Final episode of the season, and here we go.
Opening scene, Tanya is lying on her couch, reading a book that is probably sad, when she notices a big fly on the coffee table. Then she notices more big flies on the wall. Lots of them. Kinda creepy, I'll give you that.
So, as anyone would do, she drives across town to Ray's tent, wakes him up, and babbles about how the flies signify "I'm dead meat" and that "I'm disappearing" and "Are you gonna disappear on me, too?" She clutches him frantically. Ray swears to Tanya that he is not leaving her.
And we immediately cut to Ray meeting with Lenore in a restaurant, where it becomes clear that even though Tanya has a few mis-firing neurons, her concerns have some basis. Lenore is pointing out all the rich women in the restaurant, and explaining how she can help Ray make a ton of money off of them.
Ray: "What about Tanya?" Lenore: "Cut her loose. Time to choose."
Quick scene with Ray working on his house, and he finds that bees have made honey in the walls. Hmm.
Ray runs into Coach Mike at school, and Mike has heard a rumor that he's on the list of people to be cut. Ray tells him not to worry about it. Ray sure has a lot of denial issues, just sayin.
Scene with new besties Lenore and Jessica getting massages. Lenore: "These guys really open you up", as the swarthy massage guys contort Anne Heche into a position no person could naturally do on their own. Then Lenore compares a vagina to a car battery that needs to be kept charged. This is WAY too much information for me.
Then Lenore has an inspiration about Jessica: "You need a sex therapist!" And instantly my mind conjures a certain potential scene. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Jessica is all demure about it: "I'm a fairly conservative person." Yet she's letting Guido get all personal while he checks her battery levels.
Cut to Ronnie, with one of his potential plastic surgery patients. Seems they know each other from way back in school. Seems she has a mole in a certain location that needs attention. Seems they are both quite inspired about that attention taking place. Damn, we sure seem to be getting a lot of close-ups of crotches in this episode.
Ray talks to one of the school administrators (Rhonda?), and it turns out that 70% of the school staff is being cut. Including Ray.
Then we have Ray, Darby, Damon and Powell at a movie theater, watching some really loud and gory horror movie. (Sort of like the parade of vaginas we've had in this episode, but different.) Damon to Ray: "Are you getting fired?" Ray: "I can do lots of things." Yes you can, Ray, but do you really want to share your "hobby" with your budding gay son? Just wondering.
Ray runs off to do something, and Powell takes the opportunity to nuzzle on Damon. Damon freaks a little bit. "We're in public." Powell storms off as well. "I'm being used." Such drama. Then we have a tender scene with Darby comforting Damon about Powell running for the hills. Very nice. But Damon dude, Powell seems like a lot of work. Plan B for your sexual coming out? Just a thought.
Scene with Lenore and Tanya, involving a lot of meaningless discussion about dog poo protocol. Lenore: "Happiness Consultants should be run by the three of us." Tanya: "Ray is MY prostitute!" Lenore: "The loser girl never gets the football player. Either share Ray or no Ray."
Lenore's a bitch. Thought I should clarify in case you haven't yet reached that conclusion.
Ray's at his house, working on it yet again, when the next-door-neighbor wife shows up. "I hear you have honey in your walls." Which quickly leads to them having screaming sex. Of course, mopey Tanya drives up during all of the action and is not pleased. "Who's client is THIS? Lenore's?" Then Tanya has a very convincing mental breakdown in the street in front of Ray's house. We don't see Honey Girl leave, but the assumption is that she scampered back home to lie some more to her nerdy husband.
Cut to Ray and Tanya eating hot dogs and trying to repair their crumbling relationship. Ray: "I'm gonna get laid off." Tanya: "Then we work twice as hard." Ray: "You've got a good soul, but I need a professional." Tanya: "Don't you wanna bring happiness into the world?" Ray: "Right now I'll settle for a living.
Cut to Ray in a fancy suit in a fancy hotel bar, with Lenore prepping him for a client that she has arranged. Lenore: "Welcome to the majors. She'll meet you upstairs."
She trottles off, and Ray catches a glimpse of his client, quickly recognizing her as Jessica. What to do?
He calls Jess on his cell phone while sneaking up the stairs toward their appointed room. (Dude, why didn't you just take another elevator?) On the phone, they have an extended, odd conversation, with her having no clue that he's the potential stud. He's trying to say something, but he's not sure what he wants. She's trying to understand, but she's not sure what SHE wants.
Jessica: "Ray, I gotta go, my mother's waiting." Ray: "Tell your mom I said hi." And he says this last bit while standing outside the door of the room where she's waiting for sex with a paid "consultant". He touches the door, then wanders off.
Quick scene with Ray back at this house, eating the honey from his walls.
Last scene, Tanya at home, reading a book ("Women Who Run with the Wolves"), which she suddenly uses to kill a fat fly on the coffee.
End credits.
Folks, not sure if I want another helping of this show. Tried really hard to get into it, and maybe I'm just missing some crucial insight. But it seems like there were a lot of potentially great ideas in the first few episodes, and then the writers and producers didn't know what to do after that. We'll see if they can lure me back for another season. Assuming that there is one.
Showing posts with label Hung - Season 1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hung - Season 1. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
#82 - "Hung" - Season 1, Episode 9
So we start out with Ray apparently teaching in front of a classroom, and I'm thinking, attendance at this school must really suck, since there are only about 4 students sprinkled throughout the room. Just as it hits me, wait, this must be detention of some kind, in walks Damon with another Goth Boy and they giggle their way to the back of the room.
Ray pauses, then asks Damon to step out into the hallway.
Turns out that Damon isn't really the one reporting for detention, he's just here with his buddy, Powell. Really? Ray questions this a bit, and it's fairly clear that Damon has a thing for Powell. Great. Something else for somewhat-Neanderthal Ray to process through his cortex.
At the office, Tanya tries to get Horny Patty to spill the beans on how her session went with Ray. At first, HP is reluctant to talk, then it comes out: Her fling with Ray was like doing cocaine, a really great time, but afterward you're broke and depressed. Tanya: What would make this work for you? HP: If he was like crack, same high, but cheaper and dirtier.
Well then.
Cut to Ray and Tanya, with Ray all a twitter about "my kid's a gay". Tanya tells him not to say it like that, say "my son's gay", no big deal. Then she tries to soften things with a little ditty about once when she had a crush on a girl, but Ray doesn't want to hear about her "lesbian past", like she banged everyone on the LPGA tour.
Tanya switches topics, we really need to think about cutting back our prices, people can't afford the stellar rates. Ray's not down with that, finding it offensive. (Like the whole concept of paying for nookie is not the least bit tawdry to begin with.) In the midst of all this, Pierce calls from Cuba (Cuba?), where he's off on some weird mission. No idea where they are going with that angle.
Scene with Darby and Damon climbing one of those fake indoor rock walls (because all the overweight Goth kids are doing that these days, right?). Darby's a little hurt. Why didn't you tell me about the gay thing? Turns out Damon hasn't actually had sex with Powell, but he's sure thinking about it. Darby: "Guy's are easier." Seriously.
Scene with Jessica and Ronnie, where Jessica is trying to show how she's cutting back on expenses because of all that "we lost a ton of money in the stock market" thing. He's still miffed that Jess and Meddling Mother went through his stuff. Then he suddenly has a mood swing, whips out a credit card, and tells Jessica to go buy herself something nice. He just wants her to be happy.
Okay, first, what's up with the bipolar action, and dude, you don't give a credit card to Anne Heche and tell her to buy something nice. She might come back with a spaceship and a passport.
Scenes with Tanya trying to recruit other co-workers to sample her sideline whoring business. She's not exactly a smashing success, especially when she uses her sales pitch on a clearly lesbian biker chick who is chain-smoking and looking at Tanya like she's lost her mind.
Tanya arrives for a meeting that Lenore has requested, and finds Lenore hauling around a new dog on a leash. Turns out that Lenore has named the dog "Horny Patty", so I'm thinking this is not going to be a pleasant social encounter for Tanya. And it's not. Lenore is none too happy that Tanya has been telling people that her stud service is actually owned by Lenore.
Lenore has also figured out that Ray is Tanya's only asset. She then demands another session with Ray (weak little Tanya: "but you stole his wallet... and his underwear... and..."), slaps some "cash up front" on the table, and then marches off, dragging Horny Patty behind her. "Send him over tonight."
Cut to Ray and Lenore, where she's taken him to some closed but fancy department store. She finds him a nice expensive suit, makes him put it on, then proceeds to explain to Ray all about "branding" and the fact that Tanya doesn't know what she's doing. She continues to ramble while they prepare for sex on a high-end couch in the home furnishings department.
Lenore is clearly moving in on Ray as a business commodity. Poor Tanya.
As they paw on the couch, Lenore tells Ray he needs to diversify, meaning a little lingual action down under. Ray wants more money to do THAT. She gives it to him, and he dives in, and apparently is a complete expert at it. Lenore TRIES to continue discussing her business plan, but within minutes has the most explosive orgasm known to mankind.
Tanya has a confrontation in the office bathroom with a very angry Horny Patty, who is livid that Tanya has been citing Patty as a "very satisfied customer". Patty slams her up against a wall and everything, it's very butch. After Patty storms out, Tanya discovers a meek little thing coming out of one of the stalls, and she seems interested in Tanya's wares. Oh?
As can only happen in a script, Lenore runs into Jessica trying to "buy herself something nice," but Jess is flipping through couture on a sale rack. Lenore is having none of that. Girl, you need some pricey things. Within minutes, they are best friends, with Lenore spouting away about how Jess deserves the finest things in life.
Tanya meets with the new client from the office bathroom, and asks for cash in advance. The client proffers 50 bucks. Tanya is thrown off by that. It's $600 per session. The lady waves the 50 bucks again. Okay, it's $500 per session. The lady waves the 50 bucks. Okay, it's 400 per session. The lady waves.... Well, you get the idea.
Cut to Jessica and Lenore at Jessica's house, ripping into all the nice things that Jessica has purchased. (Couture everywhere.) Ronnie walks in, has a bipolar swing, and wants to know the return policy. (Lenore: "All sales are final. My discount and all.") Ronnie huffs out of the room.
Lenore continues to work her magic on Jessica, reminding her that "she has the power", basically because she also has a vagina. Jessica seems very enthusiastic about this line of thinking.
Scene with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya is again trying to convince Ray that they need to lower their prices. Ray is even more displeased with the notion now. He tells Tanya that Lenore says that now is the time to RAISE prices. Way up, to like $1,500 a session. (Tanya: "You've been meeting with Lenore?") This discussion does not end happily.
Cut to later at the school, where Ray wanders in on Coach Mike sitting in the Music Room, playing on the piano and singing a blues song. (He's actually very good.) Mike: "The music department got the axe today. They are taking the heart out of our schools. They're after us."
Ray: We're fine. "Everybody loves sports." But his face doesn't say that.
As Ray leaves the school, he gets a call on his cell from Lenore.
End credits.
Ray pauses, then asks Damon to step out into the hallway.
