#9 - "Dallas" - Season 11, Episode 12

So anyway, the Cliff and Dandy thing. Turns out the pathetic oil strike-ette was covering up a huge natural gas deposit, apparently the biggest ever discovered. (This was confirmed within about 30 seconds of hitting the pocket, so of course it was totally believable.) Now Cliff is running around town, being smarmy and condescending in that way he has, with that hair. Of course, since it IS Cliff, doom is on the horizon.

And I have to ask: Isn't CLIFF the biggest pocket of natural gas, ever?

Ray tells Jenna that he is going to ask Bobby to be his Best Man, and Jenna immediately twists off. There are accusations and close-up reaction shots. Jenna eventually gives in, and the music changes from psycho-daggers to quiet romantic strings.

It's nice that the music composers on this series have always been efficient at helping us to understand how we feel about a given scene. Loud and grating means pay attention, somebody might get shot, or somebody is about to be revealed as Pam's previously unknown sister, or Sue Ellen might take a drink. Saxaphone music means naughtiness, and the participants in the scene are married to people NOT in the scene. And soft music means this shot is boring, you can go pee now.

So then it's already wedding day for Ray and Jenna. What? Ray just proposed to her, like, 12 minutes ago. Other marriages on this show take years to happen. Oh well. Go with the flow. They are now hitched, and Ray is the legal daddy of one of Bobby's sons. Woo hoo.

THEN it's suddenly time for the annual Ewing Barbecue. Now I understand the rushed wedding, can't interfere with the barbecue tradition. Loyal viewers know that there's a very strong chance that somebody's gonna get thrown in the swimming pool. Yay!

But no, not any splashes this time. Instead, we have Dandy showing up with a gun and trying to shoot Cliff for trying to take advantage of him. What the hell? Where did that come from? We've seen nothing to indicate that. Clearly, the writers are bored and making crap up.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Nicholas Pearce corners April, who is sprawled out next to some anonymous swimming pool. He tears into her for trying to dig into his past. He's really mean, and we hate him. (Did the idiot forget that she's HIS client?) But April does look fabulous, all wet, sleek and tanned, so we know she'll survive.

Back at the ranch, and the barbecue that has apparently become a firing range, Lisa comes strutting up with her lawyer and they approach Bobby, who is conveniently right there at the entrance gate. She's not very happy. Bobby has been rude to her by forbidding her to see little, eventually psychotic Christopher. So she's taking legal action to gain custody of the future serial killer. Have a nice day! And can I get a to-go cup?