot, and he doesn't feel a thing or even notice. And this guy is treating patients. Hoo boy.

Jackie meets Dr. O'Hara for lunch. Jackie is not happy that Coop now knows at least some of her private business. O'Hara is still blue about HER private life being a complete mess, even though we really aren't clear on what that mess entails.

But the most interesting part of the meal is that Dr. O'Hara lights a cigarette while sitting at this table in an NYC restuarant. Jackie is amazed. You can't do that here, in this city where lighting up in your own bathroom is closely monitored. O'Hara: "They're too afraid of me to tell me not to."

A bit later, when Jackie decides to light up, the prissy little waiter rushes over like somebody just whispered that Judy Garland was kinda boring. "You can't do that in here." Then girlfriend sees O'Hara sitting at the table as well. "Forgive me. Smoke away."

I am so jealous of that kind of power. I want it. I want it NOW.

Anyway, Coop runs to Eddie and tells him that Jackie has a kid. Terrific.

Jackie finally wanders back from lunch. (They are 4 nurses short in the ER, but Jackie has time for a 7-course meal and some relaxed conversation in the smoking lounge with Dr. O'Hara.)

Zoey rushes up, all atwitter that there is something really wrong with Stoner Temp. ("I played flashlight tag with his eyes and everything!") Jackie sighs, she can't ignore this anymore. "Okay, nice catch." Zoey scampers off all excited that she has provided this insight, even though Stoner Temp's issues are so apparent that even some of the comatose patients are wanting some of the same brownies he's having..

Jackie confronts Stoner, telling him to get out and never come back or she will have him tested right here in front of the nuns and everything. Surprisingly, he dares say to her "takes one to know one" before finally wandering off, presumably to go play video games and say "dude" a lot.

Jackie stands there and twitches for a minute.

Then she goes to see Eddie, in his pharmacy playground. "How's your kid" he asks.

Jackie twitches some more. Even her hair is twitching. (She's a REALLY good actress.)

Eddie again: "You explain to me when you're ready."

End scene. Very interesting.

Cut to later, with Jackie and the kids at Kevin's bar thing. Apparently it's open mike night, and Gracie is all excited that she put Mommy's name in to sing. Jackie's not that thrilled about it at first, but then she reconsiders. (Probably reasoning that if she makes the kid smile NOW, there's less of a chance that Gracie will get bored and emotional during the day, and call Jackie when she's busy yelling at doctors and telling Zoey to quit being nice.)

So Jackie breaks into her version of "Up On the Roof". Everyone thinks it's real pleasant and all. Except for Grace. Who gets a pouty sad expression on her face and turns away.

WHAT is wrong with that girl? Sweetie, are you also afraid of heights? Was there an awkward social situation on the roof, perhaps involving an embarrassing stain and rude laughter? Were you really hoping for some Led Zeppelin instead?

Or did someone just text you that the Dora episode you missed was the "very special" one where the bilingual gay monkey moves in down the street and not everyone is immediately happy about it. And now you're sad because you won't know what to do when it happens to you. Especially if it happens in spanish.

You never know the real reason for anything on this show.

#30 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 7

We start with Jackie and Dr. O’Hara chattering outside the hospital. Seems Jacks wants to send troubled little Gracie to private school, but it’s so expensive, yadda, yadda. O’Hara offers to pay for BOTH girls to go to school, but Jackie declines. Then we get to the real point of the scene, which is that O’Hara is wearing two different shoes.

This is an obvious sign that something is terribly amiss with O’Hara. But we don’t go into the details just yet, apparently that juicy tidbit is being saved for later in the show.

Back in the hospital, we have a stabbing victim and his emotional date. Turns out her ex-husband showed up for their date and went all Benihana, even though there was a restraining order against him according to the tear-stained date. Zoey contributes this: “Oh, I had friend who had one of those. Those things don’t always work.” (Okay, we need to learn more about Zoey’s past, just a suggestion.)

