We start out at South Fork, with Kimberly storming into the house and confronting JR, while Sue Ellen stands nearby, ears perked. “My father is dead!”
JR: “You’re the one that killed him.”
Kim: “I must have been out of my mind to go to bed with you.” (Well, yes you were, but do you really need to bring that up right now? Seriously.)
JR: “Your daddy lost the game.”
Kim: “A man’s life is not a game. You’re going to find that out.” She stomps away.
Sue Ellen to JR: “So that’s why you wanted to dump me.”
JR: “If you’d divorced me, that man would be alive today.”
Good ole JR. Shift the blame to everybody else, especially those who had nothing to do with anything.
Cut to Cliff’s office, where Casey waltzes in with maps of the crappy Tulsa field. Cliff is clearly whacked out on something. “I don’t wanna talk right now.” April shows up in the middle of this, and Cliff wanders right past her and out the door. April to secretary Jackie: “What the hell?” Jackie: “Pills. And something to do with JR.”
Hmm. That description can fit a lot of people on this show.
Bobby’s office, where some guy from the Department of Justice wants to see him. “You are NOT going to get the Ewing name back. We intend to see that it doesn’t happen. You Ewings got away with MURDER!” Bobby needs to have a talk with Phyllis, and let her know that she shouldn’t let such hateful people through the door or she won’t get another raise.
Now we’re in some church, where Kimberly is kneeling at one of the pews, presumably mourning her father, but since she’s wearing this atrocious scarf thing on her head, you really can’t feel any sympathy. Sue Ellen comes strolling up the aisle. (Why are neither one of these women bursting into flames?)
Sue Ellen comforts Kim, and they talk about JR being a total bastard. Sue: “JR’s drive to get Westar is what killed your daddy. If we let JR win, your daddy died for nothing.” Kimberly and her scarf: “But if the will doesn’t go through quickly, I may not be able to help.” They both look sad and the music swells.
Cut to JR, Casey and Sly celebrating Dr. Styles’ death. (Such nice people.) April shows up, with her hair. JR: “I now control Westar with your votes.” April: “I want a seat on the board.” JR: “Give me your proxies, I’ll give you a seat.” (Casey announces that he wants a seat, too, but JR just slaps him down.) Then they toast the dead man.
Quick scene with Bobby talking to Dave Culver and trampy Kay. They are both cautioning Bobby about doing something stupid to get revenge with Senator O’Dell or the Justice Department. Bobby and his hair look frustrated and anguished.
Over to Ray’s house, where Connie the Crazy Slut calls, missing him terribly. Ray: “Miss me? You hardly even know me.” She whines, he dismisses her and hangs up.
Now we’re over at Nick’s place, with Sue Ellen arriving at the door, sporting an ugly hairdo. (Note to the hair and makeup people: I’ve said this before. Quit making Linda Gray wear a bun. It does nothing for her, and certainly does nothing for your careers. Stop it.) Sue Ellen is just all distraught over this Westar thing and how it looks like JR is going to win. “What can I do?”
Nick: You’ve done what you can, unless you can get April or Cliff to go along with you.
Sue: Why do things fall apart. I though I mattered to you. Why are you treating me so poorly?
Nick: I’ve got a long story to tell you. You and your bun have a seat.
Bobby with Kay in Washington. They are getting all mushy and frisky, more of that “not buying this for a second” business, when Kay gets a call. She’s got to go, some work thing about a pending vote. He gets a little cranky about that as she flees out the door. (Bobby, settle down. People do have real jobs, not like yours when you only have to go into your office every other season or so.)
Back to Nick and Sue Ellen, where he’s finishing up his tawdry mafia and kidnapping tale.
Sue: “All of this because April was CURIOUS?”
Nick: “I was worried about you. You coulda ended up with a pair of cement shoes.” (Seriously, who has used an expression like that in the last 60 years, you lame-ass script writers?)
Sue: “I want to start a new life with you. If anything ever happened to you…” Then they start sucking face and rolling around.
Cliff shows up at JR’s office, looking strung-out and terrible. Cliff: “When are you making your Westar move, I don’t want that stock anymore.”
JR: “When I get voted chairman, you can finally use your land.”
Cliff: “I don’t believe you.” (Um, Cliff, JR is over THERE. Quit talking to the coffee pot.)
