We’re back at camp after tribal, with everyone piddling around doing boring things and talking about Monica being sent home. For some inexplicable reason, Brett decides to massage Shambo’s hair. I can’t even begin to imagine why someone would want to do that.
But there he is, doing just that. I suppose he really meant to massage her head and/or neck, but there’s no way he can break through her protective cascade of hair follicles. First, her hairdo is bigger than his entire body. Second, we can clearly see that his fingers are quickly ensnared in her mane like a twisted version of those Chinese finger-torture things.
Russell in a sidebar: As soon as Brett loses an Immunity Challenge, he’s gone.
Maybe so, Russell, but based on what we’re watching right now, it will have to be a double eviction because I don’t think Shambo’s hair will ever release Brett’s fingers. They’ll have to go home together.
Roll opening credits.
Then we have Brett and Natalie in the little hut thing, where he’s suddenly spouting very lengthy Bible quotes and Nat is sitting there in awe of this ability, perhaps even slightly turned on. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we’re witnessing Bible porn. Can I get a hallelujah?
Then we cut to Shambo fiddling with her massive hair, talking about how she needs to go wet it down. I don’t even know what this means. What I do know is that, so far, Shambo’s hair has been the center of attention in this episode. Perhaps she should speak to her lawyer about getting the hair its own billing in the opening credits.
Then we have a sidebar with Russell, where he’s making fun of the massive hair, talking about how Shambo hides food in there. Kumquats, bananas, coconuts. It’s actually pretty funny, but I refuse to laugh out loud, since I can’t stand him and all.
Time for the Reward Challenge, with a feast in a nearby village and chance to sleep on actual mattresses up for grabs. This competition involves two teams, who then have to take turns pulling on one of many ropes holding up a huge amount of coconuts. (Did Shambo’s hair carry them over here on her own?) The team that manages to cause a total of 100 coconuts to fall is eliminated and the other team goes on Reward.
Jeff teases Shambo about her hair. How long have you had that hairstyle? Twenty-three years. She‘s not kidding. The woman has walked around looking like that for 23 years. No wonder she talks to chickens.
Natalie and Brett end up on the same team, so while the Survivor staff is running around doing whatever they do to set things up, she talks to him about how they are Prayer Warriors and all, so it’s really good that they are on the same team.
I don’t know much about Prayer Warriors, having never heard the term, but it makes me a little suspicious and uneasy. I mean, really, that term doesn’t sound very Christian, does it? Just asking. And just what kind of outfits do you wear as a Prayer Warrior? A loincloth with scripture printed on it?
Anyway, they have the competition, with people pulling on ropes, and the Prayer Warriors plus one lose, meaning that Russell, Jaison and Shambo win the challenge.
Then we go on Reward with them.
First we have Jaison, in a long monologue, rambling about how much he has hated every single day on the island. (Really? YOU were unhappy? I guess I didn’t really believe you the first 50 times you said that.) Then Shambo makes a dramatic toast to all the people of Samoa. I can’t really speak for those people, but I would imagine the island would have survived just fine without that whole mess. Then we end with tribal dances performed by the locals. I’m a little confused by this part, because the “band” making music is standing there in native island dress, but they are strumming very modern acoustic guitars. Where the hell did they get those? Did they find them on the beach or in Shambo’s hair inventory?
Later that night, as the three of them enjoy plush mattresses and pillows, Russell tries to discuss strategy, but we’re all distracted by Shambo insisting on acting like a seven-year-old and saying little-girl things that do nothing but increase her creepiness factor. That girl crazy.
Next day, everybody is back at camp. Russell corners Natalie and says that they have to get rid of Mick and Brett. Natalie is not quite sure about that, but tells us in a sidebar that she still trusts Russell.
Time for the Immunity Challenge, this one involving running to various stations, counting however many things (fish, squid, etc) are at that station, and then running back and using those numbers to solve a puzzle. It’s kind of a tight race, but Brett manages to win Immunity again, which makes me cheer. I always have a soft spot for the underdog, even if they are Prayer Warriors and I really don’t know what that means.
Jaison in a sidebar: “Tonight’s Shambo’s night.”
I assume that he’s talking about Tribal, and not some sort of sexual encounter where Whiny Man and Medusa meet in a passionate moment of jungle fever. But who knows. People have needs, just sayin.
Back at camp, Jaison and Russell are off to the side, chatting. Jaison: “It has to be Shambo.” Russell agrees. Then Shambo comes waltzing up and Jaison runs away as fast as he can. Shambo is suspicious and asks Russell what THAT was all about. Russell tells her that Jaison wants MICK out, and he only walked away because he’s frustrated.
But Shambo won’t let it go. We have a few more scenes with her quizzing Russell about Jaison and everything that is going on. He keeps feeding her lies. She keeps asking questions, relentlessly, until even the cameraman is bored and just focuses on some wildlife so we don’t have to keep looking at her.
Russell goes to Mick, and tells him it has to be Shambo, babbling about how she’s worthless and has done nothing for them. It’s too hard of a sell, and Mick is suspicious. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you talk about her like that.”
Mick in a sidebar: That was very odd and I’m a little skeptical. “Russell could be taking ME out.”
Time for tribal.
Right away, Jeff points out that Shambo has been a traitor for quite a while, and that the all-Galu jury won’t vote for her. How are the rest of you going to use that?
Russell: “I trust Shambo as much as Foa Foa.”
Really? The other three Foa Foa look at him like he’s lost his mind a little bit.
Mick: “I’ve been loyal. I would be pissed off if it was me tonight.”
Russell: “This is the first vote that has really bothered me.” I’m not really believing that. Somehow I don’t think you’ve ever been bothered by anything you’ve done in your entire life.
We get to the vote, and Shambo goes home. She’s very gracious about her exit, which is a little bit of a surprise. I fully expected her to grab her now-extinct torch and shove it down Russell’s throat.
Jeff ends it with: “There is only one thing keeping the Foa Foa Four from being the Final Four. And his name is Brett.”
Jeff, why you hatin? Brett’s position is hard enough as it is, you don’t need to make it tougher. Oh wait. Are you jealous of him being a Prayer Warrior? Did you get kicked out of PW camp as a youngster and never got over it? Sent home in shame without a badge or a scripture loincloth?
Because that would explain a lot. Especially the part about you finding a little too much pleasure in saying the words “The tribe has spoken” and then sending sad people down a lonely path in the night.
Hmmm.
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