For now, though, Zoey is really invested in working on this stabbing victim. She is crestfallen that all she gets to do is put pressure on one of the major wounds. Jackie, with no time for her whining, tells her to let go if she thinks it‘s not necessary. Zoey does, blood shoots across the room (J: “See that? It‘s important!”), and Zoey’s eyes light up as she realizes her participation is a bit more critical than she realized.

Then she focuses on the weapon sticking out of the victim. “Can I at least take the knife out?” Jackie, teeth gritted, reminds her that only surgeons can do that. Zoey sighs, then casts her lustful eyes back on the knife, licking her lips. “So… tempting.”

Okay, maybe we DON’T need any more backstory on Zoey.

Throughout all of this frivolity, Eddie keeps texting and trying to call Jackie. She’s finally had enough of that, and goes to settle whatever this is about.

To find that Eddie has a gift for her, a bracelet. For their 1-year anniversary. Jackie has no clue that it’s been a year, and even seems a little surprised that “relationship” is even part of the conversation. Jackie won’t even try it on, and even says she doesn’t want to be seen wearing it. Understandably, Eddie is not happy with this reaction. There is no parting kiss.

Conveniently, Jackie then stumbles across a child molester in the ward who has a catheter stuck in his business. She uses this opportunity to relieve frustration by ripping it out of him.

Momo is not supportive about this development. He drags Jackie’s ass outside. You do NOT do this, what’s the deal? Jackie fesses up about the boyfriend and not realizing it was the 1-year anniversary. Momo is stunned that she even HAD a boyfriend. (Well, hell, does he also not know that she’s married with children? How much is Jacks hiding, and why?)

In an odd twist, Eddie gives the bracelet to Coop. You had to have been there.

Then we have Momo consoling Zoey, because she apparently had a vision where God told her she had a bald spot. The mind boggles. Momo tells her he’s going to fix it, and races off, with Zoey calling after him “Momo don’t. God’s MEAN!”

Still don’t know what that was all about.

Jackie has another scene, in the Hall of Guilt, natch, where Jackie consoles the stabbing victim’s date. Turns out it was their FIRST date, and it seems sobbing needy girl is convinced that this is the best man she’s ever met. The wheels turn in Jackie’s head.

Jackie then meets with Dr. O’Hara, who is still exuding blazing signs that something is terribly amiss on her unique home planet. Jacks fesses up about Eddie and the bracelet. (O’H: So “Coop’s flitting about in your jewelry?”) O’Hara tells Jackie to go clean up her mess, and Jackie embarks on said mission, but not before stealing some pills from O’Hara. Such good friends.

Jackie somewhat makes up with Eddie, Eddie gets the bracelet back from Coop, gives it to Jackie, and the co-dependent drug relationship is re-established. Yay.

Then Jackie embarks on the obligatory mission she has in every episode, where she does something that is definitely legally wrong and usually morally questionable as well. This is her trademark. She goes to the stabbing victim, jacks up his morphine drip, then messes with his head to get him to think his date (the one with the crazy husband who tried to kill him) is really an angel on earth. Then Jackie gives him Eddie’s bracelet to bestow on sobbing girl.

O’Hara and Jackie meet again, O’Hara is obviously needing some attention due to the mysterious trouble on her planet, Jacks invites her to stay the night at her house. (So at least SOMEBODY knows that Jackie has a full-scale family back at the ranch, I was beginning to wonder.)

At the homestead, O’Hara gets really drunk, and somewhat fesses up her troubles. Something to do with a stepfather and a devastated sister? It’s not really clear. And O’Hara is rude, because she can’t help it. (“Getting plastered in Queens? I’m already destroyed.”) Hubby don’t like and goes to bed.

In the morning, hung-over O’Hara French braids Grace’s hair for her first day at private school. (After first saying to younger daughter Fiona that “You are a tiny cruel little creature” based on her coffee-making efforts. Fiona replies “I know.”) End scene.

Okay, this was the first episode where I wasn’t fully satisfied. Something was off. Fingers crossed that the writers were just setting things in place for later delivery. Not sure, but let’s get this thing back on track, shall we?

