Okay, this is the final episode for the season, so we know going into this mess that there's going to be lots of crazy thrown at us. And the producers do not disappoint.
We start in Kevin's bar, with Jackie being all smarmy about Jennie Flynn, the ex-girlfriend who is responsible for bringing the brat Caitlan into the world, as well as (sort of) causing Jackie and Gracie to have to leave the dance class in shame.
Jackie: "I know about you guys." Kevin: "We were together two weeks when we were 16." Jackie doesn't really have a response to that, so Kevin seizes the upper hand in the constant battle of marital one-upmanship and tells Jackie that he has a surprise for her when she gets off work. In fact, he wants to meet her at midnight at the bar for the unveiling of the surprise.
Jackie, having no clue what this might be, but certain that she should probably stock up on pharmaceuticals before arriving, makes one of her grimace faces and then scampers out of the bar.
As soon as she skedaddles, Eddie, who has possibly been waiting outside the bar all night, who knows, rushes into the bar. The bar is not open yet, but Kevin offers to serve him anyway. Uh oh.
Over at St. Whatever, Hospital Admin Gloria storms up to Jackie and lets her know that she wants a statement from Jackie and Zoey about the "coma critic", in her office, in 5 minutes. Then she promptly stomps off and gets stuck in a faulty elevator. Yay.
Gloria immediately starts calling the nurse's station. Jackie and Zoey discuss, and Jackie instructs Zoey to NOT call the elevator repairman but act like she did. Zoey then has several quick cut scenes where she repeatedly hangs up on the screaming Gloria.
Coop confronts Jackie and lets her know that he knows she broke her finger on purpose. But he thinks she did it because of the illegal donor thing, so that she could wiggle her way in and get Coop on her side. It's clear that he really wants her. It's also clear that she does NOT want him. "You are a moron." But then she kisses him again. He's confused, we're confused, and Jackie waltzes off.
Back over to Kevin's bar, where Eddie is getting a wee bit toasted. But he's sober and probing enough to ask if the girl (Jackie) in a photo with Kevin is Kevin's wife. Of course it is. Kevin asks Eddie if HE's got a girl. Eddie: "Yeah, but she's married, with two kids." A couple of beats for Kevin to figure it out. He doesn't.
Quick scene with Gloria in the elevator, still trapped, doing stupid things out of boredom.
Scene with O'Hara and Jacks working on the Coma Critic. O'Hara: I'm "going to break the law at 10pm tonight. Are you with me?" Jacks: Sure. Seems O'Hara has arranged for her mother's body to be discovered as a Jane Doe in Battery Park, so O'Hara can get one last look at her. (How one arranges for this, I have no idea.) While they chatter, it appears that Coma Critic is responding to O'Hara's prodding and may be waking up.
Another scene with Gloria in the elevator. More stupid things out of boredom.
Jackie wanders up to the Pill-O-Matic dispenser and tries the unplug-and-reset thing that Eddie showed her. It doesn't work. She calls and leaves a "help-me" voice mail with Eddie, adding "Love you". See, she can say that to him when she wants drugs, but not when he says it to HER and is looking for validation. Bad girl.
Scene with some grungy-looking EMT hitting on Zoey for a date. Zoey is not interested. She's feeling blue about possibly killing the Coma Critic, and is a little distracted. Jackie: "Go put on your happy monkey scrubs" and get over it.
Gloria in the elevator. More stupid things. (This is getting boring.)
Back to Eddie and Kevin at the bar, where Eddie learns that Jackie is really nice to Kevin, making him breakfast even though she's tired and all. Poor Kevin. Stoking the fire and doesn't even know it.
Odd scene with Coop working an ER patient that has his intestines hanging out, with Momo attending. They both end up giving Momo pointers on how to keep his man interested. Really?
Back to Eddie and Kevin again, where Eddie is pretty lit, and Kevin is joining him in downing the shots. Eddie keeps cutting off Jackie's repeated phone calls. Kevin shows Eddie the ring he can't afford but bought anyway. Nice. More potent shots, more calls from Jackie that Eddie cuts off.
Gloria finally gets out of the elevator. Thank gawd, because that was getting old.
Scene with Jackie again trying to jack the Pill-O-Matic. She does something not right, an alarm goes off, and she races away. Girl, this is New York City. Just step outside the hospital and score you a little somethin somethin from a recently-unemployed Wall Street broker.
Then we have O'Hara and Jackie waiting for O'Hara's mum to be dropped off in the ER. Jackie wants to know if O'Hara has any Xanax on her. O'Hara is not exactly thrilled with that, and lets Jackie know that she doesn't actually walk around with candy in her pockets. Jackie waits approximately 3 seconds to show support about the Mum thing, then dashes back in the hospital.
Where she encounters Coop kissing Momo so they can make a jealousy picture for Momo to get his man's attention. Jackie sails by like this happens all the time.
And then we have Eddie staggering into the ER, fully buzzed courtesy of Kevin's bartending skills. Big showdown, with Gloria demanding that he leave and trying to call Security. Eddie realizes he has got to scoot, but not before whispering to Jackie: "I met Kevin. Very nice bar that you have."
Oh boy. Jackie rushes into a convenient bathroom and has a small breakdown, rudely banging on innocent bathroom stalls.
Cut to O'Hara. Her mum has arrived, and Jackie is not there for support. O'Hara breaks, sobbing. See, I know we're supposed to get that Jackie is a complex character, but a decent person would never let a friend go through such a thing alone, especially when they've been asked by the friend to be there. Not really liking Jackie at this point.
Jackie races to the Pill-O-Matic, signs in as herself (uh oh), and gets three strong vials of morphine. Then she wanders into an empty office, locks the door, and sucks down all three vials, immediately collapsing into a woozy haze.
While she's strung out, Jackie flashes back on many of the troubling scenes she's experienced this season. Mixed in with that are weird scenes with her in a pristine white nurse's outfit from days gone by, and equally surreal shots of Kevin, Fiona and a tap-dancing Gracie as the abandoned but loving family.
Jackie finally comes somewhat back to reality, and she sees a rat racing by in the overhead light while she's flat out on the floor. We end with Jackie asking: "Anyone else see that?"
Yes, I did. And I'm thinking the rat is YOU. Letting O'Hara, your solid supporter, face Mum alone? Wrong. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Just sayin.
Not sure if I want a second helping of this meal. Complexity and moral ambiguity can be tasty. But don't push a character so far into the dark and then expect me to root for them just because it's artsy and boldly daring. Make sense of it. Make me believe.
Are you listening, Showtime?
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