Turns out that Damon isn't really the one reporting for detention, he's just here with his buddy, Powell. Really? Ray questions this a bit, and it's fairly clear that Damon has a thing for Powell. Great. Something else for somewhat-Neanderthal Ray to process through his cortex.
At the office, Tanya tries to get Horny Patty to spill the beans on how her session went with Ray. At first, HP is reluctant to talk, then it comes out: Her fling with Ray was like doing cocaine, a really great time, but afterward you're broke and depressed. Tanya: What would make this work for you? HP: If he was like crack, same high, but cheaper and dirtier.
Well then.
Cut to Ray and Tanya, with Ray all a twitter about "my kid's a gay". Tanya tells him not to say it like that, say "my son's gay", no big deal. Then she tries to soften things with a little ditty about once when she had a crush on a girl, but Ray doesn't want to hear about her "lesbian past", like she banged everyone on the LPGA tour.
Tanya switches topics, we really need to think about cutting back our prices, people can't afford the stellar rates. Ray's not down with that, finding it offensive. (Like the whole concept of paying for nookie is not the least bit tawdry to begin with.) In the midst of all this, Pierce calls from Cuba (Cuba?), where he's off on some weird mission. No idea where they are going with that angle.
Scene with Darby and Damon climbing one of those fake indoor rock walls (because all the overweight Goth kids are doing that these days, right?). Darby's a little hurt. Why didn't you tell me about the gay thing? Turns out Damon hasn't actually had sex with Powell, but he's sure thinking about it. Darby: "Guy's are easier." Seriously.
Scene with Jessica and Ronnie, where Jessica is trying to show how she's cutting back on expenses because of all that "we lost a ton of money in the stock market" thing. He's still miffed that Jess and Meddling Mother went through his stuff. Then he suddenly has a mood swing, whips out a credit card, and tells Jessica to go buy herself something nice. He just wants her to be happy.
Okay, first, what's up with the bipolar action, and dude, you don't give a credit card to Anne Heche and tell her to buy something nice. She might come back with a spaceship and a passport.
Scenes with Tanya trying to recruit other co-workers to sample her sideline whoring business. She's not exactly a smashing success, especially when she uses her sales pitch on a clearly lesbian biker chick who is chain-smoking and looking at Tanya like she's lost her mind.
Tanya arrives for a meeting that Lenore has requested, and finds Lenore hauling around a new dog on a leash. Turns out that Lenore has named the dog "Horny Patty", so I'm thinking this is not going to be a pleasant social encounter for Tanya. And it's not. Lenore is none too happy that Tanya has been telling people that her stud service is actually owned by Lenore.
Lenore has also figured out that Ray is Tanya's only asset. She then demands another session with Ray (weak little Tanya: "but you stole his wallet... and his underwear... and..."), slaps some "cash up front" on the table, and then marches off, dragging Horny Patty behind her. "Send him over tonight."
Cut to Ray and Lenore, where she's taken him to some closed but fancy department store. She finds him a nice expensive suit, makes him put it on, then proceeds to explain to Ray all about "branding" and the fact that Tanya doesn't know what she's doing. She continues to ramble while they prepare for sex on a high-end couch in the home furnishings department.
Lenore is clearly moving in on Ray as a business commodity. Poor Tanya.
As they paw on the couch, Lenore tells Ray he needs to diversify, meaning a little lingual action down under. Ray wants more money to do THAT. She gives it to him, and he dives in, and apparently is a complete expert at it. Lenore TRIES to continue discussing her business plan, but within minutes has the most explosive orgasm known to mankind.
Tanya has a confrontation in the office bathroom with a very angry Horny Patty, who is livid that Tanya has been citing Patty as a "very satisfied customer". Patty slams her up against a wall and everything, it's very butch. After Patty storms out, Tanya discovers a meek little thing coming out of one of the stalls, and she seems interested in Tanya's wares. Oh?
As can only happen in a script, Lenore runs into Jessica trying to "buy herself something nice," but Jess is flipping through couture on a sale rack. Lenore is having none of that. Girl, you need some pricey things. Within minutes, they are best friends, with Lenore spouting away about how Jess deserves the finest things in life.
Tanya meets with the new client from the office bathroom, and asks for cash in advance. The client proffers 50 bucks. Tanya is thrown off by that. It's $600 per session. The lady waves the 50 bucks again. Okay, it's $500 per session. The lady waves the 50 bucks. Okay, it's 400 per session. The lady waves.... Well, you get the idea.
Cut to Jessica and Lenore at Jessica's house, ripping into all the nice things that Jessica has purchased. (Couture everywhere.) Ronnie walks in, has a bipolar swing, and wants to know the return policy. (Lenore: "All sales are final. My discount and all.") Ronnie huffs out of the room.
Lenore continues to work her magic on Jessica, reminding her that "she has the power", basically because she also has a vagina. Jessica seems very enthusiastic about this line of thinking.
Scene with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya is again trying to convince Ray that they need to lower their prices. Ray is even more displeased with the notion now. He tells Tanya that Lenore says that now is the time to RAISE prices. Way up, to like $1,500 a session. (Tanya: "You've been meeting with Lenore?") This discussion does not end happily.
Cut to later at the school, where Ray wanders in on Coach Mike sitting in the Music Room, playing on the piano and singing a blues song. (He's actually very good.) Mike: "The music department got the axe today. They are taking the heart out of our schools. They're after us."
Ray: We're fine. "Everybody loves sports." But his face doesn't say that.
As Ray leaves the school, he gets a call on his cell from Lenore.
End credits.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
#64 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 8
So, Ray's still waiting at the boat dock for Jemma to show. He leaves several voice mails, and then decides to head out. As he's leaving, Jemma finally calls. (We see she's at home, taking a bubble bath.) She tells Ray "we need a break" and then hangs up.
Ray, you need to get over her. I can arrange for an intervention, just say the word.
Ray decides to show up at Jessica and Ron's house for family dinner. First we get to see Jessie's crazy momma yelling about how Ronnie is a loser and lazy, while he's sitting right there. Then we see that Damon has pierced his tongue and died his hair black. (Kudos to the makeup people for ensuring that these kids look uglier every time we see them.)
Ray tries having a decent conversation with Ronnie in the kitchen, but Ron is a total jerk for no apparent reason. This irks Ray a bit, so he starts asking Ronnie "how did you get the girl?" (meaning Jessica). Was it the money? So the hate-fest escalates until Jessica wanders in to see what's going on, and Ray just leaves. Nothing like quality time with the family, right?
Ray shows up Tanya's, needing "some women advice." At first Tanya thinks this is going to be interesting, until she realizes he's moping about Jemma. She yells a bit, then tries to steer the conversation toward her new promo campaign for Happiness Consultants. (This time there's actually going to be a phone number with the ad. Yay!)
Ray gets mad that she got mad and tries to change the subject. So, naturally, he derides her new ideas. More yelling, more arm flailing, and the scene ends with neither Consultant being very Happy.
Tanya runs the new ads anyway.
Almost immediately, Lenore calls the number, and tries giving Tanya advice on a better angle to procure clients. Try hooking up with people like Horny Patty, an odd, sweaty woman they both know. Lenore: "Even losers need to get laid once in a while." Tanya, still not pleased with Lenore in general, tells her "you focus on what you do, and I'll focus on what I do." (Which means that wimpy Tanya will probably be hunting down Horny Patty within a few more scenes.)
Jessica confronts Ray, all enraged about the money comments to Ronnie. So now Ray is in his fifth argument in about 15 minutes of airtime. They bicker and poke at each other, until Jessica ends the conversation with "I divorced a boy to marry a man."
Obviously, not a good thing for Ray's self-esteem, but I'm thinking: So Jessica married someone in between Ray and Ronnie? Who knew!
Tanya approaches Horny Patty, awkwardly and slowly steering their chit-chat to the intriguing possibilities with this "service" that she knows about. (Interestingly enough, Tanya acts like Lenore owns this service.) Anyway, in the end, it looks like Ho Pat is hooked.
So we cut to Ray and Horny Patty in a hotel room. Patty is babbling a lot of embarrassing nonsense ("I went to Sea World by myself" and "I love watching Animal Kingdom on YouTube"), and we're thinking, poor little geeky thing. But then she tells Ray that she loves this because she can say whatever she wants and Ray is going to say it's just fine. She's completely comfortable and relaxed.
Very comfortable. Within seconds she demands that he take her now, and at it they go, with obscenities streaming out of her mouth and body parts bouncing around the bed. I think we got us a new client, Ray.
Ray meets with Jemma, and tries to give her a letter "from the heart". Jemma: "Eff your heart. I paid in full." Stunned, but still desperate, he pleads with her: "We had something... in the tent... I saw it in your eyes." She continues to chew him up and spit him out, until he finally breaks, rips up the letter, and walks away.
Is ANYbody on this show ever happy? For even five minutes?
Pierce at Tanya's, looking in her fridge: "All you have are vegetables in here." (You have MET, Tanya, right? Why are you surprised.) Then he tells her he's got to go, can't stay tonight, gotta get up early. Tanya: "I know nothing about you." Pierce: "Tomorrow."
Sigh. Has Tanya found ANOTHER loser that will cause her suffering and pain in the end?
Cut to Ray drinking at a bar, pretty trashed. (Who wouldn't be after a day like he's had?) Some other drunk at the bar starts babbling at Ray, and it turns out they used to play against each other back in the day. As anyone would do at that point, they then go out and play baseball in the rain, yelling lots of expletives and catching up. The guy fesses up to following every one of Ray's games ever since.
Finally, a wee bit of validation for Ray, although I'm not sure Ray takes it as such or is even fully aware of where he is or what he's doing.
Ray finally staggers home, and finds Tanya in his tent. She has some interesting news. Seems Jemma PAID to have the cruel breakup scene with letters not being read and hearts being sodomized. Jemma wanted to break it off with someone, no explanation given, just like she's had done to her.
Wow. That Jemma is messed UP. And Tanya WANTED to tell him the gig ("I swear on my mother's lack of love") but she couldn't. And hey! Twisted Jemma paid $2K for the whole bit of fun. Got the cash right here.
So they have a beer.
Ray: "You're the only friend I have."
Tanya smiles one of her patented, winsome "I'm really a nice girl but I'm so lonely" smiles, and then gets Ray into some dry clothes. He tries to pull some moves on her, but she stops him.
A few minutes later, Tanya: "How come you never called me after that first night?"
Ray's answer is completely unprintable, but actually very sweet.
Tanya: "Good night, Ray."
Ray, you need to get over her. I can arrange for an intervention, just say the word.
Ray decides to show up at Jessica and Ron's house for family dinner. First we get to see Jessie's crazy momma yelling about how Ronnie is a loser and lazy, while he's sitting right there. Then we see that Damon has pierced his tongue and died his hair black. (Kudos to the makeup people for ensuring that these kids look uglier every time we see them.)