#25 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 6

I’m not quite sure of exactly what elements clicked, but this episode completely worked for me, it’s the best one so far. And I do believe the show just went from good to great. And because of the power of this episode, I can’t be my usual snarky self. Okay, maybe some low-grade snark.

We start off simply enough, with Jackie and bland husband (what IS his name?) and the kids at husband’s bar. Jackie has her sewing machine out on said bar, working on a costume for younger daughter Fiona, who is apparently involved in some pageantry requiring her to be dressed as a sunflower. The scene ends with Daddy explaining to the kids that you “don’t wanna whack a nun”.

That phrase echoes in so many ways during the rest of the episode.

We then cut to Jackie meeting up with a former co-worker in what I call the “Hall of Guilt“, the one with the saintly statues where Jackie usually, for some reason, has her most compassionate scenes with the wounded souls crowding the ER. Seems she and the co-worker, Paula, are really tight. Paula is dying of lung cancer, quickly and painfully, and she wants Jackie to help expedite the process.

Oh boy.

We then have a patient whisked into the ER, who turns out to be Dr. Cooper’s mother. Well, ONE of them, anyway. The other Mom soon arrives, and it turns out that Coop was raised by lesbian partners. Happily, this is no big deal to anyone. (Progress is being made, people, celebrate it.) Coop, obviously, cannot legally administer to his own mother, so he pulls in Dr. O’Hara.

Her reaction to Coop having two Mommies? “Bravo, Dr. Cooper.” Love her.

Coop, though, does insist on helping Dr. O’Hara with the emergency surgery on Mom #1, a necessary operation due to an overactive gall bladder. During the course of such, Coop has one of his episodes and latches on to O’Hara’s breast. The look she gives him is sterling, and, during this sequence of scenes, she gets to utter the line “Nothing’s better when I leave”. (Did I mention that I love her?)

Post-op, we have a scene with Coop confessing to Mom #2 that he liked her better. Mom smiles sweetly, and explains that she had the easy job, she got to let him do the fun things, because that’s what Mom #1 wanted. Good cop/bad cop. Awww.

There are some additional scenes, some of them involving Dr. O’Hara tormenting the easy target of Zoey (Z on Jackie: “I think she’s afraid to cry.” O’Hara: “Then why don’t you hug her. A lot.”) O’Hara calling Coop’s birth mom the “Vagina Mom”. And so on.

Then we get to the really deep part.

Jackie realizes that she’s going to need a lot more morphine than she has on hand to… do the deed with Paula. It seems that Paula was loved by all in her many years at the hospital, and somehow whispers spread about what is going down. We have a moving montage of all these friends, quietly slipping Jackie the extra vials of morphine that she needs.

That’s what did it for me, right there. Damn the waivers you signed, do the right thing. I hope like hell that I have those same people around me when I finally say “I’m ready.”

So Jackie puts the morphine in a cocktail glass of champagne, and the faithful gather around with their own glasses of safer champagne while Paula takes her final sip. A toast.

I should mention that Paula is played by Judith Ivey (do NOT be surprised when Emmy nominations are announced, seriously). And Coop’s two Moms are Blythe Danner and Swoosie Kurtz. Not kidding. Three powerhouse guest actresses in one episode.

Nurse Jackie has arrived.

#21 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 5

So, oldest daughter Grace is still full of not-quite-identified issues, screaming at Jackie "Why are you always working!". Jackie calmly explains to her that she is not always working. And then she races out the door on her way to work.

I would imagine that the writers have it in their minds for Grace to finally blow a gasket and do something really drastic for attention, like say something incredibly rude to a nun, or report her momma to Drug-Snatchers Anonymous. We'll see.

Anyway, Jackie is at work, and it's the night shift. Yay. And it's a first for awkward little Zoey, who has only experienced the benign "daytime stuff" like finding a severed ear. Twice. Well then, this should be fun.

