We start off with Casey in the Diary Room, sporting a blinding yellow bandana on his head, trying to act all street, saying Jessie needs to "stick with the script" and get Ronnie out of the house. Dude, completely agree, but where the hell did you find that bandana? My eyes are bleeding.
Kevin in the Diary Room, all atwitter because he saw Ronnie say "thank god!" when Jessie won HOH. Girl, of course he's gonna say that. He thinks they are one and the same. Have you not been reading my blog? Keep UP.
Jessie in the Diary Room. "I feel no obligation to put Ronnie up." Of course you don't. You have Ronnie salivating at your throne. Perhaps he could wash your feet using his hair?
Then we have a snippet where Russell apparently brokered some kind of satanic deal with Ronnie, telling him the harrassment was just gameplay and they are really tight and all. What the hell?
And here comes loose-cannon Natalie, babbling to Jessie, suddenly fixated on getting Casey out of the house. Because he "almost won twice" in the competitions. Hmmm. Well, Nat, did it ever occur to you that by pointing out how everyone else is winning things and you haven't done squat, that maybe you're not such a prize yourself?
Then Natalie drops by Ronnie's room, where he's reading The Bible, making sure the cameras can see that he's doing so, and tells him "you're good this week". Oh, and you might also want to get out of your cave and actually talk to people, you know, pretend that you're human and all.
So it seems that Ronnie is apparently not completely misguided in thinking that he has supporters in the house. Personally, I want them all dead. I don't advocate violence in any way. But really, enough with the stupidity.
Then Jessie shows off his HOH Room, where there are lots of pictures of him loving himself in every way imaginable. Blech.
Cut to the courtyard, where Casey has a semi-rant about Jessie. ("That bitch puts his pants on like everybody else.") Possibly not his best move, considering that Natalie is in the audience.
Nat the Rat then races upstairs to spill all to Jessie, and possibly get to touch him in some adoring way. Jessie probably wouldn't notice her fondling, as he has plenty of self-portraits to gaze upon instead.
Lydia fesses up to a crush on Jessie. Gee, I would never have guessed that, Lydia. I thought you were showing him the tattoo on your cooter for purely artistic reasons.
Then we have a scene with Lydia and Jessie in a hammock. (Where do these hammocks come from? And how do multiple people manage to stay in the hammocks without someone getting bucked off? Those things are tricky. Just wondering.) Jessie compares himself and Lydia to caterpillars and butterflies. It's totally stupid, but they play sweet violin music to make us think otherwise.
Ron tries to spin Michelle, but she ain't shoppin in the same store. Sadly, Michelle doesn't know WHAT store she's shopping in. (Keep reading.)
We're back in the courtyard, and with some interesting finagling, Jessie ends up giving a massage to Natalie, with Natalie moaning like she can't stop orgasming, and a horrified Lydia taking this all in from her skanky end of the couch.
Kevin: "Lydia's into Jessie, Natalie's into Jessie, Jessie's into Jessie. What's a girl to do?" Okay, Kevin might have slightly redeemed himself in my eyes. But it's a long road back to full redemption. (Oh, and when Jessie is wrangling Natalie into a position where he can massage her, and Kevin thinks he's in the way and tries to move? And Jessie tries to tell Kevin he's not really in the way by saying to him "You're straight"?)
Bitch, please. Kevvie hasn't been straight since conception. Seriously.
Jessie in the Diary Room: "It's not always a good thing to be ridiculously handsome in the Big Brother House". Really? Thanks for the info. I guess we'll have to wait for someone handsome to show up in the house to prove that out. Cause it sure as hell ain't you.
Michelle goes to Jessie in the HOH Room, with Natalie right there in the same bed with Jessie, wallering around in some kind of post-coital afterglow, and tries to strike a bargain. Girl just cannot lie to save her life, and she fails miserably. (Jessie: "Michelle is like a horrible used car salesman.) That be true.
Then we get to the have/have-not competition, and it turns out that Jordan, Chima and Kevin are the competitors. Great. Idiocy and big lips are apparently the themes. They have to drive around in golf-cart thingies, and chunk fake giant ice cubes at barrels, hoping to fill up the opponent's barrels before yours. Jordan doesn't get it and she tries to fill her own barrel.
Casey in the Diary Room: "Sweetie, that's not the object. You wanna get it in the OTHER person's can." Poor thing, she's really sweet, but damn, she's stupid.
End result, amazingly, considering Jordan's loose grasp of reality, is that the Brainiacs are on slop for the week, and have to sleep in cold storage and all that. The somewhat boring twist? America has voted that the slop squad can also nibble on cabbage and cocktail weenies. Chima and Michelle are not enthusiastic, but Ronnie thinks this is the greatest thing, he loves cocktail weenies. No surprise there, right?
Then we have an interesting scene with Kevin and Russell in the mystical hammock. They actually bond a bit, and Russell is completely respectful of the fact that Kevin and his partner have been together for 9 years. And Russell confirms his support in the Diary Room.
Okay, short break from my sarcastic mode, and taking a few seconds to say that it is completely enriching and satisfying every time that I see further evidence that the majority of America is not bothered in the slightest by gay people. That the majority, in fact, wish the best for their fellow man, regardless of orientation.
Peace in our time.
And back to the Big Brother house.
Lydia is not happy that Natalie has never had to share a bed in the house. (Not really understanding the sharing of beds, because I apparently haven't read the fine print for this season.) Kevin tries warning Lydia that she needs to chill and shouldn't be going against Nat right now. Lydia is in love and clueless.
On the flip side, Jessie tries warning bitchy Natalie that she needs to calm down as well. But Natalie continues to hound Jessie about putting Lydia up. Can the over-heated females in the house put their libidos aside for two seconds? Just asking. And Jessie even tries to talk to Lydia, but crazy tattoo girl is just not on the same planet. I couldn't decipher a single word of her babbling.
So we get to the nomination ceremony.
And Jessie puts up Jordan and Michelle.
Doesn't even explain why. Just says "that's it".
Good move, guy. Ronnie has put all his faith in you, and now you put all your faith in protecting Ronnie. Despite the house being completely sick of him. Time will tell.
Jessie does at least explain in the Diary Room that Jordan and Michelle are both weak, and that "hopefully I can win and backdoor whoever I want ". Oh, but no mention of your actual target? Interesting.
And we end with a jubilant Ronnie in the Diary Room, with the dumbass all celebratory that "Governor Jessie pardoned me!" at the last second. How does this man sleep at night? And he managed to find and marry an actual mate?
Oh dear gawd.
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