Ray tries having a decent conversation with Ronnie in the kitchen, but Ron is a total jerk for no apparent reason. This irks Ray a bit, so he starts asking Ronnie "how did you get the girl?" (meaning Jessica). Was it the money? So the hate-fest escalates until Jessica wanders in to see what's going on, and Ray just leaves. Nothing like quality time with the family, right?
Ray shows up Tanya's, needing "some women advice." At first Tanya thinks this is going to be interesting, until she realizes he's moping about Jemma. She yells a bit, then tries to steer the conversation toward her new promo campaign for Happiness Consultants. (This time there's actually going to be a phone number with the ad. Yay!)
Ray gets mad that she got mad and tries to change the subject. So, naturally, he derides her new ideas. More yelling, more arm flailing, and the scene ends with neither Consultant being very Happy.
Tanya runs the new ads anyway.
Almost immediately, Lenore calls the number, and tries giving Tanya advice on a better angle to procure clients. Try hooking up with people like Horny Patty, an odd, sweaty woman they both know. Lenore: "Even losers need to get laid once in a while." Tanya, still not pleased with Lenore in general, tells her "you focus on what you do, and I'll focus on what I do." (Which means that wimpy Tanya will probably be hunting down Horny Patty within a few more scenes.)
Jessica confronts Ray, all enraged about the money comments to Ronnie. So now Ray is in his fifth argument in about 15 minutes of airtime. They bicker and poke at each other, until Jessica ends the conversation with "I divorced a boy to marry a man."
Obviously, not a good thing for Ray's self-esteem, but I'm thinking: So Jessica married someone in between Ray and Ronnie? Who knew!
Tanya approaches Horny Patty, awkwardly and slowly steering their chit-chat to the intriguing possibilities with this "service" that she knows about. (Interestingly enough, Tanya acts like Lenore owns this service.) Anyway, in the end, it looks like Ho Pat is hooked.
So we cut to Ray and Horny Patty in a hotel room. Patty is babbling a lot of embarrassing nonsense ("I went to Sea World by myself" and "I love watching Animal Kingdom on YouTube"), and we're thinking, poor little geeky thing. But then she tells Ray that she loves this because she can say whatever she wants and Ray is going to say it's just fine. She's completely comfortable and relaxed.
Very comfortable. Within seconds she demands that he take her now, and at it they go, with obscenities streaming out of her mouth and body parts bouncing around the bed. I think we got us a new client, Ray.
Ray meets with Jemma, and tries to give her a letter "from the heart". Jemma: "Eff your heart. I paid in full." Stunned, but still desperate, he pleads with her: "We had something... in the tent... I saw it in your eyes." She continues to chew him up and spit him out, until he finally breaks, rips up the letter, and walks away.
Is ANYbody on this show ever happy? For even five minutes?
Pierce at Tanya's, looking in her fridge: "All you have are vegetables in here." (You have MET, Tanya, right? Why are you surprised.) Then he tells her he's got to go, can't stay tonight, gotta get up early. Tanya: "I know nothing about you." Pierce: "Tomorrow."
Sigh. Has Tanya found ANOTHER loser that will cause her suffering and pain in the end?
Cut to Ray drinking at a bar, pretty trashed. (Who wouldn't be after a day like he's had?) Some other drunk at the bar starts babbling at Ray, and it turns out they used to play against each other back in the day. As anyone would do at that point, they then go out and play baseball in the rain, yelling lots of expletives and catching up. The guy fesses up to following every one of Ray's games ever since.
Finally, a wee bit of validation for Ray, although I'm not sure Ray takes it as such or is even fully aware of where he is or what he's doing.
Ray finally staggers home, and finds Tanya in his tent. She has some interesting news. Seems Jemma PAID to have the cruel breakup scene with letters not being read and hearts being sodomized. Jemma wanted to break it off with someone, no explanation given, just like she's had done to her.
Wow. That Jemma is messed UP. And Tanya WANTED to tell him the gig ("I swear on my mother's lack of love") but she couldn't. And hey! Twisted Jemma paid $2K for the whole bit of fun. Got the cash right here.
So they have a beer.
Ray: "You're the only friend I have."
Tanya smiles one of her patented, winsome "I'm really a nice girl but I'm so lonely" smiles, and then gets Ray into some dry clothes. He tries to pull some moves on her, but she stops him.
A few minutes later, Tanya: "How come you never called me after that first night?"
Ray's answer is completely unprintable, but actually very sweet.
Tanya: "Good night, Ray."
Sunday, August 23, 2009
#58 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 7
We start off with Ray taking Jemma to his crappy little tent to show here where he lives. Perfect way to impress the ladies, yes?
Cut to Tanya, drunk in a bar and looking miserable, upset about icky Floyd and life in general. Another guy at the bar notices her Proust tattoo, makes a comment, which leads to a conversation, and then they guy walks over plants a smooch on Tanya. "I'm Pierce." Wow.
Back to Ray and Jemma in the tent, they're smacking and rolling around and such, so I guess the accommodations were satisfactory to Jemma after all. It verges on the romantic, and Ray is all pleased that their actions tonight "felt real".
And he wakes in the morning to find Jemma gone and a pile of cash on the pillow.Yeah, that's about as real as it gets, Ray.
Ray goes to Tanya's place (Pierce is there, and it's clear he spent the night, woo hoo!) and tells Tanya he doesn't think Jemma should be a client anymore. Tanya begs to differ. General heated argument about clients and how you should treat them, with no real resolution. Ray decides he's going to find his own damn clients.
Tanya discovers some really weird photos (is he part of the Taliban? what are these things?) while accidentally snooping among his things. He explains them as some sort of artsy writing project, and then asks how HER writing has been going. She's been blocked for two years. "I think it's my mother."
So, naturally, Pierce convinces Tanya to visit her mother's house and try to remove this blockage, and off they go. Mom's apparently not there when they arrive, so they "play" in Tanya's room, looking at her childhood things and developing a relationship that will probably be destroyed in the next few episodes. Because it's Tanya, she can't win.
Speaking of not winning, Mom arrives home and marches into Tanya's bedroom. (It's Rhea Perlman, looking severe) With just a few lines, it's immediately clear that Tanya and Mom have at least 347 unresolved issues between them. Great.
Ray is at the Farmer's Market, in his mission to find new clients. (I don't really know the protocols when it comes to whoring, but I'm really not certain this is the best place to find potential buyers.) But then he runs into Jessica. (Okay, maybe this IS a whoring venue, as she left Ray for another man with more money.)
They're actually very civil to each other, with Ray fessing up "I think I met someone" and Jessica prompting him to "come by the house". Then they wander off, each of them carrying secrets while they fondle produce.
Pierce and Tanya are at a restaurant, with him explaining to Tanya that she was a prolific writer while under his mother's roof, that she needs to write a poem about her, then crash one of her snooty parties and read it.
While Tanya ponders how many different ways such an action could go wrong, she overhears Floyd at another table giving some woman the same "you need to flower" speech that he used on Tanya. So she marches over to his table and tears him a new one. Good girl.
Ray and Jemma on the phone, with Ray explaining how he's bothered by the money thing, it's kinda weird, wouldn't she rather just go on a real date? Jemma hesitates, what would we do on this date? Ray suggests a boat ride. Awww. He's clearly falling in love, so now we just have to wait for the inevitable fallout of that.
Quick scene with Ray leaving a voice mail for Tanya, that it's a lot harder scrounging up new clients than he thought it would be. My bad, so sorry.
Ray is about to enter his crispy shack when the wife of the jerk next door gets his attention. Noting the fact that he has no working plumbing, she asks him if he'd like to take a how shower. (Remember, she's been percolating over him ever since she received the "sexy" Lyric Cookie.)
So he moseys on over, and of course she manages to catch him coming out of the shower. She likes what she sees, so they quickly come to an agreement. If he takes care of her, she'll take care of him. Deal? Then we discover that the neighbor wife "really likes to be seen", and boy does she ever. Just about every inch of her is proffered up for the cameras as they ride the train.
Tanya and Pierce show up at one of her mom's "intellectual teas" or whatever they are, with Tanya clutching a poem that she hopes to spring on Mom at some point. When Mom makes a disparaging remark wondering if Tanya brought any of those lyric thingies that she apparently doesn't care for, Tanya informs her "I did bring some words for you to choke on."
So Tanya reads the poem. It's all angsty and bitter, and Mom is to blame. Sort of. It's actually not all that clear. It's one of those obtuse pieces that could be about anything from psychological torture to chewing gum.
When she's done, the little arty friends clap in approval. Are we going to have a little validation for Tanya? Of course not. Some girl from Uganda snatches the stage away by saying how the poem reminds her of a song from her mystical past, and then proceeds to sing the song.
Tanya races from the house, with Pierce scrambling to catch up. He tries to console her, it doesn't matter, the big thing is that you started writing again. Well, not really. Seems the poem Tanya read was something she scribbled when she was 14. This poor girl is just a quivering ball of neuroses.
Back to Ray and the neighbor wife, train ride over, where Ray is surprised to learn that the wife's interpretation of "helping" Ray in exchange for sex is that she will try to get her husband to back off and quit pestering him. No money. At all. So Ray still hasn't found a new client.
Switch back over to Tanya, alone. She picks up a pen, and the words finally being to flow.
Final scene with Ray, waiting on Jemma for their first "official" date, the boat ride.
She doesn't show.
In case we missed the theme of this episode, the producers thoughtfully have someone sing a song apparently called "It Takes a Lot of Suffering to Be Happy" while the credits roll. Got it.
Cut to Tanya, drunk in a bar and looking miserable, upset about icky Floyd and life in general. Another guy at the bar notices her Proust tattoo, makes a comment, which leads to a conversation, and then they guy walks over plants a smooch on Tanya. "I'm Pierce." Wow.
Back to Ray and Jemma in the tent, they're smacking and rolling around and such, so I guess the accommodations were satisfactory to Jemma after all. It verges on the romantic, and Ray is all pleased that their actions tonight "felt real".
And he wakes in the morning to find Jemma gone and a pile of cash on the pillow.Yeah, that's about as real as it gets, Ray.
Ray goes to Tanya's place (Pierce is there, and it's clear he spent the night, woo hoo!) and tells Tanya he doesn't think Jemma should be a client anymore. Tanya begs to differ. General heated argument about clients and how you should treat them, with no real resolution. Ray decides he's going to find his own damn clients.
Tanya discovers some really weird photos (is he part of the Taliban? what are these things?) while accidentally snooping among his things. He explains them as some sort of artsy writing project, and then asks how HER writing has been going. She's been blocked for two years. "I think it's my mother."
So, naturally, Pierce convinces Tanya to visit her mother's house and try to remove this blockage, and off they go. Mom's apparently not there when they arrive, so they "play" in Tanya's room, looking at her childhood things and developing a relationship that will probably be destroyed in the next few episodes. Because it's Tanya, she can't win.
Speaking of not winning, Mom arrives home and marches into Tanya's bedroom. (It's Rhea Perlman, looking severe) With just a few lines, it's immediately clear that Tanya and Mom have at least 347 unresolved issues between them. Great.