The hospital administrator (and I can never remember her name after the show, it's something odd, sounds like a skin condition instead of a name) is being all gruff and hateful, yelling at a security guard to "go secure something!" instead of flirt with some intern we've never seen before. We know something bad will happen to her because she's just so unpleasant.

A young girl arrives with her very ill mother. Turns out this 10-year-old has been completely caring for her mother (she's 10!, did you catch that?) and obviously has a miserable life in doing so. This, of course, goes straight to Jackie's heart, so she takes the girl under her wing, battling the evil hospital administrator and forcing Dr. Cooper to quit being a condescending idiot and treat the girl like an adult.

And we also have a stroke patient who is unable to communicate, and his totally horrible family is standing around bitching and whining as if he can't hear any of their nastiness. After several scenes of this, Jackie has had enough and writes out notecards with various responses that he can select to show his family. He chooses two: "Shut the f*** up" and "Seriously". I rolled, had to rewind.

Meanwhile, Jackie balks at a proffered dinner invite from Dr. O'Hara, so O'Hara instead takes Zoey, telling Jackie "that's how easily you're replaced". Of course, at dinner, Zoey launches into some Pollyanna babble, and O'Hara has to cut her off. Change the subject or no more food. Zoey: "Dad's in prison for manslaughter". O'Hara: "Fabulous. Go!"

Thor is still stalking Momo, Momo doesn't care but we do get hints that Momo and current honey are not exactly smoking, the hospital administrator (really need to look up her name) yells at Momo for his ACTUAL smoking 'cause she's still angry about whatever, and Jackie steals a crateload of pills for the 10-year-old's momma 'cause their insurance sucks. Get all that?

Finally the comeuppance, as the Hotel Admin finds a stun gun lying around and manages to zap herself in an elevator. (Had to rewind that one, too, just sayin.) Jackie later finds the Admin hiding under a sheet on one of the emergency room beds, identifying her by the "Easy Spirit Career Collection" shoes poking out. There's tenative bonding, but the Admin's just not a nice person and things don't go well.

Jackie finally heads home. Daughter Grace has another meltdown involving a pencil. The 10-year-old with the sick momma calls, calmly upset that the meds Jackie told her to give her mother are causing an issue, momma can't feel her arms. Jackie talks her through giving momma half a percocet with some juice (and Jackie is consuming the same cocktail while dispensing this advice, nice). "She'll be fine," our heroine soothingly says.

Oh boy.

#18 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 4

Opening scenes with Jackie in a voice over letting us know that she can figure out how people are going to act and react: "It's not like I wanna know this stuff, I just always do." Nurse as medicated psychic.

A boy child is rushed in with a collapsed lung after a fall. More evidence that Dr. O'Hara just does not have adequate people skills and has no idea how to relate to emotionally distraught relatives. Of course not, the nurses clean up that mess. Dr. O'Hara sasheys off in stiletto heels, and Jackie pushes Zoey to provide the family with comfort.

Brief aside with Mo-Mo and Zoey, wherein we learn that Mo-Mo had a twin who died when they were very young (just like the boy with the collapsed lung!), but he warns Zoey to "never think you should feel sorry for me", then proceeds to explain how emotionally difficult the loss really was, and still is. Then he ends by asking Zoey "have you ever used hot rollers", but quickly decides that it would look even worse.

Poor Zoey. Never wins.

Then Jackie has to rush off with her bland husband to a conference at their daughter's school. Seems the counselors think their oldest daughter has "generalized anxiety disorder". Really? And what is that? Well, apparently, it means that said daughter circles her desk three times before sitting down so the planes won't crash on her (okay, a little odd) and she doesn't use much color in drawings of the family, all black and white and boring. No suns and pretty trees.

Hmmm. I can think of several artists who use that same duotone method and make millions. Doth the lady protest too much?

Anyway, they suggest putting the tyke on anti-anxiety meds. Jackie, no stranger to chemicals in the bloodstream, has an issue with that, snapping at the panel member who makes this suggestion that "that's enough out of you." Kettle black, perhaps?

