Wednesday, July 1, 2009

#19 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 15

There's those damn Benihana doors again.

JR scheming against Casey comes to fruition, and Casey's little mini-cartel is ready to skin him alive. ("You have no money. You're dead in this town!") Casey claims this is far from over. Blech. Over this story line.

Lisa coddles up to Cliff, saying all the right things to him to make him believe they are both the outsider peas in a pod. So he eventually softens and Lisa gets the scoop that Cliff's big gas bubble is in trouble because some farmer won't sell his shack for right-of-way. Skanky Lisa with the irritating ponytail races off to fill JR in on the details.

Clayton is still obsessed with the odd painting of the wind-swept woman much younger than him. He gets the name of the model from the artist, tracks her down, and finds that she makes a living selling fancy trees in pots to people with too much money. She has a British accent. (Memory trigger: isn't there a Clayton connection with London? Hmmm.) Anyway, they seem to hit it off, with "Laurel" babbling about seeing lots of Clayton in the future

Bobby goes to visit Jenna and see (his) baby Lucas over at Ray's, so you know right off there will be heated discussion. Sure enough, Jenna basically fesses up that she's still hawt for the Bobster. So of course Bobby has to be all moral about it ("Ray deserves 100% of your love!"), and then races out of the house, claiming he's never coming back.

Blech, part two. Done with the Jenna thing. Love ya like a sister, Priscilla, but honey, you been hangin around this show WAY too many seasons now. Tell the writers you need something new to mope about.

Over at the Sue Ellen and Nick House of Possible Fatal Attraction, Nick tells Sue Ellen that he's done working with her, things are getting a little too steamy and he can't hang with it if JR is still around. Sue Ellen is stunned as he walks out, but her hair looks really good.

On the flip side, scheming JR tells the scheming Kimberly that he can't leave Sue Ellen until he sees a "sign of faith" from Kimberly. You know, like leaving your current husband so I can actually marry you like you want?

April, parading around her restaurant and being sultry, runs into that guy who thought he knew Nicholas as "Joey Lombardi". She swoops in. Tell me more, hot stuff. He dishes that there were mafia rumors. Oh? I would never have guessed that based on actor Jack Scalia's Goodfellas accent he's been trying out since he wandered on to the show.

Meanwhile, back at the Ray and Jenna ranch of lost dreams, Ray finds Charly and Randy getting sweaty in the horse barn. He gets all fired up, makes Charly cry, and slams Randy up agains the barn wall before chasing him off. (Yes, it did turn me on, just a little, sayin.)

Me thinks the Ray Ban was a bit hypocritical. After all, this is the same barn (same stall?) where Ray and Jenna broke in the saddle and decided to get married. Yes, Charly is barely out of a training bra, but come on. They're teenagers, it's Texas, and it's hot. Shut up, Ray.

Wilson Cryder, Aryan leader and apparently lame-duck husband of Kimberly, confronts Cliff, proposing to buy out Barnes-Wentworth so Westar can be king. They just don't want Cliff to come along with the package.

As you can imagine, there were no handshakes. So Wilson stomps off, claiming Cliff will "lose it all". Whatever.

Finally, we have JR angling to buy up the property that Cliff so desperately needs so he can vent his gas bubble. So he drags Sly out to the old timer's propitty. She's wearing Daisy Dukes, sucking on a beer bottle, and humping the porch rail. Apparently, it does the trick. Papers are signed, and Daisy and the Pimp hightail it out of there while the poor guy goes inside to get some cool drinks.

Game on.

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