We start out right after the end of the last tribal, with the survivors traipsing back to camp while the creepy night-vision cameras are rolling, and Shambo proclaiming to all that “Medusa has been dethroned.”
John tries explaining to Monica why he did what he did (flipped during the second tribal vote and sent Laura home). Monica nods as if she understands.
Then we go to Laura in a sidebar: “John is the Judas of the Galu tribe.” (Girl, I told you last time that Galu is no longer a tribe of any sort. Are you not reading the blog?) “John has to go home.”
Roll opening credits.
Next morning, we have packets of money for everybody in the tree mail, which can only mean one thing. Time for the Survivor auction. So we go do that, with everybody all excited because somebody is going to get food, somebody is going to buy something pointless, and somebody is going to get something to help them out in the game. That’s just how it goes.
Right away, Natalie spends 200 dollars for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She tears into it with a look that says sex will never be as satisfying as this for the rest of her life.
Then Shambo spends 240 dollars for a covered object, which turns out to be Survivor spaghetti, meaning nasty sea creatures with some parmesan sprinkled on top. This thrilled me to no end. Shambo asks Jeff: “Does this have any protein in it? I really need protein.” Jeff just looks at her. “I have no idea.” You got a crappy prize, somebody always gets one, go sit down.
Monica spends 340 dollars on what turns out to be an entire roasted chicken. She grabs her booty and runs back to her seat, ripping the legs off the bird and practically sucking the marrow out of the bones.
Jaison spends all 500 of his dollars on an advantage in the next Immunity challenge. Smart move. As everyone knows, the food is fun and all, but Immunity is goal number one in this game.
Mick blows all of his 500 on a cheeseburger and a glass of beer.
Then we get to the next offering, which is a clue about the hidden Immunity Idol. So right away I’m thinking, okay, Russell already has the latest Immunity Idol. Does this mean there’s a NEW one, or are the producers being really cruel?
And during the bidding, no one seems to notice that Russell is not trying for this prize at all. That should be a really big clue to the other survivors. He’s obviously got an idol, or he would at least make a bid. But this realization sails over the heads of the other players. In the end, John bids the highest for the clue.
Natalie then wins a Survivor shower (meaning you have to take it right there, with your privates barely covered by a tiny wooden door on the shower) and some clean underwear. Throughout the rest of the auction, we can hear Natalie moaning in delight as the water cascades over her body. CBS likes to pretend this is a family show, blurring butt cracks and bouncing man parts, but it’s fine for us to hear a naked woman having an orgasm behind a tiny door. Hypocrites.
Oh wait. They blur the man bits except when it comes to Russell. Have you noticed that this season? His tackle is allowed to bounce all over the place and there’s never a blur. Interesting, don’t you think?
Finally, a big slice of apple pie is up for bids. John wins this one. As he’s about to take his slice, Jeff proposes an alternative. He can give up his slice, not getting any himself, but can then have four slices to give to fellow tribe members. John opts to keep his slice, saying “surely they’re not going to vote me out over a piece of pie.” Dude. This is Survivor. They can vote you out if you sneeze at the wrong time.
Then the auction is over.
Back at camp, John opens the clue to the Immunity Idol, then heads out. To be honest, the wording of the clue, and the place the clue leads him, does not look anything like the place where Russell found his latest idol. So I’m still not sure if there’s a new idol or not. In any case, John only searches for about three minutes and then gives up.
These people are so lame. It kills me. If you want to win this game, why would you not search for hours on end to find the Idol? Don’t stroll up, turn over one rock, and then head back to the hammock for a snooze. Are you really that confident in your standing in the tribe?
Cut to Shambo at the chicken coop, telling her little friends that they are going to eat them today, saying her goodbyes and that she’ll see them in heaven. It’s close to being very touching. Then Shambo explains that she’d had conversations with the chickens, and they would answer her. So she’s back in the psycho category.
In the end, it’s Russell who actually lops off the heads of the chickens. (No surprise there, right? Very symbolic.) Shambo doesn’t want anything to do with this part of the process, standing off to the side. “Tell me when the chickens stop screaming.”
The Silence of the Chickens.
But Shambo is determined to do the actual cooking when it comes to her former little friends. She starts prepping for an elaborate process, telling the viewing audience that she knows all about cooking.
Dave wanders by, wanting to know how it’s going, and he’s not impressed that Shambo plans to boil the chickens for two hours rather than roast them. He voices his objections. After all, HE’S the one who won the chickens to begin with. They’re really his. He should have some say in all this.
Shambo goes postal, and shouting ensues. Neither one is impressed with the other’s existence by this point. Shambo in a sidebar about how furious she is with Dave: “Red Code Alert. Shannon has lost her mind.”
Really? Just now? I’m thinking THAT ship has sailed.
Nevertheless, Shambo is now focused on a mission. She runs to tell Russell that Dave has to go.
Russell runs to tell Natalie that Dave has to go. And so it begins.
Time for the Immunity Challenge.
This one involves holding a rope attached to a leaning log, and you slowly let out lengths of the rope until the leverage point is too much and you drop the log. Jaison manages to win this one, probably because he bought that Immunity Challenge advantage and got to skip a few rounds of letting out another length of rope. Interestingly enough, Dave is the next to last guy out.
Shambo in a sidebar: “I am in a position of power. Dave is SO gone.”
Mick in a sidebar: “We need Shambo’s vote, so it’s Dave.”
John meets with Russell, wanting Russell to hold up his end of the Laura agreement that a Foa Foa would be next. Russell suggests that Mick should go. (And I don’t believe him for a second.)
Russell in a sidebar: “John has to go because he knows I have the Idol.”
Russell goes to Dave: “Get rid of John. It will be YOU if it’s not John.” Dave scampers off to see how many votes he can round up.
Russell goes to Mick, telling him that John is now the target and he‘s got some Galu votes to back it up. Mick’s concerned. How can we trust Galu? Russell tells him that Dave is way too scared not to go along with this and make it work.
Mick goes to Jaison with this latest plan. And Jaison is not happy. “You piss off Shambo, and we tie at tribal, she will flip. This is EXACTLY what Galu did to HER.”
Words of wisdom, people. Has Russell really weighed the odds here? Focusing on John for personal reasons instead of overall strategy? On the flip side, he’s once again using a desperate person (Dave) to do his dirty work for him.
Time for Tribal.
Jeff asks “how was the mood in camp today?”
Shambo: It was peaceful. No game play.
Russell: Today was all strategy.
Shambo looks perplexed.
Jeff to Shambo: How can you possibly be surprised that there was strategy today? Right before tribal?
Jeff asks “will the person who’s going home tonight be shocked?”
Russell: They will be shocked.
Shambo: No shock at all.
See, Jeff is all but telling Shambo that something is up and she needs to realize that. But she’s in her own little world. Although it is fair to say that she has a very confused look on her face by the time it gets down to the vote.
And the voting results?
1 for Mick.
1 for Dave.
6 for John.
Shambo first glares at Russell, then glares at everybody else. They all voted against what she wanted.
Laura, sitting in the jury box: “She has no idea what happened.”
Geez. Can you imagine what the next episode is going to be like, with Shambo outraged and missing her chickens? And maybe some folks figuring out that Russell pulled a flip at the last minute for his own personal gain? Holy cow.
See ya then.
No comments:
Post a Comment