Then Jackie stomps away and buys a new cell phone, because she's apparently tired of both her husband and her pill-dispensing lover calling her on the same phone and making things awkward. Like that's going to solve the overall problem.

Back at the hospital ranch, Zoey has just lost the first patient what was totally under her care. Jackie: "Everybody has a first." Zoey: "But mine's dead." Some more bonding, with Jackie tight-roping that good and bad mix that she is.

Next to last scene, in a darkened hospital room, Mo-Mo is quietly singing to the twin with the collapsed lung. Final scene, Jackie pulls out her daughter's picture that the mean counseling staff at the school presented as evidence of her daughter's trauma. Jackie draws in a sun, with little rays radiating, uttering "Was that so hard?"

And those two scenes pushed me over. I'm now in love. Call me?

#14 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 3

So Jackie's addictions continue, with her so desperate for another hit that when she drops her last pill of whatever down the drain, she is focused on digging that pill out using gum on the end of a pen rather than listen to her husband explain that their oldest daughter might have some psychological issues. Good quality family time, yes?

And Jackie's sideline squeeze at the hospital, Eddie "loose with the drugs", might be replaced by a robot dispensing the pills. Jackie's immediate reaction is that it's going to be so much harder to get scrips filled, meaning her own personal supply is affected, and not the fact that her "supposed" lover might be getting the boot.

Wake up call for Eddie? One would think so. But Jackie does eventually ask Dr. Cooper (boobies!) to vote no on the robot thing. So maybe she does care for Eddie. Maybe.

Poor Zoey gets a shiny new stethoscope, which Dr. O'Hara promptly borrows/steals, and Zoey spends the rest of the episode trying to build up the courage to get it back.

Dr. O'Hara thinks this is fun and really enjoys it. Zoey, of course, thinks otherwise and gets yet another notch in her lipstick case of eventual revenge against all these hateful people. I'm envisioning a future episode entitled "Zoey No Longer Makes Muffins for ANYBODY". Because that's about as far as Timid Tessie will go, but I'm sure it will be thrilling for her.

There's a mini-subplot about some guy's cat scratching up his privates in a vicious manner (something about cleaning the bathroom naked and Boo Boo Kitty goes after a new playtoy). This guy wakes up from his semi-coma and utters the line "Oh my god. I'm in stirrups."

A deep and worrisome fear we all have, Mr. Catnip.

Then we have the story of an elderly man in his last hours, refusing all treatment except his wife's chicken soup, so Nurse Jackie has to wing it with the the hospital administrator (who is apparently all better now after the special coffee from the last episode) because the hospital isn't making any money by applying expensive last-minute treatments, and they need the bed for someone with some cash flow.

Now, this is supposed to be a touching series of scenes, and it was, part of the reason I really like this show with its mix of heart, humor and anger. But I must confess I spent an inordinate amount of time going "Hey, that's Eli Wallach! He's like 90-something and still acting!", and "OMG! That's Magda from 'Sex and the City!' Does Miranda know you've left Brady unattended?"

So I didn't quite make it into the Hallmark Zone. More like "slight welling of tears during a commercial about the effects of depression on your family" territory.

Back to Jackie and bland-husband's older daughter. She really does have some issues, plopped in front of the TV watching shows about plagues and death and general unhappiness. Jackie does try reaching out to her, but I guess it's hard for her to remain focused when the handiwork of her latest drug-addiction is racing through her veins, making her want to copulate with co-workers, yell at cab drivers who then have heart attacks, and torment Zoey who just wants to bake and be loved. All at the same time.

And really, with the severe hairstyle that Edie Falco has brought to this character, it's very easy to get distracted from a lot of things. I know, easy jab, focusing on the hair. But damn. You get too tight of a close-up on that 'do and you won't sleep for days. Seriously.

#12 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 2

Well, then.

So apparently Nurse Jackie does have a decent relationship with her husband, and great sex as well, as they prove by going at it on the kitchen floor on top of spilled breakfast products. So what is driving her to get some medical attention on the side? Hmmm. What's the real unhappiness here?

