We start out with the HOH Competition still in full swing. House guests are running up and down the slippery "graham crackers" and trying to fill a bowl with chocolate.
Jeff: "Someone falling down is the funniest thing."
And so we see lots of shots of Jordan, busting her ass. (And it WAS funny, even though you knew it had to be painful, and as decent human beings we shouldn't laugh at pain. Yet I did. Sue me.) But really, all of them were hitting the ground hard, especially Natalie. Speaking of:
Natalie in the Diary Room, realizing that Kevin was pulling ahead in the competition: "Why show the other house guests that I'm a strong competitor?" (When have you EVER shown that, Natalie?) So she starts slacking off and not trying at all.
Jeff notices this, and gets pissed.
Kevin notices this, gets pissed, and then decides to completely forgive her afterwards. Girl, wake up.
And Kevin wins HOH.
Quick scene with Natalie and Kevin, with Natalie thinking that next week's competition MIGHT involve questions, and Michelle is really smart. Maybe we should go after her? Isn't this a lovely world where stupid people want to take out smart people because those smart people might get in their way? (You know, like the Bush Administration.)
Scenes with Michelle, alone, crying all over the place. "I'm all by myself!" Well, it's a little sad, because those were real tears, with you choking and getting snotty and all. But you know what? Maybe you should dry those eyes, get off your sorry ass, and GO TALK TO PEOPLE. Quit laying around, clutching a stuffed unicorn of dreams and waiting for the good-luck fairies to swoop down and bless you. Get a grip.
So we tromp upstairs to check out Kevin's HOH Room. All the girls are squealing about the hotness of Kev's partner. (Kevin in the Diary Room: "He MY man." Hands off, bitches.) Then Kevin reads the letter from his partner (Alphonso?) , and breaks down a bit. In the letter, his man tells Kevin to let his inner beauty factor into his decisions. It's sweet.
Sadly, I think we're already past that point. Kevin told a big-ass lie to Jeff, and it's affected everything in the house for the last two weeks. The Queen is dirty, sayin.
Jordan in the Diary Room, talking about her family losing their house: "You don't realize what you have until you lose it." Very true. And it's "good to know you can go home to be with honest people that love you." I really love Jordan. Wouldn't it be fun if she managed to somehow win a critical competition that launches her into the end game? Just something to think about.
Natalie and Jordan in a discussion, with Natalie telling Jordan she hopes Kevin will "stick to the plan for Michelle to be gone." What is THAT? Did I miss something?
Jeff wanders into this scene just as Natalie is called to the Diary Room. Jordan whispers to Jeff that she thinks Kevin is going to put up her and Michelle, and then surprise Jeff with a backdoor. Jeff doesn't think so, he has an agreement with Kevin and Natalie. Dude, don't be so stupid and trusting.
Then we have an extended scene where Jordan is not clear on the difference between a peach and a nectarine. All played for laffs. But seriously, would YOU know the difference? Just sayin.
Followed by another extended scene where a dragonfly apparently causes Natalie to go into convulsions when it simply flies by her. Okay, this girl is some sort of martial arts black belt something or other, and she's freaked by an insect? Natalie, do you have ANY redeeming qualities? Name one. Please.
And yet another extended scene, and initially we have Kevin and Michelle, with Kevin saying "I'm in a pickle" about the nominations. Then worthless Natalie wanders in, followed by Jordan, still confused about fruit. Natalie to Michelle: "It's us two against you three." Then Jeff joins the party, and Natalie says flat out: "Put Michelle up, I don't trust anything out of her mouth."
Uh, is Natalie pulling strategy here? Yes, she confirms it in the Diary Room. She wants Jeff to think he's safe.
Later, Kevin and Natalie double-team Jeff and Jordan, pushing the Michelle angle some more. Natalie is still playing strategy to surprise Jeff, but then we have Kevin in the Diary Room: "Sending Michelle home would make everyone else happy." Possibly. But you know what the bigger win would be, Kevin? Sending Natalie home. THAT would make everyone happy. Risky, but your stock value could go through the roof. You'd be a free agent, with offers coming from everywhere.
Then we have Kevin, Natalie, Jeff and Jordan lying around (I guess Michelle was still off blubbering somewhere), with Kevin asking Jeff questions about "the perfect girl". Kevin intentionally asks questions that put Jordan in a bad light. What are you DOING, Kevin? This is the "bad queen" side of you coming out. Interestingly enough, Natalie actually tries to twist things around so that Jordan doesn't look so unworthy of Jeff's attention.
Kevin and Michelle in the HOH Room. Kevin: "I can't figure you out." Michelle: "They never tell me what they're going to do." (Exhibit A: The whole Russell thing.) This is where Michelle could work some strategy to save her ass. But she doesn't. Girl just does not know how to PLAY.
Kevin, Jordan and Jeff in the HOH Room. Kevin: "Anything I do at this point is not personal." (Which should set off alarms, right?) They talk a bit more, and Jordan eventually leaves, but Jeff wants to stay. Jeff: "I did my part of the deal." Kevin: "You're not going to like what I have to say." He wants to put Jeff and Jordan up.
Jeff: "Why not put Jordan and Michelle up, let me win POV, and take Jordan off." (Okay, that's a little bit cocky, like Jeff is guaranteed a win, but let's go with it for now.) Kevin: But that means "Natalie has to go up." Jeff: "Then we vote Michelle out."
Jeff really pushes the "agreement" that he has with Kevin. ("I broke my alliance to save you". Which he did.) But will Kevin honor that? Instinct says no. Kevin stood by Lydia WAY longer than he should have. And now he's paired with Natalie. Kevin is not a risk-taker. And you have to be one in this game.
Totally unrelated comment concerning a commercial break at this point: We are treated with the revelation that there is now a "vibrating" mascara on the market that will give you even lusher eyelashes than ever before. This mascara device has its own battery. Are you KIDDING me? Good gawd.
Back to the show, with Kevin announcing his nominations for eviction: It's Michelle and Jeff. Kevin, dude, you just lost any trust with Michelle, Jeff AND Jordan. So either you or Natalie has to win POV to keep your move alive. I'll give Kevin credit, he's won a few things. But Natalie? Did you really think this thing out?
Game on.
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