JR: “Would you like it in writing? Sly, come in here with your little tablet thing.” Then he looks back at Cliff: “Doing business with me is going to be the nicest experience you’ve ever had.”
Oh please.
Laurel meets with Clayton at some restaurant.
Laurel: “I didn’t expect to see you again. I’m leaving for London tomorrow.”
Clay: “Let’s say goodbye properly.”
Laurel: “I’m glad it’s over.” But she has an expression like she just tasted something nasty.
Clay: “Thanks to JR.”
Laurel makes some disparaging remarks about JR.
Clay: “You know JR?”
Laurel: “Um…”
Clayton realizes something is up, and he keeps digging until Laurel spills: “He told me he would bury the evidence about Brett Lomax unless I went to bed with him.”
Clay looks like someone just shoved a two-by-four in a very personal place.
Quick scene with Bobby in his office. Kay calls. “You have to understand my career.” Bobby: “We’ll talk later. Bye.” Well, good. Maybe the writers are ready to get rid of Kay and this whole stupid subplot. Hope so.
Then we have Connie the Crazy Slut sneaking into Ray’s house in the middle of the night. He’s asleep in bed, and she jumps on him, laughing and giggling. Ray wakes, understandably freaked, and he wants her out. NOW. She has no intention of leaving. There’s something of a struggle, he basically tells her to go to hell and never contact him again. She finally leaves, but we all know that crazy chick will be back.
Back at South Fork, Clayton confronts JR. “I saw Laurel this afternoon. What kind of man ARE you?”
JR: “She was all over me.”
Clay: “I got the autopsy report, which shows Shulton was smothered, and I would have been off the hook anyway.”
JR: “Why don’t we wake up Momma, see what SHE thinks about all of this.”
And it continues, with JR being a total bitch, and Clayton not being enough of a bitch. Clay, dude, WAKE Ellie up, and let her know what Sonny Boy did.
Next morning, still at South Fork, with Clayton and Ellie.
Clay: “I’ve never felt like I belonged here.”
Ellie: “That’s ridiculous.” (Oh, come on, Miss Ellie. You just spent at least 7 episodes acting like Clayton had slept with the entire country and was a mass murderer. Take some blame, here.)
Clay: “A man can’t spend his life walking around on eggshells. If I’m going to live here, it’s going to be MY house! Especially when it comes to JR!”
Wow. Miss Ellie perks up, sexual hormones suddenly racing through her system. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Cut to April at her restaurant that we’ve basically forgotten about, because she never goes there. She’s berating some serving girl for something pointless. Casey wanders in.
April and her hair, right to the point: “What are you up to, working with both JR and Cliff?”
Casey babbles something meaningless, because the script writers couldn’t think of a good comeback line.
April/hair: “I don’t want to see Cliff hurt. JR is squeezing him.”
Casey: “So it’s okay that YOU are working both sides?”
April/hair: “I’ve got the power. YOU don’t.”
High-five, sister girl.
Cut to Ray’s house, where he’s walking out the front door, only to discover that “R.K. luvs C.H.” has been painted on said front door in the middle of a heart. Oh boy.
JR waltzes into a Westar board meeting. JR tells them he’s ready to get down to business so he can be chairman of the board.
Kimberly waltzes in as well. “Wait a minute. I have all my daddy’s votes that he left me in a Living Trust.”
JR: “Doesn’t matter. I’m going to take this company.”
Kim: “You don’t have enough votes.” She smiles, and Sue Ellen marches in the door, looking stunning in a white suit, and this time they got the hair right.
Sue Ellen: “Hello, my love.”
JR: “This is the biggest mistake of your life.”
Sue: “I thought I was correcting one.”
Kimberly asks the rest of the assembled board members: “Anyone voting for Mr. Ewing?” Dead silence, crickets chirp, no one moves a muscle.
JR starts babbling, they still don’t have enough numbers to stop him.
Kim: “Oh wait, there’s someone else I’d like you to meet. They’re voting with me as well.”
And in walks Jeremy Wendell.
Holy cow. The writers got me with that one. Totally didn’t see it coming.
The board quickly votes Jeremy in as chairman, and then everybody is clapping and glaring at defeated JR.
JR: “I’ll never forget this, Sue Ellen.”
Sue Ellen: “I certainly hope not.”
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