Well then. Turns out Daphne is a shape-shifter as well, and now she and Sam are all hot for teacher about each other. It’s really kind of cute. But why is no one asking about the horrific claw marks on Daphne’s back. It’s not like you can overlook them, especially now that Daphne and Sam are sucking face and neither has much concern for clothing in this episode.
Sookie chases down the mind reader bellboy guy she discovered at the very end of the last episode (and which I neglected to mention in the review, my bad). He is so not into her knowing about his special talent, and tries to blow her off. Being Sookie, she doesn’t give up easily, pushing him until Barry finally snaps.
He gets all dramatic, yelling at her that this is not the “fried corn-on-the-cob town” she comes from. “This is Dallas!” Okay, I’m fairly certainly that Sookie knows she’s in Dallas, having jumped on a plane and flown there and all. This guy’s just rude and clearly has issues. He dashes off, and Sookie sulks her way back to the hotel room.
Where we have Jessica, who gets to utter two great lines in succession: “Hey Sookie, there’s dirty movies on TV!” and (to Bill) “You’re gonna be so sorry when I get an eating disorder!”
Sadly, these choice utterings are not enough to keep her in the scene, and Bill banishes Jessica to her room for the rest of the night/day/whatever it is. Hard to tell when it’s a fancy vampire hotel where sunlight is verboten.
In her room, Jessie calls a surprised then very excited Hoyt. They are very sweet to each other, and he decides to read a comic book to her. Awww. Sadly, we also learn that Hoyt lives with his mother, a cranky, loud harridan fresh from the Bates Motel.
Then Bill and Sookie have their own quality time, rolling around in the perpetual twilight of their hotel room. Sookie is very keen on the fact that, due to this fake twilight, Bill doesn’t have to leave her alone in the bed at dawn. Okay, what’s going on, why is love shootin out of everybody’s ass in this episode?
Cut to God Camp, where we have a really angry drill sergeant yelling at Jason and the other squad members of his new, mysterious military unit. (Sarah is, of course, right there in the midst of it, trembly and moist while Jason works up a sweat.) The sergeant is not impressed with the recruits, muttering that “I pray Jesus isn’t watchin this crap today.”
Tara and Eggs wake up in their post-coital bed, all dewy and satisfied. Tara fondles that picture we keeping seeing of Tara and Sookie and Sookie’s late grandma. It’s obvious that this is an important prop in some way.
Sookie slips out of HER post-coital bed and tracks down Barry the Bellboy. Girl ain’t givin up. Neither is Barry. Despite Sookie pleading her case that they can help each other, Barry is not interested in any shop talk or telepathic tips. Again, Sookie sulks back to her hotel room. Maybe she just needs to get some air?
Scene at Merlotte’s, with Daphne, Arlene and Terry all twisting off at each other for no clear reason, other than some minor quibbles about food prep and waitress qualifications. Lafayette shows up, asks Sam for his job back and gets it. Sam pries a little about where Laff has been and what happened. Not a word from Laff.
Then we have Tara and Mary Ann at Sookie’s house. Seems Mary Ann has decided that she and Eggs and that butler guy are moving in. The house of endless fruit and weed? Not hers, it belongs to a client. And yes, Eggs is in on the plan, knew all about it. Tara is not impressed with either one of them, and makes it clear that this is SOOKIE’s house and they are not staying.
Back to God Camp, with Jason being the better man and helping his enemy Luke scale a fence while the drill sergeant screams and Sarah ovulates.
Back to Dallas, where we finally meet some of the murky vamps who rule this here part of town. They are rude as hell and there is instant dislike. So why is Eric so invested in helping look for the missing Godric?
God Camp once again, where drill sergeant Gabe (who is apparently more deeply involved with running things than we realized) lets slip to Jason that the relationship between Steve and Sarah is a bit strained. Then Steve drags Jason off to what appears to be a spare wine cellar that has been converted into an ammunitions supply point. Tons o’ guns. All reports and in and officially confirmed, Steve is one messed-up preacher man.
Later that night, Mary Anne drives up to Merlotte’s but stays in the car, where she does one of her weird movements where you don’t know if she’s summoning demons from hell or merely has a gas bubble. Inside, the staff suddenly gets very angry with one another, and then all of them turn on Tara. It is tense and not pleasant. Mary Ann smiles and drives off.
And God Camp again: Jason’s in the bathtub, so it’s easier to see his muscles without irritating shower spray getting in the way. Sarah saunters in, locks the door and begins to bathe him. (S: “Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus with her hair.” J: “Wasn’t she a hooker?”) Then Sarah, clenching things much more firmly, proceeds to make sure that he is very clean. “God wants you to have a reward.” (Can I have that loofah when you’re done?)
Bill and Sookie and Eric in another meeting with the Dallas vamps. The vamps continue with the rudeness, and throw in some arrogance and infighting. This is getting nowhere. Sookie “I’m either gonna fall asleep or start screaming.” Sookie cuts to the chase, we know the God Camp is involved with this, I’m a telepath, I’m gonna infiltrate and get some answers. Are we done here?
Bill finally asks Eric, what’s up with the Godric connection? We are treated to flashbacks. It’s not clear where, but it’s pretty muddy and is a long time ago, despite the actors having amazingly cool haircuts. Wait, isn’t that Eric in the sporty animal hide frock? Oh, how sad, he’s dying.
But wait, here comes a suspicious character with fangs who can move really fast. Speedy asks Eric: “Could you be a companion of death?” Eric thinks that sounds like a hoot, compared to dying in a ditch and all. So Godric makes Eric. Oooooh. Got it.
Sookie returns to the hotel to discover that Barry the Bellboy no longer works there. How sad. But I’m sure this is just a minor setback in her quest to be Wonder Twins at the Hall of Justice.
Tara, reeling from her crappy workday where the entire planet jumped her ass at Merlotte’s, returns to Sookie’s house. To find Mary Ann still there, wearing Sookie’s grandmother’s clothes, and is even sporting the grandmother’s hairstyle. Oh dear gawd, what fresh hell? Mary Ann says some soothing things that are just perfect for Tara’s current state of loss and confusion. So Tara asks her to stay after all.
So, THIS is why we kept seeing Tara fondle the picture of her and Sookie and Grandma. Makes perfect sense. Cause that always happens to ME. I fondle a picture of people I love, and then suddenly I’m inviting a she-demon with a shady background to move in with me. And bring along her butler. And don’t forget the hawt ex-con!
There’s a whole lotta crazy up in this town.
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