Ray is at the Farmer's Market, in his mission to find new clients. (I don't really know the protocols when it comes to whoring, but I'm really not certain this is the best place to find potential buyers.) But then he runs into Jessica. (Okay, maybe this IS a whoring venue, as she left Ray for another man with more money.)
They're actually very civil to each other, with Ray fessing up "I think I met someone" and Jessica prompting him to "come by the house". Then they wander off, each of them carrying secrets while they fondle produce.
Pierce and Tanya are at a restaurant, with him explaining to Tanya that she was a prolific writer while under his mother's roof, that she needs to write a poem about her, then crash one of her snooty parties and read it.
While Tanya ponders how many different ways such an action could go wrong, she overhears Floyd at another table giving some woman the same "you need to flower" speech that he used on Tanya. So she marches over to his table and tears him a new one. Good girl.
Ray and Jemma on the phone, with Ray explaining how he's bothered by the money thing, it's kinda weird, wouldn't she rather just go on a real date? Jemma hesitates, what would we do on this date? Ray suggests a boat ride. Awww. He's clearly falling in love, so now we just have to wait for the inevitable fallout of that.
Quick scene with Ray leaving a voice mail for Tanya, that it's a lot harder scrounging up new clients than he thought it would be. My bad, so sorry.
Ray is about to enter his crispy shack when the wife of the jerk next door gets his attention. Noting the fact that he has no working plumbing, she asks him if he'd like to take a how shower. (Remember, she's been percolating over him ever since she received the "sexy" Lyric Cookie.)
So he moseys on over, and of course she manages to catch him coming out of the shower. She likes what she sees, so they quickly come to an agreement. If he takes care of her, she'll take care of him. Deal? Then we discover that the neighbor wife "really likes to be seen", and boy does she ever. Just about every inch of her is proffered up for the cameras as they ride the train.
Tanya and Pierce show up at one of her mom's "intellectual teas" or whatever they are, with Tanya clutching a poem that she hopes to spring on Mom at some point. When Mom makes a disparaging remark wondering if Tanya brought any of those lyric thingies that she apparently doesn't care for, Tanya informs her "I did bring some words for you to choke on."
So Tanya reads the poem. It's all angsty and bitter, and Mom is to blame. Sort of. It's actually not all that clear. It's one of those obtuse pieces that could be about anything from psychological torture to chewing gum.
When she's done, the little arty friends clap in approval. Are we going to have a little validation for Tanya? Of course not. Some girl from Uganda snatches the stage away by saying how the poem reminds her of a song from her mystical past, and then proceeds to sing the song.
Tanya races from the house, with Pierce scrambling to catch up. He tries to console her, it doesn't matter, the big thing is that you started writing again. Well, not really. Seems the poem Tanya read was something she scribbled when she was 14. This poor girl is just a quivering ball of neuroses.
Back to Ray and the neighbor wife, train ride over, where Ray is surprised to learn that the wife's interpretation of "helping" Ray in exchange for sex is that she will try to get her husband to back off and quit pestering him. No money. At all. So Ray still hasn't found a new client.
Switch back over to Tanya, alone. She picks up a pen, and the words finally being to flow.
Final scene with Ray, waiting on Jemma for their first "official" date, the boat ride.
She doesn't show.
In case we missed the theme of this episode, the producers thoughtfully have someone sing a song apparently called "It Takes a Lot of Suffering to Be Happy" while the credits roll. Got it.
Friday, August 21, 2009
#57 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 6
Ray meets Jemma outside of an office building for another "session". He asks what they're doing this time. She responds "Don't ask me that." Okay, fine. They go inside.
Turns out they're visting Jemma's therapist, and Ray's name is now "Jim". She goes over-the-top with some weird psycho-babble, and none of us (including the therapist, I assume) knows what's going on. Then they leave.
Back outside, Ray tries to find out what that was all about. Jemma tells him it doesn't matter. And I'm thinking, Ray, you better run like the wind. But she pays him.
Ray goes to see Tanya, and she is livid that he arranged a session with the client, and the client had the nerve to pay him directly. "She broke protocol!" Ray promises to talk to Jemma about the rules. I'm thinking he has no intention of doing so.
Scene with Jessica and Ronnie. Jess: "I wanna talk about money." Ron: "We lost 40%". Jess: "Forty percent of WHAT?", that's the issue. She has no idea where they stand. When she keeps pressing, he gets snippy, and tells her she COULD get a job. She turns away and brushes her hair in extreme irritation.
Tanya goes to Jemma's workplace, where it appears that she is the Chief Executive Officer of Domination, judging by the way all of her little minions leap into action at the tiniest look from her. Tanya tries to explain what the process should be with this "stud for hire" deal.
Jemma, of course, is not impressed with anyone telling her what to do, especially sad little people with bad perms. So she's rude. "What if I just ignore you?" The discussion escalates, and in an out-of-character move on Tanya's part, being bold for once, she "fires" Jemma.
Um, not really sure that you can fire a client, but still impressed with Tanya standing her ground. Then they both stomp off in different directions.
The kids are over at Ray's crispy shack, with Ray trying to get Damon to pick out a car, but he's pushing Damon toward cheap crappy cars that he's probablhy not the least bit interested in. Tanya pops in, and Ray gets a little bent out of shape, what with the kids there and all.
Ray, it's not like she walked in with a sign saying "Daddy has sex for money! Yay!" Chill.
They go off to the side, and during the uncomfortable discussion, Tanya tells Ray that she fired Jemma. Oh boy. It's agreed that Ray will talk to Jemma and make her do the right thing.
Then we have Jessica and her troll of a mother snooping in Ronnie's home office. Jessie's not so keen on this operation, but Mom is insistent. They eventually find out that Ronnie was telling the truth, and there's been an $800K stock loss. Well then.
Jemma arranges another meeting with Ray, and of course she doesn't go through Tanya. (Jemma: "She's crazy!" Uh, kettle black?) They have an odd conversation where it's clear that Jemma is really digging for personal details on Ray, even offering to pay him for info. (Ray: "You think I'm a whore?" That would be yes, Ray.)
He tries to hold back but eventually spills quite a bit, including the fact that he's a high school coach. Instinct tells me this will not turn out to be a good thing in the end.
Short scene of Tanya curled up in bed watching an old movie, "Nanook of the North." There's probably some symbolism here, but it flew right over my head.
Then we end the episode with several scenes centered around Ray coaching at this latest basketball game. First, it's just Ray doing his thing, with Jessica and the kids watching from the bleachers. Even though Jessica typically never comes to his games, so we know she's there for some big revelation.
Then Tanya wanders in, and runs into Damon in a hallway, and they are soon joined by Jessica and Darby traipsing back from the concession stand. Damon introduces Tanya as "dad's friend", and Jessica is quite intrigued. So they decide to all sit together in the bleachers.
Ray, scanning said bleachers, is thrilled to see that he is being watched by his ex-wife, his kids, "and my pimp". Up in those bleachers, Jessica is pumping Tanya for information, but because she doesn't understand the real Tanya/Ray relationship, Jessica doesn't get much juice.
Then Jemma waltzes through the doors.
Ray: "I wanted to win while she watched." (These people are in serious need of validation, all of them.)
So Ray marches over to his team, and gives a really rousing speech. (Something he should have been doing all along. Just saying.) So of course the team is all inspired, and they race out and win the game by one point. Naturally.
Then Ray walks over and gets into a lip-lock with Jemma, for all to see. Lots of stunned faces.
Especially Tanya. She MAD. She corners him a bit later. "You told her who you ARE. We could go to jail!" Ray's not worried. He thinks he's got it under control. Tanya sighs and goes off somehwere to mope.
A bit later, Ray and Jemma are standing in front of the trophy case at the high school, said case being full of awards and worship for Ray. They get all romantic, sort of. Ray: "You wanna go steady? Maybe I won't charge you any more." Jemma: "Then it wouldn't be as much fun."
Kiss and fade out.
Don't have a good feeling about this.
Turns out they're visting Jemma's therapist, and Ray's name is now "Jim". She goes over-the-top with some weird psycho-babble, and none of us (including the therapist, I assume) knows what's going on. Then they leave.
Back outside, Ray tries to find out what that was all about. Jemma tells him it doesn't matter. And I'm thinking, Ray, you better run like the wind. But she pays him.
Ray goes to see Tanya, and she is livid that he arranged a session with the client, and the client had the nerve to pay him directly. "She broke protocol!" Ray promises to talk to Jemma about the rules. I'm thinking he has no intention of doing so.
Scene with Jessica and Ronnie. Jess: "I wanna talk about money." Ron: "We lost 40%". Jess: "Forty percent of WHAT?", that's the issue. She has no idea where they stand. When she keeps pressing, he gets snippy, and tells her she COULD get a job. She turns away and brushes her hair in extreme irritation.
Tanya goes to Jemma's workplace, where it appears that she is the Chief Executive Officer of Domination, judging by the way all of her little minions leap into action at the tiniest look from her. Tanya tries to explain what the process should be with this "stud for hire" deal.
Jemma, of course, is not impressed with anyone telling her what to do, especially sad little people with bad perms. So she's rude. "What if I just ignore you?" The discussion escalates, and in an out-of-character move on Tanya's part, being bold for once, she "fires" Jemma.
Um, not really sure that you can fire a client, but still impressed with Tanya standing her ground. Then they both stomp off in different directions.
The kids are over at Ray's crispy shack, with Ray trying to get Damon to pick out a car, but he's pushing Damon toward cheap crappy cars that he's probablhy not the least bit interested in. Tanya pops in, and Ray gets a little bent out of shape, what with the kids there and all.
Ray, it's not like she walked in with a sign saying "Daddy has sex for money! Yay!" Chill.
They go off to the side, and during the uncomfortable discussion, Tanya tells Ray that she fired Jemma. Oh boy. It's agreed that Ray will talk to Jemma and make her do the right thing.
Then we have Jessica and her troll of a mother snooping in Ronnie's home office. Jessie's not so keen on this operation, but Mom is insistent. They eventually find out that Ronnie was telling the truth, and there's been an $800K stock loss. Well then.
Jemma arranges another meeting with Ray, and of course she doesn't go through Tanya. (Jemma: "She's crazy!" Uh, kettle black?) They have an odd conversation where it's clear that Jemma is really digging for personal details on Ray, even offering to pay him for info. (Ray: "You think I'm a whore?" That would be yes, Ray.)
He tries to hold back but eventually spills quite a bit, including the fact that he's a high school coach. Instinct tells me this will not turn out to be a good thing in the end.
Short scene of Tanya curled up in bed watching an old movie, "Nanook of the North." There's probably some symbolism here, but it flew right over my head.
Then we end the episode with several scenes centered around Ray coaching at this latest basketball game. First, it's just Ray doing his thing, with Jessica and the kids watching from the bleachers. Even though Jessica typically never comes to his games, so we know she's there for some big revelation.