Most of the elements introduced in the pilot continue in this episode. Jackie has a drug problem, but is very creative in hiding and yet continuing her pharmacological escapades. Disguising Percocet as Sweet-n-Low has unintended results that are both good (helps revive a heart attack patient in a pinch) and bad (the hospital administrator rudely snatches some for her coffee and then spends the rest of the episode laughing and smacking into doors).

Nurse trainee Zoey, still looking like she thought she was showing up for a casting call of the "Annie" revival, is TRYING to prove worthy to Jackie, but Jackie keeps cutting her off with sarcastic comments that the job basically sucks and you have to deal with it. Oh, and then Jackie tries to divert blame for the "ear" from the last episode showing up in the toilet by pointing at Miss Sunshine. And no will eat the baked goods she lovingly brought in. Not a good day for Zoey.

Then we have the crazy guy who lurks around the hospital and eventually slaps Jackie, hard, before being taken down in a very impressive football tackle by Zoey. (Maybe Z was determined to have SOMEONE sample her damn pastries.) Seems the guy is very upset about not getting any help for his ailing mother, and logic dictated that he should punch the very people he needs. Oh well, she ends up helping him anyway, just has to grab herself a little Sweet-n-Low first.

Then we have the hateful stage mother who forced her son to skateboard without a helmet so it wouldn't mess up his hair, and of course he then falls and his brain is swelling. Despite this, bitch mom is still more concerned that they had to shave his head and operate to reduce the swelling. "It'll take a YEAR for his hair to grow back!" Never mind that he almost died and may not walk. Jackie rips her a new one without even breaking a sweat.

Dr. Cooper turns out to be more decent than originally presented, and may actually know what he is doing, but there's still that "stress-related-breast-grabbing" business to deal with. And Dr. O'Hara, in the obligatory best friend despite all your issues role, is really a hoot when chattering away with Jackie. (The restaurant scene where they argue over who is going to save the choking victim? Good stuff.)

So, still very psyched about the show. Despite being the main character, Jackie is not the most likable or even pivotal part of the show. Most of the characters have a strong foundation, and the writers could go in a number of ways. The husband is a little bland, but I'm hoping the issue there is we just don't know the real story yet. Otherwise, they need to develop him beyond spontaneous kitchen floor sex.

We do have the stereotypical flaming queen nurse's aide character. Which I suppose should offend me. But not really. There's always a queen in any real-life hospital setting, that's just how it is. And they DO flame. Get over it, and then embrace it.

Fingers still crossed...

#1 - "Nurse Jackie" - Season 1, Episode 1

First, it stars Edie Falco. LOVE her. You throw Edie into the mix, she's gonna make it work if she can, so it's up to the producers to muck it up. Happily, somebody decent is in control. This pilot episode managed to walk the very fine line of balancing the good and bad in a character. No BS about making the character saintly so we can forgive her sins. Just show us what she's going through, and let the chips fall. Yay.

The supporting characters are very intriguing. Lots of potential stories. All of them are flawed to some degree, didn't really see a rote depiction, with the slightly possible exception of the new "nurse trainee". Be careful with that one. Nurse Jackie does need a newbie to the scene that can grow with her, but don't make it trite. Watching the previews after the episode, it seems the trainee has some punch in the future epiodes. Again with the "yay".

Best scene? Well, there were actually quite a few that I liked, but for some reason the one that really sticks is when Nurse Jackie is on the street, tells one of those "bike messenger types" to be safe out there (you have to see the episode to understand why), he spews a rude response, and Jackie takes something out of her purse and punctures his bike tire. That's the essence of the show thus far, she's trying to do the right thing, don't be an ass about it.

There is a surprise twist, of course. Up until the end of the episode, circumstances lead you to believe that Jackie is a single woman. Then, hello, we find out in the final moments that she has an apparent husband and two daughters. Which totally spins everything you've seen up to that point.

And therein lies a great character. Layer upon layer, possible secrets, and not always nice revelations. Fingers crossed, hope this one works. Seriously.