#44 - Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 14

So we start off with a repeat of Ronnie's now infamous "I'm such a cultured and smart guy" speech in his bed, which ends with him tooting while Jeff and Jordan are trying to have a romantic moment a few feet away.

Great. Apparently the BB producers didn't care for Ronnie along with the rest of the planet. I mean, yay, Ronnie was worthless and should be derided, but I'd rather not see him ever again. Can we work that out? Thanks.

Michelle in the Diary Room about Ronnie and how he attacked her during the Eviction Ceremony: He's just bitter. He didn't make the jury house. Darth Vader didn't survive past the 4th week. And then she smiles.

Jessie in the Diary Room: "We lost a good wingman." Oh please, Jessie. You've been on this show before, you've seen the video tapes AFTER you get out that fully clarify the dumbass mistakes and misconceptions that you've had. Why do you still have your head up your butt? (Looking for steroids?) Just wondering.

Russell in the Diary Room: "Three went against me" and he's not going to forget that. Sounds good. Now live up to it.

Chima in the Diary Room about being HOH: "Natalie, Jessie and I are safe this week." Girl, you have no idea. This week is going to be fun, I'm just sayin.

I guess everyone in the house is having trouble saying "coup d'etat", since the houseguests are now calling it the "Wizard Power" instead. On this one, I'm gonna call out ALL the houseguests. Quit parading around half-naked and looking for money shots with the camera. Sit down and learn how to say a few words in French. It is not going to kill you. Geez.

Chima shows off her new HOH Room. Chima reads a letter from Mom, and not to knock the fact that Mom apparently has some medical issues, but the entire letter is about Mom and not Chima. Guess the Chima apple didn't fall far from the tree, eh?

Chima in the Diary Room: She wants a woman to win. Really? Then I guess you're not going to win, are ya? Because "woman" implies maturity. And you haven't even finished the first lap of that race, have you?

Then Russell meets with Chima in the HOH Room. He's somewhat trying to mend fences, but Chima is not really buying it, pouting and pushing out her lips even further, meaning there's not really any space left so I'm not sure how Russell even managed to stay in the room without being crushed to death.

And Russell, realizing he's screwing up and not really making progress, makes a fatal mistake. He moves in to hug Chima.

People. Let me spell it our for ya. When a black girl is not happy with your ass and you haven't yet said exactly what she wants to hear, you do NOT move in for bodily contact. You stay on the other side of the room and pray to God that you find the right words. You do not move an INCH until you fixed it up.

Chima, to her credit, does allow the hug and pretends that it's okay. But her eyes say it all. Russell done stepped in it.

Another mind-boggling scene with Jeff and Jordan, wherein it's clear that neither is the sharpest tool in the shed. They are studying a spider across the way:

Jordan: "What do they make their web out of?"

Jeff: "Web."

Jordan: "How do they, you know, DO it? I mean, horses do it from behind..."

Jeff: "What do you think about all day?"

Then there's a scene with Chima telling those around her that she was "raped by a serial killer." Okay, I'm not really going to touch this, because if it's true, I have no voice here. Sayin.

Then the doorbell rings and in walks Jeremy Piven. He's here to promote his new movie, "The Goods". Great. More promotional tie-ins.

So the Luxury Competition is all centered on this movie. The houseguests, split into two teams, have to cram items worth varying point values into a car and then jump in as well before time is up. They race around as general wackiness ensues.

Jordan: "We HAVE to get this BEAR in here!"

In the end, Jordan's team wins, specifically because her bear puts them over the top in points. That team gets to pick random envelopes for an extra cash prize. Natalie's prize is 9,999 dollars. Dang. Then Russell gets an even 10K. Yay. Natalie doesn't deserve to win anything, and I am pleased.

Series of scenes about the Jessie, Natalie and Lydia love triangle. First, Lydia climbs on top of Jessie and wallers around. He responds that he "can't breathe" and "my butt hurts". (Really? And exactly where are Kevin and Russell at this point?)

Natalie wanders in, fuming that Jessie and Lydia have some alone time, and tells Jessie to get his aching butt up to the HOH Room. Once there, she blasts him for even speaking to Lydia at all. That if either she or Jessie gets voted out, it's because of Lydia. Jessie finally has enough and leaves.

Short scene of him flossing his teeth and thinking while flopped on a bed, with the camera zooming in from between his legs. Come ON, BB producers. Maybe one of YOU thinks Jessie is hot, but I certainly don't. He ain't all that.

Jessie finally reconsiders and wanders back to the HOH Room to make nice with Natalie, while Chima watches all of this and then says in the Diary Room "Our alliance would be helped by Lydia going home." Uh, your alliance would be helped by telling your buds to get over the sex thing and focus on the game. Did that cross your mind?

So we finally get to the Nomination Ceremony, and Chima puts up Russell and Lydia. Not really a surprise, despite the BB producers' efforts to make us think otherwise.

Chima to Russell: Slams him for lying and the trust factor.

Chima to Lydia: This is to "keep you from voting to keep Russell."

Gee, wonder if Chima's target is Russell?