Then Tanya wanders in, and runs into Damon in a hallway, and they are soon joined by Jessica and Darby traipsing back from the concession stand. Damon introduces Tanya as "dad's friend", and Jessica is quite intrigued. So they decide to all sit together in the bleachers.
Ray, scanning said bleachers, is thrilled to see that he is being watched by his ex-wife, his kids, "and my pimp". Up in those bleachers, Jessica is pumping Tanya for information, but because she doesn't understand the real Tanya/Ray relationship, Jessica doesn't get much juice.
Then Jemma waltzes through the doors.
Ray: "I wanted to win while she watched." (These people are in serious need of validation, all of them.)
So Ray marches over to his team, and gives a really rousing speech. (Something he should have been doing all along. Just saying.) So of course the team is all inspired, and they race out and win the game by one point. Naturally.
Then Ray walks over and gets into a lip-lock with Jemma, for all to see. Lots of stunned faces.
Especially Tanya. She MAD. She corners him a bit later. "You told her who you ARE. We could go to jail!" Ray's not worried. He thinks he's got it under control. Tanya sighs and goes off somehwere to mope.
A bit later, Ray and Jemma are standing in front of the trophy case at the high school, said case being full of awards and worship for Ray. They get all romantic, sort of. Ray: "You wanna go steady? Maybe I won't charge you any more." Jemma: "Then it wouldn't be as much fun."
Kiss and fade out.
Don't have a good feeling about this.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
#55 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 5
Ray's zipping along in his car, arguing with some Team Mom on his phone, when he spies a woman trying to change a flat tire in the rain. They chat a bit, and Ray ends up asking her if she'd like to grab some lunch.
Next thing you know, they're having some very energetic sex in what appears to be a hallway, knocking over furniture and howling like banshees.
Wow. That was pretty quick. What the hell?
Then we learn that the woman, Jemma, is a client. Tanya calls Ray with an assessment: "She wanted more of a female fantasy." But she's agreed to a do-over.
So here we are again, on the same stretch of road with the same fake flat tire. This time, Ray moves more slowly, pretends to be a book publisher, and Jemma appears to be enjoying herself. But when she role-plays that she needs to go meet her boyfriend, and Ray doesn't try to stop her, she gets mad for real and storms off.
Ray meets with Tanya, and she tries to explain what this client is looking for, and how he needs to adjust his actions and work on a "love at first sight" angle. When he scoffs at all this fuss, Tanya is not pleased with him: "YOU'RE not paying. And stop snorting with derision."
Jessica and Ronnie take the ugly twins to a super-cheap buffet, where Ronnie explains to the kiddos that's Dad's not made of money anymore, problems with some stock investments and all. Jessica tries to downplay it all as if someone just has a gas bubble and it will pass. Ronnie tells Damon that he will not be getting the car he promised to buy him.
Cut to the kids over at Ray's fixer-upper house, where they spill about Ronnie being broke. Ray, seeing an in, tells the kids that HE will buy the car. The little tykes' eyes light up, but they are still amazingly ugly.
Which means Ray needs to get busy and figure out this Jemma thing, since she's their only active client at the moment.
Tanya is attending the final class of her motivational training seminar, wherein Floyd tries to get the class members to take "Part II" of the training. No one is interested since, you know, Floyd's kind of a loser. Tanya (stupidly) feels sorry for him and blurts out "I'm in!"
Later, when they are alone, Floyd tries pushing her to write a check for the next series of classes. She fesses up that she really doesn't want to take them, not right now anyway, she only did that to help him out. He rambles some craziness, and we realize he's not just irritating and weird, we're gonna have to throw borderline-psychotic into the mix.
Ray goes on a third run with Jemma, and this time she's not even pretending to change the tire, just standing there. They wander into the restaurant, and Ray tries to follow the script Jemma has in her head. But he does something wrong again, and out the door she goes.
Suddenly, Ray thinks he understands what she wants and he runs after her. He babbles something about this being "destiny", and bingo, he's hit the magic button. They kiss.
Just as the high school principal marches past and spies Ray in the embrace.
Short scene with Jessica and Jessica's shrill little hag of a mother, and Mom is not thrilled with the financial situation: "He takes away money and you still have to give him sex?" Mom thinks Ronnie is lying.
Cut to Ray and Jemma rolling around on a convenient romantic beach that we've never seen before. She crawls on top of him and says she "might fall in love with you". Of course, Ray doesn't respond the right way.
Jemma sighs, hops up, walks a bit away, and calls somebody on her cell. Ray's phone rings. It's Tanya: "When somebody says I love you, you say I love you back." Click.
This is surreal.
Jemma comes back over, they try again, Ray mumbles that he loves her, but still doesn't get it quite right. She gets bitchy, he loses his cool ("I feel like a dancing monkey!"), big fight, and Jemma stomps away again. This is just not going to work. Ray assumes it's over.
Amazingly, we learn that Jemma paid the stud fee to Tanya anyway.
Then poor Tanya has to deal with crazy Floyd showing up at her house. He starts off by wanting the handouts back that he used in the training seminar. (What?) She asks if everything is okay, and he says it's time for "the talk". So he launches into this lunatic "break-up" speech, even though there hasn't been a speck of a relationship.
It gets really bad. He is so beyond delusional that even timid Tanya has had enough and starts trying to yell over his inane babbling: "I went out with you ONE time because I felt SORRY for you" and "You're a 100 years old!" He doesn't hear a word of it. As Tanya puts it, she's being stalked by a "creepy motivational speaker!".
Quick scene with Jessica and Ronnie in bed. He tries to get some lovin (really?), but she is having none of that: "I'm not in the mood. Maybe it's the economy."
Back to Tanya, who's a mess after finally getting Freaky Floyd out of her house. She calls her mother, who is a totally unsympathetic bitch and scolds Tanya for calling her so late if it's not an emergency. It's 8:30pm. Tanya hangs up on her.
And calls Ray, tears streaming, and gets his voice mail. "Ray, where ARE you?"
Well, he's over at Jemma's house, having a conversation on the porch. He's honest with her, he needs the money, this has to work out. He throws out "I think I can make you happy." Part of this is the shtick he thinks she wants to hear. At the same time, he kinda believes it.
This is gettin all kinds of messy.
Next thing you know, they're having some very energetic sex in what appears to be a hallway, knocking over furniture and howling like banshees.
Wow. That was pretty quick. What the hell?
Then we learn that the woman, Jemma, is a client. Tanya calls Ray with an assessment: "She wanted more of a female fantasy." But she's agreed to a do-over.
So here we are again, on the same stretch of road with the same fake flat tire. This time, Ray moves more slowly, pretends to be a book publisher, and Jemma appears to be enjoying herself. But when she role-plays that she needs to go meet her boyfriend, and Ray doesn't try to stop her, she gets mad for real and storms off.
Ray meets with Tanya, and she tries to explain what this client is looking for, and how he needs to adjust his actions and work on a "love at first sight" angle. When he scoffs at all this fuss, Tanya is not pleased with him: "YOU'RE not paying. And stop snorting with derision."
Jessica and Ronnie take the ugly twins to a super-cheap buffet, where Ronnie explains to the kiddos that's Dad's not made of money anymore, problems with some stock investments and all. Jessica tries to downplay it all as if someone just has a gas bubble and it will pass. Ronnie tells Damon that he will not be getting the car he promised to buy him.
Cut to the kids over at Ray's fixer-upper house, where they spill about Ronnie being broke. Ray, seeing an in, tells the kids that HE will buy the car. The little tykes' eyes light up, but they are still amazingly ugly.
Which means Ray needs to get busy and figure out this Jemma thing, since she's their only active client at the moment.
Tanya is attending the final class of her motivational training seminar, wherein Floyd tries to get the class members to take "Part II" of the training. No one is interested since, you know, Floyd's kind of a loser. Tanya (stupidly) feels sorry for him and blurts out "I'm in!"
Later, when they are alone, Floyd tries pushing her to write a check for the next series of classes. She fesses up that she really doesn't want to take them, not right now anyway, she only did that to help him out. He rambles some craziness, and we realize he's not just irritating and weird, we're gonna have to throw borderline-psychotic into the mix.
Ray goes on a third run with Jemma, and this time she's not even pretending to change the tire, just standing there. They wander into the restaurant, and Ray tries to follow the script Jemma has in her head. But he does something wrong again, and out the door she goes.
Suddenly, Ray thinks he understands what she wants and he runs after her. He babbles something about this being "destiny", and bingo, he's hit the magic button. They kiss.
Just as the high school principal marches past and spies Ray in the embrace.
Short scene with Jessica and Jessica's shrill little hag of a mother, and Mom is not thrilled with the financial situation: "He takes away money and you still have to give him sex?" Mom thinks Ronnie is lying.
Cut to Ray and Jemma rolling around on a convenient romantic beach that we've never seen before. She crawls on top of him and says she "might fall in love with you". Of course, Ray doesn't respond the right way.
Jemma sighs, hops up, walks a bit away, and calls somebody on her cell. Ray's phone rings. It's Tanya: "When somebody says I love you, you say I love you back." Click.
This is surreal.
Jemma comes back over, they try again, Ray mumbles that he loves her, but still doesn't get it quite right. She gets bitchy, he loses his cool ("I feel like a dancing monkey!"), big fight, and Jemma stomps away again. This is just not going to work. Ray assumes it's over.
Amazingly, we learn that Jemma paid the stud fee to Tanya anyway.
Then poor Tanya has to deal with crazy Floyd showing up at her house. He starts off by wanting the handouts back that he used in the training seminar. (What?) She asks if everything is okay, and he says it's time for "the talk". So he launches into this lunatic "break-up" speech, even though there hasn't been a speck of a relationship.
It gets really bad. He is so beyond delusional that even timid Tanya has had enough and starts trying to yell over his inane babbling: "I went out with you ONE time because I felt SORRY for you" and "You're a 100 years old!" He doesn't hear a word of it. As Tanya puts it, she's being stalked by a "creepy motivational speaker!".
Quick scene with Jessica and Ronnie in bed. He tries to get some lovin (really?), but she is having none of that: "I'm not in the mood. Maybe it's the economy."
Back to Tanya, who's a mess after finally getting Freaky Floyd out of her house. She calls her mother, who is a totally unsympathetic bitch and scolds Tanya for calling her so late if it's not an emergency. It's 8:30pm. Tanya hangs up on her.
And calls Ray, tears streaming, and gets his voice mail. "Ray, where ARE you?"
Well, he's over at Jemma's house, having a conversation on the porch. He's honest with her, he needs the money, this has to work out. He throws out "I think I can make you happy." Part of this is the shtick he thinks she wants to hear. At the same time, he kinda believes it.
This is gettin all kinds of messy.
Monday, August 10, 2009
#46 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 4
We open at Ray's high school, where the Student Council or the Future Farmers or some group is presenting him with the proceeds from a fundraiser car wash, to help him rebuild his house. Ray is a good sport about it, even though he's appalled that it's come to this.
