Okay, more fallout from Pam's "don't hate me cause I'm NOT beautiful" escape into the wilderness....
We have little Christopher, with his freckles and pathetic bowl-cut hairdo, all distraught and telling daddy Bobby that mommy Pammy ran away because he is ADOPTED and is somehow the spawn of the Anti-Christ. (Get over it, ya little munchkin. If you knew the REAL details of your past, you would never get out of therapy.) Anyway, Christopher cries, Bobby cries, Miss Ellie cries, even though she wasn't in the scene, she's just a good crier so they have lots of stock footage of her doing just that.
So then Bobby heads into the fake town of Braddock and starts drinking at a bar. We all know what's coming, since this is "Dallas". If a Ewing goes into a bar, chances are pretty strong that there's going to be a brawl for no intelligent reason. And this episode delivers on that expected plot device. Some slut-whore gets all pissy cause Bobby won't take her right there on the bar, and suddenly there are 37 drunken hicks with pool sticks ready to kick some Ewing ass.
Of course Bobby, also drunk, manages to pulverize all the primates in the whole building without really breaking a sweat. J.R. arrives (after all the physicality has pretty much run its course, natch) and drags Bobby out, telling the inbred bartender to send the bill to Ewing Ranch. Like everybody has THAT info in their cowhide address book. Oh, and everybody is comforting the slut-whore. Because her hair got messed up or something. Not clear.
Side note, did anyone ever stop to think that if it were legal to shoot slut-whores on sight as they enter a room, we might be able to balance the national budget AND achieve world peace? Food for thought.
Incidentally, for those Dallas-worshipping purists that know every iota there is to know about this show? THIS is the season with big bows in the hair, especially Jenna Wade/Priscilla Presley. It's only episode 6, and they have managed to attach ginormous bow contraptions to Jenna's head at least 20 times. These things are incredibly ugly, they upstage everyone in the scene, and I don't know how Priscilla can even stand upright for more than three seconds without her head snapping off. I hope she was paid well.
My partner insists that this "bow thing" was incredibly popular in real life at the time. I don't remember this at all, and we're basically the same age. Where was I, when people were supposedly wearing reinforced-steel covered in paisley on their heads? Drawing a total blank. Of course, my partner might just be lying, because we've been together long enough that torturing each other with BS is now just as exciting as sex. You know what I mean. Yes, you DO.
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