Tanya meets with one of the new prospective clients, "Molly"(the terrific Margo Martindale). Molly is a little tenative at first, not really sure about going through with it, but after chatting with Tanya, she starts to get excited. And she makes it very clear that she wants a big one. "Don't even send me a medium-size one."
Jessica drops by Ray's and, while eyeing the mess in the gutted house, asks him "how do you keep from shooting yourself? She's so supportive. Jessica's still concerned that daughter Darby is borderline psychotic, and that maybe she shouldn't go to the drive-in with Ray and Damon like they had planned.
Because, as we all know, going to the drive-in with your parents can only lead to madness and visits to tattoo parlors. But Ray tells her to quit worrying, they'll be fine. Oh, before you leave, if there's anything of yours in this mess you'd like to have before I start renovating, please take it.
Jessica initially says there's nothing here she wants, all of her stuff is at the House of Neurotica with probably-gay Dr. Ronnie. The she spies something after all, reaches down and pulls out a ginormous nutcracker, and then waltzes out the door.
Nothing like subtle symbolism, eh?
A bit later, Tanya comes thundering on to the property, a little agitated with Ray that she's been looking ALL OVER for him. (Um, he's right here at his house, where were you looking? Tokyo?) She's got the first meeting set up, with Molly.
So Ray gets himself a fancy suit (leaving the tag still on it, natch) and sashays over to Molly's discreet little trysting spot in some hotel. I'm actually expecting this to be kind of sweet and touching. But no, Ray gets a gander at Molly, decides that he's coming down with something, and just leaves. Oh boy.
Cut to Jessica and the kids all getting manicures and chatting. Seems Darby's supposed psychological issues concern her sort-of ex-boyfriend, Hammer. (Many obvious jokes that I could make with that name, just pretend I did and keep reading.) She's all in a dither about what to do. Poor little girl with ugly hair and a bad wardrobe.
Suddenly, in walks Lenore, letting the cusswords fly on her cellphone. When Jessica asks her to tone it down in front of the kids (because apparently they don't get HBO), Lenore is not pleased. She puts her friend on hold, shoves one of her personal shopper business cards at Jessica, and says "if you ever want an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call."
Over at Tanya's, Ray is soaking in her tub while she prepares various natural remedies that probably smell like glue. When she brings him the latest concoction, she actually turns her back so she won't see his pee-pee in the tub. Oh, come on, girl. You're going to be polite NOW? We know where that thing's been at least twice, and it wasn't Disneyland.
Tanya thinks Ray's "illness" is psychosomatic, that he just didn't want to entertain Molly because of the way she looks. He mistakenly says "she wasn't my type," which sends Tanya into a granola-fueled tizzy: "Happiness Consultants does NOT discriminate!" He finally grudgingly admits that maybe she's right.
Cut to the evil drive-in movie, where he is wearing a mask for his pretend illness while sitting with the kids, which makes their shame even greater. Suddenly, Darby sees Hammer walk by (how convenient for the plot!) and she races after him. Damon races after HER, and Ray follows HIM, probably because he realizes he shouldn't be sitting alone in a car at a drive-in while wearing a mask, or someone will think he is Jason and kill him with an axe.
There's a big shouting match at the concession stand, with Darby, Hammer, Damon and new slut-girlfriend all yelling rude things and looking angsty. It finally ends with Ray having to separate Damon and Hammer, Darby suddenly hating her brother and running off with Hammer, the slut-girlfriend presumably needing a ride home, and Ray holding Damon while he cries and says "sometimes life is just too much." Dude, at least you don't have a 401K. THAT's something to cry about.
Short meaningless scene where Ray is jogging (when did he start doing that?) and encounters creepy Floyd, who runs away shouting that Tanya "doesn't need a quitter." Go away, Floyd. And stay there.
Then Ray, despondent, finally grabs the pickle jar of money that the Future Farmers gave him after their fund raiser. He takes it to the hardware store, and anounces that he'd like to buy half a ceiling beam, because that's all he thinks he can afford.
So he and the perplexed cashier start counting out all the coins and dollar bills. There's not enough. They count again. (Side note, I think it should be a federal law that anyone standing in line BEHIND someone who insists on paying in change should be allowed to shoot that person.) Still not enough. Ray can't even afford half a beam.
Time to suck it up.
So he has another rendezvous with Molly, and this time she's the one not so sure about things. She thinks he should just go. But Ray has got to start taking control of his life. Ray: "Why don't we just relax? I'm a professional." Molly, starting to lose the glum expression and getting a gleam in her eye: "I wouldn't mind just looking at your penis." Awwww.
When Ray leaves, he finally rips the price tag off his suit. And calls Tanya.
Set up another one.
Tanya meets with one of the new prospective clients, "Molly"(the terrific Margo Martindale). Molly is a little tenative at first, not really sure about going through with it, but after chatting with Tanya, she starts to get excited. And she makes it very clear that she wants a big one. "Don't even send me a medium-size one."
Jessica drops by Ray's and, while eyeing the mess in the gutted house, asks him "how do you keep from shooting yourself? She's so supportive. Jessica's still concerned that daughter Darby is borderline psychotic, and that maybe she shouldn't go to the drive-in with Ray and Damon like they had planned.
Because, as we all know, going to the drive-in with your parents can only lead to madness and visits to tattoo parlors. But Ray tells her to quit worrying, they'll be fine. Oh, before you leave, if there's anything of yours in this mess you'd like to have before I start renovating, please take it.
Jessica initially says there's nothing here she wants, all of her stuff is at the House of Neurotica with probably-gay Dr. Ronnie. The she spies something after all, reaches down and pulls out a ginormous nutcracker, and then waltzes out the door.
Nothing like subtle symbolism, eh?
A bit later, Tanya comes thundering on to the property, a little agitated with Ray that she's been looking ALL OVER for him. (Um, he's right here at his house, where were you looking? Tokyo?) She's got the first meeting set up, with Molly.
So Ray gets himself a fancy suit (leaving the tag still on it, natch) and sashays over to Molly's discreet little trysting spot in some hotel. I'm actually expecting this to be kind of sweet and touching. But no, Ray gets a gander at Molly, decides that he's coming down with something, and just leaves. Oh boy.
Cut to Jessica and the kids all getting manicures and chatting. Seems Darby's supposed psychological issues concern her sort-of ex-boyfriend, Hammer. (Many obvious jokes that I could make with that name, just pretend I did and keep reading.) She's all in a dither about what to do. Poor little girl with ugly hair and a bad wardrobe.
Suddenly, in walks Lenore, letting the cusswords fly on her cellphone. When Jessica asks her to tone it down in front of the kids (because apparently they don't get HBO), Lenore is not pleased. She puts her friend on hold, shoves one of her personal shopper business cards at Jessica, and says "if you ever want an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call."
Over at Tanya's, Ray is soaking in her tub while she prepares various natural remedies that probably smell like glue. When she brings him the latest concoction, she actually turns her back so she won't see his pee-pee in the tub. Oh, come on, girl. You're going to be polite NOW? We know where that thing's been at least twice, and it wasn't Disneyland.
Tanya thinks Ray's "illness" is psychosomatic, that he just didn't want to entertain Molly because of the way she looks. He mistakenly says "she wasn't my type," which sends Tanya into a granola-fueled tizzy: "Happiness Consultants does NOT discriminate!" He finally grudgingly admits that maybe she's right.
Cut to the evil drive-in movie, where he is wearing a mask for his pretend illness while sitting with the kids, which makes their shame even greater. Suddenly, Darby sees Hammer walk by (how convenient for the plot!) and she races after him. Damon races after HER, and Ray follows HIM, probably because he realizes he shouldn't be sitting alone in a car at a drive-in while wearing a mask, or someone will think he is Jason and kill him with an axe.
There's a big shouting match at the concession stand, with Darby, Hammer, Damon and new slut-girlfriend all yelling rude things and looking angsty. It finally ends with Ray having to separate Damon and Hammer, Darby suddenly hating her brother and running off with Hammer, the slut-girlfriend presumably needing a ride home, and Ray holding Damon while he cries and says "sometimes life is just too much." Dude, at least you don't have a 401K. THAT's something to cry about.
Short meaningless scene where Ray is jogging (when did he start doing that?) and encounters creepy Floyd, who runs away shouting that Tanya "doesn't need a quitter." Go away, Floyd. And stay there.
Then Ray, despondent, finally grabs the pickle jar of money that the Future Farmers gave him after their fund raiser. He takes it to the hardware store, and anounces that he'd like to buy half a ceiling beam, because that's all he thinks he can afford.
So he and the perplexed cashier start counting out all the coins and dollar bills. There's not enough. They count again. (Side note, I think it should be a federal law that anyone standing in line BEHIND someone who insists on paying in change should be allowed to shoot that person.) Still not enough. Ray can't even afford half a beam.
Time to suck it up.
So he has another rendezvous with Molly, and this time she's the one not so sure about things. She thinks he should just go. But Ray has got to start taking control of his life. Ray: "Why don't we just relax? I'm a professional." Molly, starting to lose the glum expression and getting a gleam in her eye: "I wouldn't mind just looking at your penis." Awwww.
When Ray leaves, he finally rips the price tag off his suit. And calls Tanya.
Set up another one.
#45 - Hung - Season 1, Episode 3
Opening shot of Ray peeing in the lake in the middle of the night. I guess HBO wanted to make sure we remembered that this as an "adult" show, so we went there right off the bat. Got it. Check.
Hateful neighbor man comes running out of his house and yells at Ray that his actions are against the law. He's practically at Ray's side before the next teardrop falls, so to speak. Meaning neighbor man must have been standing at his window just waiting for Ray to do this. Which puts a whole new spin on neighbor man. And not a good one.
Jessica, the Ex, shows up at Ray's house the next day, all worried about daughter Darby being in some emotional, possibly psychotic state. Ray tells her to chill. There's no visible peeing, so that's good.
Ray and Tanya schlep their way to the posh mansion where Ray and Lenore did the deed, hoping to find Ray's missing wallet. Turns out Lenore doesn't even live there. And the man at the door is none too pleased to find Nancy Drew and a Hardy boy on his porch.
Ray is understandably a bit anxious about this development. Tanya tries to keep him calm, explaining that there's nothing to worry about yet. "It's a small mystery." What a weird-ass piece of dialogue. Just sayin.
Back at Ray's ranch, the police show up. Seems psycho neighbor reported him. Yay!
Tanya leaves about 4,000 voice messages for the missing Lenore. She's so mousy and weak with requests for the wallet, that I wouldn't call her back no matter WHAT she wanted.
Tanya finally tracks her down at what appears to be an apartment, maybe a hotel room, it's not clear. (And Lenore probably doesn't own it, so who cares.) Lenore is really weird about the whole situation. When she finally hands over the wallet, the cash is missing. When Tanya questions this and wants to know where Ray's payment is, Lenore goes off the deep end, denies everything, refuses to pay for services rendered, and tells Tanya to get the hell out. Great. That went well.
So Tanya puts her own 300 dollars into Ray's wallet and gives it back to him, saying that Lenore had the best time ever and really enjoyed his performance. Ray is all stoked and excited. Poor Tanya. Girl, you know that wasn't the right thing to do.
Over at Jessica and Dr. Ronnie's house of neurotica and coldness, Jessica has decided to focus on helping abused animals. Screw the kids. Lovely.
Quick scene with Ray trying to use his credit card at a gas station. Denied. Uh oh.
Tanya goes on a date with the geeky guy who led the empowerment training sessions (Floyd?). She fesses up to neglecting the Lyric Bread concept, he tries to get her back on the right path. "I want the Tanya flower to blossom." Okay, I tried to get in the moment and think of that as a sweet thing to say, but it just didn't work for me.
Floyd (need to check the name) is all clingy, and follows Tanya home. Where they find Ray waiting outside her house. Floyd suddenly changes over to an alternate personality, gets all bitchy, and then leaves. Good.
Ray semi-accuses Tanya of maxing his credit card. In trying to explain that it wasn't HER, Tanya fesses up that it was her OWN money Ray found in his wallet. Ray is outraged that someone wouldn't actually pay him to entertain. (His exact phrase is a bit more indelicate.)
So it turns into a big shoutfest, and some very harsh words are exchanged:
Tanya: "I cannot be partners with someone who HATES women."
Ray: "You are the worst pimp in the world!"
And then they turn and stomp off into the night. This is probably not what Floyd had in mind when he wanted Tanya to flower.
Back at the ranch the next day, Ray learns that his contractor is backing out of fixing the house, cuz Ray ain't got no money. So Ray again pees in the lake, flips off the neighbor's mansion, gets out his tools, and starts repairing the house on his own. I'm thinking he could have started doing that several episodes ago, but anyway.
Inside, he finds a bag labeled "Eat Me". Inside are Lyric Cookies. The first one: "I'm sorry." The second one: "I'm very sorry." Awww. Now THAT is sweet, much better than the flower crap.
So Ray and Tanya are besties and working together again. He tries to give the money back, she won't take it. Tanya: "Why can't I see people for who they are? My mother was right." Ray: "Your MOTHER said that?" Explains a lot about Tanya the Timid.
Back to Jessica's house of neurotica, where the kids Darby and Damon discover Jessica in the kitchen, nursing a very abused and sick dog. (This was a difficult scene for me, personally.) But Damon thinks it's a cool thing for mom to do, and there's potential bonding.
Back again to Ray's, where the police tromp in again, this time with photos of Ray defiling the lake. Once they leave, Ray decides to change his course of action with the crazy neighbor, grabs the bag of lyric cookies, and heads next door.
Tanya gets a call from Lenore, who is in a much better, more stable mood this time. She has phone numbers for clients interested in Ray's services. Hurray! Tanya asks her why she maxed Ray's credit card. Lenore considered it her commission. (Girl lives in her own world.) Tanya TRIES to express her anger about how Lenore has treated her, but she can only come up with "Your heart's not that big."
Lenore: "Do you want the numbers or not?"
Quick scene with crazy neighbor's wife eating a Lyric Cookie, and finding an "I think you're sexy" insert. Oh no.
We end with some shots of "Happiness Consultants" grafitti while someone sings a very interesting cover of "This Land Is Your Land".
Folks songs and prostitution. How touching.
Hateful neighbor man comes running out of his house and yells at Ray that his actions are against the law. He's practically at Ray's side before the next teardrop falls, so to speak. Meaning neighbor man must have been standing at his window just waiting for Ray to do this. Which puts a whole new spin on neighbor man. And not a good one.
Jessica, the Ex, shows up at Ray's house the next day, all worried about daughter Darby being in some emotional, possibly psychotic state. Ray tells her to chill. There's no visible peeing, so that's good.
Ray and Tanya schlep their way to the posh mansion where Ray and Lenore did the deed, hoping to find Ray's missing wallet. Turns out Lenore doesn't even live there. And the man at the door is none too pleased to find Nancy Drew and a Hardy boy on his porch.
Ray is understandably a bit anxious about this development. Tanya tries to keep him calm, explaining that there's nothing to worry about yet. "It's a small mystery." What a weird-ass piece of dialogue. Just sayin.
Back at Ray's ranch, the police show up. Seems psycho neighbor reported him. Yay!
Tanya leaves about 4,000 voice messages for the missing Lenore. She's so mousy and weak with requests for the wallet, that I wouldn't call her back no matter WHAT she wanted.
Tanya finally tracks her down at what appears to be an apartment, maybe a hotel room, it's not clear. (And Lenore probably doesn't own it, so who cares.) Lenore is really weird about the whole situation. When she finally hands over the wallet, the cash is missing. When Tanya questions this and wants to know where Ray's payment is, Lenore goes off the deep end, denies everything, refuses to pay for services rendered, and tells Tanya to get the hell out. Great. That went well.
So Tanya puts her own 300 dollars into Ray's wallet and gives it back to him, saying that Lenore had the best time ever and really enjoyed his performance. Ray is all stoked and excited. Poor Tanya. Girl, you know that wasn't the right thing to do.
Over at Jessica and Dr. Ronnie's house of neurotica and coldness, Jessica has decided to focus on helping abused animals. Screw the kids. Lovely.
Quick scene with Ray trying to use his credit card at a gas station. Denied. Uh oh.
Tanya goes on a date with the geeky guy who led the empowerment training sessions (Floyd?). She fesses up to neglecting the Lyric Bread concept, he tries to get her back on the right path. "I want the Tanya flower to blossom." Okay, I tried to get in the moment and think of that as a sweet thing to say, but it just didn't work for me.
Floyd (need to check the name) is all clingy, and follows Tanya home. Where they find Ray waiting outside her house. Floyd suddenly changes over to an alternate personality, gets all bitchy, and then leaves. Good.
Ray semi-accuses Tanya of maxing his credit card. In trying to explain that it wasn't HER, Tanya fesses up that it was her OWN money Ray found in his wallet. Ray is outraged that someone wouldn't actually pay him to entertain. (His exact phrase is a bit more indelicate.)
So it turns into a big shoutfest, and some very harsh words are exchanged:
Tanya: "I cannot be partners with someone who HATES women."
Ray: "You are the worst pimp in the world!"
And then they turn and stomp off into the night. This is probably not what Floyd had in mind when he wanted Tanya to flower.
Back at the ranch the next day, Ray learns that his contractor is backing out of fixing the house, cuz Ray ain't got no money. So Ray again pees in the lake, flips off the neighbor's mansion, gets out his tools, and starts repairing the house on his own. I'm thinking he could have started doing that several episodes ago, but anyway.
Inside, he finds a bag labeled "Eat Me". Inside are Lyric Cookies. The first one: "I'm sorry." The second one: "I'm very sorry." Awww. Now THAT is sweet, much better than the flower crap.
So Ray and Tanya are besties and working together again. He tries to give the money back, she won't take it. Tanya: "Why can't I see people for who they are? My mother was right." Ray: "Your MOTHER said that?" Explains a lot about Tanya the Timid.
Back to Jessica's house of neurotica, where the kids Darby and Damon discover Jessica in the kitchen, nursing a very abused and sick dog. (This was a difficult scene for me, personally.) But Damon thinks it's a cool thing for mom to do, and there's potential bonding.
Back again to Ray's, where the police tromp in again, this time with photos of Ray defiling the lake. Once they leave, Ray decides to change his course of action with the crazy neighbor, grabs the bag of lyric cookies, and heads next door.
Tanya gets a call from Lenore, who is in a much better, more stable mood this time. She has phone numbers for clients interested in Ray's services. Hurray! Tanya asks her why she maxed Ray's credit card. Lenore considered it her commission. (Girl lives in her own world.) Tanya TRIES to express her anger about how Lenore has treated her, but she can only come up with "Your heart's not that big."
Lenore: "Do you want the numbers or not?"
Quick scene with crazy neighbor's wife eating a Lyric Cookie, and finding an "I think you're sexy" insert. Oh no.
We end with some shots of "Happiness Consultants" grafitti while someone sings a very interesting cover of "This Land Is Your Land".
Folks songs and prostitution. How touching.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
#33 - "Hung" - Season 1, Episode 2
We start with something up at the school were Ray coaches, seems there are budget cuts and people are getting fired, lots of good times.
Ray gets summoned to the principal's office (gulp), and attempts to hide a giant hickie while the principal reminds him that he's "supposed to be a role model". The principal isn't really clear about which of Ray's transgressions she's focused on, but she obviously has something up her sleeve. Just a warning, no firing. Not yet, anway.
Time for Ray to get going with that second revenue stream. Pronto.
So he meets up with Tanya. ("I don't like corporate-chain restaurants". What the hell?) Turns out Tanya has a budget of her own, whips that out, and we learn that it apparently costs a lot of money to make money as a professional fornicator. Who knew?
Then Tanya tells Ray it would be really great "if you work on your technique". Ray, being a male, cannot take constructive criticism when it comes to nookie, and gets pouty. "You're not my only screamer."
Tanya, being a female, patiently sighs as one must do with the obstinate male, and approaches from another angle, explaining that perhaps we could tweak a few things to ensure a quality experience. Ray grudgingly agrees.
Ray visits with his kids, and they really, really, really want to live with him. It would just be nice if there were an actual house to live in. But that's going to take some money, natch, so we have yet another reason for Ray to hurry up this side project.
Tanya gets on the horn with a former co-worker who now flits around with the wealthy and recession-proof, helping them spend their piles of cash as a "professional shopper". Tanya is wondering if Lenore's clients might be interested in what her business has to offer. Hearing the product specs, Lenore decides a test drive is in order. Make it happen.
Back to the kids, who are dining with Mom in one of those evil corporate-chain restaurants. Mom is babbling about not understanding why she and the kids don't relate better, but she is going to make a super-special effort to spend more time with them.
She smiles in denial, the kids squirm and pretend to care, but all you can actually focus on is wanting to ask Anne Heche "did you REALLY think a spaceship was coming for you? Seriously?"
Side query: Is there a particular reason why these two kids are so annoyingly butt-ugly? What's the message?
Then we're back with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya has convinced him to do a "date" run-through. Ray does not immediately win gold stars, with Tanya being forced to explain "women are not poultry" and "you really have to deal with this leaving after sex thing".
Another scene with the babbling ex-wife and her probably-gay husband talking about Ray, with wifey fessing up that "I didn't keep my marriage vows. And I'm moody." Very good, Celestia, great self-insight. Your current therapist is a keeper. Yay.
Then Ray arrives at Lenore's swanky pad for the test drive. Lenore is no wallflower and apparently enjoys manipulation, ridicule, and sex. She does her best to make Ray feel awkward about the whole thing, and even makes him dance for her, toying with him in a manner that is apparently entertaining in the world of professional shoppers.
Then she gets bored with that and cuts to the action with what she really wants: "I just need to know your name so I know what to scream when you're banging me." Well then. Another screamer. Great.
So they make the business transaction, and Ray even sleeps over (wow!), only to wake in the morning and realize he's late for a meeting with the school principal and he's lost his wallet. Can't find it anywhere. He tries to get help from the slumbering Lenore, but that's a wash ("I'm still stoned. Can you talk to the maid?"). He has to dash.
Arriving at the principal's office, we learn the real reason the principal is no longer pleased with him is the "dung" motivational speech from the last episode. Seems there are some parents who are not keen on having their children compared to, and even remotely associated with, excrement.
THAT's the whole deal? Geez.
Meanwhile, Tanya is having a crapfest at HER sucky day job. When will she ever get away from this mindless wasteland? She and Ray connect on the phone and, as usual, Tanya provides the comfort. Don't worry about the wallet, I'll get it back. And Ray? Let's make a million dollars. Now. Mmmkay?
Not as intrigued by the show after this episode. There were some great lines, and these people can obviously act, but the script didn't seem focused, with the Ray and Tanya characters altered in some ways, making him more surly and her more... compliant and boring? Not sure. We'll see...
Ray gets summoned to the principal's office (gulp), and attempts to hide a giant hickie while the principal reminds him that he's "supposed to be a role model". The principal isn't really clear about which of Ray's transgressions she's focused on, but she obviously has something up her sleeve. Just a warning, no firing. Not yet, anway.
Time for Ray to get going with that second revenue stream. Pronto.
So he meets up with Tanya. ("I don't like corporate-chain restaurants". What the hell?) Turns out Tanya has a budget of her own, whips that out, and we learn that it apparently costs a lot of money to make money as a professional fornicator. Who knew?
Then Tanya tells Ray it would be really great "if you work on your technique". Ray, being a male, cannot take constructive criticism when it comes to nookie, and gets pouty. "You're not my only screamer."
Tanya, being a female, patiently sighs as one must do with the obstinate male, and approaches from another angle, explaining that perhaps we could tweak a few things to ensure a quality experience. Ray grudgingly agrees.
Ray visits with his kids, and they really, really, really want to live with him. It would just be nice if there were an actual house to live in. But that's going to take some money, natch, so we have yet another reason for Ray to hurry up this side project.
Tanya gets on the horn with a former co-worker who now flits around with the wealthy and recession-proof, helping them spend their piles of cash as a "professional shopper". Tanya is wondering if Lenore's clients might be interested in what her business has to offer. Hearing the product specs, Lenore decides a test drive is in order. Make it happen.
Back to the kids, who are dining with Mom in one of those evil corporate-chain restaurants. Mom is babbling about not understanding why she and the kids don't relate better, but she is going to make a super-special effort to spend more time with them.
She smiles in denial, the kids squirm and pretend to care, but all you can actually focus on is wanting to ask Anne Heche "did you REALLY think a spaceship was coming for you? Seriously?"
Side query: Is there a particular reason why these two kids are so annoyingly butt-ugly? What's the message?
Then we're back with Tanya and Ray, where Tanya has convinced him to do a "date" run-through. Ray does not immediately win gold stars, with Tanya being forced to explain "women are not poultry" and "you really have to deal with this leaving after sex thing".
Another scene with the babbling ex-wife and her probably-gay husband talking about Ray, with wifey fessing up that "I didn't keep my marriage vows. And I'm moody." Very good, Celestia, great self-insight. Your current therapist is a keeper. Yay.
Then Ray arrives at Lenore's swanky pad for the test drive. Lenore is no wallflower and apparently enjoys manipulation, ridicule, and sex. She does her best to make Ray feel awkward about the whole thing, and even makes him dance for her, toying with him in a manner that is apparently entertaining in the world of professional shoppers.
Then she gets bored with that and cuts to the action with what she really wants: "I just need to know your name so I know what to scream when you're banging me." Well then. Another screamer. Great.
So they make the business transaction, and Ray even sleeps over (wow!), only to wake in the morning and realize he's late for a meeting with the school principal and he's lost his wallet. Can't find it anywhere. He tries to get help from the slumbering Lenore, but that's a wash ("I'm still stoned. Can you talk to the maid?"). He has to dash.
Arriving at the principal's office, we learn the real reason the principal is no longer pleased with him is the "dung" motivational speech from the last episode. Seems there are some parents who are not keen on having their children compared to, and even remotely associated with, excrement.
THAT's the whole deal? Geez.
Meanwhile, Tanya is having a crapfest at HER sucky day job. When will she ever get away from this mindless wasteland? She and Ray connect on the phone and, as usual, Tanya provides the comfort. Don't worry about the wallet, I'll get it back. And Ray? Let's make a million dollars. Now. Mmmkay?
Not as intrigued by the show after this episode. There were some great lines, and these people can obviously act, but the script didn't seem focused, with the Ray and Tanya characters altered in some ways, making him more surly and her more... compliant and boring? Not sure. We'll see...
Monday, June 29, 2009
#17 - "Hung" - Season 1, Episode 1
We start with our main character, Ray (Thomas Jane), trying to pep talk his high school team in the locker room. He's babbling away, something about the unfair workload of a dung beetle, and all the teenage boys are staring at him glumly, in that teen way that says "all adults are stupid".
Ray encourages them that, even though the season thus far has completely sucked, they can still win. Go team! Then Ray grabs an assistant coach, fakes illness and leaves. Hello?
Seems Ray is off to his first gig as a hired stud. Hurray! We're finally to the part of the show you know we all really tuned in for: naughtiness involving Ray's heavily-promoted appendage. But Ray's voice over tells us that, first, we're going to see what led up to his joining the man-whore industry. I'm a little disappointed with the teasing, but hey, I've just opened a fresh beer, I'm good.
Ray was on a promising path to major sports hero status, when an injury ruined all that. Awww. Ray was happily married until his wife decided she needed some more pocket money and ran off with a doctor. Darn the luck.
And of course, the divorce is a messy and such, lots of anger and shouting, with Anne Hech playing The Ex. She even wants the rose bushes. (Well, her MOTHER wants the rose bushes. Mom turns out to be quite the whippersnapper.) The only bright spot in the ordeal is that the kids want to live with Ray.
Which they do. Until the house burns, and Ray, having no insurance, decides they can live in tents in the back yard. (With a view of the lake!) This is SO not cool, and the kids scamper back to Momma, opting to live with Celestia and possible snatching by spaceship rather than an eternal Boy Scout Jamboree.
(Side Note: During all the flashbacks, Anne Heche gets to utter the line "I am shallow because I choose to be." I think I'll get a t-shirt made.)
Notice the pattern? They are piling it on really thick (Freudian of me?) that lots of really bad things have happened to Ray, so we can be empathetic when he makes the choice to sell his stick. Not really necessary. Lots of other businessmen have preceded him in that particular trade. We TUNED IN fully knowing his career choice. Enough already.
So anyway, Ray attends some entrepreneurial training, which gets him thinking about his assets. He runs into and re-hooks with a past girlfriend, Tanya, who also gets him thinking about his assets. And gets her thinking as well. He can go in the man trade, and she can be his pimp. How convenient and exciting!
By the way, Tanya is trying to develop her own product, "Lyric Bread", where she puts slips of paper with quotations into baked goods. But she's having issues with the ink running and being unreadable during the baking. Would you have ever guess THAT would happen?
Ray takes this all in and does some research, googling "how to make money with a large penis", and creating an alternate personality for his hooker ads named "Big Donnie". And we finally catch up to him abandoning his brooding high-school team during a game so he can go on his first gig as a paid stud.
Only to have the prospective buyer not even open the hotel door, instead slipping him a note that he/she is not interested after reviewing him through the peephole. Ray goes into a little monologue about the suckage of life, and lo and behold, the client slips a 50-dollar bill under the door.
And Ray then gives the money to his son so he can buy tickets to a Goth concert in a seedy part of town. Roll credits.
Despite all my smarminess above (it's what I do, people, it's in the blood), I actually really liked the show. It's being promoted as something of a comedy. It's really not, there are some cute and amusing moments but very few belly laughs. Instead, it's actually warm and character-driven. Thomas Jane is quite good, but so are most of the actors around him. Feels like a good fit. Time will tell.
Ray encourages them that, even though the season thus far has completely sucked, they can still win. Go team! Then Ray grabs an assistant coach, fakes illness and leaves. Hello?
Seems Ray is off to his first gig as a hired stud. Hurray! We're finally to the part of the show you know we all really tuned in for: naughtiness involving Ray's heavily-promoted appendage. But Ray's voice over tells us that, first, we're going to see what led up to his joining the man-whore industry. I'm a little disappointed with the teasing, but hey, I've just opened a fresh beer, I'm good.
Ray was on a promising path to major sports hero status, when an injury ruined all that. Awww. Ray was happily married until his wife decided she needed some more pocket money and ran off with a doctor. Darn the luck.
And of course, the divorce is a messy and such, lots of anger and shouting, with Anne Hech playing The Ex. She even wants the rose bushes. (Well, her MOTHER wants the rose bushes. Mom turns out to be quite the whippersnapper.) The only bright spot in the ordeal is that the kids want to live with Ray.
Which they do. Until the house burns, and Ray, having no insurance, decides they can live in tents in the back yard. (With a view of the lake!) This is SO not cool, and the kids scamper back to Momma, opting to live with Celestia and possible snatching by spaceship rather than an eternal Boy Scout Jamboree.
(Side Note: During all the flashbacks, Anne Heche gets to utter the line "I am shallow because I choose to be." I think I'll get a t-shirt made.)
Notice the pattern? They are piling it on really thick (Freudian of me?) that lots of really bad things have happened to Ray, so we can be empathetic when he makes the choice to sell his stick. Not really necessary. Lots of other businessmen have preceded him in that particular trade. We TUNED IN fully knowing his career choice. Enough already.
So anyway, Ray attends some entrepreneurial training, which gets him thinking about his assets. He runs into and re-hooks with a past girlfriend, Tanya, who also gets him thinking about his assets. And gets her thinking as well. He can go in the man trade, and she can be his pimp. How convenient and exciting!
By the way, Tanya is trying to develop her own product, "Lyric Bread", where she puts slips of paper with quotations into baked goods. But she's having issues with the ink running and being unreadable during the baking. Would you have ever guess THAT would happen?
Ray takes this all in and does some research, googling "how to make money with a large penis", and creating an alternate personality for his hooker ads named "Big Donnie". And we finally catch up to him abandoning his brooding high-school team during a game so he can go on his first gig as a paid stud.
Only to have the prospective buyer not even open the hotel door, instead slipping him a note that he/she is not interested after reviewing him through the peephole. Ray goes into a little monologue about the suckage of life, and lo and behold, the client slips a 50-dollar bill under the door.
And Ray then gives the money to his son so he can buy tickets to a Goth concert in a seedy part of town. Roll credits.
Despite all my smarminess above (it's what I do, people, it's in the blood), I actually really liked the show. It's being promoted as something of a comedy. It's really not, there are some cute and amusing moments but very few belly laughs. Instead, it's actually warm and character-driven. Thomas Jane is quite good, but so are most of the actors around him. Feels like a good fit. Time will tell.
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